Unsupportive Family

JenniferLynx

Well, as a college student, I am currently living at home to try and save money and focus more on school. Unfortunately this means, I'm at the mercy of whatever groceries my family buys. Both my Mother and Father are obese and my Dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes but neither of them have any real motivation to lose the weight or be healthier.

I'm just so frustrated because I fill the house with veggies and healthy snacks and then they go out and bring home cookies and ice cream. They're like "I'm not forcing you to eat it" but...I grew up in an atmosphere indulgence and over eating....what do they think is going to happen if they fill the house with junk?

I just want to scream...Food is an addiction...Sugar is shown to trigger dopamine releases in your brain...so yes, writing this it all sounds like an excuse and "Just don't eat it" seems like the best advice...but it's really really difficult for me.

I've talked to them about it and they just, don't care. They have no motivation to do anything for themselves...and they feel like they shouldn't have to do anything special to accommodate me.

With cancer, diabetes, and heart disease running heavily through my family...If I can't learn to eat healthy now...I'm really afraid for my future.

Any advice for how to "Just not eat it"

Cadori

I can't have treats in the house either. If it's here, I have a hard time turning it down. Can you try to workout when a craving hits? I've finally reached a point where the endorphins from exercise make me happier than eating chocolate.

WBB55

Any advice for how to "Just not eat it"

If you really want to not have to use portion control (something I recommend for fatty/sugary snacks as opposed to avoiding them 100%), then NEVER let yourself be hungry. EVER! and plan ahead what you're going to eat for the whole day and prelog it.

thecakelocker

Get some half-sized sandwich bags and set aside single servings of "bad" snacks so you can have one or two a day without being deprived or tempted by the whole package. If you're eating an actual single serving size the calories and stats in junk food is really not going to make that much of an impact on your day.

tmauck4472

You have to know that your doing what you do for you and just stay away. I make all kinds of sweets for my family and I have a bite but not (usually) the whole thing. Just walk away

ImPerfectSoRU

Hi Jennifer,

I understand your pain and frustration. You have a tough situation. But I hear some great things too. You are a really caring person for yourself and your family. You are aware of the unhealthy lifestyle that surrounds you. You're knowledgeable in the medical reasons to live healthy. So you have a lot going for you. I have a few suggestions, perhaps they could help.

1. How you feel is important. If you can't be around your family when they are eating without losing your peace of mind then leave the room or house if necessary. That action will speak more loudly than any words you can say. Keep eating healthy without saying anything. Be involved whenever the situation is healthy, positive and loving.

2. Forgive them. Accept your family as they are, bad habits and all. Accept that they are not in the same place as you are. Your resistance (frustration/anger) is adding more resistance to the situation.

3. Seek your support elsewhere, like you are here. Your family is not capable to be supportive at the moment. Its not that they won't but more like they can't. Your young, smart and caring, there is plenty of "friends" available- you have to see what you have, not what you don't have.

Be well and healthy.

sheyennelilly

When you're living in someone else's house, you don't get to dictate what they buy for themselves or eat. Sorry. This is a decision you've made for you and you alone, and you can't make that decision for others. They need to do it when/if they are ready to do it for themselves. Maybe you could ask them (politely and fully understanding that they have every right in the world to say no, because it is THEIR house), if they could store the foods that tempt you in a cupboard that you don't have to look in. If you really want to do this, you will. Be completely honest if you eat crap too, because seeing the high calorie counts for that junk may scare you off or at least motivate you into moderation. It sure works for me.
Good luck in your weight loss.

sassynkp

As hard as it may be, be the example. Maybe your parents will see the positive changes and want to get on board. But if not, you have to take care of you. You deserve to be healthy.

doulanik

I don't know if this is a viable option for you at all, but I put my treadmill in my kitchen. I have to walk past it to get to the refrigerator. So whenever I find myself craving something the rest of my family (relatively thin husband, and two thin daughters) eat, such as chips or icecream, I make myself do 30 min on the treadmill first. Typically I change my mind while walking/jogging and don't eat what I was craving before. Occasionally I still eat it, but I have a couple hundred calories knocked out to help take the edge off.

here

How bad do you want to lose weight? You can say that it's difficult because there are foods in the house and you have trouble resisting, but it's kind of an excuse. No one is going to give you the motivation but yourself. You have to evaluate how badly you want to reach your goal and just do it. Losing weight, getting willpower...no one said it would be easy. You gotta just do it because no one will do it for you. Good luck!

