Help with anorexia
I know this is not the right board for this topic; but I couldn't find a board devoted to helping people beat anorexia.
To preface this I am not anorexic, my 6 year old daughter is. I am going to call my daughter "N" for the purpose of this post. I am not sure why because she is so very slender and tiny. I am begining to think its a control thing. She is going to be starting with a psychologist next week but I was hoping someone might have some ideas on how I could help her in the mean time.
N is 6 years old, 3 foot 11 inches, and only weighs 40 lbs. She has always been very slender. She has such long graceful arms and legs. When I was a child I was very slender also. So I figured she was like I was.
Her non-eating started about a month ago. She would only eat a bite or two from any meal and claim she was full. I don't "make" my kids eat their whole plates. Then she got sick this past tuesday (3/12) and quit eating altogether. She's lost 5 lbs in a week (she had been between 47-45 lbs before. Now shes 40). She's seen the Dr on both Friday of last week and Tuesday of this week.
Last night I sat with her and talked with her and encouraged her to eat her dinner. I gave her tiny portions and it still took an hour and a half for her to finish. This morning my husband told her to eat breakfast so she went in the kitchen and made some noise for a while. I was getting ready so when I came out I saw she hadn't eaten (her bowl was clean). I sat with her again and fed her a small bowl of cherrios since she flat out refused to take bites by herself.
I am at a loss about what to do. I can see her hip bones jutting out. Help please...
To preface this I am not anorexic, my 6 year old daughter is. I am going to call my daughter "N" for the purpose of this post. I am not sure why because she is so very slender and tiny. I am begining to think its a control thing. She is going to be starting with a psychologist next week but I was hoping someone might have some ideas on how I could help her in the mean time.
N is 6 years old, 3 foot 11 inches, and only weighs 40 lbs. She has always been very slender. She has such long graceful arms and legs. When I was a child I was very slender also. So I figured she was like I was.
Her non-eating started about a month ago. She would only eat a bite or two from any meal and claim she was full. I don't "make" my kids eat their whole plates. Then she got sick this past tuesday (3/12) and quit eating altogether. She's lost 5 lbs in a week (she had been between 47-45 lbs before. Now shes 40). She's seen the Dr on both Friday of last week and Tuesday of this week.
Last night I sat with her and talked with her and encouraged her to eat her dinner. I gave her tiny portions and it still took an hour and a half for her to finish. This morning my husband told her to eat breakfast so she went in the kitchen and made some noise for a while. I was getting ready so when I came out I saw she hadn't eaten (her bowl was clean). I sat with her again and fed her a small bowl of cherrios since she flat out refused to take bites by herself.
I am at a loss about what to do. I can see her hip bones jutting out. Help please...
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Replies
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Talking with professionals is your best step.
At 6 years old there is likely something else that is going on.
Be prepared for the professionals to single you and your husband, and other older/younger siblings out in terms of asking about your eating habits, comments you make about weight loss/weight gain and body image around your 6 year old. They are very impressionable and may just be trying to be like mommy/daddy the babysitter or someone at school.
My heart aches for you and your daughter, I too have a 6 year old daughter and can't imagine the pain this is causing your heart.0 -
Have you had a look on here?
http://www.anorexia-reflections.com/anorexia-in-children.html#axzz2O6KX2Nc2
or
http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/eatingdisorders/Pages/eating-disorders-advice-parents.aspx
good luck, and it sounds like you have responded to this really well x0 -
I am open to suggestions. We've tried offering her cake and other treats. She doesn't care it seems.0
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For some kids, choosing to not eat is a phase most all of them grow out of. It is possible something else is bothering her and food is the only thing that she feels she has control over right now. Maybe just start a conversation with her that has nothing to do with her eating habits and see if something comes up that is upsetting her or causing her pain. Did she just start kindergarten? New environments for young children can often be more traumatic than we realize as adults. As adults, we have learned over years of experience that change happens and that we can adapt, she is still learning this.
I think you are doing the right things already. Just try not to push her too much. They are so fragile in mind and body when they are that young.
