How to be healthy during a divorce

estrange22

I lost 50lbs and drank myself to death... and had a lot of random sex.

I don't recommend that approach.

Hey

What? I don't want to get sued if she gets drunk & syphed! Amirite or amirite??

LOLOLOLOLOL. I am gonna drink a lil tomorrow night for the first time...funny enough, my husband's cousin's girlfriend is about to leave him (he doesn't know) so we're gonna go look at her new house and go out!

estrange22

I am so sorry you are going through this. All I can say is that it takes the dreaded word TIME. Continue to exercise, it does help and you will eventually fall into a new normal routine for yourself. In the mean time at the very least make sure you are drinking enough fluids...and when you're exercising I would make sure its low impact since you aren't eating much or even just stretch each day until you feel strong enough to give it your all, even a brisk walk on the treadmill, enough to make you a little tired. Once the anger hits the exercising will get alot easier and will help.

The anger is starting to sink in, so maybe this weekend at some point I'll be able to at least go for a jog...I moved right next to a park with jogging trails so my son could play anytime!

MireyGal76

Boxing.

Running.

Basically I made the pain in my body louder than the pain in my heart.
And the exercise made me hungry.

Plus, I can't tell you how many times the killer workout triggered an emotional release, where I sat in my car and sobbed for an hour. Sometimes you have to let it out.

And then, time.

A good guy friend of mine owns an MMA gym nearby...maybe the next day I don't have my son (Wednesday) I can go take a kickboxing lesson from him!!

I SAY DO IT!!!
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/MireyGal76/view/a-year-of-new-found-passion-and-still-loving-it-my-boxing-story-508115

estrange22

I really appreciate all the responses...I have felt panicky all day and just not getting much support from my family(all live out of state) and my best friend has been telling me to leave for years so she sees him kicking me out as a good thing. I think the thing I got outta y'all's responses is first, it will take time. Second, exercise as soon as I can muster because it will help my stress and make me hungry. Then, go to counseling and/or church and/or meditation asap....then, drink a lil and enjoy adult interaction? I am lacking in that last department because I've had my son all but two nights the last two and a half weeks and eventhough I love love love my 4 year old, I'm LONELY AF.

1brokegal44

It'll get better. Someone said boxing. Yes! Just imagine you're punching his lights out. You said the gym was your thing to do together--maybe you need to find a new gym or some other activity that's completely yours. Above all, time will heal. Probably not what you want to hear, but it's the truth. Oh, and the occasional drunken girls night with some close friends helps as well. :drinker:

xiamjackie

Boxing.

Running.

Basically I made the pain in my body louder than the pain in my heart.
And the exercise made me hungry.

Plus, I can't tell you how many times the killer workout triggered an emotional release, where I sat in my car and sobbed for an hour. Sometimes you have to let it out.

And then, time.

Totally agree with this. If you push yourself extra hard in the gym and pour all your emotions into that, you will have something to focus on and you will be EXHAUSTED and hungry when it's over. Then you might just break down and lose it in the bathroom or on the ride home, but you'll feel spent when it's over and actually be able to sleep. It's a raw experience, but it needs to happen.

jsiricos

Do it one day at a time. There is no other way, and one day, you'll wake up, and it won't hurt.

I got thru mine, then helped my friend, we did daft things like um.. while resting on display tables out the front of the store, watching them pour the new foundations for a store next door, and imagining how we could "pad" the foundation out...

(2 weeks later when I got to the store there were several plice cars in the lot of the new store and I turned to her,and said "You didnt???" and she just grinned..

AND..

while watering the dry as a bone plants in the garden center of said store, I found the best way is to just dump them in a bucket of water and let them sit..
So we devised a new way - we would name a plant a name (her or my ex, eventually half the stores ex's) and we would hold them under till the bubbles stopped lol
except the time hers was almost done, she grabbed it by the top, lifted it up and said "what did you say?? I didn't think so!" and plunged it back into the water.

Be angry, be sad, make peace with yourself, its ok to be alone.

alexisdc

Girlfriend, if you have to cry at the gym do it. Who cares who's looking. You need to do what ya gotta do and not worry about no one else at this moment. Plus use those workouts as stress relievers. Find a kick boxin class and beat the hell out of that punchin bag or the person holding up those pads (lol). If you can try going to smoothies that are have all the nutrients you need until you can do solid foods. At least this way your getting something in your body and not letting go all that hard work you have already done Your strong!! I see it in your pics You got this!!

quirkytizzy

It gets better. I promise. Took awhile, but one day I was driving to work and realized my divorce wasn't killing me. Just sort of out the blue. Six months from now you'll start to get your bearings. A year from now you will be on your feet. Two years from now you'll know who you are outside of that relationship. And three years from now, it will just be another chapter in your life.

It does get better.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

First I drank a lot. Way more than I ever had before. Then I stopped eating and lost about 20 lbs. I'm not sure there's much you can do except let yourself go through whatever emotions you're feeling. In awhile you'll realize that it's the best thing that could have happened, even though it doesn't seem like it now. Just hang in there and focus on getting through the day.

Contrarian

My divorce was my idea, so it didn't affect me the way it is affecting you. Having been through many painful experiences, though, you sometimes have to force yourself to eat and exercise. It will make you feel a little better.

Be brave.

theCarlton

Eat and drink when you can. There's no actual way to trick yourself into not feeling that constant anxiety and stress in the beginning like this. Once your mind has accepted this, it will begin to rationalize things as normal to you, and it won't be so upsetting anymore. It did take me a few months.

Change your workout routine. Like don't go to the gym yet. If you can find classes to do somewhere else or exercise outside, do it. I picked up boot camp back then. Did a lot of running and walking. looooong distances.

Do things that are distracting. Watch movies that make you happy. Read stupid magazines (not ones about relationships).

People will probably offer to take you out or invite you along to do more things now, take them up on all of their offers. Even if it's something you wouldn't normally do. Fishing, shooting range, circus side show training ...anything that changes your present lifestyle.

Someone asked if I could drive the entertainment from this big show we have here to and from their hotel and the event venue. I signed up for as many days as I could. It forced me to be around people I didn't know who wouldn't talk about "it" or him, and where my talking about it would be awkward. HE could have nothing to do with it. I wouldn't run into him there. I met fun people. I got hit on. And I've volunteered every year since.

It doesn't seem like it now, but there will come a point when you actually realize that this is a good thing. And that you are strong enough to handle what has happened. Good luck, and hang in there. It does get easier - just ...not anytime soon.:ohwell:

Mustang_Susie

To all who have been separated or divorced against their will...how did you make yourself eat when you had too much anxiety to do so...how did you get to sleep....how did you exercise without crying? Two weeks in and I can't hold food down, can't fall asleep even with a sleep aid, and cry at the gym because that was one of "our" things. Ugh, help?

Im sorry you are going through this difficult time in your life.
It's been almost 15 years now, but I vividly remember what a mess I was.
I felt the way you do.

I'm not a big advocate of throwing drugs at a problem.
However, when I went to see my doctor and described my symptoms (insomnia, upset stomach, no appetite, crying, just generally feeing distraught) he recommended a short term course of an anti-depressant that had the exact side effects to deal with my symptoms.
It helped me to feel much more balanced emotionally. I was able to function during the day, sleep at night and it improved my appetite.

I was only on it for a few months and once I was out living on my own and felt safe again, I was able to wean off of it.

I also surrounded myself with supportive family and friends to help me through the rough patches
Don't try to do this alone. :flowerforyou: