Scared to give notice...

aleyjewell
aleyjewell Posts: 65 Member
in Chit-Chat
I have been at my office for almost 5 years. I have a boss that is nice to me but a spaz and stress and freaks out over little things. When I started we had a front desk person and I was back desk. Since she left 2 years ago we went through 3 people in a year. The doctor then decided that we would have her husband come out of ealry retirement and help and I would take over most resposibilities. I only recieved a $0.50 raise taken on twice the responsibility. PLus I have no one to vent to when my boss has her freak outs.

So I slowly started looking for a new postition. I wanted one with more pay and benefits(I have NO benefits). I was finally offered an in at the company I wanted to work for last Friday. The thing is I am terrifed to give notice. She will freak. She doesn't know how to do half of what I do and no one else here does either. I have to give notice by Friday because orientation is the 22nd.

How should I approach this? I don't know what to say to her. I know it is a better opportunity for me but I feel so guilty.
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Replies

  • JustAboutDelicious_wechanged
    JustAboutDelicious_wechanged Posts: 2,486 Member
    Don't feel guilty, you have to do what is best for you and your family. Approach just like that. They will survive without you.
  • Tuffjourney
    Tuffjourney Posts: 971
    Tell her you need the benefits and it is a wonderful opportunity for you and your family. Let her know how much you have loved working there and will always enjoy the memories. (You will need her for years to come on reference letters...).....:bigsmile:
  • jamk1446
    jamk1446 Posts: 5,577 Member
    Tell her you need the benefits and it is a wonderful opportunity for you and your family. Let her know how much you have loved working there and will always enjoy the memories. (You will need her for years to come on reference letters...).....:bigsmile:

    This is good. Focus on the positive when you turn in your notice.

    You can't stop her from freaking out if she's going to freak out. It may be awkward or unpleasant but she'll have to get over it sometime or she's just going to make things worse for herself. Be prepared to start showing her or someone what it is you do before you leave. Make them a cheat sheet of tasks and important contacts.
  • Jane_1705
    Jane_1705 Posts: 152 Member
    Tell her you need the benefits and it is a wonderful opportunity for you and your family. Let her know how much you have loved working there and will always enjoy the memories. (You will need her for years to come on reference letters...).....:bigsmile:

    agree with this. Keep it positive about what you will gain in new role, keep it professional and non personal.
    Also don't burn bridges, the world is a small place.
    Hope it goes well and congrats on your new role.
  • _DaniD_
    _DaniD_ Posts: 2,186 Member
    Not to be rude (really)..but you're an adult, just do what you have to do. No reason to be scared.
  • 1223345
    1223345 Posts: 1,386 Member
    Just say that you are sorry but you need more money than this. We all have to make ends meet somehow!
  • digitalbill
    digitalbill Posts: 1,410 Member
    If she freaks out too bad, simply explain to her that you were hoping it would not come to this and simply walk out the door. Consider it a two week vacation.
  • cazzer69
    cazzer69 Posts: 162 Member
    Ask yerself this....
    If she needed to cut costs, do you think she would hesitate to make you redundant?

    If your answer was yes she would, you're wrong.
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    Please do NOT feel guilty, your boss hasn't felt guilty for loading on you more work with very little return!!
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    you are going to a job with more pay and more benefits and hopefully a nicer boss.

    just put in your notice.

    companies expect that "at will" employees can leave at any time and "at will" employees know that a company can fire them at any time.

    it's an economic arrangement between you and the company you work for. nothing more.
  • neacail
    neacail Posts: 228 Member
    What I've done in the past, is give my employer the opportunity to counter the offer from the new company.

    I ask my boss to schedule a meeting to discuss my employment. When the meeting time comes, I explain to my boss that I have received an offer letter from another company, and I then present the offer letter to him for him to review.

    One of two things then happens: a) My boss counters the offer, or b) My boss wishes me well in my new endeavour, and I hand him my official written notice.

    My reasons for leaving, in the event they are discussed, will be discussed in my exit interview: not at the time of my resignation.