I am praying for you, and I hope you and your daughter get the help you need.0 -
it may be something physical/physiological, not a psychological problem. I think it's important to rule out physical problems before saying she has anorexia and/or she's refusing to eat. She may feel nauseous or actually be feeling full, because she has no appetite, rather than refusing to eat for psychological reasons.
kids can take a long time to get their appetite back after being ill, or maybe the not eating and the illness are part of a medical problem. There are many medical issues that can make kids not eat. These possibilities need to be investigated, and it does need to be done quickly as she's already losing weight. I hope the doctor is investigating all possible causes of this, and not just taking the line that she's refusing to eat.0 -
Also loads of water in icelollys, jelly and ice cream if you worried she is not drinking enough, maybe the family might enjoy something together in front of the telly to take the pressure/focus off her and eating0
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Thank you for the links. I think one of them is going to really help.0
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she literally may not be hungry, but before you get into something psychological in a child that age, i would check the physical first.0
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Sounds like me at that age, but I wasn't anorexic. I just didn't enjoy eating. I made up for lost time later in life.
I do remember I enjoyed food more when I helped make it. Putting the cheese on the lasagna, stirring the mashed potatoes, etc.0 -
For some kids, choosing to not eat is a phase most all of them grow out of. It is possible something else is bothering her and food is the only thing that she feels she has control over right now. Maybe just start a conversation with her that has nothing to do with her eating habits and see if something comes up that is upsetting her or causing her pain. Did she just start kindergarten? New environments for young children can often be more traumatic than we realize as adults. As adults, we have learned over years of experience that change happens and that we can adapt, she is still learning this.
I think you are doing the right things already. Just try not to push her too much. They are so fragile in mind and body when they are that young.
I am praying for you, and I hope you and your daughter get the help you need.
I try talking to her and she says nothing is wrong. She is very quiet and would love nothing more than to read 24/7. She is actually in 1st grade going into 2nd. She's very smart and often feels different due to it. When I say smart I am not trying to brag either; she can help grade her 5th honor student brother papers.
Thank you for the prayers, I appreciate them.0 -
she literally may not be hungry, but before you get into something psychological in a child that age, i would check the physical first.
I agree. Professional psychological help this young can do more damage then help if it is unnecessary.0 -
Sounds like me at that age, but I wasn't anorexic. I just didn't enjoy eating. I made up for lost time later in life.
I do remember I enjoyed food more when I helped make it. Putting the cheese on the lasagna, stirring the mashed potatoes, etc.
I'll see if she'll help tonight. Thanks for the idea.0 -
@ 6 I would highly doubt its anorexia, have the dr take a look.0
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Not knowledgeable enough to help, but good luck.0
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she literally may not be hungry, but before you get into something psychological in a child that age, i would check the physical first.
I agree. Professional psychological help this young can do more damage then help if it is unnecessary.
additionally, if she has a physical illness/medical condition, that would need to be treated.0 -
Try talking to her. First establishing that it is in fact anorexia and not some type of stomach pain or depression. If it IS anorexia then there are a few things you can do to. Alot of people with anorexia feel that they are alone and especially young girls. You're her mom (an adult) and cant possibly understand what she's going through *sacrastic tone*. Try talking to her and letting her know that she can talk to you no matter what and even though she might not think so, you know what growing up is like. The media has placed a huge expectation as far as looks and weight goes for young girls. At 6 years old, N's scope of "anorexic influences" should be very small. Im assuming she doesn't watch teen shows & movies etc where there can be more influences. Since her range of influences is small, do a little digging into the people that she is dealing with on a day to day basis. Friends can have a HUGE influence on girls. It might be her best friend who has a terrible self image and it is rubbing off on N. (this happened to me, my friend always told me how SHE was so fat & needed to lose weight, when I actually weighed more than her so it really brought me down emotionally). It could be her friends older sister who is dealing with issues and is rubbing off of N. She could be getting picked on at school for her size. Some skinny girls get picked on too for looking so tiny. I'm sorry for your troubles and I hope you can get some good advice from these posts. Best wishes!0
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There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with talking to a professional. Just talking to someone who specializes in this will not automatically cause your daughter psychological issues (like some have let on in their comments...and shame on them for that). It does sound like she really enjoys the time she gets to spend with you (i.e. when you are feeding her). You can never say, "I love you" too much or give too many hugs. Good luck to you and your family as you work and grow together on this issue.0
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Just adding that your daughter's weight (before being sick) doesn't seem at all low to me. My son is 8 years old, 4'1" and only weighs 51lbs, my daughter is 10 years old, 4'9" and barely 60lbs.
My kids both went through phases where they didn't want to eat whether it was because they were too busy or too distracted or just plain being stubborn and going for some control.0 -
Just adding that your daughter's weight (before being sick) doesn't seem at all low to me. My son is 8 years old, 4'1" and only weighs 51lbs, my daughter is 10 years old, 4'9" and barely 60lbs.
