Parental concern

kajaknowers

So, in September 2009, my mother was very concerned that I was way to fat and had been trying to talk to hospitals about weightloss regimes behind my back....when I found out I was furious....I literally packed my bag and didn't come home for a week...point was, she was very concerned (I know she had a right to this). However, know that my mum has seen I am doing a diet and have lost quite a far bit of weight....she is now discussing with my dad their concern....I know this because my sister tells me what she hears .....My mum had also said to me that your not planning on losing anymore weight, are you? to which I repled I have a long way to go....Here my predicament lies, first she is concerned I'm too fat, then I start losing weight she thinks I will take it too far....problem is, I'm still obese so medically very unhealthy....I don't know why she always does this? me and my sister worked out that my parents have been used to me being overweight for most of my life so the concept of me getting to a 'normal' weight range baffles them and may think I wouldn't look like me....I wish she didn't butt in sometimes....shes a lovely woman but when it comes to weight she has no idea how to deal with the situation (*sigh deeply*)

grrr

x

MrsSmith2010

Your mom expressed how much she truely cared for you by showing her concernin the beginning. If you are dropping weight quickly right now, that may be the source of her new found concern. Remind her that because you are bigger, you're going to drop weight faster in the beginning; reassure her that you are doing it the healthy way and while you appreciate her concern, you're not at risk for anything harmful right now. Talk it out with her, let her know how much you "should" weigh and how much you need to lost to get to that healthy weight. I'm sure once the specifics are laid out, she'll be much more understanding and possibly even supportive. I wish you luck, family acceptance can be hard sometimes.

Vallandingham

Yiou know what's worse than being nagged by someone who cares about you?

Caring about someone but not knowing how to help them.

kelly_a

you are an adult. This is your choice. Show your mom your new lifestyle plan....what you eat, your exercise routine, tell her your goals, show her the BMI chart..... You want to be healthy and live healthy. nothing wrong with that. I understand her concern as a parent, and that is normal too. tell her you want and need her support. continue what you are doing and good luck! have fun traveling the world!

kwardklinck

People don't react well to change. When I started dieting and exercising, my husband thought it was great. As I'm really getting into it, he's telling me "Don't go too far." I'm running over 2 miles 3 days a week and always logging my food. I think he's worried I'm going to hurt myself or make myself look too skinny. I told him I eat 1500 cals a day and I don't push myself to the point of injury.
If your mom is really concerned, show her your food journal. Explain the healthy choices you're making and where you are with your BMI and what your goal is. She just doesn't want you to develop an eating disorder. Unfortunately, moms just worry about their kids too much.

khubbard1207

My grandfather gets way to worried over everything. He is always giving is advice. And while I am still respectful and listen to him when he has a concern I don't take my frustration home with me. If it is good advice, great, I'll use it. If I dont think it will help me, then I say thanks and forget it. It was hard not to take everything he said to heart and brew about it but by now I just smile and it washes right off my back. That way we are both happy. He gets to say his part and I dont have bad feelings towards him. My dad is the same way. I am comfortable with what i am doing and their worry is not really changing my life in any way, so why think about it. I wish they would stop for their own mental sanity, but we cant control others. Its like when a child says something to you (about anything, really) and they seem to really believe themselves. You dont get upset you just smile and think to yourself "that is cute". But then thats the end. You dont think about it anymore. If I got upset over everything people thought about me I would probably strangle my mother in law. (Angee, that one was for you, hehe)

TropicalKitty

I'm curious about your mom's health. I could go two ways with my response depending on her...

Say she's healthy, then maybe she really just hopes you aren't going off the deep end and developing an eating disorder. But her going behind your back for ways to "fix" you is very disturbing to me. I'd be livid. So, I give you props for standing up for yourself.

Then again, looking at the relationship I have with my mother, I blame her for some of my issues. She's always had weight issues (well, since she was married to my father - they're divorced, but she still does crazy diets that fail). I've had them passed on to me. In my journey of figuring out why I'm so darn fat and have all the food issues, I've realized the unhealthy aura there is around dieting between my mother and I. Hell, the woman took me to Weight Watchers in 5th grade! Enough of my bs; the point is, if she doesn't have a good relationship with her body, maybe she's jealous.

Eitherway, I'm glad you have the power to stand up for yourself. Good luck!

kajaknowers

We'll, she took me to see a dietician when I was like 8....frigging 8....so I was on a diet from as young as that.....as a result, I resent doctors and everything associating with them....and unsurprisingly I developed an eating disorder when I was 14 when I lost a lot of weight.....Yet, this time I am doing in healthy and slowly.....I think she enjoys worrying way too much and should concentrate on her own things....I am only worried however that I have to move back home in 2 months as I finish uni so I can't escape her next time but hopefully by that time she will stop nagging :S

TropicalKitty

I understand. She seems to want to help. Sometimes that meddling doesn't help, it just screws us up even more. I remember trying diet pills and starving, only to binge. Ugh. I hear ya. It's hard. I've had to do a lot of work to be able to get where I am now and not gain or lose weight. When I'm with my mom I end up gaining. She's not a good influence on me. Remember that you are in control of yourself now. You're an adult.

You can and will do this! :flowerforyou:

arfrazee

My grandfather gets way to worried over everything. He is always giving is advice. And while I am still respectful and listen to him when he has a concern I don't take my frustration home with me. If it is good advice, great, I'll use it. If I dont think it will help me, then I say thanks and forget it. It was hard not to take everything he said to heart and brew about it but by now I just smile and it washes right off my back. That way we are both happy. He gets to say his part and I dont have bad feelings towards him. My dad is the same way. I am comfortable with what i am doing and their worry is not really changing my life in any way, so why think about it. I wish they would stop for their own mental sanity, but we cant control others. Its like when a child says something to you (about anything, really) and they seem to really believe themselves. You dont get upset you just smile and think to yourself "that is cute". But then thats the end. You dont think about it anymore. If I got upset over everything people thought about me I would probably strangle my mother in law. (Angee, that one was for you, hehe)

That last part is SO true lol :-) At least I'm not the only one who thinks about strangling her from time to time hehehehe!!!!!