Crochetluvr

I think of all the foods I used to eat, there are only TWO that I no longer do....potato chips and regular Coke. I indulge in everything else in moderation. IF you can do that. I will measure out a half cup of ice cream or a couple tablespoons of chocolate chips. May not seem like much but its a nice treat and it doesn't sabotage me.

boatsie77

It's VERY IMPORTANT that you log everything you're eating EVERY SINGLE DAY...even if you continue to eat and overeat junk food all day long. To win over this food addiction, you (and all of us) must practice "mindful" eating...that means you eat it--you log it, HONESTLY, and preferably, in the case of junk food, log it BEFORE you eat it (as you see the calories, sugar and fat tote up, you may decide to make a healthier choice or, better yet, don't eat anything at all if it puts you over your calorie intake for the day). Do this for a week or two of eating junk, junk, junk and I guarantee your logical brain will kick in and you will start making some more healthy choices, slowly, but surely.

Second, you should work on your food addiction by exploring what feelings and emotions you're trying to medicate with junk food. Check out the book, "Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth (it's not as "religious" as the title sounds). Google her and check out some of the videos and book excerpts and see if it hits home for you on any level. Believe it or not, healthy eating and exercise will remove the pounds...but to keep the weight off and not suffer throughout your life gaining and losing over and over again, you MUST do what it takes to break the food addiction. Reading the book I mentioned above will give you a good place to start.

A couple of the posters above gave some great advice about your parents--it's not about THEM, it's about YOU. Know that they are doing the best they know how and be grateful for all they are doing for you. As you read books about "mindfulness" and work through the issues you have that make you overeat, you will also learn compassion that will help you cope with whatever issues you have with your parents' lifestyle.

Good luck...if you work the program and work through your food issues, by the time you move to your own place, you will have a much easier time living a healthy lifestyle.

pranav127

I know how you feel..I'm from India and white rice is a staple food in my home!
My dad is a heavy eater and my sister goes out and shops for the some of the worst processed food.
The only thing that's helped me is portion control.
Nobody is perfect and letting yourself go just a little bit.. once in a while is okay.
Remember YOUR goal and what YOU want...we can't force family to become health conscious too.

bluebear_74

My parents buy junk and all the time but over time I've learnt to resist it all. I just look at how many calories are in them and how eating it will put me out of my goals, etc and realise it's not worth it. However that doesn't mean I don't have any treats, when I still have calories left at the end of the day I'll have something sometimes. I think those occasional treats keep you sane.

Maybe if your parents start seeing you get healthy and have results it'll encourage them to do the same.

bluebear_74

I know how you feel..I'm from India and white rice is a staple food in my home!
My dad is a heavy eater and my sister goes out and shops for the some of the worst processed food.
The only thing that's helped me is portion control.
Nobody is perfect and letting yourself go just a little bit.. once in a while is okay.
Remember YOUR goal and what YOU want...we can't force family to become health conscious too.

Have you tried basmati? it's Low GI and better for you than white rice.

astronomicals

In my experience, if you can cut all sugary snacks fro 3 weeks youll lose your urges. Its a ****ty 3 weeks. I;d liken it to the "Keto flu"... It's also usually imperative that you eat extremely healthy, dare I say "clean", foods during this time, to avoid just substituting other garbage.. Once your cravings have subsided, you then can consider indulging in moderation and self control should be easier...


its hard... just do it for 3 weeks... trust me...


ETA: People not adopting your lifestyle is not unsupportive.. I dont yell at my friends because they do coke infront of me and I had a coke addiction... it may not make it easier, but, the world isnt ever going to revolve around you

Perhaps the real issue isnt so much that you think they are bringing you down, its that you love them and want them to do this with you.. You did say you buy healthy snacks "for them".... Sit them down and make them know how important it is to you and get them on an exercise routine and dont let them slip... progress will motivate them... itll be more work for you, but, it sounds like its what you really want... I had to do this and I had to be stern and demanding... I walked with them to make sure they did it.. after a while they walked on their own and didnt need me to baby them through their routine.... a few month laster they are asking what else theuy should add.. its a good feeling

volume77

i know what u mean. i try not to touch their food anyways bc its theirs not mine........

bbcoachmegan

I definitely get the frustration and concern you have for your family!
I was also raised in a family that used food as comfort and celebration and rewards. I've had to learn new habits and set my priorities ahead of what is in front of me now. I've also started using BeachBody workout programs to focus my fitness, and Shakeology to help with my nutrition. Its made a huge difference for me ... and slowly - I've been able to share with my family and have them start making healthier options.

