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Your thoughts

AIZZO4
AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
edited January 19 in Chit-Chat
So yesterday I was talking to a female and we found out we have a lot of things in common, including music. Just so happens the band that we like is coming to town next week. Now, she has a husband and I am in no way trying to hit on her (no matter what you think....lol). However, because of the world we live in, I couldn't ask her to go. So I ask you, how would you feel if a member of the opposite sex asks you to hang out? If it was a member of the same sex, there would be no issue. Why are we so full of ourselves that we think just because someone asks us to hang out, they must want something more? Your opinions please?
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Replies

  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
    Are you concerned that she's going to think it's more or her husband is going to think it's more? I'm married and have a close male friend that I've had since I was 15. My husband is insanely jealous of him even though he's never met him and my friend lives 1000 miles away.
  • Silver_Star
    Silver_Star Posts: 1,351 Member
    what species was this "female" ? must check first.
  • HappyNinjaStar
    HappyNinjaStar Posts: 353 Member
    Because by a certain age, women have learned (many times the hard way), that no matter how innocent or platonic they think an outing with the opposite sex may be, it almost invariably does lead to things it shouldn't.

    So the better choice since she is married and would probably like to stay that way, is to avoid all situations which could potentially end badly.

    If you want to be upset blame all those guys who have lured a woman into a false sense of security then tried to make a move
  • Rottnme
    Rottnme Posts: 167 Member
    Invite them as a couple and let her decide how to handle the SO.
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    Because by a certain age, women have learned (many times the hard way), that no matter how innocent or platonic they think an outing with the opposite sex may be, it almost invariably does lead to things it shouldn't.

    So the better choice since she is married and would probably like to stay that way, is to avoid all situations which could potentially end badly.

    If you want to be upset blame all those guys who have lured a woman into a false sense of security then tried to make a move

    Sadly, I have been that guy. I had a female friend who would always date in her words "jerks." I thought that was my time to step in and be her Knight in Shining Armor. Well that did not work and I lost a friend. So I see what you mean?
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    what species was this "female" ? must check first.

    What do you mean?
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    Are you concerned that she's going to think it's more or her husband is going to think it's more? I'm married and have a close male friend that I've had since I was 15. My husband is insanely jealous of him even though he's never met him and my friend lives 1000 miles away.

    Yes, i thought about her husband of course. It's just funny, if it was a guy, there would be no problem. It's a female, so it just turns into a lot of work.
  • IronSmasher
    IronSmasher Posts: 3,908 Member
    what species was this "female" ? must check first.

    This. Plus homosexuality exists.

    Those are my thoughts, not helpful, but there you go.
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    what species was this "female" ? must check first.

    This. Plus homosexuality exists.

    Those are my thoughts, not helpful, but there you go.

    Yea but even if it was a homosexual guy, I wouldn't just assume that he wanted me.
  • astronomicals
    astronomicals Posts: 1,537 Member
    Just bring other friends along if your moral code doesnt allow you to rail another dudes wife.... That changes the equation. Or tear it up if you want to... None of my business..
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    Are you concerned that she's going to think it's more or her husband is going to think it's more? I'm married and have a close male friend that I've had since I was 15. My husband is insanely jealous of him even though he's never met him and my friend lives 1000 miles away.

    Because he doesn't like that some other male has a connection that strong to the love of his life, male ego is a funny thing.
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    @astronomicals Not trying to rail her....lmao
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    I'm married, and I have many male friends. My husband doesn't bat an eyelash. He's met my male friends and has no concerns or worries. However, I also work in a male-dominant industry, and have had male friends since before we started dating...so it's kind of always been that way for us.

    I like the previous posters' suggestion of inviting both of them. Kind of to show that you don't mean anything besides a standard friendship.
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    I'm married, and I have many male friends. My husband doesn't bat an eyelash. He's met my male friends and has no concerns or worries. However, I also work in a male-dominant industry, and have had male friends since before we started dating...so it's kind of always been that way for us.

    I like the previous posters' suggestion of inviting both of them. Kind of to show that you don't mean anything besides a standard friendship.

