I have to open up - the truth is........

HalloweenMom

I wrote this e-mail to one of my MFP buddies, was too embarrassed to let anyone else know, but I'm here on this journey with all of you so I'm pretty sure you will understand me. Hey! you may even be able to help me or give me those magical words that can make it all go away....... I hope. Here it is:



Keri,

I'm going to be 100% honest with you: I love food, I hate dieting and exercising. I wish I was one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and never get fat, but I'm not. Just breathing air makes me gain calories - I'm a fat girl, always been and sometimes I feel like I'll always be. I love losing weight, who doesn't? I love feeling skinny, but it's been only once in my life that I wasn't that big, I was at 157 lbs - and THAT is still big. I miss being at that weight. I wish I would've continued going straight, but I didn't. I thought I was still big so I didn't appreciate it and didn't take care of myself. Now - I got so big. I gained 40 lbs! I went up to 203 in 4 months! I just wish it wasn't so hard, but it is. I know I can do it, but trust me - sometimes I feel like I'll NEVER be skinny, like I really am just lying to myself by saying "I can do it!".

I'm not giving this 100% - on the weekends I act like nothing is going on and I eat whatever I feel like eating. I don't over do it either but I do eat whatever is close and quick. It's hard. I wish I had more strength than I really do. I guess I'm an emotional eater and when your life is full of stressful situations it's kind of hard to get through. Also, even when I'm not stressed my body just asks for food = because I'm bored or whatever other reason it is: not necessarily hunger.

I wish I could get there, I wish I could prove EVERYONE wrong. I wish that I had more strength, but it's so such a BIG dream for me that it seems almost impossible. I turn my cheek to the side and ignore the fact that I (deeply inside) feel like I'll always be a FAT girl and start telling myself that one day I'll be skinny.

I haven't really told most people this - I just feel it inside. I wonder why? It seems so unreachable. I wished it wasn't. It seems so unreachable now that I don't even take it THAT serious!

bringingsexybackEDNOS

You are not alone. Who likes working out???? Esp when you want results now! That's how I am anyway. Everyone does the yoyo dieting thing. But the difference between some and others, is some keep going streight as you put it, and then others go off the path, and wish they didn't! That is the only difference. Ifyou keep it up, you will get bigger...or you will get smaller- no matter which way you decide to go.

Every decision you make, weather it's not working out, or putting a piece of pizza in your mouth, after eating ice cream, and a lot of other sugtary foods, is all your choice, and it's all going to get you one way or another- bigger or smaller.

I am not one of those who can eat what ever Iw ant. Never have been. Never will be. I need to work out or I swear I will be fat my entire life! omg. I used to be skinny. I used to be beautiful. I used to be someone i'm not. I didn't appreciate it either...and like you said..I think Iw ould appreciate 157 right now over what I am! I lost 15 lbs and need to loose like 65 more!!!! ugh........BUT I CAN DO IT. AND I WILL.

KEEEP UP THE GOOD WORK (AS IN WORKING OUT, AND MAKING A POSITIVE EFFORT) AND YOU WILL LOSEE WEIGHT AND GET WHAT YOUW ANT.

squoozyq

There is a reason you are not doing this, and it's not because you CAN'T do this, but that you don't want to. Something about being overweight is working for you....
I would suggest that you find out the emotional stuff, and clear that away. Perhaps you could do both at once? Start slow, and do it for the right reasons. Do it for health, both mental and physical. Not to be perfect, not because you think that it's what the world wants...that they only see you for your weight. You are a good person, a brave person.
There is no reason why you can't do this, when it's your time. It is a very long journey that you have to want. Remember, no one else can give it to you....
Every success is just that, a success. Never beat yourself up, you deserve to be healthy and happy with exactly who you are.
I hope I havent' given you a hundred cliches.......
Suzanne

HalloweenMom

Thank you so much! You are right, both of you! All of you - I am NOT doing it because I can't, but because I don't want to. <- That one got to me!

squoozyq

Add me girl, we can kick each other's butts!

