Losing almost 100lbs & gaining it all back. My story.
WeightingForSara
Posts: 122 Member
There is always a defining moment in a fat person's life when something happens, something so drastic that it kicks their *kitten* into gear to finally take this losing weight and getting healthy thing seriously. This has happened once in my life, and just yesterday, it happened again. Here is my whole story.
In December 2009, my doctor told me that I will more than likely not be able to have children. I hadn't had a period in almost a year, and as it turns out, my body wasn't ovulating at all. After tons of testing, she determines that I was too overweight - and my fat cells were stretched so big that they were producing just enough estrogen to block the ovulation process. It's not an uncommon condition amoung the "moribly obese" as she put it - which was awful enough to hear.
I had no intention of having a child for many years, but knew that my husband really wanted to have one. It hurt my heart so much to think that I could never do that for him. When I told him, the look on his face was devastating. I knew that, if we never had children and I never even lost the weight to try, that he would leave me or at least blame me. (Though he would never admit to that.)
So, I got to it. On January 1st 2010, I started my weight loss journey, and what a journey it has been. I started working out everyday after work with a friend of mine from high school. I found My Fitness Pal, and immediately started using it. I had never counted calories in my life, so it was new and exciting. I started losing, and feeling stronger and healthier all around.
Eventually, that work out partner started to not show up, so neither would I. 40lbs into my weight loss, my bestfriend had given birth and wanted to change her life also. I offered to be her partner - and what a partnership it was! By the end of 2010, I had lost 94lbs! I was wearing a size 13/14, which was UNHEARD of for me. I was strong, healthy, and confident. I had cut my long hair short, started caring more about my clothes, makeup and shoes - OMG SHOES! My husband and I's relationship was at our strongest, and we were so happy. My partner, Rachel, had lost more than 60lbs also!
Together we had lost an entire adult male.
On New Years Ever 2010, I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked - and my husband was thrilled. To be honest, I was angry. I was really close to my all time low goal weight. (You know - that weight that you say "If I could weigh anything, it would be THIS! With no expectation to reach it) The pregnancy was extremely hard all around. I had a lot of complications, including severe sciatica that left me sleepless and out of work on bed rest.
In August 2011, I gave birth to an almost 10lb baby boy. I had gained a little over 50lbs during my pregnancy. By the time he was 6 weeks old, I had lost most of that. But slowly and surely - I gained every single pound I lost in my intial journey back... plus 20lbs!
My son is 19 months old now - and life has been hard and wonderful all at the same time. I've lost most of my friends (as I know you do once you have a child), but gained new ones. I spend every waking moment thinking about my son. What he needs, what he wants, how is he? Is he okay? Is he happy? My whole world revolves around him.
I forgot about myself.
About a month ago, I started noticing swelling in my feet. It comes and goes. Also, my period stopped again. I went to my doctor to ask about the swelling in my legs (and a nasty case of bronchitis I happened to have) and he looked me in the face and said,
"Have you ever considered surgery? Your feet are swelling because when you sit for periods of time, you are so heavy that you're slowing the blood circulation to your legs and feet. You are so young. With your genetics and existing health problems, they are only going to get work if we don't intervene right now and so something about it."
I.. was speechless. He was completely right. I am slowly dying and I need some serious help. I hadn't even mentioned to him the problems I am having just with basic hygeine that I never had before. He was more right than I would imagine.
So here I am. All over again. I gained a lot of followers and friends on this site during my initial journey and the guilt and shame I feel for letting you down is immense. The guilt I feel for my husband is worse than that. I feel embarassed for him. I want to be around for my son.
My schedule is not as flexible as it was before; I work full time and my husband and I have opposite schedules so my son only has to go to a baby sitter for a few hours and not all day long. My gym offers a daycare - which I intend on using but hopefully sparingly. My mother has agreed to help me and keep my son for a few hours during the week so I can go to the gym - with my old partner, Rachel, too!
This morning, my husband and I cleaned out the fridge and pantry and re-stocked it with all the right things. I uploaded my MFP app on my phone, and it's ready to go on Monday morning. I am currently looking for a great meal planning app also, and searching Pinterest for low calorie recipes.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I can't wait to re-start this journey, but this time not in search of my son - but FOR my son.
This is for Jackson.
In December 2009, my doctor told me that I will more than likely not be able to have children. I hadn't had a period in almost a year, and as it turns out, my body wasn't ovulating at all. After tons of testing, she determines that I was too overweight - and my fat cells were stretched so big that they were producing just enough estrogen to block the ovulation process. It's not an uncommon condition amoung the "moribly obese" as she put it - which was awful enough to hear.
I had no intention of having a child for many years, but knew that my husband really wanted to have one. It hurt my heart so much to think that I could never do that for him. When I told him, the look on his face was devastating. I knew that, if we never had children and I never even lost the weight to try, that he would leave me or at least blame me. (Though he would never admit to that.)
