Disheartened..

c_faulkenburg

My husband and I started this journey together, supposedly. We bought a year long membership to the YMCA, we got a scale and new exercise clothes for Christmas..

And I've been doing it. Better choices when eating, going to the y six days a week.. And he's done nothing. I've tried showing him the success stories that men post on MFP, I've googled eat more to weigh less (I'm convinced his metabolism is completely stalled), I've invited him to come with me to the y, and.. Nothing..

I realize that there is nothing that I can do to get him motivated. The sad thing is, he hates his size, complains about buying bigger clothes, etc. it just kills me that there is nothing that I can do and I so wish there was. /end rant

MaraPN

I think there's only thing you can do, and your already doing it. Don't give up on him, but don't
let him hold you back either.
Keep showing him your progress, maybe that will motivate him when he's ready.
Keep buying healthy food, keep cooking healthy.
That's about all you can do, he has to do this on his own. Nobody can make
him put in the effort it takes to exercise and watch his food.
You just keep on doing your thing, keep burning that fat and get healthier.
And hopefully one day soon he'll get his act together and join you.
Good luck and don't give up!

BigGuy47

It can be tough sledding if your spouse isn't on board 100%. I'm fortunate that my wife is with me on the lifestyle changes we have made. In the first year we collectively lost over 120 lbs on diet alone. We share the cooking duties, always trying new healthy meals. Trying to incorporate more vegetables into our diet. It's working well for both of us. I exercise a decent amount (6 days a week, strength and cardio). She's just now starting to get into a habit of doing a little exercise each day. I don't push her, it wouldn't turn out well.

While exercise is important, you'll both make far greater strides in the kitchen than you will in the gym. There are a ton of great recipes here and all over the internet that offer tasty low calorie meals. It's not all tofu and salad.

Arkhos

I think there's only thing you can do, and your already doing it. Don't give up on him, but don't
let him hold you back either.
Keep showing him your progress, maybe that will motivate him when he's ready.
Keep buying healthy food, keep cooking healthy.
That's about all you can do, he has to do this on his own. Nobody can make
him put in the effort it takes to exercise and watch his food.
You just keep on doing your thing, keep burning that fat and get healthier.
And hopefully one day soon he'll get his act together and join you.
Good luck and don't give up!

^^ This. One day he will wish he had started sooner, but he has to make that decision. Keep going and show him how you do it!

TavistockToad

Keep doing what you're doing, and hopefully you will be a positive influence when he sees your results!

astronomicals

Make him read all this

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=151032123

ALL

maybe he just needs a more masculine approach....

I'm sure it will change a lot of what he thinks he has to do... Perhaps hell be interested in trying when he realizes that all the BS he has been told over the years is BS..

kingscrown

I've found that weight loss and exercise really needs to be a soletary venture. That doesn't mean I'm completely alone, but I don't count on anyone but myself. Friends, spouses, coworkers always flake out and me along with them. I started to do it on my own and what happened was I met people at the gym that are commited to exercise and weight loss. I still don't count on them, but it's fun to know their names and see them when we are there at the same time.

As for DH we still pay for his gym membership and he finally admitted he won't be going with me probably ever. What did happen in the last year is as I started to eat more healthy and lose weight he started incorporating a few of the things too. I don't really say a word. Yesterday at Easter I was talking with the family about my "no artifical sweetner" ban on myself; therefore, I don't drink diet soda. He announced that he does not drink soda any more. I didn't know this. I smiled approvingly at him. I had noticed he's been drinking a lot of iced herbal tea lately.

I think if you work on yourself things will naturally bleed over to him and he may want to join you on a few things. I ask my DH for help with some things. He thinks he's helping me and he is, but he's helping himself too. I was going for a run last weekend and he asked if it was safe. I do it all the time and wouldn't if I felt it wasn't safe. I did though ask him to go with me. He can almost walk as fast as I jog. We had a nice time. He did tell me he doesn't like running on pavement and it hurts his legs. He didn't run, but whatever. He went to help me. My DH has lost 30 pounds in the past year just by following me and doing a few things. Like he eats breakfast every day now. He doesn't eat donuts. He has fruit as a snack. I don't keep ice cream in the house as I can't resist it. He's helping me by not having it in the house. I tell him to go out and have a cone if he feels the need for ice cream. He never has time for that.

bumblebums

My husband and I started this journey together, supposedly. We bought a year long membership to the YMCA, we got a scale and new exercise clothes for Christmas..