kistjo

you can do this and opening up is huge!! your amazing to admit all that! it took me forever to admit i had a problem, hang in there your courage is inspiruational! just think as one day passes its one day gone that you wont go back to again.. someone on here said.. being overweight is hard and exercise is hard pick your hard! i love that saying!

kwardklinck

I hated dieting and exercise. I still did it. I had a goal and I was determined to reach it. 5 months later, I love exercise. I lost the weight I wanted to lose. I feel so good. You can't even imagine that energetic and young person inside you wanting to get out. It's amazing. I don't ever want to go back to the way I felt before. Yes, it's hard. Anything worth doing is hard work. I never regret doing it. Because of MFP, I finally learned how to eat. I eat all day long. I eat what I want but that stuff is healthy. I work out to release stress and it works wonders. My health is better and my attitude is better. I no longer feel depressed or tired or disappointed in myself. I do let myself go crazy one day a week. I don't exercise at all and I let myself have treats that I've craved all week. It's not affected my weight loss because I do the right things MOST of the time. We all have an emotional attachment to food and stress eat. That's how we gained the weight in the first place. Replacing that with exercise is the best thing you can do for yourself. It gives you an emotional high that food never can.

FabiolaEnvy♥

girl!!!
we gotta change your way of thinking. Instead of saying diet, you gotta say its food that will help me get skinny. and get rid of all the things that says diet. forget about them.
second you shouldnt be saying you cant or its impossible you gotta say i can and i need to and its very do able and reachable
3rd, whenever you feel lazy and dont want to work out or eat right. gotta keep reminding yourself, this isnt the ticket to get to where i want. I gotta do it and PROVE IT

and lastly, you gotta believe in yourself. you cant let this emotional girl (even me) get to you. gotta stay strong and win it.
usually i pop something in that will boost ya dont ever give up i love you girly

TCASMEY

This is not a diet, THIS IS LIFESTYLE! I LOVE FOOD! There is nothing wrong with loving food. That being said there is healthy food that tastes good. There is unhealthy food that tastes good! You need to make the decisions what to eat and how much. Learning how to prepare your favorite dishes in a healthy way is part of the journey in this lifestyle. Think of controlling calories like your budget for your home. You have items you must have, and then there are those items that are a splurge. You only have so much money (calories) so you have to decide how to spend them. You want to spend more you have to get another job (exercise) so you can buy more. We are all capable of doing this; it just depends on how bad we want to do this!

staps065

You gotta pick yourself up after every failure. Continued failure is not an option! Once you start to see some results you'll get into working out. and when you realize that buring extra calories allows you to eat a little more; and still lose weight, that will motivate you even more. Don't give up! Keep up the good fight and you will prevail. We are all here to support you and help you reach your goals!

themethod

I agree with one of the other posters who said that right now your problem is an emotional/psychological one and not one of will power or inability to be successful at weight loss. To an outsider, it sounds like you are viewing eating healthfully and exercising as work - something that you are required to do rather than something you are motivated to accomplish. I think this may be why weekends are difficult for you. Weekends are when we escape from the stress of our jobs, and let loose. And that is exactly what you are doing - excaping from your healthy lifestyle when you want to relax on the weekend.

The trick is to find balance. If right now, you have too much going on mentally to focus on eating perfectly and exercising every day, then do what you can. For instance, until you're able to work out the things that are keeping you from letting go of your bigger, more comfortable body, don't try to do everything exactly right all at once. Perhaps start with baby steps (just an example, I have no idea what your diet or exercise plans are like):

First step - no fast food, when you can accomplish that successfully and have phased out fast food
Second step - add moderate walking, preferably outside so that you have something interesting to look at
Third step - cut back on sweets and treats
Fourth step - add calisthenics like crunches, pushups, squats, and lunges
Fifth step - increase vegetables
Sixth step - try biking, running, elliptical, aerobics class, etc.

Again, these are just ideas to help make it seem less like work. They aren't job tasks, they're new habits. And as you work through whatever is holding you back, you can generally increase your healthy habits and phase out the bad ones until all you end up at your new life.