    In your case, if the above scenario just isn't feasible, I would type up a clear and concise letter or resignation: one that explicitly states the reasons for leaving and provide her with that. I would not discuss the situation with her until she's cooled down.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    After 5 years, you must know the place inside and out. That's probably why you're feeling like you, as an employee, are irreplaceable. However, your tasks can be learned by another, and your place of employment will stay in business after you leave them. They will figure it out. I feel similar anxiety when I go on vacation. But the world will continue, for you and your old boss. I promise.
  • aleyjewell
    aleyjewell Posts: 65 Member
    Thank everyone. I will type up a letter but I feel I owe her an in person explanation. Like I said, I understand her and she has been good to me. I have never been good at leaving a job. I get emotionally and personally connected to my employers.
  • determined136
    determined136 Posts: 330
    No one but you is going to take care of you. If she is a decent person she will understand and be gracious but if not just rip it off like a bandaid and then you don't have to look back!

    Best of luck to you!!!:bigsmile:
  • EatClean_WashUrNuts
    EatClean_WashUrNuts Posts: 1,590 Member
    If you have the new job in place, suck it up and give notice.
  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,439 Member
    Tell her you need the benefits and it is a wonderful opportunity for you and your family. Let her know how much you have loved working there and will always enjoy the memories. (You will need her for years to come on reference letters...).....:bigsmile:

    agree with this. Keep it positive about what you will gain in new role, keep it professional and non personal.
    Also don't burn bridges, the world is a small place.
    Hope it goes well and congrats on your new role.

    As a boss, THIS^^
  • Lunarokra
    Lunarokra Posts: 855 Member
    Definitely, that's sweet of you to be considerate of them but you have a good opportunity for you and your family and must be able to move on.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    What I've done in the past, is give my employer the opportunity to counter the offer from the new company.

    I ask my boss to schedule a meeting to discuss my employment. When the meeting time comes, I explain to my boss that I have received an offer letter from another company, and I then present the offer letter to him for him to review.

    One of two things then happens: a) My boss counters the offer, or b) My boss wishes me well in my new endeavour, and I hand him my official written notice.

    My reasons for leaving, in the event they are discussed, will be discussed in my exit interview: not at the time of my resignation.

    In your case, if the above scenario just isn't feasible, I would type up a clear and concise letter or resignation: one that explicitly states the reasons for leaving and provide her with that. I would not discuss the situation with her until she's cooled down.

    I'm glad this approach works for you, but for so many reasons, I disagree. Statistically, an employee who obtains something in their employment from a negotiation like this will not be at the company a year later...and not always by the employee's choice. And once an employee makes that emotional break and decides to look elsewhere, it's difficult to regain the commitment.

    OP, unless what you do is so unique and special that no one else can do it, then your boss will/should be fine. Oh, sure, it may be a difficult transition, but this is a necessary part of doing business. To minimize (but not eliminate) the possibility of this happening in the future, your boss should consider whether or not she is paying competitive market wages and should consider some kind of contingency transition plan.
  • dsjohndrow
    dsjohndrow Posts: 1,820 Member
    You tell them how much you enjoyed working there, and then hand her a letter of resignation with all the details. If you really feel that bad, offer to help out a few Saturdays or a couple of evenings.

    Congratulations on your new job!

    **** Just read the above comments. DO NOT EXPLAIN YOURSELF. You never know when you'll need this reference, and making them feel bad about your rate or benefits will be their last memory. If you need to vent, go see a therapist. Having the last word, or trying to resolve irreconcilable differences is a bad way to end.

    Type a letter with the the details of your last work date. Thank them for allowing you to work there, and don't offer anything unless you want to stay on and get a salary increase. My take is they haven't given it to you, and they are probably not going to. So just go and be nice.

    I have worked at companies that walk you to the door when your give a notice.
  • california_peach
    california_peach Posts: 1,809 Member
    Don't feel bad. Just give her the notice. Put it in writing, but tell her in person; and move on. You've done your best.
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,733 Member
    Thank everyone. I will type up a letter but I feel I owe her an in person explanation. Like I said, I understand her and she has been good to me. I have never been good at leaving a job. I get emotionally and personally connected to my employers.

    you don't owe her any explanation and if you provide one, you open the door for her to try and guilt you into staying or doing something above and beyond what you are being paid to do.

    unless you are personally friends with her outside of work, just keep your resignation business-like. if you already have the other job, you don't even need to tell her where you are going or why.

    does she confide the personal details of her life in you? if no, then you shouldn't either.

    the only exception would be if you had a friendship outside of work you intend to continue.
  • eric_sg61
    eric_sg61 Posts: 2,925 Member
    Not to be rude (really)..but you're an adult, just do what you have to do. No reason to be scared.