It's a struggle for sure ... I'm sorry you don't have support from your family ... but you have support from us!!!

PaleoChocolateBear

Remember misery loves company, I don't think people should have feel terrible about themselves. The sad thing is it happens food is an addiction just like a drunk or a drug addict trying to get away from a situation they don't want you to leave what they are doing. It becomes even more tough with family but continue doing what you're doing and be strong their are a lot of people in the same situation as you're in.

darwinwoodka

Eat your protein and veggies first, log everything, and then portion control the snacks. Fill up on good food first and you probably won't want much junk anyway.

I keep dark chocolate and nuts around for snacks-- very satisfying and it doesn't take much to feel decadent and full.

shinesunfish

Some good tips here - have you considered storing your food elsewhere? Maybe get a little fridge in your room and dedicate a part of your closet or something to your own foods that will be right in front of you all the time. That way when you wake up you'll be more likely to grab some fruit or granola than eat some pop tarts...

I absolutely agree with indulging yourself in moderation, by the way. You may not lose the weight quite as fast, but you'll lose it more permanently. Keep portions of junky food small - if your mom or dad makes you an unhealthy dinner, eat just a small amount of it and supplement with salads or veggies. I looooove pasta, and could never cut it out entirely - I just have a tiny plate that I put atop my larger plate, and fill the tiny plate with pasta while I used the larger plate for healthier sides.

It's frustrating and can be difficult living with someone who doesn't accept the same lifestyle changes as you do. My husband is very slim and doesn't really need to watch what he eats, so he can be a real food enabler for me. When I take the time to make a healthy dinner, he always loves and appreciates it. Maybe try to make dinner for your family a couple nights out of the week? If you can find some tasty recipes that are also low-calorie, they might be more likely to think about making a lifestyle change of their own.

barb1241

Three choices that I see immediately:

Learn to say no-by whatever means necessary-get your own food and when they eat crap and garbage, you eat something healthy.

Move and buy your own food.

Eat what they eat and deal with the consequences.

Not easy to choose plan 1 or 2, but it sounds like you will have to do one or the other if you want to lose weight. And bottom line is that it is your choice how to deal.

It is difficult, but you'll have to figure out if you want a poptart or an apple. And then stick with it no matter what.

metacognition

Honestly, you just have to try and avoid the treats they bring into the house. Make sure they store the stuff out of sight, like putting wrapped candies in a closed pantry, or storing ice cream in the back of the fridge.

Find healthier, sweet alternatives to their food so you are not actively craving it.

For instance, instead of full fat chocolate ice cream, buy 100 calorie ice cream snacks prepackaged into bags.

EDesq

Look! STOP, just STOP!!! YOU are intruding on THEM! If they are AWARE of what THEY are into, then there is Nothing You can do for THEM! NOW, Focus on YOU...Just STOP focusing on what if or what You do not have. If YOU are committed to a healthy lifestyle, then that is a Great place to start...people are NOT going to indulge your desires about MOST things so get used to it. That is why you have to have your OWN Program and be committed to it.

When I moved back to My hometown, I stayed with My Sister and her Family until I found a house to buy (6 months). She has adopted 5 children, and the house is loaded with chips, soda, cookies, candy, ice-cream; it is also loaded with fresh veggies, good lean meat, whole grain bread, she even has a great garden! She cooked every day from scratch and I even let her fix My plate...guess what, I lost 20 lbs while there! Sure I ate a cookie everyday with My coffee, some chips now and then. Heck, I do that now...what I am saying is that I CHOOSE to follow MY Plan, she did not force anything on Me, in fact she was amazed and proud of MY commitment. I was/am grateful that she was/is there and opened her home to Me...and I'm a grown azz woman, REAL grown!