So, I got to it. On January 1st 2010, I started my weight loss journey, and what a journey it has been. I started working out everyday after work with a friend of mine from high school. I found My Fitness Pal, and immediately started using it. I had never counted calories in my life, so it was new and exciting. I started losing, and feeling stronger and healthier all around.
Eventually, that work out partner started to not show up, so neither would I. 40lbs into my weight loss, my bestfriend had given birth and wanted to change her life also. I offered to be her partner - and what a partnership it was! By the end of 2010, I had lost 94lbs! I was wearing a size 13/14, which was UNHEARD of for me. I was strong, healthy, and confident. I had cut my long hair short, started caring more about my clothes, makeup and shoes - OMG SHOES! My husband and I's relationship was at our strongest, and we were so happy. My partner, Rachel, had lost more than 60lbs also!
Together we had lost an entire adult male.
On New Years Ever 2010, I found out I was pregnant. I was shocked - and my husband was thrilled. To be honest, I was angry. I was really close to my all time low goal weight. (You know - that weight that you say "If I could weigh anything, it would be THIS! With no expectation to reach it) The pregnancy was extremely hard all around. I had a lot of complications, including severe sciatica that left me sleepless and out of work on bed rest.
In August 2011, I gave birth to an almost 10lb baby boy. I had gained a little over 50lbs during my pregnancy. By the time he was 6 weeks old, I had lost most of that. But slowly and surely - I gained every single pound I lost in my intial journey back... plus 20lbs!
My son is 19 months old now - and life has been hard and wonderful all at the same time. I've lost most of my friends (as I know you do once you have a child), but gained new ones. I spend every waking moment thinking about my son. What he needs, what he wants, how is he? Is he okay? Is he happy? My whole world revolves around him.
I forgot about myself.
About a month ago, I started noticing swelling in my feet. It comes and goes. Also, my period stopped again. I went to my doctor to ask about the swelling in my legs (and a nasty case of bronchitis I happened to have) and he looked me in the face and said,
"Have you ever considered surgery? Your feet are swelling because when you sit for periods of time, you are so heavy that you're slowing the blood circulation to your legs and feet. You are so young. With your genetics and existing health problems, they are only going to get work if we don't intervene right now and so something about it."
I.. was speechless. He was completely right. I am slowly dying and I need some serious help. I hadn't even mentioned to him the problems I am having just with basic hygeine that I never had before. He was more right than I would imagine.
So here I am. All over again. I gained a lot of followers and friends on this site during my initial journey and the guilt and shame I feel for letting you down is immense. The guilt I feel for my husband is worse than that. I feel embarassed for him. I want to be around for my son.
My schedule is not as flexible as it was before; I work full time and my husband and I have opposite schedules so my son only has to go to a baby sitter for a few hours and not all day long. My gym offers a daycare - which I intend on using but hopefully sparingly. My mother has agreed to help me and keep my son for a few hours during the week so I can go to the gym - with my old partner, Rachel, too!
This morning, my husband and I cleaned out the fridge and pantry and re-stocked it with all the right things. I uploaded my MFP app on my phone, and it's ready to go on Monday morning. I am currently looking for a great meal planning app also, and searching Pinterest for low calorie recipes.
Thank you all for taking the time to read this. I can't wait to re-start this journey, but this time not in search of my son - but FOR my son.
This is for Jackson.
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Replies
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Such a great story, I wish you the best of luck in getting to a size "healthy" again, thanks for sharing! :flowerforyou:0
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Please feel free to add me. I understand your journey been on mine on and of for 7 years now so never feel a shame for trying I am here for support and to give support. Good luck to you on this journey you will do well 100 lbs is alot to loose and you did it.0
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My story is almost the same. I lost 75 pounds back in 2009 and just when I was getting close to my goal I became pregnant with my 2nd child after years of trying. I was frustrated and had a very rough pregnancy as well. I gained 50 pounds during my pregnancy and weigh the same as I did the morning I gave birth to her.
I am having knee and back issues and know that I need to get this under control for my girls sake as well as my husbands. We can do this again.0 -
You can do it! We all can do it! Together we are all strong!0
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Kudos to you for coming back!! This time, I know you'll be able to keep it off. You know what'll happen if you don't. This is for your son and for your grandchildren and for you. It may be rough - and it will take time - but you have time. Don't beat yourself up if you falter one meal or one day - jump back in and live the healthiest life you can. We're rooting for you!!0
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your story just made me cry!!!!!!!!!!!! you can and will do this i know you can good luck!!!!!!!!!0
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You will do this and you will kick *kitten* doing it!!!! I am proud of you for recommitting yourself, even though we have never met. I log food/exersice daily and would be glad to encourage you if you want to add me as a friend. I know you will do well girlie... Just take one day at a time and one meal at a time.
