I need support and I am afraid, really, really scared.....

Robin_Bin

You can do this. For another post from someone having trouble getting started, see http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/930632-no-where-to-turn-any-help-would-be-appreciated

You mentioned a bad emotional trauma and a horrible two years. If that's related to the weight gain, you'll need to deal with it, if you want to keep the weight off. It sounds like some counseling may be critical to your success.

You've already taken the most important first steps: you made a decision, and you reached out for help. You can take the next steps... for yourself, for your children.

Trauma, depression, raising children and being overweight can all contribute to fatigue, so no wonder you're tired!

Now that you took the first steps, take the next one or two. Don't try to do everything at once. Here are some options for next steps (just pick one or two):
* start tracking everything you eat as accurately as possible
* drink 8 cups of water a day
* exercise for 5 minutes today (it doesn't need to be all at once)
* write down your goals -- both your long-term and some intermediate goals, like lose 2 pounds or exercise for 5 minutes each day this week and write why you want to achieve them

Reward (non-food) yourself for taking the first steps.
And once you've succeeded with one or two of these goals, add another.

You can do it! May as well start today. Don't rush it... slow and steady to make it part of a permanent lifestyle change.

If you like my suggestions for getting started, check out http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/Robin_Bin/view/how-to-use-myfitnesspal-427993

Good luck and let the people here help you out!

Iamworthinvestingin

Lizabeth-
You are frightened, and I can appreciate your concern, it is hard to face weight gain and feel fatigued - I imagine you feel over whelmed by it all too. Facing this problem head on with your doctor I think will be easier to do than you realize, especially if you are ready to admit that you need help and feel anxious about it, and ready to do something about it... I think it is when we are in denial that frustrates a caring doctor - but you haven't even seen your doctor yet, so I think they will be relieved to see you come in. Fear makes us put off things that we do not want to face which has consequences, and you are on the path of wellness by coming here and talking about your fear. It takes courage to face your fears, so I am proud of you! Lastly, I think we need to cut ourselves some slack - we are women and there is a lot of focus on prepubescent body image in my opinion, and the stress of our world, coupled with process foods and dining out, technology has many, many people struggling with weight - you are not alone, and I think you can tell that you are not alone when we realize how many people are using mfp - because loosing weight is hard, and we need each other - hang in there - please call your doctor - I think you will be glad you did!

kennethmgreen

I am so overweight that I am scared. I lost weight a while back and was feeling great. I gained it all back and more. I now weigh more than I ever have in my life. I have had a horrible last two years, and that has contributed greatly to my physical decline. I am tired ALL the time and sleep way more than normal. I know my blood pressure is very elevated, and I am afraid to see a doctor. I only go out to work and socialize as little as I can. People who have not seen me in a while are shocked at my appearance, as I look completely different than I used to. I cannot do any of the things I would like to do, I have no stamina and no energy. I went through a very bad emotional trauma and cannot seem to get my self together. I have children, that I adore, I am so frustrated that my life has taken this turn, and I don't feel like I am the person I want to be or used to be. The fatigue is just unreal, it does not feel normal at all. I have no idea where to turn or what to do. I know I have more than 100 pounds to lose and just don't know where to begin, but cannot imagine living the rest of my life like this.

I am sorry you are feeling so low and sorry that you are scared. I understand those feelings. You don't have to let them own you. I read your post and looked at your profile. I hope you can move away from feeling desperate. That's not a good place to be in. You don't have to be desperate. Desperation can lead to irrational and/or unhealthy choices.

First, and probably most important, is coming to terms with the fact that you aren't going to suddenly lose 100 pounds. It will take some time. Know that, accept it, and use it as a roadmap toward your goal - not as something to wield to beat yourself up over.

Please see a doctor about blood pressure issues. You don't need medical care via the Internet. Ignoring a problem doesn't make it go away. Talk to your doctor.