    What about new male friends?
  • IronSmasher
    IronSmasher Posts: 3,908 Member
    what species was this "female" ? must check first.

    This. Plus homosexuality exists.

    Those are my thoughts, not helpful, but there you go.

    Yea but even if it was a homosexual guy, I wouldn't just assume that he wanted me.

    Well there you go then. I think it would hinge entirely on the impression I thought I had given them, or what I thought their intentions were.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    She is married so invites for fun activites have to be to her and her husband to, they are an item. Social convention and past experiences have sadly branded a man being out alone with a married woman late into the night is not a good scenario.

    I lost a lot of hangout friends due to marriage cause I didn't want to give them a bad rep, but in some cases gained a friend if the husband is open and likes the same stuff.
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    He still doesn't worry. We're pretty open about our friends, old and new.

    Some of it I think stems from the length we've been together (10+ years). He was also in the military and was gone a long time on several deployments. He was able to deploy and return without a cleaned out bank account and empty house...so he's not worried about much of anything.

    Plus he always jokes that no one would be able to put up with me. They'd return me after a week. :laugh:

    I think in your case, it would be good to invite her husband so he could get to know you. Or like someone else said, make it a group thing. In my case with new friends, I'm open. People get in trouble when they hide things. I think I'm one of the minority that has no problems with opposite sex friends. It's all in your partner/trust/etc.
  • stealthSLOTH
    stealthSLOTH Posts: 695 Member
    Invite them as a couple and let her decide how to handle the SO.

    ^This.
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    She is married so invites for fun activites have to be to her and her husband to, they are an item. Social convention and past experiences have sadly branded a man being out alone with a married woman late into the night is not a good scenario.

    I lost a lot of hangout friends due to marriage cause I didn't want to give them a bad rep, but in some cases gained a friend if the husband is open and likes the same stuff.

    This too. There's a difference between having lunch with a friend versus staying out til 2am clubbing with a married woman.
  • LMT2012
    LMT2012 Posts: 697 Member
    I'd ask her at let her worry about what happens on her end. Whether she should or should not go, based on her relationship or your perceived intentions is her problem. If her radar tells her you might be hitting on her, she's an adult and can clear the air. No one ever gained understanding by guessing what the other person is thinking!
    With that said, there is ALWAYS an element of sex in opposite sex friendships (or same sex if that's the case), even if it is just the occasional wandering thought. I think it's healthy.
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?
  • nicola1141
    nicola1141 Posts: 613 Member
    I'm with devilwhiteros, I have plenty of male friends (new and old). My husband knows me, and trusts me so why would he care if I have male friends or female friends, as long as they're friends. If you're concerned about perception, yeah, ask the husband to the show as well.
  • nicola1141
    nicola1141 Posts: 613 Member
    So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?

    Same diff. If all you want is friendship, her marital status doesn't matter.
  • devilwhiterose
    devilwhiterose Posts: 1,157 Member
    So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?

    Get someeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :drinker:
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?

    Get someeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :drinker:

    LMAO see right there is what I mean. Why is it assumed that I want some....lol
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?

    Same diff. If all you want is friendship, her marital status doesn't matter.

    I agree with you.
  • dtreg35
    dtreg35 Posts: 93
    Op, If you were married would you want your wife going out with guys you didnt know?
  • dtreg35
    dtreg35 Posts: 93
    So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?

    Get someeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :drinker:

    LMAO see right there is what I mean. Why is it assumed that I want some....lol


    because in your profile you say you would like some "attention" from the opposite sex!!!!! haha
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    Op, If you were married would you want your wife going out with guys you didnt know?

    Hell No. But I wouldn't stop her. My post was not about not understanding, it's about why is it like that?
  • AIZZO4
    AIZZO4 Posts: 404 Member
    So I ask all of you, what if she was not married and did not have a bf?

    Get someeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :drinker:

    LMAO see right there is what I mean. Why is it assumed that I want some....lol

    because in your profile you say you would like some "attention" from the opposite sex!!!!! haha

    Attention, not sex.
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