I'm warning you (God, Universe, or whoever)

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  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    grief-cycle-software-20.gif

    What you are feeling is perfectly understandable and normal.

    I really like how the stages have loops to them - the idea that we will circle through them up and down a few times before we can move on. Thank you for this.

    It's also important to note that it isn't a straight line / linear process.

    Some days you find yourself at acceptance, the next day you may be right back to anger, the next day you may skip forward to bargaining but eventually some people find they make it through to the other side.

    The Kubler - Ross model is cool as it has been found to transcend culture, beliefs and sex etc. We, as human beings, grieve in very similar ways....
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    Good lord...you can't "fix" people dying..it isn't a problem...it isn't something that she needs to sit down and design a plan on how to achieve her goals. To me, this post was simply another human crying.

    The woman is grieving... The end.

    OP...very sorry for your loss and difficult times. They will soon pass. xo
    It is possible that the only thing bothering the OP is the loss of a loved one. That is the kind of hardship that has but one solution and that is to go through the grieving process that quirkytizzy was kind enough to post up for us and then move one with life. It is also possible that there are other things going on which can actually be addressed. Sometimes I have found in my life that relieving pressure in another area can make up for increased pressure caused by something else. That was what I was trying to address.

    If I just said something like " thought and prayers are with you..." that would have been no more helpful than something you could find off of a prayer card. Consider this as a comparison. One day something horrible is going to happen to me. I don't know what it is yet but I do know that eventually I will have to deal with some very hard times. When that day comes people will actually come to me with their actual religion. Unlike with me there won't be any effort to actually address the real problems of life. It will simply be in an effort to convert me to their religion. When that day comes will someone like you try to silence them?

    Excuse me? Since when did one woman's grief become a platform for silencing you? Newsflash buddy: THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU.

    And no, the only thing bothering her about this isn't the God thing. She's dealing with people dying. How in the hell can you possibly think that the only thing that's bothering her about the equation is her spiritual belief?

    Get over yourself, Mr. Martyr. No one here cares enough about your atheism enough to persecute you for it.
  • quirkytizzy
    quirkytizzy Posts: 4,052 Member
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    It's also important to note that it isn't a straight line / linear process.

    Some days you find yourself at acceptance, the next day you may be right back to anger, the next day you may skip forward to bargaining but eventually some people find they make it through to the other side.

    The Kubler - Ross model is cool as it has been found to transcend culture, beliefs and sex etc. We, as human beings, grieve in very similar ways....

    This has been one of my biggest struggles in life - accepting the loops, the non-linear nature of grieving. This is true. And I love the Kubler-Ross model. Very relatable.
  • _Witsy_
    _Witsy_ Posts: 609 Member
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    Good lord...you can't "fix" people dying..it isn't a problem...it isn't something that she needs to sit down and design a plan on how to achieve her goals. To me, this post was simply another human crying.

    The woman is grieving... The end.

    OP...very sorry for your loss and difficult times. They will soon pass. xo
    It is possible that the only thing bothering the OP is the loss of a loved one. That is the kind of hardship that has but one solution and that is to go through the grieving process that quirkytizzy was kind enough to post up for us and then move one with life. It is also possible that there are other things going on which can actually be addressed. Sometimes I have found in my life that relieving pressure in another area can make up for increased pressure caused by something else. That was what I was trying to address.

    If I just said something like " thought and prayers are with you..." that would have been no more helpful than something you could find off of a prayer card. Consider this as a comparison. One day something horrible is going to happen to me. I don't know what it is yet but I do know that eventually I will have to deal with some very hard times. When that day comes people will actually come to me with their actual religion. Unlike with me there won't be any effort to actually address the real problems of life. It will simply be in an effort to convert me to their religion. When that day comes will someone like you try to silence them?

    Not worth it.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    This has been one of my biggest struggles in life - accepting the loops, the non-linear nature of grieving. This is true. And I love the Kubler-Ross model. Very relatable.

    Knowledge is power.

    What is also great about this model is that "grieving" is not solely restricted to simply death although that is context within which it normally arises.

