im a mess and im scared

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  • HSingMomto7Kids
    HSingMomto7Kids Posts: 345 Member
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    Don't give up!!! You can do it!! Hang onto the support here on MFP!!! Some days that is what helps me get through the day. Don't let others bother you. I know it is much better said than done!! You can do it!!!!
  • tntgal2
    tntgal2 Posts: 26
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    You're NOT a mess ... and any of those family members who have nothing better to do than to talk about you have their own problems. See if you can find some people to reach out to that will care about YOU ... not the size of your hips or what your hair looks like today or anything else superficial. THose family members who are treating you this way aren't anything special ... they're not rescuing hostages or writing books or inventing a cure for cancer, right? They're just getting off by bashing you ...

    Find some kind things to do for yourself. Maybe it's a walk for half an hour listening to your favorite music ... that walk will calm you and be a step to being fit. Learn to throw things out ... if you want a bite of a piece of cake, take a bite and pitch the rest. Then have some salad with a hard-boiled egg.

    IN a few months, you can lose some weight, but whatever you do, do it for YOU ... not your family. If you could magically lose it all, and be just the perfect weight you wanted to be, my guess is that those meanies would criticize something else about you - you'd be too thin, or not shaped quite right, or they wouldn't like the color lipstick you're wearing. SO ignore them. Your weight loss will be slow and sometimes not so steady, but find a healthy diet that nourishes your body, and some good friends who will nourish your soul, and some things to do that ignite your passion and interest and nourish your whole being. The family time will be what it is ... but those other things will help you fight back.

    Good luck ...your family ought to be helping you, not tearing at you.
  • dsgoingtodoit
    dsgoingtodoit Posts: 803 Member
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    Sweet child...listen to all of the wonderful advice above. Also - you are feeling beat down right now...but you are stronger than you know. You CAN...and you WILL....if you just take it one bite at a time.

    Please hear me....you are young...but you are wise! Look at the things that you have already recognized at such a young age...
    that you eat to cope with various situations. HONEY, you are not alone. Most of us on here are battling this WITH YOU!

    Little changes can make a big difference...and the first little change you must embrace...
    is that you are wonderfully made...
    God loves YOU....AND IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!

    The other folks have given such good advice...I'm not going to restate it...but try to take some of those tips and recommendations to heart.

    You CAN be healthier for yourself...

    There is an article in the message boards on emotional eating...you might pull it up for some wonderful encouragement.

    Have a better tomorrow!
  • Prismapencils
    Prismapencils Posts: 154
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    If I'm laughing, it isn't at you. Please know that. I'm laughing because your situation reminds me so much of my vacation trip with my boyfriend's family in which his grandfather called myself and my BF fat quite seriously because we didn't look like his grandchildren who were heavily involved in sports. This is after I had been dieting for a long time. I wanted to quit right then and there. Your family reminds me a little bit of them--or I'm projecting. I'm sure they're all lovable. They just find something to talk about and might not realize what damage is being done. It's always the one that is different or just outside the room that gets picked on. Please, please don't internalize that mess.

    I'm not saying don't improve yourself either. I just wouldn't beat yourself up about those pounds even though you feel that time is choking you. Take your time and work on getting stronger rather than the numbers which vary from day to day depending on metabolic processes and rhythms. In time, if there are words, your family will end up choking on them when they see your results.

    I've got another vacation with them coming up if they haven't shunned me. I am determined this go round. It probably won't matter though because of the wonder twins. (They are perfect. AP-perfect grades. Perfect shape. Kind. I reiterate perfect shape. Seriously. one of them is ten and she has defined abs. Ugh....)
  • cuttingandsticking
    cuttingandsticking Posts: 2
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    Some really great advice below. I don't normally respond to posts, but you start weight is familiar to me. I started at 183 pounds and over a year lost 50 pounds.

    I was so scared to start but the key to success is learning to be nice to yourself and changing habits that are, yes comforting, but ultimately harmful to your body and mind. Eat healthily and use MFP, it worries for you so you don't have to. Test your fitness, run for 1 minute at a time, then 2, or dance whatever gets the blood flowing ... I managed to run my first marathon last year and at first I couldn't even jog for one minute.

