Eating disorder??

lwatson118

Hi!
This is my first time posting, so bare with me on this

Around May/June of last year, I began my weightloss journey. I am 5'10" and weighed 178 lbs around this time last year. I now weigh 138 lbs, which I am very very happy with. I want to maintain this weight, but I want to build more muscle over this summer (yeah crossfit!) I am a psychology major, and I know a lot about anorexia and other eating disorders; lately, I feel as if I'm teetering on the edge of full blown anorexia. Here's why:
- Around August to November, I was only eating 1300 calories a day. This might be OK for weightloss, but I am a collegiate athlete. I am VERY active. I realized this was an issue and I upped my calorie intake to 1500 because I still wanted to shed a few more pounds. Until recently, I upped my calorie intake again to 1700 but I now work out 5 times a week for an hour. I have recently gotten 'fed up' with this, and now I'm trying to eat to maintain my weight at 138 (by consuming roughly 2200 calories a day. I am thinking of increasing again to 2500 or more)
- I have not had a menstrual cycle in roughly 6 months
- I have noticed my nails and hair now damage easily
- I have obsessive thoughts about food. What I eat, when I eat, and I hate eating with other people. I have always hated the idea of someone seeing me consume food, for as long as I can remember BUT I usually do not let this stop me from eating.
- I do feel uncomfortable when I look in the mirror often

My family and friends have not said anything to me about looking sick, they actually all say I look great! I feel great on a typical day - no anxiety related to eating, and I don't get cold easily. I feel strong and I love my food:). Comparing this with all of my physical habits however, I do see myself teetering on the edge.

With all that being said, my BMI is 19.5 and I am now eating to maintain my weight. My weight is considered 'normal' for my height. I decided to take some basic online 'anorexia quizes' which are designed to show an individual's POTENTIAL (not diagnose, of course) for falling victim to an eating disorder. In all three, I scored in the 'moderate risk' range - which basically means my habits/thoughts can lead to a high risk of developing an eating disorder - not that I have one. Given how well I know myself, I can see this. I am taking steps on my own to handle this issue, because I know I have not consumed the right amount of food for quite some time. I do feel like I have self-motivation to stay away from the edge, if you will.


What does everyone think? Is there such thing as being in between an eating disorder and being 'normal?' If you think I do have an eating disorder (which I can fully see, but I can also see myself as being normal too) how should I go about recovery?

Thanks!
-Lauren


(also please note - I am FULLY aware that there is a problem here, as minor as it may or may not be. I do not need people to criticize that fact, but merely answer my questions and provide insight for me.)

Brave_Little_Girl

Hi love,
Eating disorders are serious illnesses, as I am sure you know since you are majoring in psychology (go you!! Thats amazing, I plan on becoming a psychiatrist! GO PSYCH NERDS!!)

Back to the point, in my opinion I can very well see that you are teetering on the edge of a fullblown eating disorder. However, you being able to recognize and accept that fact is already a HUGE step in the right direction. I would hate for you to get caught up in a self destructive world such as that, so I would consider going to your doctor and talking with him about treatment options. It is VERY important for you to catch this and fix it while it is a small-ish problem. It's important to not let it get out of hand and it is VERY important for you to reach out and get the help you deserve and need. PLEASE, consider seeing a therapist, a dietician, and a medical doctor until you feel as if things are under control. Get the help you need, love.

nxd10

This must be the psych forum. I am a psychology professor.

I completely agree. Go to a counselor. Eating disorders are serious. Compulsive thoughts are unhealthy. Get some help now before you have a mores serious problem.

Brave_Little_Girl

And some steps towards recovery?
1) I am thrilled that you are able to know yourself as much as you do, that's tough in a society such as ours
2) You said that you are uncomfortable with the way you look in the mirror? What, exactly, are you uncomfortable with? If you can, you could write one thing that you LOVE about your body and post them around the mirror. I would also suggest a Body Image Workbook, or better yet a Body Image group. It would help you get perspective on the 'real' you, and not the body a typical Eating Disorder wants.
3) I would try to decrease the amount of exercise and maintain the amount of calories you are consuming now, sometimes it's harder to up the calories right away. Once you are comfortable with that, I would increase the calories by a couple hundred a week, or every two weeks to allow your body to get used to the correct amount of food.

