How to survive in a house full of junk food?

alastria

Hello, I'm 21 and I'm a student currently living with my family while I work and go to school. I'm the youngest in the house, with 4 sisters and two parents. This is my situation:

I have NO family support. Not only do they just NOT support my efforts, but they also go out of their way to demean it as well. They criticize what I'm trying to achieve and judge me for it as well. My family cooks very unhealthy meals all the time, so I often have to opt out for my own healthier cooked meal, and they give me stink eyes for that all the time and gossip behind my back about it as well. When I DO decide to eat something unhealthy, they make rude comments like, "oh look who is eating that cookie now."

I've also asked them to please put away all the junk food away into their respective drawers. They just leave everything lying around. Once they are finished eating chips and Oreos and whatnot, they leave it out there in plain view and that makes it really hard for me to maintain my temptation drives. However, they've ignored my requests and continue to do so. I've also asked them if they could tell me in advance when they get pizza delivered or they bought a box of delicious cinnabons(or whatever other food) for two reasons.
1.) I've learned how to control my urges if I know that we have those items in the house in advance. I mentally prepare myself to recognize that they are there before I enter the house and am able to say "no", but when it's a "product surprise attack"...It's very very hard to deny it because I wasn't expecting it and haven't prepared myself mentally.
2.) I think it's okay to indulge every once in awhile and if there is something that they've made (I mean special homemade treats from my childhood/culture. Things I can't buy because they don't produce(let alone homemake 'em) them in the country I'm living in now). I think that when a special rare homemade treat is made, I would love to have some, but would like to know in advance (before I come home) that they are there in order to accommodate the cheat into my day.

However, they don't bother to tell me.... so often, there are product sneak attacks and those REALLY throw me off...and then I get really angry, really upset that they've ignored my requests, they've ignored my efforts and a huge part of me is also angry that they even cooked up all those delicious treats without me, as if I don't exist. So in my anger, I end up binging. That last part is my fault completely, I know.

Just yesterday, I came home to a house of Costco double chocolate chip and apple crum muffins, a box of Oreos, Brooke's chocolate blueberries, homemade stir fried pulled chicken and caramelized onions and cheese stick Poppers (which I love!!) and a bag of Doritos. It was incredibly hard to deny all that delicious food.

So how do you do it? How do you survive in a house that doesn't support you, and that also demeans your efforts, ignored your requests and encourages you to eat unhealthy? How do you avoid these "surprise attacks" of treats that you love and curb it?
Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.

girlonabikedc

That doesn't sound like a healthy living environment, and I'm not talking about junk food. Can you get your own place?

MyOwnSunshine

Agreed -- get a job, any job, find some roommates, get in school and get some financial aid, and get out of there!

My other suggestion would be to buy your own groceries and keep them separate. You could get a mini-fridge for your room if necessary. Plan, plan, plan your meals and snacks so you are not tempted by the junk that is left out on the counter.

Edited to add: I see you're already a student with a job... find some roommates or move to the dorms and get out of there!

iulia_maddie

It's not their job to grant your every request. Just because you decided to change your eating habits, it does not mean they have to do the same.
Work on your will, if there is cinnabons on the table and you eat some, take responsibility for it. Are you buying the food? If not, you don't have much of a say on what your parents buy.
I am not sure why people rushed to tell you to get out of there, i think you are quite lucky to still be able to live at home while in school. It probably makes your life so much easier, especially financially.

boroko

A family should support you and it's so sad that yours aren't, especially as you are trying to do something very positive. Are they supportive in other areas of you life such as studies? Maybe they feel guilty about their food choices as you are showing up how unhealthy they are. Eating healthily will help you do your best at college, but having to deal with such conflicts just adds stress you don't need.

If you can't resolve the situation with talking to them you need to move out and get on with your life. Not easy in financial terms but sounds like you are growing up and taking responsibility for your life even if they aren't. Either that or just hang in there until they eat themselves to death!! LOL

glovepuppet

you can't expect them to arrange the kitchen just to suit your needs.

that said, your family are jerks. sooner you're outa there the better!

boroko

you can't expect them to arrange the kitchen just to suit your needs.

