Different Priorities, Relationship Suffering…Help?

KylerJaye

A while ago I went through hell to lose about 100lbs, getting down to 160 (still overweight I know, but still working at it). When I met my boyfriend about two years ago, he was slender and d*mn cute. Despite me being overweight my whole life, I’ve always been attracted to thin, slender men. It’s just what my brain is drawn to.

After a lot of dates (eating out), I put back on about 25 pounds, and he gained about 45. My gain really bothered me and after how hard I had worked to get where I was previously decided that I wasn’t going to passively let it all come packing back on. Started tracking calories, paying attention to what I’m cooking and greatly reduced eating out. Working to work at it, and so far have lost 16lbs. It’s a struggle, I mess up a lot, but I’m still trying.

BF on the other hand, simply doesn’t care. He’s still gradually gaining. He’s often even made the statement that he’s completely let himself go and doesn’t care. His eating habits are terrible, I’ll make a decently healthy meal, then shortly after he’s sitting at his computer mindlessly snacking on something. I buy healthier snacks, but he just then stops at the gas station on the way home and gets the junk he wants.

I’ve tried endlessly to encourage him to eat better, choose lower calorie options, track food and whatnot, but he can’t be bothered. But it really bothers me. I love him, but the physical attraction has pretty much all died. And I think that’s an important part of a relationship. I have a few really great friends that I love dearly…but we’ve never dated because that additional spark/attraction wasn’t there. And that’s how this now feels….

Am I just being vain/b*itchy?
Is our relationship over?
Please help.

TL;DR: Trying hard to lose weight, BF getting chubbier by the day…lost attraction..now what?

(if this belongs somewhere else pls let me know, i'm fairly new to the boards)

Desterknee

You cannot change how he eats, or whether he cares about losing weight, or being healthy. The only thing you can do is focus on yourself and your actions.

Try to figure out something he likes to do that is also active. Try to go for walks after dinner so he is not sitting at the computer mindlessly eating. Try to get him to join you in your work outs in a way that is not nagging. Take up an active hobby like cycling, or running, or rowing and ask him to join you.

The bottom line is that you can't force him to change, and trying to do so will probably only make matters worse. If you're just downright not attracted to him anymore, that is a big issue, but I do not have any advice on how to handle that. I don't think telling him about it is a good idea, but it is certainly something that needs to be addressed in a gentle way. He will only change when he finds a good reason for it.

ETA: I have the same issues with my boyfriend, in terms of him not caring about gaining weight or his eating habits, so I can relate but it just doesn't seem to bother me as much as it's bothering you. I am focusing on myself and my priorities. I know he will join me when he is ready. If that never happens, then it doesn't happen. I love him no matter what.

olDave

You are making yourself miserable by trying to control someone else. Only you can stop the torture.

Good luck.

KylerJaye

more like i would like him to control himself.....

maybe i wouldn't have noticed so much if his midsection wasn't now covered in purple stretch marks....