Seven Thousand Four Hundred and Thirteen

TheFinalThird

Yesterday, I consumed 7,413 calories.

That's just 4,773 over what myfitnesspal recommends for a 2 pound per week weight loss. Not too terrible, right?

Apparently, I went a teensy bit over on fat intake. Like 250 grams over. As you might expect, my fiber intake was a bit down (should have been 30, but was 18). In terms of real fat gain (as opposed to scale bloat), the 4,773 calories that I went over my 1,000 calorie a day deficit should mean that I gained about one pound of fat, once the few other pounds of sodium, bloat, and garbage in my digestive tract have cleared.

Who does that to himself? A stress eater does. I did. Because I am a stress eater.

I finally allowed the confluence of pressures and stresses of life to cause me to run screaming not into a needleful of heroin, or a tumbler full of scotch, or a carton of cigarettes, or some ridiculously soft skinned 23 year old woman, or a one-armed bandit at a casino. No, my self-destructive weapon of choice was a few boxes of snack cakes, a half of a large pepperoni pizza, a fistful of candy bars, and a few other assorted goodies. I could actually feel them pumping their carbohydrate and fat laden love into my bloodstream-- temporarily dulling the pain of watching my beloved older sister continue to suffer a horrible, painful half-year courtesy of bladder cancer. For a few hours, the food made me forget the **** of a former client who stole $59,000 worth of my time, then blamed me for a result that I warned him in writing would inevitably occur if he did not accept the $360,000 settlement that I brokered for him. Yes, my narcotic of choice... yesterday... was Tastycakes, Chick-o-sticks, and New York style pizza. And a lot of them. A LOT of them.

But that was yesterday. Yesterday ended 390 minutes ago. Yesterday ended 23,400 seconds ago. Yesterday ended 7,413 calories ago. The only way that yesterday can infect today is if I choose to let it. And--- I--- do--- NOT!!!

Instead, I choose to learn from yesterday, so that it can only serve to improve today. Here is what I learned.

I learned that 7,413 calories might temporarily dull the pain of my current problems. But 7,413 calories later, they are all still there. The food did not make them disappear. It only made me forget them for a while.

I learned that regret and guilt are wasted efforts, designed only to drag the depression and shame of yesterday into a perfectly good today. I reject that.

I learned that staying on course, eating wise, is not so much about what you don't eat, in order to create a calorie deficit. It is about what you DO eat, in order to put your body and mind in a state where they are satisfied with less, and therefore, you do not feel a strong desire to eat more.

So on to the obvious next question. What am I going to do about it.

First, I weighed myself. Amazingly, 7,413 calories later, I weighed the same as I did yesterday morning, before the food storm. Why weigh? Because the fear and anxiety surrounding what the scale would say after my binge would far outweigh any temporary pain from what the scale actually did say, even if there was a gain of a few or several pounds.

Next, I prepared and consumed a very filling, high protein, low fat, high fiber breakfast. I am very satisfied, do not feel like eating, and have used less than 1/3 of my day's calories.

Next, I thought about, and learned from, my mistakes of yesterday. I choose to turn past pain into a positive learning experience. But to do so, I had to sit, think and actually learn from it. I hope that I have done that.

Next, I am going to return to not worrying about the macro, but vigilantly manage the micro. "What he hell is he talking about?" I am not going to obsess over what the scale does, or does not say. I am simply going to return to my pattern of success that has gotten me so far over the past 8 months-- one good eating choice at a time, one good exercise choice at a time.

Finally, I am going to take a minute to close my eyes and think about the faces of the handful of people on here who have been so incredibly supportive... so incredibly thoughtful... so incredibly caring about me over the past 2/3 of a year. I am going to imagine first a swift kick in the butt, then a comforting hug from each of you as I leave yesterday in the dustbin of history and work to build a happy and healthy today and tomorrow for myself, my family and my friends.

Enough. First a nice long, brisk walk in the dark and quiet of early morning. Later this morning, two hours of umpiring little league baseball. That should get things moving in the right direction.

I can't erase yesterday. I can only learn from it. And to the special few of you who have been so amazing over the past year, thank you for being you. Thank you for being there for me.