Maybe not, but they should respect your concerns and not make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. My teenage son tried being vegetarian for a while and although the rest of the family didn't stop eating meat we respected his choice and didn't leave meat sitting around the kitchen to offend him and he didn't try and lecture us about the evils of what we were eating. We ate more meat-free meals and had some days with different foods at shared mealtimes. Compromise and consideration are needed on both sides for a happy family.

Athena53

Maybe they feel guilty about their food choices as you are showing up how unhealthy they are.

This. And when they sneak stuff in and dangle it in front of your face and you gorge on it, they've won. One thing that could motivate you is not letting them win.

I'll tell you another tactic although it's nasty, aggressive and wasteful. Take a portion of whatever and sprinkle it with hot sauce, soak it with water, load it with pepper... something that makes it totally unappetiozing so you won't eat it. Let them know that when they put that junk (and most of it is junk) in front of you, you're going to strike back.

I've noted in other posts that DH and I are a bit opposite because medication he takes tends to suppress his appetite and he has to keep from losing weight, while I'd be happy to lose a little more. I'm a little relaxed about some of the junkier things he eats because I don't want him to waste away, and he's happy at what I'm eating because he loves the shape I'm in. What works here is that neither of us is taunting the other about their food choices because we love and respect each other. In your family it's turned into a war.

glovepuppet

you can't expect them to arrange the kitchen just to suit your needs.

Maybe not, but they should respect your concerns and not make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. My teenage son tried being vegetarian for a while and although the rest of the family didn't stop eating meat we respected his choice and didn't leave meat sitting around the kitchen to offend him and he didn't try and lecture us about the evils of what we were eating. We ate more meat-free meals and had some days with different foods at shared mealtimes. Compromise and consideration are needed on both sides for a happy family.

this sound anywhere near a happy family to you?

you didn't put the meat away because he expected it of you. you put it away because you wanted to do it to make him happy. there's a big difference.

they're jerks. her pouting and asking them to put it away will just enhance their enjoyment of winding her up by leaving it out. she is far better off having no expectations of them and putting the focus on her own coping mechanisms.

glovepuppet

Take a portion of whatever and sprinkle it with hot sauce, soak it with water, load it with pepper... something that makes it totally unappetiozing so you won't eat it. Let them know that when they put that junk (and most of it is junk) in front of you, you're going to strike back.

she does not have a legal or moral right to destroy her parents' property, even if it's only food. lowering herself to their level, escalating the war, being petty and childish isn't going to help at all.

rise above. rise above. rise above.

Flipflops2004

You have to simply say no. Family can be rough, my house is full of animal crackers and whole grain cookies and instant pudding because I run a daycare. Yep, I buy chicken nuggets and fish sticks....AND have to cook things daily that I cant even touch. I do it tho. I still get in my work out time and I work 11 hrs a day AND coach a tball team And go to Zumba 2x a week AND im training for a 10k in 3 weeks. Youve got to just accept their will be ALWAYS BE people that are going to discourage you, not support you, and not agree with you in life. YOU have to know your self worth, YOU have to know that you are capable of doing these changes you obviously so desperately want. It sucks to have that in your face all the time but ultimately you choice what you put in your body. It's your choice, I played the "victim of circumstance' until November....that got me to 330 pounds...Im not a victim, neither are you. You can and will be able to change if you fully commit yourself to it.
Good luck girl!

*Amanda*

erinpd

You're 21, an adult, and it's time to start acting like one. The only person who can sabotage you is yourself, so take responsibility and deal with it however you have to.

Too harsh?

Sunny_fit4life

They sound like Negative Nancies and sabotagers. I have some of those in my life, but am fortunate enough to not have those be the people I live with.

I did live with someone who sabotaged, mocked, and demeaned my efforts to be healthy while trying to manipulate me into eating junk and gaining weight for 4 years. I gained 55 lbs despite the fact that I wanted to be losing weight and getting healthy that whole time. I doubt your situation is as bad as mine was, and I wish I had something more encouraging to tell you, but all I have is this: I lost about 35 pounds at a quick but healthy pace beginning immediately with the day I moved out. If you can move out, it would surely be easier.