    Slow but steady and smile at every success that you have. It does get easier. You are seriously not alone, you are probably just more honest than a lot of other people as to how hard it can seem. IT DOES GET BETTER, THEN FANTASTIC!!!!
  • Elisirmon
    Elisirmon Posts: 273 Member
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    This journey is about you and not them your the one putting in the hard work and mental effort to take back your body...Just remember your a valued person and no matter what junk people throw at you it will make you be a better person and more determined....love you! and pity the fools who try to belittle you.
  • jenny3073
    jenny3073 Posts: 117 Member
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    I can relate, I am a total mess any time that I have to go be in a crowd, be it family or work functions, I fill up with anxiety because I think they will judge me for my size. I am over300 lbs and working on changing that! Some days I don't think I can do it but this site helps me A LOT! At my brother's wedding, my cousin (who's not all that skinny herself) said to me 'let's go look at the appetizers' I said OK and she snorted!!! It was so obvious she was thinking 'of course YOU want food' - things like that hold no value to my life anymore, it just doesn't matter, I'm doing this for me. I know what you are going through with the constant eating from your emotions and you just need to find a way to get it together and stay on track. Don't let your anxiety keep you from doing what you want to do in regards to getting in better shape. Keep reading the forums, reach out to your buddies on here, and most of all keep logging your food, even when you don't eat so well. Seeing what I was eating was a huge eye opener to me and even though I still have my bad days, I've been doing much better than before I found MFP. Please don't give up, and after 2 months of keeping at it, when you go see your family instead of being worried that they will make fun of you, be PROUD of yourself for what you have accomplished! This whole thing is by no means easy but it will be SO worth it!! Hang in there!
  • Prismapencils
    Prismapencils Posts: 154
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    That's...messed up (about your cousin--maybe she was trying to build herself up in an f'd up way?). Also, very good advice. :D
  • Kaathmandu
    Kaathmandu Posts: 129
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    You don't sound very overweight (but I've been huuuge and I work in kg, so what would I know ... ) but even if you are, you are not defined by a number on the scale. You are not your weight. Like others have said, there is more to talk about than your weight. It seems like you may have self-esteem and anxiety issues - is there no part of you that would like to catch up with your family and see what they are up to?

    If your family does make comments and you cry in secret, they may not realise it hurts you so much - they are family, they might think it is 'good natured ribbing'. Maybe you should burst into tears at the first unkind comment you can find, and they may spend the rest of the time being supportive and treating you with kid gloves.

    Failing that, you can always trot out the old "yes, but I'm losing weight ... stupid is forever"

    As for your eating, don't let others dictate your feelings or your reactions. You choose your actions - choose actions you will be happy with!
  • Thepinkdaisy
    Thepinkdaisy Posts: 60
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    I went to a family reunion two years ago and one cousin whom I hadn't met before (a good looking male about my age) made a fat-joke and referenced me. I am certain he didn't realize what he had said and I believe it was a slip up. What happened is a 5 yr old was teasing with the older cousin and said, "you sat on my truck and broke it". The older cousin said, "I don't weigh enough to break it, she sat on it (pointing at me). The little cousin then came over to me and poked my stomach and said, "I bet you weigh A LOT". I was soo humiliated, it was in front of a bunch of people (many whom I had never met). I drove all the way home immediately (8 hrs). I cried the whole way. What's worse, is that I have gained 11 lbs since that summer. So I feel for you.

    Now on to your plan. You need to keep plugging away. In two months you can lose about 10 more lbs, if not more. That is a 17 lbs loss total and it is nearly two dress sizes (every 10 lbs is a size). You could always do a crash diet toward the end. I don't really advocate them, but in situations as such, if it makes you feel better about how you look, go for it. I know of a ton of them that can easily bump a few more quick lbs off you.

    You have two choices, settle for how you are now, or just lose it. You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. Go for it! You'll be glad you did.
  • BflSaberfan
    BflSaberfan Posts: 1,272
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    1 - you can make a significant difference in 8wks so start today. You dont need to "not eat" to do this. Figure out your TDEE and do a 20% reduction workout daily, take a day of rest.

    2 - people think of you less than you think. They may notice a weight gain but it will be merely a passing thought and honestly you have to do this for you sweety, not any one else. The most important thing to do is remember WHO you are doing this for and to start today, you've already lost some, 7 lbs is alot of fat. Think about it.