HeidiCooksSupper

Counseling sounds like just the ticket. You say you are a psychology major. If you are in school now, it's likely your college or university offers counseling services through its health center.

lwatson118

Thank you!

whitecapwendy

I am not a Psychology major and do not have experience with eating disorders, but your comment about your hair and nails ranaig a bell with me. My housemate had weight loss surgery and has been told many times to make sure she gets enough protein. If you do not get enough protein, your hair can fall out (according to her nutrition counselor, so my question is, are you getting enough protein?

YouNEVERlose

I think seeing a counselor is a great idea - I don't think you have 'anorexia' per say since you don't desire to be an unhealthy weight and anorexics are known to really cut their calories to extremely low levels (under 500 calories/day), but what you describe does sound like a form of eating disorder or at least compulsive thinking when it comes to food and calories. What really concerns me is your fear or eating around other people, because if that continues it can lead to some major anxiety issues. I'm saying this as someone who has experienced all of these thoughts personally.

Anyway, it's good that you recognized these 'abnormal' thoughts early on and you can work with a counselor to suppress them. My one suggestion would be to get rid of your scale ASAP. If you are prone to weighing yourself and you've already met your weight loss goals, but you are starting to obsess over calories, it would be a very bad idea to weigh yourself everyday. The scale WILL begin to control you and can make an eating disorder really spiral out of control. Good luck!

lwatson118

That is a very interesting idea about the scale. I did not even think of that! I don't have one here at school, but my parents do at home. When I've been home (I go to school 2,000 miles away from home. So it's just been last summer break and this winter break) I've found myself stepping on the scale twice a day. I could not tell you why, it just became a habit. I didn't even realize it, but I will for sure keep an eye on that. Thank you!

As for protein, I try to have a Muscle Milk a day plus some type of meat for lunch and dinner. I eat eggs as much as possible, specifically the egg whites. The problem with my school cafeteria, however, is all of their food is very salty. So generally, I don't eat the meat served in the hot food. But I do eat chicken and turkey regularly (or try to, but the same thing for lunch and dinner gets annoying.) Given the saltiness of most of the meat served, I've kinda become a semi-vegetarian but I've tried to introduce other forms of protein. But the key word there is try; my access is kinda limited unfortunately.

whitecapwendy

As for protein, I try to have a Muscle Milk a day plus some type of meat for lunch and dinner. I eat eggs as much as possible, specifically the egg whites. The problem with my school cafeteria, however, is all of their food is very salty. So generally, I don't eat the meat served in the hot food. But I do eat chicken and turkey regularly (or try to, but the same thing for lunch and dinner gets annoying.) Given the saltiness of most of the meat served, I've kinda become a semi-vegetarian but I've tried to introduce other forms of protein. But the key word there is try; my access is kinda limited unfortunately.

make sure you have protein as one of your nutrients visable when you log your foods. It is rough when you edon't control your own foods. One source of protein that is very good is the Kashi go lean cereals. They are expensive, but perhaps something you can keep in your dorm room to grab a handful once in a while.

Shari325

Lauren,
I am a Chemical Dependency Counselor. I agree, you have caught this before the disease had the ability to fully take root. My recommendation for clients that present with similar concerns regarding their alcohol consumption, is to begin looking at the solution. If the individual is concerned about their alcohol consumption, it is likely they are on the verge of full blown alcoholism. Just as you are likely on the verge of anorexia.
If the individual continues drinking as they have been, they increase the chance of becoming alcoholic. They must begin to alter their behaviors and talk about their drinking patterns. The solution is honesty and accountability, just like those that have progressed to full blown alcoholism.
I would suggest, as others already have, that you seek counseling and begin attending an anorexia support group. No one will understand the struggles you are having, or recognize the justifications of an anorexic, like another anorexic.
Lauren, You are not alone. Please seek help.
Shari

MissKris14

Take advantage of those free college counselors while you still can!

keem88

as someone who personally struggles with disordered eating and thoughts for too many years, can tell yu there is a fine line where dieting can cross into something more.
if you are worried about it, then there is prolly a reason why you are worried and should try and seek help before it were to get worse.
good luck!

littlebudgie

I definitely think there's such a thing as a middle ground between healthy and disordered relationships with food, from first-hand experience. Recognizing that you have a problem is honestly one of the most important steps, especially before said problem worsens.