If you can't move out, the best thing is to tell them assertively and honestly what they're doing, how it makes you feel, and why it makes you feel that way. Tell them you are determined to get fit and ARE going to be making changes, but that as part of your making your healthy lifestyle sustainable, you will be allowing yourself the occasional treat and would greatly benefit from their cooperation and respect. Of course you can't change the fact that they eat junk and leave it in your reach. You would have to practice self control and moderation.

Oh, and have your own snacks always ready. I've learned that if I don't let myself get hungry, then the unhealthy foods aren't as tempting. If you want a cookie, eat an apple and drink a glass of water. If you still want a cookie, have a cookie. At least you won't have more than one because you'll be full.

succubaeangel

I had the same problem. I know exactly how you feel, when you get into binge mode you don't need anyone pushing you to eat more.
So, maybe you can find some other place to live? idk
My technique was to scare the **** out of my family about obesity, making slideshow presentation (lol, yeah..) of what unhealthy eating can do for you, then showing them what their bodies could look like if they started to exercise ect

JUDDDing

Or maybe they are helping you?

You are going to run into all of these things (lack of support, negative people/comments, tasty treats, etc) in the real world too.

Perhaps by facing these challenges and developing your willpower regularly in a familiar environment, you will be better prepared to make the right choices elsewhere?

RobynMWilson

I can relate to A LOT of what you're saying, as Mom is sitting here eating a Butter Krak egg and I'm saying to her, "How much do you wanna bet that you will be napping by 4:30 b/c of the sugar crash from that egg?"

And that's exactly how I handle it. When I originally lost my weight, I was 14-15 yrs old and although my family never maliciously went out of their way to sabotage my efforts and they TOLD me they were supportive, they've never really ACTED on that support. So when I moved BACK home in 2008 after living on my own for 13 years, it was more pronounced. I think my mom is subconsciously "rebelling" against me, because I am committed to working out and eating healthy most of the time and I help others lose weight for a living. She KNOWS what she has to do, but sits here and laughs while she eats herself into a slow and painful death. I look at how TIRED and overweight my family is. How negative they are b/c they don't get feel good post workout buzzies like I do. They look and feel like crap b/c they eat crap. And that actually inspires me to do BETTER. My dad is now a diabetic, although not obese and he does walk still and has made a lot of healthy life changes, but that took a triple bypass, abdominal aortic aneurysm and coronary artery disease and type 2 diabetes to prompt those changes.

Bottom line, I don't want to be on the meds that my folks are on. I don't want to be seeing a cardiologist like my brother, who is only 44, has to. I don't want a colonoscopy at 44, either. I don't want the diabetes diagnosis.

So how do I handle them? By being the ball-busting cynic these wackos raised me to be! I make light of it. I call my folks "Mr&Mrs Healthy" on here and to their faces. you saw what I just said to Mom while she was pumping herself full of artificial bad for you crap yet again. It's called psychology. And me dealing with it without going insane lol I suspect that the more you ask your family to hide the food and the bigger deal you make out of their lack of support, the worse it will get for you.

So what if they're talking behind your back? My folks are too. And I talk behind their backs all over here and FB, and Mom is on my FB. But we laugh about it and I make it fun because if not I will hate them and cry lol.

I have no control over other people's behavior or attitudes. The only thing I have control over is MY reaction, or lack thereof, to their actions and words.

Sending a FR now

alastria

You guys have all been so incredibly nice and supportive - I'm honestly at a loss for words. It kind of feels pretty incredibly of all of the support here!! I feel like replying to each and one of you, but I'm very uncertain at how this posting thing works - if it notifies the individual or if the individual just needs to recheck for replies?
Anyway, just wanted to publicly thank all of you for your comments both of really kind words and the advice.

It's not their job to grant your every request. Just because you decided to change your eating habits, it does not mean they have to do the same.
Work on your will, if there is cinnabons on the table and you eat some, take responsibility for it. Are you buying the food? If not, you don't have much of a say on what your parents buy.
I am not sure why people rushed to tell you to get out of there, i think you are quite lucky to still be able to live at home while in school. It probably makes your life so much easier, especially financially.

Well, I'm not asking them to grant my request - that's just it - it was just a request, not a demand or expectation and since they didn't care about it- I decided to see if anyone had good ideas in how to curb these surprise attacks and how to curb the temptations of all the delicious sights that are blatantly out there, hehe!
I think that in my culture, it is very common for people to stay with their family (I wasn't brought up in the Western-world). You're very correct about it being a nice thing financially.

