The Benefits of Being Fat
peterdt
Posts: 820 Member
FRIDAY, MARCH 22, 2013 | POSTED BY DR. GOULD
Who wouldn't want to lose weight? The answer to that question is not as simple as it may seem. We know the benefits of being thin, but there are benefits to being fat. The main one is that being overweight makes a lot of people feel safe. It is not a real sense of safety, but it must be understood before you can let it go.
"My weight is, I believe, one of the primary spiritual issues in my life... It is why I run from opportunities to lead and make excuses about my performance... It's why I dread dressing up in a suit and being the adult I should be at my age and station. It's why I shy away from friendships, and project rejection on others. It's why I am painfully selfish. It's why I'm often grouchy, mean and overly sensitive for no reason. It's why I'm jealous of others. It's a source of resentment at God." Michael Spencer, The Internet Monk
You could interpret Mr. Spencer's quotation, above, in two ways. First, you can think he is saying, "Because I am fat, I hide." On the other hand, he might be saying, "I stay fat or become fat in order to hide." The question is, which strategy resembles your own behavior?
You may be part of the first group. You became heavy and because you're heavy, and embarrassed about it, you're hiding from the world until you lose the weight. But even if this is how it happened to you, once fat has become useful as a way of avoiding and hiding, the "I will do it after I lose weight" becomes a hiding place.
In essence, using fat to keep you feeling safe is learned and can be unlearned. You learned to use food to smother your self-doubts, to reward yourself when you felt defeated and you also learned how to use food to keep you feeling safe. There's no gene that determines that.
You may have learned that being fat makes you feel safe when your father and mother divorced when you were eight, or when you were afraid of sex when you were fifteen, when you went away to college and would rather order in pizza than face the cafeteria, or six months after you got married and things weren't going as well as you would've liked, or after you first baby was born and you felt isolated and overwhelmed, or after your children left the house, or a during a separation from your spouse, or when menopause made you feel old, or when your parents died. Once we stumble upon the "fat as protection" solution, we find it serves many purposes, but here are some tips that can help break free and create your own sense of safety.
Face your anxiety instead of eating to give yourself the illusion of being safe or independent
Stop reinforcing your self-doubts by avoiding something important
Realize that your self-doubts make you more dependent, anxious, and sensitive to failing and embarrassment, and make you look for a hiding place
Start seeing how you eat more to feel safe, but that it doesn't make you safe, it just helps you avoid things and keeps you from recognizing the life decisions you've made that should be reviewed
The more that you follow these tips, the more you will discover that there are better ways to deal with the challenges you're hiding from, other than using fat as a cover-up and excuse.
Who wouldn't want to lose weight? The answer to that question is not as simple as it may seem. We know the benefits of being thin, but there are benefits to being fat. The main one is that being overweight makes a lot of people feel safe. It is not a real sense of safety, but it must be understood before you can let it go.
"My weight is, I believe, one of the primary spiritual issues in my life... It is why I run from opportunities to lead and make excuses about my performance... It's why I dread dressing up in a suit and being the adult I should be at my age and station. It's why I shy away from friendships, and project rejection on others. It's why I am painfully selfish. It's why I'm often grouchy, mean and overly sensitive for no reason. It's why I'm jealous of others. It's a source of resentment at God." Michael Spencer, The Internet Monk
You could interpret Mr. Spencer's quotation, above, in two ways. First, you can think he is saying, "Because I am fat, I hide." On the other hand, he might be saying, "I stay fat or become fat in order to hide." The question is, which strategy resembles your own behavior?
You may be part of the first group. You became heavy and because you're heavy, and embarrassed about it, you're hiding from the world until you lose the weight. But even if this is how it happened to you, once fat has become useful as a way of avoiding and hiding, the "I will do it after I lose weight" becomes a hiding place.
In essence, using fat to keep you feeling safe is learned and can be unlearned. You learned to use food to smother your self-doubts, to reward yourself when you felt defeated and you also learned how to use food to keep you feeling safe. There's no gene that determines that.
You may have learned that being fat makes you feel safe when your father and mother divorced when you were eight, or when you were afraid of sex when you were fifteen, when you went away to college and would rather order in pizza than face the cafeteria, or six months after you got married and things weren't going as well as you would've liked, or after you first baby was born and you felt isolated and overwhelmed, or after your children left the house, or a during a separation from your spouse, or when menopause made you feel old, or when your parents died. Once we stumble upon the "fat as protection" solution, we find it serves many purposes, but here are some tips that can help break free and create your own sense of safety.
Face your anxiety instead of eating to give yourself the illusion of being safe or independent
Stop reinforcing your self-doubts by avoiding something important
Realize that your self-doubts make you more dependent, anxious, and sensitive to failing and embarrassment, and make you look for a hiding place
Start seeing how you eat more to feel safe, but that it doesn't make you safe, it just helps you avoid things and keeps you from recognizing the life decisions you've made that should be reviewed
The more that you follow these tips, the more you will discover that there are better ways to deal with the challenges you're hiding from, other than using fat as a cover-up and excuse.
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Replies
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Another great article from Dr. Gould0
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emotional eating is one of the primary causes of obesity. but it is something few admit to, and one of the reasons 95% of people who lose weight gain it back. they have not dealt with the core issue(s) of why they gained it in the first place. There are other reasons obesity is an epidemic in the USA of course, but I believe this one is probably the most important one.0
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bump0
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I can see myself in this article. I know that I hide myself because I am ashamed of my weight and it has knocked my confidence down for too long! I am happy to say that I am feeling better day by day with eating more consciously and exercising regularly. Thank you for sharing this article!0
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This is so true, and something I don't notice mentioned very much, thank you so much for posting!
I was always thin and tall and grew up in a big city. When I turned 13, all of a sudden my body was desirable to all of these random adult men, who would yell things at me, grope me (or try to) and guys never seemed to be interested in friendship without expecting me to do sexual things with them or trying to get me too. This was all a shock to me. Most people would say it would be nice to get attention, but it really isn't nice to be harassed all the time when you're just trying to live your life.
Around 17 I figured "if you can't beat them join them" and I got into modelling, but I wasn't thin enough apparently, even though I was 5'11, 130 pounds. I was told my body needed to look like a hanger to get booked for good jobs, so I started working out a lot and eating like most models (under 500 cals a day). I managed to get into the underweight range, but still hadn't hit a size 0 like expected, and I was always cold, exhausted, and falling down if I stood up quickly. I got sick of being sick, so It was a relief to say "screw this, I'm just going to eat whatever I want," which I did, in great excess. (Despite that, it still took about 3-4 years for me to become overweight.)
I didn't plan to get fat on purpose, mostly it just crept up through depression and binging with my boyfriend & friends who are equally into food, but once I was, I realized the relief that comes from traveling through a city invisibly. Despite that, I still hate my body now, and do the same thing mentioned in the article-- put off doing things that I would really enjoy saying "I can't do that because I'm fat," and then eating to comfort myself. I initially felt relief at being able to "own" my body by eating anything, but I am starting to realize overeating is not taking power back for myself, it's just another way to hurt myself.
This was something I really needed to think about, thanks again.0 -
SO very true. I read a book that dealt with this subject: Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst. It was really good.0
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this wasnt what i thought it would be! lol
*likes*0
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