Definitely see a counsellor about it. If they're worth their salt, they can help you with the feelings of anxiety eating around other people, and also with your self-image. (Edit: I just realized you said you don't feel anxiety about eating, but the fact that you say you hate the idea of eating around other people sounds odd, and something that often seems to go along with disordered eating habits.) I would also strongly suggest seeing a doctor - there are other reasons you could be missing periods and having brittle nails, like PCOS. And good luck!

EmilyEmpowered

It is great that you see yourself teetering on the edge! Take advantage of what you have at your disposale by way of counseling, etc, at your university. Don't depend on family and friends to notice that you are becoming obsessed or not eating enough. When I was at the worst phase of EDNOS, I was using laxatives and diuretics daily, fasting for 5-6 days at a time, when I did eat only eating apples, yogurt, and soup, taking diet pills, and drinking so much water I was making myself dizzy (at least 16 ounces every hour I was at work, which was 10 hours a day, I dont know it was a lot FOR ME) plus 4-5 cups of green tea a day. I was also running 5 miles a day. I spent hours upon hours on eating disorder forums, I was OBSESSED with their tips and the girls I was friends with, checking in to compare my progress to theirs. I would weigh myself eVERY SINGLE TIME I STEPPED FOOT IN THE BATHROOM! Clothes on, clothes off, clothes off, underwear on, clothes on- EVERY TIME!

People were supporting me in this! I even tried to tell my fiance and his sister SOMETHING ISNT RIGHT! And they told me how proud of my willpower they were!! After I started counseling, my family and close friends ALL admitted they knew NOTHING about eating disorders and figured since I was a healthy weight, even still overweight, that I would be fine. THe counselor explained to my mother and fiance that it is the MINDSET, pills,f asting, etc that is still dangerous even if you arent stick thin.

Even now, there are certain dieting tactics I can not use and it is a struggle to see that I eat 1200 calories or over every day, when I used to cry if I ate over 500. My counseling is no longer free, so I can not continue. I did a lot of damage to myself and made it even harder than it was to lose weight. Listen to what your inner voice is telling you, and talk to someone NOW before you get sucked in even further!!!

EDIT TO FIX ERRORS, I cant type tonight, probably more errors in there! lol

lwatson118

It is great that you see yourself teetering on the edge! Take advantage of what you have at your disposale by way of counseling, etc, at your university. Don't depend on family and friends to notice that you are becoming obsessed or not eating enough. When I was at the worst phase of EDNOS, I was using laxatives and diuretics daily, fasting for 5-6 days at a time, when I did eat only eating apples, yogurt, and soup, taking diet pills, and drinking so much water I was making myself dizzy (at least 16 ounces every hour I was at work, which was 10 hours a day, I dont know it was a lot FOR ME) plus 4-5 cups of green tea a day. I was also running 5 miles a day. I spent hours upon hours on eating disorder forums, I was OBSESSED with their tips and the girls I was friends with, checking in to compare my progress to theirs. I would weigh myself eVERY SINGLE TIME I STEPPED FOOT IN THE BATHROOM! Clothes on, clothes off, clothes off, underwear on, clothes on- EVERY TIME!

People were supporting me in this! I even tried to tell my fiance and his sister SOMETHING ISNT RIGHT! And they told me how proud of my willpower they were!! After I started counseling, my family and close friends ALL admitted they knew NOTHING about eating disorders and figured since I was a healthy weight, even still overweight, that I would be fine. THe counselor explained to my mother and fiance that it is the MINDSET, pills,f asting, etc that is still dangerous even if you arent stick thin.

Even now, there are certain dieting tactics I can not use and it is a struggle to see that I eat 1200 calories or over every day, when I used to cry if I ate over 500. My counseling is no longer free, so I can not continue. I did a lot of damage to myself and made it even harder than it was to lose weight. Listen to what your inner voice is telling you, and talk to someone NOW before you get sucked in even further!!!

EDIT TO FIX ERRORS, I cant type tonight, probably more errors in there! lol

Wow thank you so much for sharing your story! It really means a lot!

EmilyEmpowered

Wow thank you so much for sharing your story! It really means a lot!

