Support versus pushing too much

celtic0ne

Hi there,

I'm trying to figure out how much support is the right amount of support without being pushy.

My cousin-in-law (to be) struggles with self-esteem issues and seems to be self-medicating with food and alcohol. My fiance and I have started going to the gym and are trying to lose weight and be healthier for our upcoming wedding as well as in general. We have invited his cousin to join us and at first she sounded enthusiastic but now she is really struggling with committing to it. She is coming up with every excuse in the book as to why not to join the gym. So at what point do we give up encouraging her?

This would be easier if she weren't constantly talking about how depressed she is and how unhappy she is and then not be able to embrace the change that we're trying to help her with. We also care about her a lot and don't want to see her continue down the self-medicating pathway...

Any suggestions?

mattschwartz01

Hi there,

I'm trying to figure out how much support is the right amount of support without being pushy.

My cousin-in-law (to be) struggles with self-esteem issues and seems to be self-medicating with food and alcohol. My fiance and I have started going to the gym and are trying to lose weight and be healthier for our upcoming wedding as well as in general. We have invited his cousin to join us and at first she sounded enthusiastic but now she is really struggling with committing to it. She is coming up with every excuse in the book as to why not to join the gym. So at what point do we give up encouraging her?

This would be easier if she weren't constantly talking about how depressed she is and how unhappy she is and then not be able to embrace the change that we're trying to help her with. We also care about her a lot and don't want to see her continue down the self-medicating pathway...

Any suggestions?

Your intentions are very good but it sounds like your cousin-to-be might need professional help. I count myself in this category except I've recognized it and taken steps. I see a doctor for treatment for depression which has helped me to summon the strength to get on a program to lose 170 pounds. The program I'm on doesn't allow me to use food as medication so when I get upset or anxious, I'm forced to deal with it constructively. Perhaps a gentle suggestion that she seek help is the best thing you can do. Depression is very real and the social stigma surrounding it is undeserved. Failure to treat depression leads to maladies far worse than weight gain.

As a side note, I really hate the concept of "change." The old adage, "the more things change, the more they stay the same holds true." Change has failed me before. I'm embracing transformation and the act of creating something new. I "changed" once before and lost 125 pounds only to put it back on and more. Now, I'm going to make a permanent transformation.

I have nothing but well-wishes for your family and cousin-to-be!

celtic0ne

Thank you so much. My fiance and I were already discussing whether she needs professional help. I agree whole-heartedly about the stigma around depression.

I like your view on change. I am like an old lady myself and hate change so I like the concept of creating something new - a somehow more positive way to look at it.

Good luck on your journey