My kids both went through phases where they didn't want to eat whether it was because they were too busy or too distracted or just plain being stubborn and going for some control.
^^^ I agree.
My son will be 5 next month and he weighs...maybe 32lbs. He doesn't eat a ton and gets full really fast.0 -
While anorexia is possible, it's not a foregone conclusion.
Definitely agree that possible physical issues should be ruled out first. She may be subconsciously avoiding foods that her body is wanting her to reject. (My husband was always extremely slim, and was a very light eater. Years later we realized he had celiac disease, and everything made sense. He was subconsciously avoiding food because it made him feel sick when he ate.) I also have a nephew who could never gain weight, and never wanted to eat, either. They suspected anorexia as well (he's around 16) but it ended up being a thyroid issue.
Your doctor can also tell you if your daughter seems to be at a good weight for her age. Some kids are just built small (as the above posters mentioned.)
Of course, if it is anorexia, you'll have to deal with that, making use of professional help, of course. But take one step at a time, and rule out other possibilities, as well.0 -
My daughter is 6 years old and weighs 44-46 pounds. She goes through days where she doesn't want to eat anything and days where she wants to eat everything. Your daughters weight sounds fine? Check with her doctor for sure!0
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How do you know she lost 5 lbs? Do you constantly weigh her? I wouldn't suggest it...Especially since weight can fluctuate during the day, she may not have lost that. I can gain that after a meal, and a child can gain a few lbs too.I know this is not the right board for this topic; but I couldn't find a board devoted to helping people beat anorexia.
To preface this I am not anorexic, my 6 year old daughter is. I am going to call my daughter "N" for the purpose of this post. I am not sure why because she is so very slender and tiny. I am begining to think its a control thing. She is going to be starting with a psychologist next week but I was hoping someone might have some ideas on how I could help her in the mean time.
N is 6 years old, 3 foot 11 inches, and only weighs 40 lbs. She has always been very slender. She has such long graceful arms and legs. When I was a child I was very slender also. So I figured she was like I was.
Her non-eating started about a month ago. She would only eat a bite or two from any meal and claim she was full. I don't "make" my kids eat their whole plates. Then she got sick this past tuesday (3/12) and quit eating altogether. She's lost 5 lbs in a week (she had been between 47-45 lbs before. Now shes 40). She's seen the Dr on both Friday of last week and Tuesday of this week.
Last night I sat with her and talked with her and encouraged her to eat her dinner. I gave her tiny portions and it still took an hour and a half for her to finish. This morning my husband told her to eat breakfast so she went in the kitchen and made some noise for a while. I was getting ready so when I came out I saw she hadn't eaten (her bowl was clean). I sat with her again and fed her a small bowl of cherrios since she flat out refused to take bites by herself.
I am at a loss about what to do. I can see her hip bones jutting out. Help please...
I would not call not eating and then getting the flu and losing 5lbs (which is probably mostly water weight if it was 5 lbs) anorexia. She's probably being a perfectly normal kid. Don't assume your children have mental problems because they have a moment where they're not eating much, especially when they're sick and spend much of their time reading. Later in life if she finds out she's being publically diagnosed it could make her feel emotionally messed up even if she's not. Also, reading isn't the most fuel-intense activity. If she's not feeling sick anymore try offering some activity related things, she'll probably get hungry, and she'll probably eat.0 -
This can be a difficult thing. I'm realizing being a child or young adult is alot harder these days than when I was younger. I have a 17 year old daughter. We have been going through changes in eating patterns in the past few years. We went through a time when she was a little overweight. And that was fine. She also grew up and got to where she was comfortable. But body image for kids is huge. Friends and kids who aren't so friends will constantly remind them of their difference in bodys. Such as size porportions and such. Which is why my daughter has trouble and turned to not eating. She doesn't like eating in public. And pretty much refuses. And alot of times she won't eat but a large meal one time during the day when she returns home from school. My resolution for this was to buy premix shakes and always have them in the fride. They are quick and provide plenty of nutrients and protein to keep her going. She loves to drink them because "everyone is doing it". A little trickery sometimes helps. In my case I have a teen who at her last appt within a month ago weighed in at 101lbs at 5ft 2inches. So for me I felt importance to keep an eye. I think right now it seems normal, however like everyone says. Get an opinion. That is what I did. They also have specialized people who deal with food related issues. I took her for that too. If your doctor feels it's necessary they will send you that way. One thing I have learned is don't let the scale drive you. Much like the scale for weight loss, it doesn't hold 100 percent bearing. Because you can weigh 100lbs, but be a small build person. Every body is different. Get her checked out and go from there. Good luck!0
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Yes, I would say take her to a professional if things don't seem to improve. If your concern is anorexia I would recommend someone other than an MD or get a referral from an MD because their knowledge of eating disorders tends to be very limited. At age 6, having anorexia isn't unheard of but isn't very common, either, although kids as young as 7 and 8 have been reported to develop it. (see Dana the Eight Year Old Anorexic, a documentary on Youtube) The thought that came to mind for me was that it could be a control thing, or also for attention. Perhaps taking time to make a mommy-daughter day now and again and going for ice cream would be beneficial.