    3 - maybe you'll see them again next summer and if you keep up with it from now until then they'll be eating their words and it'll be totally worth the hard work =)

    With all that said I know exactly how you feel, this is how I feel whenever I have to go to one of my husbands work functions. =(
  • neomagolden
    neomagolden Posts: 1
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    I BEEN OVER WEIGHT ALL OF MY LIFE EVEN AFTER THE SURGERY I'M STILL HEAVY. I'M A MESS. FEEL LIKE I WILL BE WORKING TOWARD LOSING WEIGHT THE REST OF MY LIFE
  • cryswest57
    cryswest57 Posts: 141 Member
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    You need to know you're beautiful, and you can do this. You are strong. You are capable. If your family makes fun of you then they are insecure with themselves. They have issues, and they put them out on you. Have mini treats throughout the week so you can still have something you like. I have never been skinny, and I know I won't be. I have a large bone structure, and I'm short. I was made fun when I was young. I realized they were insecure about something, and that I looked beautiful already.
  • KristysLosing
    KristysLosing Posts: 683
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    They won't be talking about your weight the entire time. You need to realize this. It's good you want to make a change and be healthy but lets be realistic. It's your insecurity. Yes, someone may say something(rude as that is) but no one is going to dwell on this 24/7. Just keep eating healthy and exercising while you are there, go for a run or walk when you get up if there is no gym access. No one is going to say anything bad about someone who watches portion size and gets up and goes out and exercises every day. I mean, how many of them are going to be doing the same?

    I agree with this. And I'm sure you're not the only one with some weight to lose!! :smile:
  • 21Jenny21
    21Jenny21 Posts: 53
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    I just read this on another forum and it is The Best Advice EVER!! very long but just read it..
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/915343-for-those-struggling-with-bad-decisions
  • BlueInkDot
    BlueInkDot Posts: 702 Member
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    Saw your forum post. First and foremost, I want you to relax. This is going to be okay. It is NOT the end of the world.

    Losing weight is possible, but it takes time, and you don't have time.

    You won't be skinny in time for this event.

    If you were to try to be skinny in time for this event, you will be losing weight unhealthily and it would be worse for you overall.

    There is a method to losing weight, and I can help you get there, but you MUST understand that it takes TIME, and any way that doesn't take TIME is UNHEALTHY.

    Either don't go to this event, or go out and buy clothes IN YOUR SIZE that are really cute, and rock 'em, holding your head high and knowing that you're awesome no matter what they say.

    Let me know if you want my help, I'll gladly help you in any way that I can.
  • tatebos
    tatebos Posts: 29 Member
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    Ok, I have been in your position so many times! I would have this deadline for an event and I would think about how much weight I could lose before my deadline, and it NEVER worked! The reason -- I was going to try and lose weight for other people. If you are not truly in the right state of mind to do this, it won't happen. You need to forget about the deadline, and absolutely do not try any drastic weight loss tactics, because in the end you will GAIN more weight.

    My advice: Focus on yourself not the calendar. Take one day at a time and understand that you will have setbacks along the way. Also understand that living healthy and getting exercise will do wonders for your state of mind. As difficult as it is, try not to think about what family and friends say and think. You are the one that lives with you all of the time and ultimately you determine your happiness not them. Don't give up that power!
  • suejonestx
    suejonestx Posts: 256 Member
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    Do it for you, not for them. You deserve to feel good about yourself at any weight. Losing even a little weight and feeling good gives you confidence and strength, which can motivate you to keep going! Good luck!
  • jmd_66
    jmd_66 Posts: 6 Member
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    Just focus on the good you are doing rather than how far you have to go. You are doing something about it and that is the really important thing to remember.
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
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    Sweetie, I totally know how you feel as I deal with that every day.

    I quit a very well-paying job teaching English in Korea because my school's director called me fat, and I found out other teachers had nicknamed me "the fat one". I have struggled with my weight since I blew out my knees in high school which caused me to have to quit playing soccer.

    I try to use my anger at people who put me down as fuel for my workouts. One more rep will show 'em I'm better than they think I am... silly stuff like that.

    Yesterday I saw this quote, wrote it on a piece of paper, and stuck it up above my computer:

    Sometimes it looks like everything is falling apart and all you do fails, but you have to stay strong. Night is always darkest before the dawn and your life is just the same - the hard times will pass, everything will get better, and the sun will shine brighter than ever.

    I also listen to these to improve my mood: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mk48xRzuNvA and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujMP41Rphzc

    Thanks to everyone who has posted encouraging stuff on here. It has helped me a lot, and I'm sure it's helping the OP as well :)

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