Brave and stupid

Icedrgn

Hello peoples of myfitnesspal. My name is Dave, but you can all just use my profile name. I am hoping to test out the waters of this community and associated apps to try and help someone that asked me to help them. It's my fiance actually, and she asked me to help her lose weight. I don't know about all of you but that's dangerous territory in my book.

I asked her how she wants me to help her, cause I'm a great person. Her answer was, "I don't know." Followed by a list of frustrations about her efforts which I can get into but it's not important right now. Long story short I'm here to develop my help abilities because I'm in the danger zone. Weight loss help for a significant is a slippery sensitive slope.

artistryrose

Ahh yes! I was in her position when I started trying to get healthy. I basically told my boyfriend "hey I need to lose some weight so I can be more confident and healthy for the both of us! So I'm going to start making better meals and working out." Basically any time he comes over I always cook dinner and make it healthy and delicious. Maye you could make a good healthy dinner for her one night and light some candles and make it a little romantic so that your not just "agreeing" with her that she needs to lose weight! I make all kinds of healthy breakfast lunch and dinners I love my takeout so I always make something I would want to order(from let's say a Chinese place) but I make it myself and put only good things into it!! I've made my own moo shu shrimp, I make teriyaki chicken, and I've made my own brown fried rice!!! It's soooooo good! If you want any tips feel free to add me or message me!!

Maybe you can take her hiking or on a long walk somewhere, or walk or ride bikes to an Icecream shop and get smalls!! And then ride back!! Or just skip the Icecream and ride to a park an walk around. Maybe you could buy yourselves some new fitness gear. All these things should keep you out of the dog house

Marga40

I don't think it's stupid of you to agree to help her, though how you go about it could go either way! My suggestion is to think more support than help. You can support her by adopting healthy habits yourself. So that means don't bring home junk food from the grocery, or eat garbage-y meals. People can feel sabotaged by having to live with (or cook for!) someone who's eating tempting foods. You can offer to make the meals more often, and learn to create healthy options.

You can suggest activities that are 'active' as opposed to movies, t.v, meals out and the like. You should praise her efforts when she's doing well, but be careful about pointing out when she's not. The key there is to avoid being at all judgmental. She may not want 'tough-love', especially from her S.O. That's what trainers are for, or girl-friends. You can think about putting the focus on health, never on weight or size. Finally, I'd say you should be mostly safe by being more of a listener than anything. When she's frustrated (or whatever), don't try to fix it- just acknowledge that you recognize her frustration. Sometimes that's all we want.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that's helpful at all - but good for you for wanting to be there for her! Good luck to you both!

Cr01502

Are you going to log her food and exercise for her as well?

Katla49

I don't think it's stupid of you to agree to help her, though how you go about it could go either way! My suggestion is to think more support than help. You can support her by adopting healthy habits yourself. So that means don't bring home junk food from the grocery, or eat garbage-y meals. People can feel sabotaged by having to live with (or cook for!) someone who's eating tempting foods. You can offer to make the meals more often, and learn to create healthy options.

You can suggest activities that are 'active' as opposed to movies, t.v, meals out and the like. You should praise her efforts when she's doing well, but be careful about pointing out when she's not. The key there is to avoid being at all judgmental. She may not want 'tough-love', especially from her S.O. That's what trainers are for, or girl-friends. You can think about putting the focus on health, never on weight or size. Finally, I'd say you should be mostly safe by being more of a listener than anything. When she's frustrated (or whatever), don't try to fix it- just acknowledge that you recognize her frustration. Sometimes that's all we want.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that's helpful at all - but good for you for wanting to be there for her! Good luck to you both!

This is excellent advice. One thing to add. Reframe this whole project as living a healthy life together, including smart food choices. DH and I are on this path together. We both need to lose the weight and we're helping each other. We're including better food habits along with more active recreation choices.

prairiewalker

... I asked her how she wants me to help her, ...

Hi Dave,

You're off to a great start by asking her for clarification..and yes, you are on one hell of a slippery slope... but why isn't she starting her own profile on here? She should be requesting MFP friends and getting her

1. current data tallied,
2. goals listed


before she can even

3. begin to know what steps she will need to make..once that is established...she will know where you can help...

Unless, you need to help her with steps 1, 2 and 3....

You can both send a friend request if you want and Good Luck!

iulia_maddie

Ha! Good luck bud!

PolacaFL

Help by preparing her meals! It was easy for me when I lost weight years ago because my bf at the time would calculate my Weight Watchers points and plan meals with me as if he was on a diet himself. He was toothpick though and caught himself thinking "I cant eat it that, I dont have enough points" HAHAH Poor thing.

Anyways, if she doesnt plan her meals she might end up eating just whats convenient.