I like to share on here because it isnt something I can talk about anywhere else! it does help to get it out there sometimes and if I help someone else, even in a tiny way, it is worth it! :flowerforyou:

kdeaux1959

The fact that you recognize this is the first step and is a good one. The fact that you are doing something about it is also great. You mentioned that your BMI is 19.5 but also that you're a College Athlete and work out a lot. This suggests to me that you may have a higher than average lean body mass which would indicate that you should be closer to the upper end of your weight range rather than the lower end... But not knowing you or seeing you in person, I would not know this. If you are UNDER FAT (very low body fat percentage -- for females this runs at a higher range than for men) then that would explain your amenorrhea . At any rate, the best way to deal with this is to discuss your concerns with your family physician.. One thing about taking Psych courses... especially Abnormal Psych is that it is easy to see yourself in many of the disorders... However, it is usually not until a condition becomes debilitating and starts affecting your daily life that you really have cause for concern. None-the-less, the amenorrhea itself should be enough cause for concern to have a health practitioner take a look at you. I would do it ASAP. Best wishes on meeting your goals.

meggyannpt

The fact that you have not had a period in 6 months is very concerning. I agree with everyone that you should seek counseling to deal with the emotional side of this. I would also strongly urge you to see your primary care doctor as well. I am guessing you are in your early 20's, so missing your period for that long is a sign of a big problem, assuming you are not pregnant. By not having your period, you are at increased risk for early development of osteoporosis, and your early 20's is the crucial time to develop bone density.

While only a doctor can diagnose you, your symptoms as a whole sound an awful lot like the Female Triad: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_Athlete_Triad_Syndrome

Hopefully you will seek out some medical advice soon!

crystalflame

OK, I'm gonna throw this out there: you've acknowledged you're at risk for developing an eating disorder, and you've had a bunch of people on a forum confirm that seeking out help would be wise. I won't disagree; if you think a counselor can help you, go see one. But don't start telling yourself that "Oh, a group of random strangers said I might have an eating disorder so I probably do" and then proceed to behave like you have one or think of yourself as disordered. Instead of focusing on if you have an ED or not, focus on if you find it easy or hard to be healthy. If you have a positive mindset ("I'm going to stick to this calorie goal and meet it as best I can") vs. a negative one ("I'm worried I have an eating disorder, and me feeling like only eating 1500 calories today is evidence I do") you'll set yourself up better to kill any arising issues before they become troublesome.

nxd10

OK, I'm gonna throw this out there: you've acknowledged you're at risk for developing an eating disorder, and you've had a bunch of people on a forum confirm that seeking out help would be wise. I won't disagree; if you think a counselor can help you, go see one. But don't start telling yourself that "Oh, a group of random strangers said I might have an eating disorder so I probably do" and then proceed to behave like you have one or think of yourself as disordered. Instead of focusing on if you have an ED or not, focus on if you find it easy or hard to be healthy. If you have a positive mindset ("I'm going to stick to this calorie goal and meet it as best I can") vs. a negative one ("I'm worried I have an eating disorder, and me feeling like only eating 1500 calories today is evidence I do") you'll set yourself up better to kill any arising issues before they become troublesome.

Excellent thought.

SoDamnHungry

Go to a counselor. Sometimes people feel that they had anorexia, when in fact they simply have disordered eating. I have a BMI of 18.9. Still in the normal range, but on the low end. I'm definitely not anorexic (could NEVER restrict food that much). Your eating and feelings sound like mine. You live in a world where everything is about food. How much can I eat? When can I eat? Will they think I'm weird when I eat? Anyway, while not classified as an eating disorder, your eating certainly sounds disordered, and that's a good reason to talk to someone.

Katetw

I agree with everyone else--please go to a counselor!

Best of luck on your journey to be healthy

dixiewhiskey

See a doc and a psychiatrist

redbev306

I have suffered in the past with aneorexia...just one part of the many unhealthy relationships I have had with food. I agree with your thoughts that you might be headed toward trouble, and would trust your gut.... or your head. You seem like a very intelligent individual! Also, see a physician.... there may also be underlying health issues. Request bloodwork in particular... Are you losing hair? That might indicate a thyroid problem.... but I'm no doc!

kimosabe1

^ I would also see a school counselor to discuss my eating problems because this one does sound a bit problematic. I don't know how many MFP people have told me to eat exercise calories which is still a bit difficult for me considering I have been on 1200 calories since last August.....