It makes me uncomfortable when...

SJ46
SJ46 Posts: 407 Member
in Motivation and Support
...people make self deprecating comments about themselves in reference to their weight while comparing their weight to mine.

Really, when that happens I just don't know what to say. I also am not sure if you are trying to take a dig at me or what.

This happened to me today and a couple days ago by the same person. Not only was I uncomfortable but I was sad for her because I find this person to be a very pretty young lady and I wish she could see that in herself.

Why do people do this? What is their intent?

Ladies - please don't do this, if it is not nice to say about someone else then don't say it about yourself.

Replies

  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    I find that when people do this part of it is a cry for help. I hate just offering advice though, so I usually just say something about taking baby steps and how it adds up. I also add that there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who loves herself for who she currently is.
  • chercee
    chercee Posts: 120 Member
    When people are uncomfortable, they say strange things. At least, that's been my experience - and I'm guilty of it, too. I say the most awkward things when I'm uncomfortable.

    Sometimes, it's also about the elephant in the room. If your friend perceives themself to be hefty and you to be healthy, maybe they prefer to draw attention to it themselves, rather than waiting for it to be done for them. Go on the attack instead of being attacked?

    I agree - we should not talk smack about ourselves ... but it happens. Good for you for trying to be a good friend.
  • SJ46
    SJ46 Posts: 407 Member
    Thanks for the thoughtful responses so far.
    When people are uncomfortable, they say strange things.

    I am very guilty of this myself, good point.
  • Duck_Puddle
    Duck_Puddle Posts: 3,237 Member
    I don't know exactly what was said to you, but it could be very much that the person just doesn't see themselves the way you do. My BFF is my appointed "chaperone" for buying clothes. I need a chaperone because I don't see myself any differently than I did 75 lbs ago. I see it some in pics, but not even a little bit in the mirror. So I need a chaperone to help pic out clothes and tell me what fits and all of that (sad, but very true). My BFF is gracious enough to go through this drama everytime I need clothes for something. I will also mention that my BFF has always (for the 12 years I've known her) been a very healthy weight & size.

    So at a recent shopping excursion, I had to buy pants. We picked up a bunch in a bunch of sizes and headed off for the drama of the fitting room. I started with the size 10-even I could tell that was too big. So I went to the 8. They fit kind of weird but that must be right, because I don't understand how I could fit in an 8, there's no way I could fit in something smaller. So I go out to my chaperone who tells me to go back in and try the next size down. I told her, in complete honesty, that there's no way my fat @ss is going to fit in a size 6. My friend just replied, well my fat @ss certainly doesn't fit in a size 6, but yours does, I'll go get a 4 just in case.

    Did I intend to insult her? Nope. I just honestly don't see myself as anywhere near her size. I see myself infinitely larger. I would never have thought that I wore a smaller size than her. It's still ludicrous to me. I didn't set out to insult her or anything of the sort. In fact, I'm still convinced that one of us is wearing pants that have the wrong size tag. And IMO, my @ss IS fat, hers is not.
  • swagtier
    swagtier Posts: 53
    It's not a dig at you, so there's no need to take it personally. It's caused by cripplingly low self-esteem. It's kind of silly to be critical of people with low self-esteem instead of understanding. 8/

    There is no "intent". It's just her horribly negative thoughts about herself leaking out publicly.
  • swagtier
    swagtier Posts: 53
    I find that when people do this part of it is a cry for help. I hate just offering advice though, so I usually just say something about taking baby steps and how it adds up. I also add that there is nothing more beautiful than a woman who loves herself for who she currently is.

    The last sentence is basically shaming her for having low self-esteem (beautiful women love themselves, she hates herself, what does that make her?). Wouldn't really go that route either, tbh.
  • SJ46
    SJ46 Posts: 407 Member
    It's not a dig at you, so there's no need to take it personally. It's caused by cripplingly low self-esteem. It's kind of silly to be critical of people with low self-esteem instead of understanding. 8/

    There is no "intent". It's just her horribly negative thoughts about herself leaking out publicly.

    I see what you are saying but having low self esteem does not give you a free pass to say what you want. I am trying to understand, hence my post.

    And it does feel a little personal.

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