Help with anorexia

AuddAlise

I know this is not the right board for this topic; but I couldn't find a board devoted to helping people beat anorexia.

To preface this I am not anorexic, my 6 year old daughter is. I am going to call my daughter "N" for the purpose of this post. I am not sure why because she is so very slender and tiny. I am begining to think its a control thing. She is going to be starting with a psychologist next week but I was hoping someone might have some ideas on how I could help her in the mean time.

N is 6 years old, 3 foot 11 inches, and only weighs 40 lbs. She has always been very slender. She has such long graceful arms and legs. When I was a child I was very slender also. So I figured she was like I was.

Her non-eating started about a month ago. She would only eat a bite or two from any meal and claim she was full. I don't "make" my kids eat their whole plates. Then she got sick this past tuesday (3/12) and quit eating altogether. She's lost 5 lbs in a week (she had been between 47-45 lbs before. Now shes 40). She's seen the Dr on both Friday of last week and Tuesday of this week.

Last night I sat with her and talked with her and encouraged her to eat her dinner. I gave her tiny portions and it still took an hour and a half for her to finish. This morning my husband told her to eat breakfast so she went in the kitchen and made some noise for a while. I was getting ready so when I came out I saw she hadn't eaten (her bowl was clean). I sat with her again and fed her a small bowl of cherrios since she flat out refused to take bites by herself.

I am at a loss about what to do. I can see her hip bones jutting out. Help please...

Linli_Anne

Talking with professionals is your best step.

At 6 years old there is likely something else that is going on.

Be prepared for the professionals to single you and your husband, and other older/younger siblings out in terms of asking about your eating habits, comments you make about weight loss/weight gain and body image around your 6 year old. They are very impressionable and may just be trying to be like mommy/daddy the babysitter or someone at school.

My heart aches for you and your daughter, I too have a 6 year old daughter and can't imagine the pain this is causing your heart.

ALittleBitLess1

Have you had a look on here?
http://www.anorexia-reflections.com/anorexia-in-children.html#axzz2O6KX2Nc2
or
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/eatingdisorders/Pages/eating-disorders-advice-parents.aspx

good luck, and it sounds like you have responded to this really well x

AuddAlise

I am open to suggestions. We've tried offering her cake and other treats. She doesn't care it seems.

chels0722

For some kids, choosing to not eat is a phase most all of them grow out of. It is possible something else is bothering her and food is the only thing that she feels she has control over right now. Maybe just start a conversation with her that has nothing to do with her eating habits and see if something comes up that is upsetting her or causing her pain. Did she just start kindergarten? New environments for young children can often be more traumatic than we realize as adults. As adults, we have learned over years of experience that change happens and that we can adapt, she is still learning this.

I think you are doing the right things already. Just try not to push her too much. They are so fragile in mind and body when they are that young.

I am praying for you, and I hope you and your daughter get the help you need.

neandermagnon

it may be something physical/physiological, not a psychological problem. I think it's important to rule out physical problems before saying she has anorexia and/or she's refusing to eat. She may feel nauseous or actually be feeling full, because she has no appetite, rather than refusing to eat for psychological reasons.

kids can take a long time to get their appetite back after being ill, or maybe the not eating and the illness are part of a medical problem. There are many medical issues that can make kids not eat. These possibilities need to be investigated, and it does need to be done quickly as she's already losing weight. I hope the doctor is investigating all possible causes of this, and not just taking the line that she's refusing to eat.

ALittleBitLess1

Also loads of water in icelollys, jelly and ice cream if you worried she is not drinking enough, maybe the family might enjoy something together in front of the telly to take the pressure/focus off her and eating

AuddAlise

Thank you for the links. I think one of them is going to really help.

Lone_Wolf70

she literally may not be hungry, but before you get into something psychological in a child that age, i would check the physical first.

LorinaLynn

Sounds like me at that age, but I wasn't anorexic. I just didn't enjoy eating. I made up for lost time later in life.

I do remember I enjoyed food more when I helped make it. Putting the cheese on the lasagna, stirring the mashed potatoes, etc.

AuddAlise

For some kids, choosing to not eat is a phase most all of them grow out of. It is possible something else is bothering her and food is the only thing that she feels she has control over right now. Maybe just start a conversation with her that has nothing to do with her eating habits and see if something comes up that is upsetting her or causing her pain. Did she just start kindergarten? New environments for young children can often be more traumatic than we realize as adults. As adults, we have learned over years of experience that change happens and that we can adapt, she is still learning this.