You're 21, an adult, and it's time to start acting like one. The only person who can sabotage you is yourself, so take responsibility and deal with it however you have to.

Too harsh?

No, don't worry - that wasn't too harsh at all! That sounds like a good reminder that I have a say in the whole thing. It can be tough, definitely! And that's why I was looking for advice.

My other suggestion would be to buy your own groceries and keep them separate. You could get a mini-fridge for your room if necessary. Plan, plan, plan your meals and snacks so you are not tempted by the junk that is left out on the counter.

Thanks for that advice; I do buy my own groceries and I do prepare snacks! =D It definitely helps a lot!! As for the fridge, I'll be honest and say I've thought about it. Perhaps that should be the next step I should take! But, lol...oh I can just hear the endless slaughter of encouragement if I were to do that. xD
Would take strength and would have to kind of just suck up their criticize about having my own mini fridge, but I think it may be worth it.

A family should support you and it's so sad that yours aren't, especially as you are trying to do something very positive. Are they supportive in other areas of you life such as studies? Maybe they feel guilty about their food choices as you are showing up how unhealthy they are

I thought about that before too actually and I think one of the sisters is actually eating worse in spite, but I think the others are just comfortable where they are at. However, I really hope that isn't the case. I don't want to make them feel bad and I always offer to include them, so they have that option to eat healthy (in case they are feeling guilty about eating not-so-health foods), but sometimes they kinda call my food garbage so it kinda makes it a little harder to include them just in case they DO want to eat something healthier. I mean, I know how bummed out I feel when they exclude me in the awesome special rare homemade cultural treats that they cook/bake so I offer anyway. Do you think maybe I should stop offering?

Maybe not, but they should respect your concerns and not make you feel uncomfortable in your own home. My teenage son tried being vegetarian for a while and although the rest of the family didn't stop eating meat we respected his choice and didn't leave meat sitting around the kitchen to offend him and he didn't try and lecture us about the evils of what we were eating. We ate more meat-free meals and had some days with different foods at shared mealtimes. Compromise and consideration are needed on both sides for a happy family

Wow!! That sounds incredible!! That was really nice of you guys to do!! To cook up meat-free meals and that you removed meat from just sitting around in the kitchen. Haha, I love how he didn't lecture you guys about the "evils" of meat. He could have chosen to scream, "meat is murder!!!" lol, right? My friends are sweet like that, they do support me and try to discourage me from eating sweets when I'm outside with them! The support helps a LOT! The good thing about support, (at least I've noticed) is that it doesn't take a LOT of it - just a few words to remind one of their goals sets the mind back on track.

This. And when they sneak stuff in and dangle it in front of your face and you gorge on it, they've won. One thing that could motivate you is not letting them win.

I'll tell you another tactic although it's nasty, aggressive and wasteful. Take a portion of whatever and sprinkle it with hot sauce, soak it with water, load it with pepper... something that makes it totally unappetiozing so you won't eat it. Let them know that when they put that junk (and most of it is junk) in front of you, you're going to strike back.

I REALLY like that first tactic. I could just make it a game with myself. Pretend every time I don't succumb to the foods they've left lying around the couch ends, the table, (lol, even the smell of the jam lid that they've left open) is a "WIN" for me. Hmm, very interesting.

As for the second thing, well - I don't want to strike back. I don't want to 'cause more trouble because to be honest, I think that might make some of their words even worse. I don't want to risk getting them even angrier.

I did live with someone who sabotaged, mocked, and demeaned my efforts to be healthy while trying to manipulate me into eating junk and gaining weight for 4 years. I gained 55 lbs despite the fact that I wanted to be losing weight and getting healthy that whole time. I doubt your situation is as bad as mine was, and I wish I had something more encouraging to tell you, but all I have is this: I lost about 35 pounds at a quick but healthy pace beginning immediately with the day I moved out. If you can move out, it would surely be easier.

