Need advice: trying to get my mom in shape

surfbabe

My mom has been physically inactive for about 15 years now. By that I mean, she goes to work and comes home and watches TV, goes to bed, repeats. Weekends may include minor walking but that's it. She's about 5'5 and I'm assuming close or possibly over 200lbs. Very small framed with tiny arms and legs but lots of fat in her mid section. Her diet isn't horrible and in fact I've seen her go without enough food throughout the day. However she does drink Diet Coke and has Fast food maybe once a week. But truly it's the complete lack of movement that I think is her downfall.

She is an excuse maker and that will be my biggest obstacle with her. Just today I was talking to her about the classes I take at my gym (yoga,pilates, taichi, etc. ) all low impact and she seems interested as she's always talking about getting in shape. However nothing ever comes from it. So I told her that my gym has a 7day free trial and she said she would go to these classes! GOOD! I got the foot in the door but now what?! I need my mom to live a long and healthy life but with her high blood pressure and inactivity that won't happen.

Another issue is that if she does join it's $40 a month and she already is making excuses about how my dad wouldn't go for that... however these are the same two people that go and get their biweekly mani and pedis. I want to shake her sometimes. Yes money is tight for them but they also spend money on things that are just ridiculous.

So in conclusion, and I'm sure I've left out a lot, but how can I make my mom take more interest in her health and well being and learn to replace some luxuries for a better life? Also I need to add that I can be there for everyone of her workouts bc I'm sure she wouldn't go if I wasn't there.

Sqeekyjojo

It's not your job to do it.

If she chooses to, then she'll succeed. If not, it's her choice.

surfbabe

It's not your job to do it.

If she chooses to, then she'll succeed. If not, it's her choice.

I understand what you are saying but It's really hard to watch her gain weight steadily and not do anything about it. And since I have her compliance with trying the gym out, I'd like to have advice to keep her there and not a " don't worry about it/ not your problem" attitude.

lsulli2004

You typically feel much better once you start moving, it's the starting that is the hardest. My suggestion would be to try to make her see/feel the difference. Get her wanting to continue.

I will say, she won't commit until SHE is ready. If she hasn't reached that point, it won't happen. I feel your pain though. I have a very sedentary, alcoholic mother. It's hard to watch, and even harder to not do anything about it. Sometimes you just have to come to the conclusion that it's pointless to beat a dead horse.

Good luck! I hope it goes well!

andrederosier

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"

All you can do is try to spark a fire. It is up to your mom to fan those flames. You need to find out what interests she had before that might be something she likes again. Did she run/bike/swim/hike/whatever when younger? If she liked dancing try a zumba class. A gym might be expensive but if it offers lots of classes that would off-set it. Otherwise maybe try a rec center or some other place where you just pay for the class. At this point getting her interested in just 1 activity would be a good goal and sometimes a gym can be overwhelming for some. Also plan some mother/daughter outings. Get her out shopping and walking around a store. Tell her you would like to talk with her but you are short on time because you have to get your steps in at the park and see if she will join you. You can't force her to be more active but maybe you can find common interests that get you moving.

bcattoes

I'd try Zumba. It's so fun. As an older mother myself, it's what got me off the couch. On recommendation from my daughter. :flowerforyou:

Sqeekyjojo

It's not your job to do it.

If she chooses to, then she'll succeed. If not, it's her choice.

I understand what you are saying but It's really hard to watch her gain weight steadily and not do anything about it. And since I have her compliance with trying the gym out, I'd like to have advice to keep her there and not a " don't worry about it/ not your problem" attitude.

Would you rather I promise you she'll magically fall into line if you just say the right thing?

Fact is that if she prefers having nice nails to exercise and eating well, all you'll do is piss her off and make it even less likely that she'll never try anything you suggest again.


If she told you to eat more and lay on the couch because she likes doing it, would you? Of course not.


So it's not your place to expect to be able to make her want it. She has to. Not you. When she is ready, if she is ready, then by all means be supportive. But you can't take responsibility for a grown woman's choices whether you approve of them or not. They're her choices to make, not yours.

Getting annoyed with someone who's actually trying to help you not make a mistake that could haunt you forever ('what if I'd been more forceful, what if I'd not annoyed her, what if...?') really isn't going to help you or your mother, no matter how well intentioned you are.

surfbabe

It's not your job to do it.

If she chooses to, then she'll succeed. If not, it's her choice.

I understand what you are saying but It's really hard to watch her gain weight steadily and not do anything about it. And since I have her compliance with trying the gym out, I'd like to have advice to keep her there and not a " don't worry about it/ not your problem" attitude.