Respectfully submitted,
Scott R. in Houston, Tx.

sprintto50

Thank you for sharing. As a stress eater myself, I draw from your experience and wisdom. Continue to be good to yourself.

brynnsmom

Scott, I am sorry for what you're going through. Your post was so well-written. Sounds like you are doing all the right things, and with a great attitude. We've all had slip-ups - it's not so much about avoiding them as it is how you recover from them. Best of luck.

inky409

Thanx for posting. I'm a stress eater too. The one thing that my nutritionist said to me on our first meeting that really stuck was "it's not what you do 20% of the time, it's what you do 80% that counts".

HollyHobbitToes

"Live in the pesent, remember the past. Fear not the future, for it doesn't exist and never shall."

It happens to the best of us....we are all here for the same reason and we are only human so we fall down from time to time....this probably won't be the only time you fall down so hard, but knowing it is just a temporary bump in the road, you can move on....our journeys are not supposed to be easy in life....life is designed to constantly remind us of our humanity and how fragile our bodies are....but our spirits are strong and I sense a VERY strong soul residing in your body...

You have the right attitude...you know what to do to get past it....you are strong....you can do it!

wllwsmmr

Thanks for sharing, I can totally relate because I am a stress eater too. It takes a lot of strength to do what you just did! And really positivity is the only way to go! Kudos

bluefox9er

This is one of the most honest,candid and refreshing posts I have read on MFP for sometime. I too am a 'stress' eater, and let me tell you, when i stress eat, I go for IT big time.

Recognising this and not hiding behind it is the way out, and you know where that is, my friend. Bravo.

Jen800

Good job for moving on and accepting what is past! You can do this Keep up the amazing work, you're worth it!

SairahRose

Thanks for sharing your story. You have my thoughts for what you've been going through, and although you don't know me, I'll offer my ear (PM box) if ever you need to let off steam.
Congratulations though on working hard to change what you've done and make it better for the future. One step at a time can you make a change, and you've certainly already come so far!

You're an inspiration

cmeiron

Thanks so much for sharing this :flowerforyou: and congratulations on everything you've achieved to date.

I learned that regret and guilt are wasted efforts, designed only to drag the depression and shame of yesterday into a perfectly good today. I reject that.

This especially hit home.

So_Much_Fab

No butt kicking coming from me, I think you're an amazing guy (and MFP friend)! Yep, you screw up from time to time, just like any of us do - congrats on being human! I'm sorry your pain is coming from your sisters' illness...I can't imagine how tragic that must be for your family.

Raising a glass to you on a better today! :drinker:

Athena53

Thanks for a well-written story- I'm not a stress eater but it gave me insight into what motivates it. Please print this and save it for yourself so you have it if you're tempted again. You do need a break, you do need something/sometone to help you through pain, you do need to find ways to take good care of yourself, and it sounds like you're doing well at finding alternatives to food for that.

And today is a new day.

bellyboosmom

This was an amazingly well-written story. Thank you for sharing. What a fantastic attitude to have! Yesterday is gone, learn from it, and move on to today. I wish you much success along your journey.

clairekraw

Today is a new day! And major, major hat tip to you, sir, for logging those 7,419 calories. I'm impressed, and you motivate me every day!!

Flixie00

What a great attitude you have.

I wish you good luck in reaching your goal weight, but you don't really need it, I can tell you have this covered.

VanessaHeartsMasr

Your posts always make me want to cry. Great post, great attitude, and you have done a tremendous job my friend. Kudos. :flowerforyou:

BTW, no one can resist the magic of a Chick-O-Stick. Lol.

dorothytd

Thank you for the share, the honesty and the advice. So sorry about what you're going through. Have a great day today and each day as it comes!

kpstacy

Thank you for sharing, Scott. You are an inspiration! My thoughts are with you and your family and sister. This will make the rest of your journey so much richer as you will be stronger for it. I am proud of you for getting up and starting fresh! It takes a very strong person to do this. You have inspired me and I am sure many others today. God bless you and yours and good luck on the rest of your journey.

FitzyFitzpatrick

...and we will CONTINUE to support you, through thick until thin!

shirdiana

Thanks for sharing your story...we all have setbacks, but the important thing is to recognize it, which you have done, and keep moving forward! You have come a long way and what a great weight loss..keep your great attitude, and never give up!!

saigonmarie

Thank you for your post.