My saying I tell myself when I don't want to exersice or I want to over indulge is.... I will suck it up today, so I don't have to suck it in tomorrow. I also compliment myself daily when I am getting ready, even if its something as simple as "hey girl, I see your toes now" for so many years I couldn't see the feet because the belly stuck out. I tell myself these things because I spent almost 10 yrs telling myself I was fat and disgusting..., I am learning to love myself again.
I wish you well on your journey and keep strong kiddo... You can and WILL do this!
Jackie0 -
That's my biggest fear. Getting prego again and gaining the weight back. It's something I think about often. But you did it once, you can do it again!!!!!!0
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unfortunately it happens often.........I had lost 50 and have gained back 20 of it! but as long as week keep trying we are not failures and we can do this! I started following you from the beginning and will be here thru the end. Life happens and we just have to go along for the ride and make the best of it! good luck and we are all here to help!0
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Wishing you the best of luck on your journey. Stay strong, you can do this.0
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Way to go, Sara! It's not the start that matters, it's the finish. So keep fighting. You're a winner.0
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Thanks for sharing your story! I'm glad to see that MyFitnessPal has helped you before (I'm new to this), and I applaud you for having the motivation to come back. I wish you the best of luck with your journey!0
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Thanks for sharing your story! Its great that you've come back! Good luck on your journey!!! You can do this!0
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This is an amazing story! You have already proven that you can do it so I have complete confidence in you succeeding!0
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you can do this - you like millions of other mothers will do anything for your children and you need to do this......!
I lost 30lb last year and put 22lb back on i'm so mad with myself...now i have high blood pressure i am hoping this is the push i need to stay healthy as i am only 31 and want to be around for years to come to see my little boy grow up in to a gorgeous wonderful man......
All the very best of luck!!!0 -
I commend you for your courage and determination to do it all over again. Feel free to add me if you want an active friend, I log in every day.0
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This morning, my husband and I cleaned out the fridge and pantry and re-stocked it with all the right things.
I just want to point out that this makes you a very lucky woman (I get the feeling you know that but I'm pointing it out anyway). So often on these boards I read about people whos spouse sabotages them, partners who refuse to throw out the junk they like in order to make it easier for the person they love to get healthy. Husbands and wives who say "you just need willpower, I don't want to have to change my life at all even though I want you to look and feel better"
So when you are feeling those moments of "i don't wanna" and "I can't" and "holy hell i need that whole pizza in my belly right now", don't forget how much support you have, and let that drive you.0 -
Thank you for sharing your story.0
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Now that you've faced your challenge, have a wonderful team to work with and support you, and a beautiful little guy and wonderful husband who are on your side...you will do this. Best of luck. :flowerforyou:0
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What a touching and inspiring story! You know you can do it, you've done it before! Congrats on that handsome little guy and for having such a supportive husband! Feel free to add me!
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Thank you for sharing. I started to gain weight after my 1st child & continued to gain. Then 2010 I finally decided to do something with the love & support of family members. When I got back to my original weight when I got married 74kg 2011 I was happy again, then I gave up smoking & lost my way into food again 2013 Im back to where I was and more 110kg. Add me if you like I would to support you and we can get back to where we need to be. Best of luck! x0
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Your story is amazing. You are a very courageous lady to be so honest. I am only at the start of my own journey, but want to say "well done" and wish you well for yours. You have done this once, so you will do it again!0
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I've felt like a failure after losing 37lbs and gaining back 15. I tell myself I am human and it happens, but that doesnt make me feel any better! Thank you fo sharing your story and I wish you the best of luck on your journey (:0
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congrats on the lil man. I too have literally lost and gained back 100 plus pounds, not once but TWICE that's right literally TWICE. Talk about feeling embarrassed. Now I am working on it again. In addition i have lost smaller amounts several times as well. the moral of the story is just keep trying. I know,for me, if I'm not trying I'm gaining. It sucks but it is a fact. So keep up the very hard work and enjoy the improvements and you will be successful. :flowerforyou:0
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Amazing story and beautifully written. Good luck with it all. One day at a time!! you can do this!!!!0
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Good luck to you...... and yes - you are doing this for your son , but also for yourself...think of all the important events to come in his life ... you need to be there for his first day at school, hid first football match, his first girlfriend, his prom, graduation, wedding...your grandkids......and then when he has grown into a lovely young man and flown the nest - you will have a wonderful life yourselves ....... I know you know all this and will not waste your life..........
Welcome back to the rest of your life x0 -
Thank you for sharing your story - and good luck on getting healthy again. You can do this, for your son and for yourself.0
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Loved this story. :')
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Good luck! You can do this.... It's my first day today too.. I'm not kidding myself it will be easy.. But for all the right reasons I want this so so much! Here's to the journey of our new life and new beginnings. X0
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Welcome back to MFP & welcome back to your journey to health! It's amazing what our children can inspire us to do! You can do this!0
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