Is it a good idea to meet an ex for dinner?

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uniquegodandmetallovingchic
uniquegodandmetallovingchic Posts: 2
in Motivation and Support
I went out with a guy for about 3 weeks, 2 years ago, and he has tried to keep in touch all this time. I finally agreed to meet for dinner tonight while he's at home from the Army. I am so nervous. I broke it off before because he was moving way too fast for me (we were both just out of long term relationships) and he was very agressive, but on the other hand he was the nicest guy I've ever dated. I felt so bad for ending it because he didn't do anything wrong, but at the time I wondered if we were each others rebounds and felt it just wasn't a good idea to move so fast. I could tell he was still hurt from the previous relationship and I definitely was. I'm questioning if this is a mistake or should I just look at it as only dinner with a friend.
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Replies

  • averytds
    averytds Posts: 64 Member
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    If you enjoy spending time with him, I say go out and have a good time. It can only become something more than a friendly dinner if you allow it to do so.
  • nokanjaijo
    nokanjaijo Posts: 466 Member
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    I have no idea what you are imagining when you think it could turn out to be a mistake.

    It looks like all of the roadblocks to wanting to be with him have been removed. You both have distance from your failed LTRs and have a bit of history.
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
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    only if it ends with breakfast in bed.
    oh, hold on, that's not a bad thing
  • JoanB5
    JoanB5 Posts: 610 Member
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    1. I'd want "aggressive" defined. I'm into a better flow than that.
    2. I'd look at your life goals and see if it lines up. If not, I trust the Lord and your gut. They've never let me down.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,098 Member
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    Okay, he's kept in touch for 2 years? Either you are the most awesome girl he ever met, or he just broke up with someone again.


    Careful. If you see red flags, pay attention.
  • Gracerrr
    Gracerrr Posts: 141
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    OMG
    My ex boyfriends mother contacted me today
    I am in knots over it
    We dated for a long time when we were kids

    He has been the standard i hold all men too ever since. The love of my life. It didnt work out beause we were young, there was distance, and it was hard to see each other.

    She told me he still loves me very much and always has (the same way i feel about him). She says he still talks about me and misses me. She says his marriage is rotten right now and they are looking at divorce.

    I am not comfortable even seeing him again until he is fully divorced but i wont lie, I am a flutter knowing he still thinks about me like i think of him.

    I say go on the date. Worst case scenario it doesnt work out but sometimes people just need a second chance.

    Wow, MIL from hell! The marriage is in a rough spot so she contacts her son's exes......WTH?! :noway:
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    If you like this guy, go on the date. But if he tries to push past your boundaries (and you find that uncomfortable), leave.
  • benum21121
    benum21121 Posts: 200
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    Timing is everything. It didn't work out before due to circumstances on both sides.. Try it again now, and it may work out. Maybe the timing still isn't right. It can't hurt anything to go on the date. Enjoy your time, ma'am...
  • cuterbee
    cuterbee Posts: 545
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    My ex boyfriends mother contacted me today
    I am in knots over it
    We dated for a long time when we were kids

    He has been the standard i hold all men too ever since. The love of my life. It didnt work out beause we were young, there was distance, and it was hard to see each other.

    She told me he still loves me very much and always has (the same way i feel about him). She says he still talks about me and misses me. She says his marriage is rotten right now and they are looking at divorce.

    I am not comfortable even seeing him again until he is fully divorced but i wont lie, I am a flutter knowing he still thinks about me like i think of him.

    I have a friend who got back together with her high school boy friend after both their marriages tanked, and the reunion was all due to their mothers! Second time was a charm; they've been married for at least a decade now.
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    Doesn't seem like a big deal if you only went out for 3 weeks. I don't even count guys that I dated that sort of a time an ex.
  • Pepper2185
    Pepper2185 Posts: 994 Member
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    I don't think he wants to be friends.
  • saveferris2013
    saveferris2013 Posts: 11
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    "Doesn't seem like a big deal if you only went out for 3 weeks. I don't even count guys that I dated that sort of a time an ex."

    I agree 3 weeks does not an 'ex' make. this a blip on the dating map. I would consider him an old acquaintance/friend at best. Go out have fun and don't have any preconceived expectations.
  • jimhopp
    jimhopp Posts: 5 Member
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    Trust your gut feeling...if you find yourself doubting, I'd say that there's a good reason not to. Just my humble opinion.
  • staceycanada
    staceycanada Posts: 54
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    The very fact that you have these types of hesitations and the fact you said he was aggressive screams NO!!!!!!
  • arcticfox04
    arcticfox04 Posts: 1,011 Member
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    Normally I'd say w/e have a fun time. Though the aggressive part is kinda of a bad omen. I'd say go but make sure you have a plan B if things go sour. Namely have a friend ready to call/text you if you give them a sign to run to an emergency.
  • sally_jeffswife
    sally_jeffswife Posts: 766 Member
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    If he is overly aggressive he prob wants to be more than friends. Pray about it and decide if you would wanna be more than friends with him or not and if you don't wanna be more than friends prob is a bad idea cuz he would get hurt and you'd feel bad but if you feel you wanna try being more than friends than go for it if he's a great guy. Maybe if you are uncomfortable with him being a bit too aggressive but you do wanna try a relationship with him then meet in a public place. or double date somewhere with him and you and a friend and their date till you feel a bit more comfortable. Its hard to find great guys though. I actually met my hubby at work and glad I don't gotta worry about the whole dating thing anymore. But I would say if he's a great guy then go for it just maybe meet somewhere very public for a few times.
  • sittingontopoftheworld
    sittingontopoftheworld Posts: 33
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    In what way was he overly aggressive? Does this mean he was pursuing you aggressively (calling a lot and asking you to go out a lot) or he displayed aggressive behavioral tendencies? If it's the former then I think he was just very interested in you. If it's the latter, I wonder why you're thinking of restarting a relationship with this person.

    There's no harm in going out for dinner. It doesn't mean you'll still be interested in each other, even. Just play it by ear and see how it goes.
  • sittingontopoftheworld
    sittingontopoftheworld Posts: 33
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    OMG
    My ex boyfriends mother contacted me today
    I am in knots over it
    We dated for a long time when we were kids

    He has been the standard i hold all men too ever since. The love of my life. It didnt work out beause we were young, there was distance, and it was hard to see each other.

    She told me he still loves me very much and always has (the same way i feel about him). She says he still talks about me and misses me. She says his marriage is rotten right now and they are looking at divorce.

    I am not comfortable even seeing him again until he is fully divorced but i wont lie, I am a flutter knowing he still thinks about me like i think of him.

    I say go on the date. Worst case scenario it doesnt work out but sometimes people just need a second chance.

    I don't mean to rain on your parade, but are you sure his mother would know how he feels about you? Especially if he's married, why would he be disclosing this sort of information to anyone?

    Did you two date in high school and then break up when you went off to college?

    This reminds me of my first more serious boyfriend in high school. Our relationship was really intense, and even years after we broke up we were saying we wished we had met in our 20's instead. We never got back together (timing was never right and I realized he had some flaws I couldn't deal with), but I'm currently in a very fulfilling relationship with a guy I adore. I never thought I'd feel nearly the same as I did with the previous guy with someone else, but I've now found someone I feel even more strongly about. Whatever happens, keep your hope alive and keep meeting people. I really hope this situation works out in a way that's best for everyone involved. :)

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