    Grieving can take place due to any profound change is life circumstances - for example the loss of a large amount of weight. It seems strange given that as a society we only push positive messages about what happens when we lose the excess fat. However, it can present the person who has lost weight with a bewildering new reality to deal with and the loss of their former life and the certainty that came with it. This can be very hard to deal with and the cycle above is invoked.

    We are all pretty similar underneath the skin ;)
  • usernameMAMA
    usernameMAMA Posts: 681 Member
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    It's good to be angry. It's okay to be angry. Don't stuff that feeling, let it run its course. You are doing exactly what you need to do.

    I'm glad you shared with us. We all have times that are like screaming into the wind. You're not alone

    ETA: To the above poster, I believe she IS dealing with it. Talking about it, raging about it, sharing the frustration and how overwhelming it is IS dealing with it. You cannot "deal" with something that you don't understand - and we as humans understand things by feeling them out.

    That is what she is doing.

    We all want to give up sometimes. That very normal feeling is not an excuse. It is simply human.

    This right here was eloquently stated. I haven't lost a parent yet, but I can only imagine the despair when the time comes, they are my best friends. OP you're handling your losses in the best way you know how, I hope your family gets your peace.
  • Pacefit4God
    Pacefit4God Posts: 22
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    I pray that God's Spirit Who is the Comforter will do what only He can to comfort and heal you and your family/friends during your time of grievance. God understands what you're going through. He understand your anger and frustrations. Understand that He is NOT threatened by your "warning." God is Love! I pray that this time in your life will help you to learn exactly who He is and that His plan is perfect. I'm sorry for your losses. Continue to trust in Him even through your tears. :cry:
  • somemansdream
    somemansdream Posts: 88
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    Ok, I have NEVER In all messages I have shared had this happen. This has taken a bizzare twist. Whatever people.
    Some of you have been awesome and for that thanks. The others, well, I wished I could say it was entertaining. I am not even going to tackle some of the things raised in here. Its not worth it to me. I did not start this to make a debate. Maybe that would help some of you others--an idea for your day--go start a debate forum on whichever topic amuses you--death, grieving, God or lack of.

    Thanks to some of you, I wish all of you a good day. Debbie
  • Jerrypeoples
    Jerrypeoples Posts: 1,541 Member
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    Thanks everyone. For those of you that have lost loved ones too, my heart goes out to you and the rest of the families.

    That one post that stirs people up, well I left myself open to opinion here and that is all it is, his opinion and I do not begrudge him that though I disliked it. This is my way of dealing with things as I take care of everyone and everything around me. I am functioning, I work, I smile, I laugh, but I also grieve when something hits me. To deny that would be to deny a part of my heart and soul and I refuse to lock that away because life is a precious gift.

    "suck it up cupcake" works for disappointments, and other things--not the death of a loved one in my opinion. I do think I know what your trying to say but the message got lost in transition with your first words because saying something like that it does not really matter what comes after it. However, I am not angry or upset. There is always chance of things like this when posting in messages.

    For the person that wrote the private message saying I was not allowed to talk to God that way or to be angry. Your also entitled to your opinion. I deleted your message and moved on. My God is a loving and forgiving one and he knows that I will never be perfect and he knows the grief of a broken heart. Just as I praise him in good times or for giving thanks, he will not hold my anger against me just as I stated in my post. That is my belief.

    Again, for those that lost loved ones, I am sorry for your loss (or losses as in some cases). It is one of lifes' hardest things to go through. For those that are in current stages of losing someone, prayers for the family.

    When we took Mom off life support, the doctors expected her to last less than an hour but she held on for 12. Well we were all around her bed saying goodbye but when she held on, we cried, prayed and eventually told stories and laughed. I know she knew we were there and that we were telling stories and celebrating some times we had with her.