You can't lose the weight over night, and you can't become a perfect eater and perfect exerciser over night either. Hang in there.

melanie92

Hang in there! 7 years ago I lost 50 lbs in 6 months. Then I gained it all back plus 25 lb! Because once I reached my goal, I quit my program. I hate exercise, too! I hate dieting! I want to eat what I want to eat and how much I want to eat and when I want to eat. So I did. And the result was I gained 75 lb. I have been half-heartedly trying to lose wight for a year or 2 or 3, but what finally got me was last week, (guys skip ahead) I had to buy a new bra, and I almost couldn't find one that fit. Gah! The one I found for what I could afford barely fit, but I had to make do.

So, I've had my revelation, and here I am, a proud new member of MFP. Hang in There!!!! We didn't gain our weight all at once, and we won't lose it all at once. Shoot for a goal of 1 lb a week, or a 1/2 lb week. Once it starts, it will help to motivate you to keep on going.

retrobaby

Wow, you channeled how I feel. I am so stressed that even trying to lose weight or exercising is another thing to think about. It almost makes me eat more to think about it. I wish you luck and know that you are not alone. Thanks for sharing!

NotLuigiTM

This method has worked for me and last week I lost 3 lbs. Total of 26 lost since November 16th, 2009. So I am living proof and this past week from Monday to Monday (I weigh in on Monday only) I ate 2 fresco beef tacos from taco bell and I had 1 suggested portion of Peppridge Farm Triple layer fudge cake and 1 serving of ice cream with it and still lost the 3 lbs. It is about eating your suggested number of calories so that you are eating enough. According to the Biggest Loser if you cut your calories too low your body will start to store food as fat. I eat about 1570 for my weight 216 and height 5 ft 6 in. Most times I am at the mark or just a few over or under. It is what my body needs to lose weight. Want to know more just ask me. If you look at the suggested number of calories from this site and eat that many or just a little more along with exercise you will do well. Do not do a FAD diet like weight watchers, Jenny Craig, South Beach or Atkins etc. Do a lifestyle change that is really what you need to do. Learn how to eat all kinds of food. You will feel much more full and less likely to binge on the foods you do love. One thing that I can tell you is PROTEIN PROTEIN PROTEIN and less Carbs yes but do not throw out all carbs. I also ate rice and Mac & Cheese. I used to think that those suggested serving sizes on the package or box were for kids but now I realize that eating that much will fill me out. Also use a lot of salad (Spinach more then lettuce) and green veggies and fruits in your meals too. Good Luck. I hope this helps. Too Few calories and you wont lose...Too Many and you wont lose...It is about eating just enough to lose!

Only a banana for breakfast is a bad idea. You need to eat more calories in the day and less as the day goes on. you should have protein protein protein. a much more filling meal is 9 grams of protein or more which will help you stay fuller longer. If you have a carb loaded meal, you will feel full but the fullness will wear off quite quickly and you will be hungry sooner. (Hence why Chinese makes you hungry after 2 hours). That whole thing about Low Fat and eating less does not work. You screw up your Metabolism if you do not eat enough cause then your body goes into survival mode. Good Luck.

eat more calories at breakfast, cause i would burn them off in a day. I heard it said "Eat like a king for breakfast, a prince for lunch and a pauper for dinner."

hill242

Here's a quote I came across recently that really resonated with me:

"What people say they want and what they're willing to work their [butt] off to get are two different things." - Hugh MacLeod

I have struggled with weight loss for almost 10 years. I worked hard and at one point lost over 50 pounds. I gained about half of that back and that is where I am today. I am working on losing it all over again and then some.

From my personal experience, you will not have any success until you flip the switch from "wanting" to "working your butt off". Until that happens, nothing else is going to do the trick.

I wish you the best. And I hope you flip that switch soon.

P.S. To the person who asked, "Who really wants to work out?" The answer is ME!! I love working out, feeling stronger and better about myself every time I finish a workout.