You know you have to make changes. Start doing things different. Right now. Start using MFP. Log your food. Be reasonably meticulous about it (not obsessive, but strive for accuracy). But a food scale, some measuring cups and spoons. Plan your meals. Pay attention to what you are eating. Try to resist the temptation of quick weight loss "secrets" and "magical" techniques (or shakes or programs) that guarantee weight loss.

Focus on small goals. They add up. Set a reasonable date for losing 5 pounds, losing 10 pounds. Find foods that make you feel full and get you your macros (protein, carbs, fat) while staying under your calorie goal. Keep it simple.

I cannot promise that you will succeed. I can promise that you have the opportunity to succeed. Everything you need is here on MFP. Keep an open mind. You can start reading the unofficial MFP FAQ: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/forums/show/474-unofficial-mfp-faq

Be patient with yourself. You have to adopt a different way of living. Eat differently. You don't have to starve. You don't even have to give up foods you love. Be reasonable. It's a process that takes time. There will be good days and bad days. Hang in there.

deadmittens

You can do it! Just take each day little by little and I promise you can do it. I was scared and seta measly goal of losing like.. 20lbs at first, and now looking back I think it's silly that I was so nervous! You will get there one day with determination

DPitt86

I know you're afraid. I was there too. But you have to see a doctor so you can rule out whatever you think you have. Take baby steps. Modify your food. Then start portioning your food. The only thing holding you back is you. Start walking a bit and doing some home exercise until you can work up the confidence to go to a gym. You got this buddy!

ireland5

Okay, I don't know how to use this site, so may need some help, can't seem to navigate where i post, but have been reading all of your replies, and want to reply to some of what you have suggested....
YES, I most certainly have sleep apnea and a major snoring problem, and know how bad this is for my health. I never had this before. I do not have a doctor, but I could get one. I hate medication, and tried accupunture for all of this, but it did not seem to help. I was not overweight as a child, but have struggled most of my adult life off and on. The emotional trauma of the last couple of years was very bad, and I have sought counseling for it. My physical decline is a daily reminder of what I experienced, and every time I look at myself in the mirror, I am reminded of it. I truly feel that if I can get a grip on my weight, I will have some control. My body feels like it is housing my trauma and humiliation. It really, really feels like that. I feel that my body is the key to getting some control and mastery out of my life. The last couple of years has been monstrous, and lots of times I feel like it's a nightmare that I can't wake up from.

I used to walk, every day for like 3 miles. I drank water, did all the baby step stuff. It worked, but it seems like a million years ago. I looked and felt great. I now feel that in some ways I was punished for taking care of myself, and for nurturing myself. Like, that is not allowed. Without getting into detail, I feel that other people in my life really did not like it that I looked good and felt good about myself.
The tiredness, even my kids are scared. The snoring is bad, and I wake up feeling like someone beat me up. The smallest exertion sends me to take a 3 hour nap. I have slept away most of my weekends for months. I manage to work, but don't know how. I appreciate all the responses, I really, really do. Yes, I need to see a doctor. My mom has begged me to. Did any of you start your journey by seeing an M.D?

Gordo1981

I think that you have identified a lot of great things. While I think all of them are important things I think that you need to talk to your doctor about depression. Some people will probably comment about medications used for depression being some kind of poison or something but with the people I have worked with they can help a lot.

Depression isn't feeling sad all the time. People with depression aren't crying all the time. They can be just like you and me, only they don't get pleasure from things that used to be nice. They feel isolated or don't go out into groups. I cannot say if this is your case but talking about this may help. IF there is some compoent of depression proper treatment may help you put things in prespective and be able to achieve your wt loss goals easier and enjoy more of the things that you used to.

Great first step, keep working on the wt loss and activity but even if you don't go now please talk to your doctor about depression sometime. I think that this may be a very real thing.

Edit:

I started this because I got a poor rating on a life insurance application. Since then I have sought the help of my doctor, I never would have previously. But know I realize I have a lot to live for. I am also working with a dietician from the clinic as well and this is helping.

Please get a doctor and talk about things, wt loss emotional trauma, depression, blood pressure you have a family and they need you and from your posts I can tell you love them!