    This^^.
  • bateslin
    bateslin Posts: 67
    I would thank her for the opportunity to work with her over the past several years. I would indicate that you have been offered an opportunity to further your career goals which offers an increase in pay and benefits. While you appreciate her as an employer, you cannot turn down the new job opportunity. Just keep it very concise, straightforward and respectful.

    Best of luck in your new job!
  • ldrosophila
    ldrosophila Posts: 7,512 Member
    It's just business. Your family and your pocketbook is more important.

    You take a deep breathe and you walk into her office hand her your letter of resignation and say I've loved being here for the last 5 years but I think at this time I need to broaden my experiences.

    Don't burn bridges. Do your job. Help them out as they request until your last day. I wouldn't volunteer to do extra though resist that temptation. When I left my last job no one really knew how much I did and believe me they were hurting, but I left on good positive terms.
  • TheWinman
    TheWinman Posts: 684 Member
    You have to do what's best for you. It's her reponsibilty to make sure other people can do the jobs of others in case someone leaves. If she does not know how to do half the stuff you do, that is her own fault. A $.50 cent raise tells me you were not appreciated anyway. Enjoy the new job, raise in pay and benefits. Don't look back.
  • dlaplume2
    dlaplume2 Posts: 1,658 Member
    I would put it in writing, but tell her in person on Friday. That way she has the weekend to digest it.

    Be firm and tell her that you enjoyed the opportunity to learn and grow with her, but an opportunity came up that was too good to pass on and was better suited for you and your family (if you have one) Be prepared for her to ask you to stay and offer you some sort of incentive. When she does that, just tell her you have already committed to taking the new job and you are not going to reneg on that commitment..

    Good luck with your new job.
  • Zylahe
    Zylahe Posts: 772 Member
    Dear current boss,
    It is with regret that i must hand in my resignation.
    I have been given an amazing opportunity at company Xyz that i can not pass up.
    I will miss working at Current company and wish you all the best in the future.
    My last day of employment here will be the 20th,
    Regards,
    OP




    Done.
    It seems scary but once its done you will feel better( i had to put mine in last month)
  • dextersgramps
    dextersgramps Posts: 39 Member
    you have to think about you and your families best interest,its hard to leave after 5 years but if you stay, where will you be in 5 yrs.are they ready to give you benefits and a healthy increase.the flip side of the coin is if they closed next week what would they do for you.Look after youself and dont feel guilty about it
  • kennethmgreen
    kennethmgreen Posts: 1,759 Member
    Some good advice in here already. I agree with not over-explaining, despite the temptation. You can be graceful and succinct. Not only do you not owe your boss a lengthy explanation, there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn't provide a lengthy explanation. It's unnecessary and almost always just a means to alleviate some of your own guilt while unintentionally providing means for the person receiving the explanation to argue and/or get feelings hurt.

    I agree with the in person and in writing approach. For both, be clear you are leaving, the decision is done, you are taking another opportunity. It's not a negotiation. You have already decided your boss will freak. So keep it short.

    Congrats on getting a job you wanted by the way. Don't let that success be tarnished by someone else's crazy.
  • DBiddle69
    DBiddle69 Posts: 682 Member
    I spent 24 years in the Air Force and when I came to the civilian sector I learned quickly that you cannot worry about them freaking out becasue your leaving...you need to worry about yourself!!

    That being said this was the type of letter (e-mail) I submitted when I left

    I am writing to notify you that I am providing two weeks notice and will be resigning from my position as XXXXX with XXXX
    Company. My last day of employment will be January 15.

    Please let me know if I can provide any assistance with the transition. I would be glad to provide whatever support I can during
    my remaining time with the company.

    I wish you and the company success in the future. Thank you for all the support you have provided me during my tenure with
    the company.

    Best regards,

    Good luck with the new job!!

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