NON-FOOD/FITNESS ADVICE NEEDED

SwimFan1981

She isn't asking how to get her boyfriend to propose...

This!

EvilDollee

I usually reply with "and lose my freedom!?" when people ask me.

MeIShouldB

(this is for SwimFan)

What do you think, smartass?

I'm basing my opinion on what she is telling us. If she doesn't want to take my advice, I really don't care. But when you post asking for advice, you should understand that you will get a lot of varying opinions - because everyone had a different upbringing, has different morals, etc - and when you totally disregard an opinion, what was the point of posting in the first place? Or are you just posting to hear what you want to hear? In this case, maybe this girl just wants to be reassured ... but that isn't going to fix the problem now is it?

it's just my experience that if a guy really wants you to be his wife, he will "put a ring on it" as my girl Beyonce said.

If marriage is a huge priority for you, find a different guy. End of story. If you're happy being complacent and living your life by someone else's game plan, I guess stick with it! Good luck either way.

I feel like you must have married young and quickly, because you fixated on one part of the post. The part that wasn't even the question. Seems like you are trying to reassure yourself about something more than me.

MeIShouldB

She isn't asking how to get her boyfriend to propose...

This!

THANKS!

MeIShouldB

It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.

You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.

LOL he was 23 when we started dating. He's 26 now. Everybody doesn't make moves on the same clock. And that "purpose to me when I want it or you must not like me" mindset is what gets women single when they don't have to be. You can't have your stop-watch running. A marriage will never work if either party feels they were strong armed into it.

So true!

I'd suggest simply saying, "when we're ready". Anything beyond that is no one's business but yours. If they ask anything beyond that just smile politely and change the subject.

Great advice! Thanks

_mrsgigi_

just say when the time is right and leave it at that..

BeFitwithT1

It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.

You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait one second there, Honey. When did three years become the breaking point for love and commitment?! My husband and I dated 4.5 years before engagement, another year and a half passed before our wedding and we have been married for three years now. Spoiled that theory.

To the OP, try to shrug it off. My response was something to the effect of 'When we're ready.' followed by a smile and a change of subject. My husband and I discussed marriage but just because we were talking about it, didn't mean it had to happen OMGRIGHTNOW!. Try to remember that people generally don't mean to be offensive, they just want to see you happy or think they are making small talk

ChrissieP80

I was with my husband 5 years before we got engaged. Now we have been together nearly 15 years. Trust me, he's into me.

I'd just tell people that we'll get engaged/married when the time is right. Oh and don't think it stops there. Once you're married it will be 'when are you having kids'. Get used to it and develop some standard blocking answers...

MeIShouldB

It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.

You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait one second there, Honey. When did three years become the breaking point for love and commitment?! My husband and I dated 4.5 years before engagement, another year and a half passed before our wedding and we have been married for three years now. Spoiled that theory.

EXACTLY!

MeIShouldB

I was with my husband 5 years before we got engaged. Now we have been together nearly 15 years. Trust me, he's into me.

I'd just tell people that we'll get engaged/married when the time is right. Oh and don't think it stops there. Once you're married it will be 'when are you having kids'. Get used to it and develop some standard blocking answers...

Love this LOL. And you know what, I'm sure that's true. And coincidentally only 1 of the people that have asked are married. I think that's odd.

Pink_turnip

OK guys, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and it seems in the last year ALOT of people have been asking when we are going to get married. (Seems like they should be asking when we are getting engaged instead since they are 2 different things, let's not skip steps). His doctor asked, his coworkers, my friends, certain people in my family, his sisters, even my tutor from college. This is the problem:When people ask, I don't know what to say other than "that's up to him, he has to ask". But the more people ask the more uncomfortable it has started to make me. It's like they are saying, "dang, still not yet?" I don't want him to feel pressured and I don't want to be either, I want him to do it when he is ready. I know if I request that people stop asking me, they will jump to the conclusion that something is wrong. How can I diplomatically get people to stop asking without sending the wrong message?

My boyfriend and I have been together for ten (that's correct, TEN years) and we're still not 'engaged'

People ask me all the time. I usually respond with "it will happen eventually" or "we just want to be able to afford something nice" but if the same people continuously ask my response turns into "I will let you know when it happens" and then eventually "I'm done discussing this"

It's not a fun question to be asked over and over again, and really it's no ones business but your own. There is nothing wrong with dating for a long time before getting married.

It's been three years, darling. If he had any desire to marry you, he probably would have at least proposed by now.

You asked for advice! Don't be so defensive.

This is also not true, some people just wait longer than others. Also, maybe they have discussed that they want to get married at some point, but they also want to be able to afford it, rather than rack up huge debt in the process.

MeIShouldB

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My boyfriend and I have been together for ten (that's correct, TEN years) and we're still not 'engaged'

See, if we are going with somebody else's "time clock theory" LOL that means he should have asked you when you were a young teen (We all know how that tends to work out). You are 24 so ten years isn't actually that long for you. See, like I was trying to tell that other person...you can't put everyone on the same clock. Thank you for your input.

MeIShouldB

OK guys, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and it seems in the last year ALOT of people have been asking when we are going to get married. (Seems like they should be asking when we are getting engaged instead since they are 2 different things, let's not skip steps). His doctor asked, his coworkers, my friends, certain people in my family, his sisters, even my tutor from college. This is the problem:When people ask, I don't know what to say other than "that's up to him, he has to ask". But the more people ask the more uncomfortable it has started to make me. It's like they are saying, "dang, still not yet?" I don't want him to feel pressured and I don't want to be either, I want him to do it when he is ready. I know if I request that people stop asking me, they will jump to the conclusion that something is wrong. How can I diplomatically get people to stop asking without sending the wrong message?

My boyfriend and I have been together for ten (that's correct, TEN years) and we're still not 'engaged'

See, if we are going with somebody else's "time clock theory" LOL that means he should have asked you when you were a young teen (We all know how that tends to work out). You are 24 so ten years isn't actually that long for you. See, like I was trying to tell that other person...you can't put everyone on the same clock. Thank you for your input.