CatMcCheesey

I started my journey by seeing my doctor and having a complete physical done. You should do the same, and talk to your doctor about everything you have posted here.

wendybird5

I don't have much to add to what everyone else has said, but I did want to send you hugs. I understand the fear. I remember feeling that way myself. Just know that you CAN do this and there are so many great people on here who want to support you and be there for you. See your doctor and, if nothing else, think of your kids because they deserve a healthy, happy mom.

And if you aren't sure how to start, try this:
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/905540-newbie-starter-weight-loss-plan-for-people-50-pounds-over

losingit413

I read a blog called 300 Pounds Down. It is written by a women who was over 400 pounds. She ended up having weight loss surgery but that is not the whole story. She started exercising for 30 seconds a day. Each day she added a little extra time. A few weeks ago she ran a 5K with her brother. Her story is amazing. Check it out, http://www.300poundsdown.com/. She inspires me to keep trying and not to quit. You can do this, your kids need you! Keep trying and don't give up.

cubbies77

The first thing I did was see a doctor. I was terrified I had diabetes and high blood pressure, but I finally realized not knowing and not treating it would lead to worse health issues down the line. I figured it would be better to know and DO something about it instead of worry myself into a panic almost every day.

It turned out I don't have diabetes or high blood pressure, but I do have insulin resistance and PCOS. My doctor put me on medication and hormones, told me how to eat, and sees me once every three months to ask me how I'm doing, both psychologically and physically.

I've lost 59 pounds since last May, and I've never felt better. For years, I was tired and hungry every minute of every day no matter how much I ate or how much sleep I got. I was miserable. It only took two blood tests to change my life. Two blood tests. That's it. Can you go to the doctor and manage a couple of blood tests and a sleep study? I'm sure you can, especially since you know it's scaring your kids. If you won't do it for yourself, do it for your children. It's not fair to you OR them. They need their mother, and I know you want to see them grow up.

KeepCalmNGetyaSweatOn

The scariest step is the first one you take. After that just keep moving forward! But you have to make the first step by seeing a Doctor and then making the decision to change your life (you can do that by taking one step at a time.) You can do it and there are plenty of supportive people on MFP that are willing to help. Look at all the people who replied to your posting Good luck hun it'll so be worth it in the end.

agoofynut

See a doctor and get your blood pressure checked out, you've got to take care of yourself for your kids. Just taking one tiny step towards regaining control makes a ton of difference. Don't look at the big picture. Make one small change at a time, and celebrate every tiny victory. Before long, you'll build up momentum. I started with 200 pounds to lose, and that seemed impossible, so I broke it into small goals. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there and you can too.

SRHelicity

Sounds like you're rallying a great group of ladies for support on here. That should definitely help. I don't have alot of success with weight loss. So you may not view my opinion as credible as some others. However, your statement, "through a very bad emotional trauma" is what caught my attention more than anything. I just want to say to you....be kind to yourself. Emotional trauma is horrible. It scars just as much as physical trauma. Treat yourself well.

I counted 49 replies in the first hour, and most of the replies are very detailed and heart-felt. I have to say, though I'll leave the encouragement up to y'all who may have your own experiences similar to the OP, this support is pretty awesome to see.

