How do I improve my eating habits (under eating)

Biemi
Biemi Posts: 4
in Health and Weight Loss
OK I'm sorry for the long post...
From about 11/12-15 I had anorexia/depression, weighed in at about 35 kg, ate under 200 calories a day & I would be extremely weak/tired 24/7. I was bullied in primary school (beaten up, stalked, excluded etc.), so I thought if I looked beautiful for starting highschool, people wouldn’t hate me. Anorexia gave me confidence and control (and a horrible, self-centred personality; I destroyed most of my friendships). Eventually after a failed suicide attempt, I gave up and forced myself to eat. I used to be extremely muscular, but I lost my muscles and rapidly regained weight as fat. I went from being dramatically underweight to chubby. Every time I try to get into shape, I end up using anorexic methods or forced-vomiting, and then, when realising this, I would force myself to stop and would keep on gaining more fat.

At the moment, I’m 5”0 and about 52 kg - this is mostly fat, by the way; I have very little muscle. I haven’t weighed myself in a long time and I don’t plan to because I get obsessive with numbers. When gaining weight, I would eat about 1500 calories/day (bad foods: large amounts of Greek yoghurt, peanut butter, toasted cheese sandwiches, chocolate, pasta) and on weekdays walk for 30-60 minutes (on the way to school - I love walking). It’s not really that bad, but I would gradually put on weight to the point where my mum would get concerned & talk to me about it. After we moved, I stopped walking so much and gained weight even faster, so I’ve decided to try to get fit (however, this is my HSC year, so time is limited).

I’ve been jogging for 20 minutes a day & walking for 20 mins also (between school & home). I also do weights every 2nd day. However, without the excess/bad foods in my diet, I’m eating around 650-950 calories a day. This isn’t including exercise, which cuts that down pretty dramatically. Basically, I’ve been eating
Breakfast: 1 egg, 1/2 slice of cheese on 2 cruskits/1 piece of toast OR 1/3 cup of oats with milk & raspberries
Snack: 1 Banana
Lunch: Jam sandwich OR egg/oatmeal (whichever one I didn’t eat for breakfast) OR a fruit smoothie
Snack: Greek yoghurt with raspberries & muesli OR Peanut butter on cruskits OR fruit OR mochi (rice that’s been pulverised to this yummy chewy stuff) with a teaspoon of sugar
Dinner: whatever’s on the table (usually pretty healthy) + Greek salad (no olives/feta/dressing as I don’t like them)
Snack: Greek yoghurt or tea
I drink about 8 cups of tea & about 500mL-1L of water per day

This is pretty much what I’ve always eaten, except without excessive sugars/chocolate/cheeses and it’s more than enough to fill me up. I’m also vegetarian. The problem is I really don’t have much time but I don’t know how on earth I’m supposed to lose weight when I can gain weight easily on an average caloric intake with regular exercise. Eating anything above 1500 will make me feel disgustingly full anyhow. My family eats within the 1000-1200 range and they've never had issues with weight - they're all reasonably muscular. Should I move onto strength training, eat more & stop running? I’ve never exercised to lose weight before (usually just diet, or lack of one) and all I have is an old treadmill & 5 kg weights. I know what I'm eating is under the recommended limit and but I really am not good with this as I fall back on old habits. This is the most I’ve ever eaten per day when trying to lose weight but it's way too little. But I don't know how to get out of this cycle without rapidly gaining weight. Are there any good foods I could introduce into my diet? Help?

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