I think you are doing the right things already. Just try not to push her too much. They are so fragile in mind and body when they are that young.

I am praying for you, and I hope you and your daughter get the help you need.

I try talking to her and she says nothing is wrong. She is very quiet and would love nothing more than to read 24/7. She is actually in 1st grade going into 2nd. She's very smart and often feels different due to it. When I say smart I am not trying to brag either; she can help grade her 5th honor student brother papers.

Thank you for the prayers, I appreciate them.

chels0722

she literally may not be hungry, but before you get into something psychological in a child that age, i would check the physical first.

I agree. Professional psychological help this young can do more damage then help if it is unnecessary.

AuddAlise

Sounds like me at that age, but I wasn't anorexic. I just didn't enjoy eating. I made up for lost time later in life.

I do remember I enjoyed food more when I helped make it. Putting the cheese on the lasagna, stirring the mashed potatoes, etc.

I'll see if she'll help tonight. Thanks for the idea.

2credneck208

@ 6 I would highly doubt its anorexia, have the dr take a look.

ArroganceInStep

Not knowledgeable enough to help, but good luck.

neandermagnon

she literally may not be hungry, but before you get into something psychological in a child that age, i would check the physical first.

I agree. Professional psychological help this young can do more damage then help if it is unnecessary.

additionally, if she has a physical illness/medical condition, that would need to be treated.

TLCorsini

Try talking to her. First establishing that it is in fact anorexia and not some type of stomach pain or depression. If it IS anorexia then there are a few things you can do to. Alot of people with anorexia feel that they are alone and especially young girls. You're her mom (an adult) and cant possibly understand what she's going through *sacrastic tone*. Try talking to her and letting her know that she can talk to you no matter what and even though she might not think so, you know what growing up is like. The media has placed a huge expectation as far as looks and weight goes for young girls. At 6 years old, N's scope of "anorexic influences" should be very small. Im assuming she doesn't watch teen shows & movies etc where there can be more influences. Since her range of influences is small, do a little digging into the people that she is dealing with on a day to day basis. Friends can have a HUGE influence on girls. It might be her best friend who has a terrible self image and it is rubbing off on N. (this happened to me, my friend always told me how SHE was so fat & needed to lose weight, when I actually weighed more than her so it really brought me down emotionally). It could be her friends older sister who is dealing with issues and is rubbing off of N. She could be getting picked on at school for her size. Some skinny girls get picked on too for looking so tiny. I'm sorry for your troubles and I hope you can get some good advice from these posts. Best wishes!

BeesKnees181

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with talking to a professional. Just talking to someone who specializes in this will not automatically cause your daughter psychological issues (like some have let on in their comments...and shame on them for that). It does sound like she really enjoys the time she gets to spend with you (i.e. when you are feeding her). You can never say, "I love you" too much or give too many hugs. Good luck to you and your family as you work and grow together on this issue.

ebaymommy

Just adding that your daughter's weight (before being sick) doesn't seem at all low to me. My son is 8 years old, 4'1" and only weighs 51lbs, my daughter is 10 years old, 4'9" and barely 60lbs.

My kids both went through phases where they didn't want to eat whether it was because they were too busy or too distracted or just plain being stubborn and going for some control.

sarahstrezo

Just adding that your daughter's weight (before being sick) doesn't seem at all low to me. My son is 8 years old, 4'1" and only weighs 51lbs, my daughter is 10 years old, 4'9" and barely 60lbs.

My kids both went through phases where they didn't want to eat whether it was because they were too busy or too distracted or just plain being stubborn and going for some control.

^^^ I agree.
My son will be 5 next month and he weighs...maybe 32lbs. He doesn't eat a ton and gets full really fast.

jayliospecky

While anorexia is possible, it's not a foregone conclusion.

Definitely agree that possible physical issues should be ruled out first. She may be subconsciously avoiding foods that her body is wanting her to reject. (My husband was always extremely slim, and was a very light eater. Years later we realized he had celiac disease, and everything made sense. He was subconsciously avoiding food because it made him feel sick when he ate.) I also have a nephew who could never gain weight, and never wanted to eat, either. They suspected anorexia as well (he's around 16) but it ended up being a thyroid issue.

Your doctor can also tell you if your daughter seems to be at a good weight for her age. Some kids are just built small (as the above posters mentioned.)

Of course, if it is anorexia, you'll have to deal with that, making use of professional help, of course. But take one step at a time, and rule out other possibilities, as well.