Read me when times get rough on this journey!!

somemansdream

First, let me say that I wrote a blog and it was about NoWhere to turn. I just wanted to say thanks to everyone that posted and commented in message. Very grateful.

That mostly centered about the loss of my Mom on the 6th of this month. Today, I found out that my brother David lost his dad to a stroke. We share the same Mom, different dads. My heart is breaking for my brother, to lose both his parents this month is just beyond anything I can imagine.

This next bit is for me. I want to be able to come back and read this when I am struggling with the weight loss journey.

My heart is broken. Not a day goes by that I do not think about losing my Mom. I have dreamed of her almost every single night. The one I hold precious is the one I had while she was still with us, but fading fast. She came to me and asked what we were all fussing about. She looked so beautiful guys, so young--it was such a shock. She waved her hand over her body and said that is not me. I am fine! That we would all meet again one day and not to worry about her. That next morning is the morning that I ended up driving up to Lubbock to say our final goodbyes. She is my Mom and I will aways love her and the grieving will never end I know. I, along with other family members were with her as she took her final breaths. Brutal, absolutely brutal to the heart. I did it for her, she deserved to have her loved ones with her.

So many times I have faced something and thought this is so hard. No, I have decided that only certain things in life are truely gut wrenching hard. The rest of it, I tell myself it is hard, I think thoughts that tell me how hard this is, how depressing, etc. Thanks to that post and the responses I decided to take care of myself gently right now. Two weeks is not the time to beat myself up over not losing weight/not trying etc. Nor is it , three weeks to the day. However, I have been doing little things to take better care--eating something for meals, sleeping, etc. Tonight, I took a walk out at the park with my beloved pup Freckles.

The point is this, hard is only a trick of the mind (for some things). I had to put myself aside to do that for my Mom. When I feel this journey is hard, I need to come in here and read this to get my mind in the right place. This losing weight is not hard. Change my thinking because that is where the trouble lays--it is not in the effort itself.

If I know this, and embrace a change of thinking--there is nothing that can stop me. While I have no intentions of jumping all in at this point in my life, I can make small changes that help rather than hurt.

I share this in here rather than an actual blog. Why? Because if one person can see something in this to help lift him/her out of a rough patch, it is worth it to share. If not, keep reading and maybe someone else has the words to spark that fire again.

Debbie

lessofme150

Debbie, I am glad that you are expressing your feelings. I can't imagine losing either one of my parents and hope that it's still a long way down the road.

Definitely take care of yourself. It doesn't have to be perfect, baby steps. It's great that each day you are doing one thing that you didn't do the day before (like eat a meal, get some sleep, or go for a walk with the puppy). Work in the healthy bits when you feel better. I imagine it's hard some days but your Mom wouldn't want you to lose sight of what you are doing. She would be very proud of you and she is right now your biggest cheerleader in heaven.

You are right that everyone has times that seem very hard. I went through it last year when I lost a lot of family and loved ones in a very short period of time. I couldn't help but wonder if it was ever going to end. It got to the point where I was numb every time I heard about another death. I eventually came through the other side and one of the hardest deaths for me actually opened my eyes that I wasn't being good to myself and I couldn't let her death run or ruin my life. That was the day that I started on here.

Big hugs to you and since we are already pals, please send me a message if you ever need an ear.