A site I know of is something-fishy.org which is one of the best sites for support and questions.
edited to add:
I'm sure you know this, but just in case -- if it is an eating disorder, be sure to keep your own weight-loss talk to a minimum around her. Such things are big triggers for an anorectic.
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I know this is not the right board for this topic; but I couldn't find a board devoted to helping people beat anorexia.
To preface this I am not anorexic, my 6 year old daughter is. I am going to call my daughter "N" for the purpose of this post. I am not sure why because she is so very slender and tiny. I am begining to think its a control thing. She is going to be starting with a psychologist next week but I was hoping someone might have some ideas on how I could help her in the mean time.
N is 6 years old, 3 foot 11 inches, and only weighs 40 lbs. She has always been very slender. She has such long graceful arms and legs. When I was a child I was very slender also. So I figured she was like I was.
Her non-eating started about a month ago. She would only eat a bite or two from any meal and claim she was full. I don't "make" my kids eat their whole plates. Then she got sick this past tuesday (3/12) and quit eating altogether. She's lost 5 lbs in a week (she had been between 47-45 lbs before. Now shes 40). She's seen the Dr on both Friday of last week and Tuesday of this week.
Last night I sat with her and talked with her and encouraged her to eat her dinner. I gave her tiny portions and it still took an hour and a half for her to finish. This morning my husband told her to eat breakfast so she went in the kitchen and made some noise for a while. I was getting ready so when I came out I saw she hadn't eaten (her bowl was clean). I sat with her again and fed her a small bowl of cherrios since she flat out refused to take bites by herself.
I am at a loss about what to do. I can see her hip bones jutting out. Help please...
You should speak to a child psychiatrist. Try not to be defensive if you are asked a lot of questions about what type of conversations/behaviors your daughter may have observed. At 6 years old it is likely these thoughts are coming to her in response to what she has seen from those close to her.0 -
I think your putting a lable on your daughter that she's too young to have.I have three daughters 26,24 and 8.
My middle daughter is a recovering anorexic and has been holding a normal weight for six years.
Most 6 year old are not body conscious so I would say to check with her M.D and possibly get a referral to a psychologist if he/she deems it necessary.
One thing I cannot emphasis enough,if you are unhappy with yourself and your weight,you need to show a healthy example but not put your own looks/weight down in front of your child.You may be projecting bad feeling on to her.Children that young are perceptive and if she sees you worrying constantly about your weight,she will too.0 -
Has she specifically said she is purposely not eating?
Six seems a bit young to actually have developed anorexia and I would imagine even if that were the case, people here won't be of much help because of her age. I hope the psychologist can be helpful. It is possible she's just not very hungry and is a small person naturally.
I would be careful not to make a huge deal out of something that's possibly quite normal. What has the doctor said (disclaimer: I have only read OP, so this may have been asked and answered).0 -
Has anything else changed in her life, her home life, school life? Sometimes, as with adults, children control what they can control *food* when they cannot control something else that's going on. I've seen this before with children whose parents were going through divorce/separation or who were being bullied. Not suggesting that this is the issue, just throwing in another possibility.
I think you're doing the right thing being proactive about this but would echo other posters who say not to make a huge issue out of this just yet as it is a fairly new development and may resolve itself naturally.0 -
Your child isn't anorexic, she's probably going through a phase or has a medical condition affecting her appetite but you need to get off the internet and take her to a doctor.0
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since she is 6 have her watch a movie about anorexia and what it does to your body. Seeing images is totally shocking to some and maybe it will open her eyes.
some suggestions..
For the Love Of Nancy
A Secret Between Friends (When Friendship Kills)
Sharing the Secret
and the HBO Documentary..Thin
try to look these up on youtube.0
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