danceaway100

Ireland5 - I'm new to this too. So new that I don't even know if this is going to be a message directly to you or just a post at the end of your blog that you may never read. I can only hope that you do read it and act upon it. I know that almost everyone is telling you to get to your dr ASAP but I'm still gonna repeat it. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE read this whole letter and then make an appointment to see a physician. If your blood pressure is seriously elevated, you need to get it under control before you do anything else. The next thing is the fatigue...depression is a possibility but there is another condition that could be causing the fatigue and it is very prevalent in overweight people. The more overweight the person is the better the chances of this being part of the problem. Obstructive Sleep Apnea (OSA). I was treated for depression for 5 years before I got tested for OSA. Once my treatment was going well, I got off the depression meds and have never needed them again. I now manage the OSA department of a medical equipment company. I help people with OSA everyday. The most common symptom of OSA is actually loud snoring but others are fatigue, sleeping too much but still feeling tired, loss of short term memory, high blood pressure, irritability, moodiness and even loss of time (i.e. you are driving home from work and plan to stop at the store to buy some milk but the next thing you know is that you are already pulling into your driveway and you don't remember the last mile or so of the drive.). Obstructive Sleep Apnea is a condition that makes you actually stop breathing at night, multiple times a night. You can google it, of course, but the simple explanation is that as you get deeper into sleep your muscle tone relaxes, as this happens, the tissue in the back of your throat begins to sag. This tissue actually blocks your airway passage. Your heart starts racing and you actually come out of the deeper level of sleep into a slightly more aware level which makes your muscles tighten up, or you roll over or your open your mouth and snore, or gasp, gag, jerk, twitch....all kinds of things that your body makes you do to try and make you breathe again. All of this takes just a few seconds to a few minutes and the more severe the condition the more often it happens. I have patients who stopped breathing 5 to 10 times per hour to others (who are obese and need to lose 100 or more pounds) that stop breathing 150 times per hour...yes, PER HOUR. These stopping breathing events keep you from getting or staying into REM sleep. REM sleep is the restorative sleep that we need to keep functioning. To help my patient's understand how badly a lack of REM sleep can affect us, I remind them that a lack of REM sleep is a condition that is called Sleep Deprivation and that is actually a form of torture that was inflicted upon prisoners of war. OSA can also lead to adult onset of Diabetes. It really is a nasty condition that is completely treatable. If this is part of your problem, treating it and getting healthy sleep will actually restore your energy, bring your metabolism back up to where it should be and give you back what I call your "give a damn" attitude. Please look into this. I know you said you've had a very emotional year and so you might be thinking that you are depressed but it could be more than depression. Left untreated, OSA can lead to heart disease, stroke and many other conditions. Please see a physician, if you don't do anything else, please see a physician. Send me a message if you'd like to chat.

Crochetluvr

I started after I ended up in the hospital and was diagnosed with diabetes. You DON'T want that to happen to you. I could kick myself for letting things get that bad. But that's in the past now. I took control and life is good again. And don't let mean people take your accomplishments away from you. Its THEIR problem....don't make it yours. If you have to, keep what you do to yourself....except for here. This is a great place for support. Share with people who care and understand....and the rest can go to blazes.

RMNPHike

You could see an M.D. If you hate medication (like I do), then you could look for one that works with a nutritionist or naturopath in case there are natural alternatives to meds. But you absolutely should see someone about the blood pressure and sleep apnea. Of course you will be tired if you don't sleep restfully!

Also, though, never, ever think that you are being "punished" for taking care of yourself. You can't take care of your kids or the world around you if you don't take care of yourself. This is not selfish! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. If someone cares about you, then they want you to care for yourself. If they don't, then you don't need them in your life.

I used to think I had to sacrifice my own health and well-being for other people, and I found out it just doesn't work. You are doing your loved ones a kindness by doing things to help yourself.

Go see someone to make sure you find out about anything you should or should not eat, given your health conditions, and get help with them as naturally as possible. Walk every day again, for as long as you can, even if it is 5-10 minutes. Take time to make yourself a big, delicious fresh salad with things you like in it. And watch a funny movie with your kids.

jmadams111

You asked if any of us started our journey by seeing an MD; yes, but not the way I wanted to. After the heart attack 9 months ago I not only saw my Dr, but my brand new, never-had-one-before cardiologist. You don't want to get started my way, trust me!

I set goals; 100 lbs in 2 yrs or 5 lbs in 1 month; anybody can lose 5 lbs! Trust me, if I could do it as much as I love food, anyone can,,,,see the Dr on your own terms then go for 5 lbs at a time.

moonshadows72

you have 2 options. You either accept where you are right now for all that it is or isn't and be willing to seek the help you need, or you can ignore it, hide from it, and just pretend that it doesn't exist.

either choice will take your life in a completely different direction! what direction do you want to go?