If you can't move out, the best thing is to tell them assertively and honestly what they're doing, how it makes you feel, and why it makes you feel that way. Tell them you are determined to get fit and ARE going to be making changes, but that as part of your making your healthy lifestyle sustainable, you will be allowing yourself the occasional treat and would greatly benefit from their cooperation and respect. Of course you can't change the fact that they eat junk and leave it in your reach. You would have to practice self control and moderation.

Oh, and have your own snacks always ready. I've learned that if I don't let myself get hungry, then the unhealthy foods aren't as tempting. If you want a cookie, eat an apple and drink a glass of water. If you still want a cookie, have a cookie. At least you won't have more than one because you'll be full.

You're right - I think it would be easier if I were on my own, but as a student - I really do want to save up. My very close friends think I should move out too. Money is a huge incentive to stay. I don't want to sound like a broken record, but I have tried to talk to them about how it made me feel, but the sisters kind of just laughed and told me that I'm not in some melodramatic novel. (Talking about "feelings" and all). As for my parents, well - they never snicker, or make rude comments about my eating, but they just don't say anything about it. I'm not sure why, but it makes them very uncomfortable, so they like to just pretend I'm not doing it (hence why they encourage me to eat unhealthy), but it's not out of spite with them. However, that's fine - I'm not expecting them or asking them to understand or accommodate their groceries for me. I DID ask if they could put away the foods once they are done eating them, but they don't anyway - and it's fine, but that's why I was asking for some suggestions and you reminded me of a good one - to make sure I eat something healthy first and then proceed with the cookie.
I've noticed that often, I may feel grossly full, but I still eat the danged thing anyway! Silly me! Does that happen to you and if so, how do you stop yourself (or let's just ask....how did you gain/strengthen your will power?) Practice? I guess my will power is just non-existent. That is something I DEFINITELY need to work on.

I can relate to A LOT of what you're saying, as Mom is sitting here eating a Butter Krak egg and I'm saying to her, "How much do you wanna bet that you will be napping by 4:30 b/c of the sugar crash from that egg?"
....I think my mom is subconsciously "rebelling" against me, because I am committed to working out and eating healthy most of the time and I help others lose weight for a living. She KNOWS what she has to do, but sits here and laughs while she eats herself into a slow and painful death.
....It's called psychology. And me dealing with it without going insane lol I suspect that the more you ask your family to hide the food and the bigger deal you make out of their lack of support, the worse it will get for you.
....I have no control over other people's behavior or attitudes. The only thing I have control over is MY reaction, or lack thereof, to their actions and words.

Thanks for that message! Lol, wow -if I said that to them, I'm pretty sure I would get slapped in the face!
You know, I think one of the sisters is also "rebelling" against it too. I wish she wouldn't because she is harming herself more than she is harming me. I don't want to be the reason she eats even worse. =(
Also, I understand the thing about your mom eating herself away to death. I worry so much about my father (my mother doesn't over eat, she had 5 kids and has never been fat!), but my father...he eats so badly and every morning and dinner, I offer to cook him something up but lets face it...he's going to want his wife's cooking more than mine...I'm really worried he's not going to see me graduate or get married (should someone choose to marry me xD Lol, who would THAT loser be? xD)
You're right that at the end of the day, we mostly only have control over our behavior, but I guess I"m a big believer in team-work and so I do wish I could have familial support. I think it would make life a little kinder and less tense on the heart.

boroko

I'm so glad that you have found our responses helpful. It sounds like you have a strong and sensible head on your shoulders so just hang in there, draw on the support of your friends and continue trying to eat the food you want. Keep calm in your chosen path, rise above your sisters' petty behaviour and certainly don't feel responsible for their choices.

Don't beat yourself up about occasional lapses, and ensure that you continue to share in family celebrations and special meals as they are important. Remember that it's the overall balance of your diet that really matters and most people eat 'bad' things now and then. We all need occasional treats and culturally significant ones are special but they should be seen as just that not your staple diet. For example I would never not share in a family member's birthday cake but I don't eat cake as part of my daily diet (although my sister-in-law and her family have cake every single day).

Keep regarding the processed junk they are buying as poison not food and although I wouldn't advocate actually spoiling the food you can do pretty much the same thing in your head and change the way you view it. If you keep resisting the junk you will find that you get far more satisfaction from knowing that you didn't eat such crap than you actually do from eating it!!