And I've been doing it. Better choices when eating, going to the y six days a week.. And he's done nothing. I've tried showing him the success stories that men post on MFP, I've googled eat more to weigh less (I'm convinced his metabolism is completely stalled), I've invited him to come with me to the y, and.. Nothing..

I realize that there is nothing that I can do to get him motivated. The sad thing is, he hates his size, complains about buying bigger clothes, etc. it just kills me that there is nothing that I can do and I so wish there was. /end rant

What do you do at the gym? Are you doing things together or just going your separate ways? I can't imagine sticking with it if I had to do the first option... Exercise is a private activity for me. And I totally agree with astronomicals' suggestion--your guy might just need to do more guy things. Noob gains in strength are amazing and easy to see early on; it's what helped me stick with weights.

c_faulkenburg

I've found that weight loss and exercise really needs to be a soletary venture. That doesn't mean I'm completely alone, but I don't count on anyone but myself. Friends, spouses, coworkers always flake out and me along with them. I started to do it on my own and what happened was I met people at the gym that are commited to exercise and weight loss. I still don't count on them, but it's fun to know their names and see them when we are there at the same time.

Thanks for this.. I've already kind of lost touch with my mom friends, because play dates almost always happen during the time when child care is available at the gym, I really don't do much with those women anymore, unfortunately. I have been feeling super lonely on this journey. I'm glad to know that it's not unusual.

katanasnk

I totally understand. My BF sabotages me often (let's just get McDonald's or pizza) and isn't trying to lose the 100+ lbs he needs to. I'm focusing on trying to get healthy and change my lifestyle--not just my weight.
Stick with it, though--I inspired my MOM to start getting more fit!! She's exercising for the first time in decades! (and, I might add, putting me to shame in terms of consistency right now).

c_faulkenburg

I go almost every day. Sometimes twice a day, he might join me twice a week. We do not do the same things. He just does not want to change his behavior. He has adopted a much better attitude about snacking, he used to buy bags of cheap cookies and finish them off in one sitting. I haven't seen him do that in a while.

nxd10

He should talk to my husband. We did that too. He is, however, now logging regularly. It did, however, take him a year to do it (almost a year after I started). And he has more to lose than me and has done it successfully in the past.

Part of it is just believing it will work.
Part of it is discipline to do it.
Part of it is motivation.

You said on another post you don't know what to log for dinner because he cooks. Sit down with him after dinner and start having him help you create the recipes or log dinner for yourself. Then he can share that and it will get him on MFP.

Then he can share any shared meals with you with the 'share' function (same breakfast/snacks/dinners).

Then take a walk after dinner with the kids (or not).

And praise praise praise for every tiny little thing he does that makes him look better. I know for my husband that's been the big thing. He's been so discouraged getting bigger despite huge amounts of exercise (he's a tai chi instructor). He's finally realizing that he really just has to log and he really does look better even if the scale doesn't move much.

bumblebums

I go almost every day. Sometimes twice a day, he might join me twice a week. We do not do the same things. He just does not want to change his behavior. He has adopted a much better attitude about snacking, he used to buy bags of cheap cookies and finish them off in one sitting. I haven't seen him do that in a while.

They say you can't out-exercise a bad diet, but I think there is a huge leeway in what counts as "bad". If you focus on what *to* eat as opposed to what not to eat, perhaps it will work better. When I started paying attention to the amount of protein I eat, which is important for lifting gains, it became a lot easier to stay full. And dessert also stopped being such a problem. If I want some ice cream, I have some--as long as I get my 120 g of protein minimum (and the usual fruits, veggies and fiber, etc. that I am used to eating), dessert is not a problem. It's only a problem when it's the ONLY thing I am eating.

I have not met too many American men who had a problem with a high-protein diet. Well, I have met some, but they were mostly part of a macrobiotic cult in a hippie-infested college town.