With all you have going on...classes, studying, extra-curricular activities, partying...how do you have time to focus on what your parents are doing, and why does it matter. If you have all you need (your healthy stuff), seems like they have accommodated you to the max, so the problem is YOUR commitment to your program. The only way to DO It is just to DO It! Plan your meals and SNACKS! Have what you need available at all times, even when you break between studying (if you study at home or away). Sometimes you will have to take snacks with you just in case you come across a vending machine or donut shop on campus! Heck, I take My own snacks to the movies (Cheaper and Healthier)! BE Different and Don't Care!!!

Tenzuya

Go out and buy yourself a small whiteboard and hang it in your room, write down all your goals and the rules by which you are going to live by, and set a high standard for yourself, also dont talk to your parents about there diet, some people find this very confronting and it can sometimes make them worse, everytime you lose some weight just casually let them know and show them how it makes you happy, they will start to question how there treating themselves when they see your success.

Now when it comes to getting hungry when you cant eat here are 10 things you can do that may help you.
1:Drink some water
2:Go for a walk
3:Read a book
4:Have a shower(to relax you)
5:Brush your teeth
6:Have a cup of tea
7:Visit a friend
8:Watch some before and after weight loss video's on youtube
9:Study
10:Log into MFP and talk to us

I hope that helps

jimmh559

I'm also in college with two parents who are obese with diabetes, one of them has had kidney failure due to diabetes. I fill the refrigerator with nearly $200 worth of healthy food every month, but my parents still rather buy their junk food or fast food. They have even gone as far as telling me that my "way of eating" is disrespectful to them and to our culture.

I tried preparing my own lunch and eating it at school or work, but that didn't work, occasionally I still had to eat at the house.

I tried cooking meals large enough for the entire family to eat, but if one of them did not like the taste, they make their own meals.

I tried explaining to them the dangers of their eating habits, but this eventually lead to us fighting.

I tried playing to their sympathy by telling them that if they continue to eat that way they would not be around to see me walk during my graduation, this was another failed attempt. My parents said they'll watch from heaven.

I took them grocery shopping with me and showed them how to make healthy substitutions, but when they notice that those healthy substitutions meant a higher grocery bill, I lost their support.

The only thing we did agree on was exercise, I work out every day, and I've been able to successfully get them to go out for a walk with me 3 times a week for the past 8 months.

It's been nearly a year since all of this happen and even thought my parents still don't approve of the way I live my new life, they accept it, and I decided it's better for me to be selfish and make my own life my number one concern.

I had to learn to deal with their choices, but occasionally when they are not looking, I'll grab a handful what ever unhealthy snack is on the counter and put it in the bottom of the trash.
As upsetting this might make my parents or some of you feel that I throw food away, let me remind you that anyone of us being overweight does not help end world wide hunger.

Good Luck, remember it's okay to be selfish, because in the end the only thing you have control over is yourself.

meyrlb

http://teamtaralynn.com/meet-healthlete-kallye-baggett/
this could b helpful for you!

jonchew

I'm with EDesq on this one... It sounds to me like you're trying to hang your challenges (with regard to healthy eating) on your parents... (speaking as a parent) I frankly don't feel that you're really being fair to them. Are YOU having a problem maintaining control around all of that unhealthy food? If yes - than that is YOUR challenge, not theirs. Like it or not, you're living in their house.

Look - you're the one who is being wise by trying to make healthier food choices - good for you! You will live longer, and likely be happier because of your choices. Congratulations!

But you're trying to impose your new found love of eating healthfully on others, which isn't playing fairly. You need to do this for you, and nobody else... and likewise, for any measure of success, they'll also need to make these types of life choices on their own.

Perhaps instead of explicitly voicing/acting-on your frustration with their eating habits, you should do what you know is the right thing for yourself, and then let them see the effect it has on you... this is far more powerful than trying to preach to them anyways.

Sounds to me like you need to lighten-up with regard to complaining about what your parents choose to buy & eat, and teach by example.

pranav127

The problem is south Indians eat food which can be accompanied only by a particular kinds of rice...
Basmati rice is better but it has a kind of fragrance which just doesn't go with south Indian food.