April Fools' Answering Machine Messages

Jill_newimprovedversion

[ insert your own phone number in the appropriate spot]



The number you have called has been changed. Please hang up and dial 814-555-1234 [enunciating the last 2 digits] OR 814-555-1234 [enunciating the first 2 digits].



----make sure your answering machine is ON so you know who calls back more than once.



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Hi, this is the ___________ [insert family name] HOME for the mentally insane.

We're sorry we have no vacancies @ the moment- we're booked for a family reunion.



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I'm only here in spirit right now. Please leave a message and I'll call you back when I'm here in person.



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This is WXYZ [ insert local radio call letters ] you're on the air



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We're not home. Please leave a message and we'll call you back when you're not home and see how you like it.



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Please enjoy the music while you wait. It's the BEEP SERENADE in C-minor



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This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test.



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There are a bunch of pre-recorded *this is a recording* messages you can record onto your answering machine by pressing the announcement button and the play button on the message simultaneously. Make sure the speaker is close to the phone mike for the best volume/clarity.



http://www.thisisarecording.com/



My fav_ The call you have made requires a coin deposit Please hang up check the instructions on the pay phone for the appropriate rate and dial your call again



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This call may be recorded for quality and training purposes. If you don't wish for your call to be recorded, please leave us a message and we'll delete it.



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You have reached [ insert your phone number]. We picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-is" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we're not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work.



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Thanks for calling Dial-An-Idiot. Right now, all our idiots are busy. After the tone, leave your name and number, and we'll have an idiot return your call as soon as possible.



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Our girls did this one when they were teens.

Voice1 (in background, making *muffled* distress noises)

Voice 2: We're sorry, our parents can't come to the phone right now, they're....um...."tied up."



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Hello. I'm home right now but can't find the phone. Can you please keep calling and just let it keep ringing?Thanks



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I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.



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Hey! I've been trying to call you! Where have you been? Leave me a message and let me know what you've been up to...

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Hello, this is ___. I'm not home right now, but I can take a message. Hang on a second while I get a pencil. (Open a drawer and shuffle stuff around.) OK, what would you like me to tell me?



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Hi, this is ______. Thanks for calling during my spring pledge drive. A basic membership is only $30, and a $60 pledge gets you an "I love_____ " T-shirt. Please wait for the tone, and thank you for your pledge.



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