Theroadtohealth

The power to change lies within you. If you believe you can, you will. Take one day at a time and one meal at a time. None of us got here overnight and we won't attain health overnight. Cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself. Look forward and not back. I too was staring down a 150 pound weight loss mountain. I too never started because it just seemed too much to conquer. So, I finally set small goals, e.g., lose 10 pounds and I didn't give myself a time limit.

I lost 75 pounds, felt great, got complacent and then regained it.

Recently, I started over, because I told myself that I can start over. And that is the beauty of it. You can start again at any time.

Now 54 pounds are gone and I am slowly working my way down (goodbye 300s, look out 200s and onederland I have you in my sights at all times). Some days I lose. Some days I gain. I try to reflect on what I ate and how much I moved and then I move on and try to make better choices. I no longer allow myself to turn a bad day into a bad week or a bad month or a bad year (which was my pattern in the past and that resulted in the loss and gain of several hundred pounds over a lifetime). Take small steps.

First, see the doctor. HBP is no joke. It is called the silent killer for a reason. Fat or thin, if you have HBP you can go at any time. Why not take care of yourself first by taking care of your HBP? Your kids will thank you and you will have one less thing to worry about and that could motivate you.

Second, make sure you don't have other metabolic problems that are preventing you from losing weight or that might be contributing to your gain.

Third, find a plan that works for you. I actually find that having 2-3 plans that work for you is great and when fatigue sets in after several weeks or several months, you have a new plan to switch to. The reality is that folks like us who struggle with our weight will ALWAYS have to be on a plan whether to lose or maintain.

Fourth, write down EVERYTHING that you put in your mouth. Tedious? Yes, but remarkably helpful.

Fifth, always have a snack with you and a bottle of water. Also, don't deny yourself. Build in your favorite treat. I eat 2 small squares of Dove dark chocolate with almonds almost every night. It is my celebration for getting through another day of good food choices and I don't feel deprived. I also have learned to reward myself with non-food items. Why not think of something that you really want and get it once you lose 20 pounds? If you are a visual person, string beads or paperclips for every pound lost. I found the paperclip chain (with a colored paperclip at every 5th pound) quite motivating.

Sixth, drink lots of water (and green tea, if you can tolerate it). Remind yourself that between meals drinking water (or a hot liquid) will help you to wait.

Seventh, eat 5-6 times a day. It seems counter-intuitive since we have been programmed to try to eat less and less in an endless battle to lose weight, but now that I am eating 5-6 small meals a day (about 1600 cals) I find it easier to lose. It takes work, planning and getting used to, but you will get there.

Eighth, start moving. Find something you love. Swimming (once we get over the bathing suit thing) is great, no impact exercise. Dance in you living room when no one is watching. Do what you can for as long as you can. Do it several times a day until you can start lengthening each session. If you can only walk for 5 minutes at a time. Do it 6x/day. It is still 30 minutes and all movement helps in the beginning. You will be surprised how quickly your body adapts. It is very resilient once it is treated well.

Ninth, plan you meals. Tedious? Yes, but it helps to keep you focused. Will you stray occasionally? Sure, but it is easier to get back on track if you know what your next meal is and you aren't searching among the enticing things for something to eat. Do the same when you eat out. Search the menu online and know what you will eat before getting to the restaurant. Staring at the menu will only be tempting if you are not prepared. Also, be demanding about how you want your food prepared when you eat out. Ask them to cut the oil, salt or butter if that is what your plan calls for, but don't cut out all fat because our bodies need it. Go for healthy fats.

Finally, stay on MFP. The folks here are awesome, inspiring and honest. I am new to this site, but is has done wonders for me in the last two weeks and I will be her for a long time to come. It also helps me to remember that I am not alone because millions of people are fighting the same battle that I am.

Good luck. You are worthy of this journey to better health. And if I haven't said it already, forgive yourself and only look forward.