    May all of you have precious moments with your loved ones today.
    Debbie

    sometimes i have a way with words and sometimes....

    the point is. it sucks. i am prepping myself now for the loss of my stepfather. he still gets around and is ornery as ever but he is also in his mid-80s. he basically has no contact with his sons (2 because they live on the west coast and one cause of a family fight/misunderstanding). so basically my brother and I are the closest things he has to family that can keep an eye out for him.

    whether you go to church 50 times a week or worship satan 50 times a week or explain to people that you believe in neither 50 times a week, death is going to strike you in some way shape or form. it sucks, it blows, all the "firsts" are going to suck. people can tell you it sucks but until you go through it you dont realize it. (Un)fortunately my best friend lost her mother 1 month before i lost my dad and although i was there for her i didnt understand all she was going through. you just cant unless you go through it yourself.

    you have to learn from it as you go through and realize while you think it may be unfair or too much of a burden i strongly believe you have to ask yourself, what would that person want you to do?
  • MrsBozz1
    MrsBozz1 Posts: 248 Member
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    My aunts 4th son was born at 26 weeks, he didn't make it. When she was dealing with that she said grief is like a swamp. You can't go around it, you can't go over it, you just have to push through it. It is hard and yucky but you will come out the other side. In 2003 I lost my mother in-law, my grandmother and my cousin (age21) I understand the feeling of ENOUGH! If one more thing happens... God understands your anger! The pain won't just go away but God will help you through! Hold on to Him!! I'm soo sorry for your loss and I will be praying for you and your family!
  • BurtHuttz
    BurtHuttz Posts: 3,653 Member
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    I'm so, so sorry to hear what you've gone through. Especially the loss of a parent; I can't yet imagine all of the feelings that you have to deal with as a result. May you grieve in peace and emerge intact.
    With love,
    Burt
  • ambskiii
    ambskiii Posts: 6 Member
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    :flowerforyou:
  • bethgames
    bethgames Posts: 534 Member
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    You poor thing. I will also pray that God ligtens your burden. He does test us some days, but never breaks us. Peace and Love Debbie!
  • iulia_maddie
    iulia_maddie Posts: 2,780 Member
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    I am so sorry that you and your family have so much to carry right now. I hope you find that shred of comfort and the peace and quiet you need to mourn and heal.
  • LisaInUP
    LisaInUP Posts: 63 Member
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    I really like how the stages have loops to them - the idea that we will circle through them up and down a few times before we can move on. Thank you for this.

    DITTO!
  • imchicbad
    imchicbad Posts: 1,650 Member
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    Sometimes venting to complete strangers is the best thing to do. I dont always understand Gods plan, I would say Im sorry, but those words are just not enough and played out (i hate them myself). I had a similar situation with several deaths in the family years ago. I understand where your coming from and Im glad you got it out. You will heal with time. God bless you.
  • Alex_is_Hawks
    Alex_is_Hawks Posts: 3,499 Member
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    ^^Ok and now for something completely different...aka....it's no longer about you.

    Debbie, I'm sorry for your loss, that's a lot of loss to process in such a short time. With time, it will get better and it will ache less. I believe in that.

    Please feel free to express yourself, you MAY have more luck expressing yourself in a blog, or on your wall, but if this works for you, then feel free to continue to do so.

    when my mother lost her fourth child in utero at 30 weeks, she was devastated and one of the things that helped her through the grieving process was talking about it, over and over and over and over and over....she admits now she may have drove some friends crazy, but they were friends and they stuck by her and helped her through her grief by tirelessly listening...

    perhaps some of the people here need to stop thinking about what YOU need to do to get through the grief but more of what THEY can do to help others work through their grief.

    I hope you find peace. I think the 12 hours you had with your mother sharing stories around the bedside as she passed on is a beautiful thing and a beautiful memory of how to say goodbye. Hold that close.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    I hope you find the strength from within yourself to achieve your goals.

    Ditto.

    And God bless you and your loved ones. :flowerforyou:
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    I'm so, so sorry to hear what you've gone through. Especially the loss of a parent; I can't yet imagine all of the feelings that you have to deal with as a result. May you grieve in peace and emerge intact.
    With love,
    Burt

    Seconded. :heart:
  • mrssaucer
    mrssaucer Posts: 1 Member
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    I understand your hurt, pain and frustration. One thing I can tell you God makes no mistakes, the things that we go through in our lives is not just for us, but also to help strengthen and encourage others who may experience the same crisis. He know what you are able to handle, but more importantly He does things to get our attention, to recognize Him and to give ourselves over to Him wholeheartedly. I not a person that will say they will pray for you and not do it, but right now I'm sending a prayer up for you and yours to be comforted in this grievous time. Please understand He knows what He's doing, just trust Him. Bless

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