Would you rather I promise you she'll magically fall into line if you just say the right thing?

Fact is that if she prefers having nice nails to exercise and eating well, all you'll do is piss her off and make it even less likely that she'll never try anything you suggest again.


If she told you to eat more and lay on the couch because she likes doing it, would you? Of course not.


So it's not your place to expect to be able to make her want it. She has to. Not you. When she is ready, if she is ready, then by all means be supportive. But you can't take responsibility for a grown woman's choices whether you approve of them or not. They're her choices to make, not yours.

Getting annoyed with someone who's actually trying to help you not make a mistake that could haunt you forever ('what if I'd been more forceful, what if I'd not annoyed her, what if...?') really isn't going to help you or your mother, no matter how well intentioned you are.

I wasn't annoyed by your post at all. I simply stated that I was looking for advice to keep her in the gym. Obviously I know I can't control her actions, I don't need you to tell me that. Also this is my mom, who I have a great relationship with, she isn't going to get "pissed off" or shun me for helping her out. I think you should tone it down a bit.

thecakelocker

Yeah... I know it's hard to watch. But there's nothing you can do for her if she doesn't want to do it for herself.

surfbabe

I'd try Zumba. It's so fun. As an older mother myself, it's what got me off the couch. On recommendation from my daughter. :flowerforyou:

Great idea!

surfbabe

At this point getting her interested in just 1 activity would be a good goal and sometimes a gym can be overwhelming for some.

I think this might be the ticket. Thank you!

skylark94

My mom was wanting to get in shape, so it was a bit easier for me to help her. I got her set up with MFP and bought her a Fitbit. The Fitbit has really motivated her to get out and move around.

MyOwnSunshine

Did she ask you specifically to create a diet and exercise plan to help her get in shape?

If not, leave her the hell alone. She is an adult and can choose how to spend her time and money, and is also the only one who needs to make decisions about her health.

aseymour13

I agree with the comment about if there is one activity she really enjoys, then focus on that. The gym I go to, the Zumba classes are filled with us "Older" types, who are not in shape, some where t-shirts and sweat pants - I think that's a good case where someone who hasnt been active for a bit, feels less threatened. What else does she like to do? I love to Garden and it burns a lot of calories. Baby steps but every step is one in the right direction. You might not be able to get the horse to drink the water but if you dont lead her there you may never know. Kudos to you for the effort.

surfbabe

You typically feel much better once you start moving, it's the starting that is the hardest. My suggestion would be to try to make her see/feel the difference. Get her wanting to continue.

Oh yeah! I'm wondering if I got a trainer to measure her body fat % at the beginning and then again after, if she joins, a month to see how she's improving, if that would help. Let her be her own motivation so to speak.

Thank you!

dswilborn

If there is a class with women her age, she might be more inclined to stick to it. The social aspect of making friends and getting together each week is often more compelling than doing something because it's "good for you".

Check out any local recreation classes - even though she's not a senior, they sometimes have gentler classes for older adults that might be easier for her to start out with. Or maybe something through a swimming center - water aerobics is gentle and fun.

1ConcreteGirl

I started putting my mom's dinner on top of the remote-controlled Roomba and making her chase it for a while.

She's down five pounds!

surfbabe

Did she ask you specifically to create a diet and exercise plan to help her get in shape?

If not, leave her the hell alone. She is an adult and can choose how to spend her time and money, and is also the only one who needs to make decisions about her health.

She is constantly complaining about her weight and is open for me to help. I'm asking for motivation help. Thanks!

pastryari

I started putting my mom's dinner on top of the remote-controlled Roomba and making her chase it for a while.

She's down five pounds!

God, I love you.

Pixi_Rex

You can't. Simply put... she is an adult, she needs to make this decision on her own. You can encourage but thats are far as it goes on your end.

surfbabe

I agree with the comment about if there is one activity she really enjoys, then focus on that. The gym I go to, the Zumba classes are filled with us "Older" types, who are not in shape, some where t-shirts and sweat pants - I think that's a good case where someone who hasnt been active for a bit, feels less threatened.

This is perfect!

Cr01502

I want to shake her sometimes.

This is probably your best option.

iulia_maddie

I started putting my mom's dinner on top of the remote-controlled Roomba and making her chase it for a while.

She's down five pounds!

That's awesome! I just buy cheesecake and let her take a little bite. Then I take a few steps back, she follows me to take another bite...Next thing you know we are running laps around the house.

wmstormvet

Start by trying to get her walking around your neighborhood. Find recipes that she will enjoy eating and aren't too hard to make. Tons on www.skinnytaste.com. I tell everyone I know about it! Just keep in mind though, she has to want to do this, not you!

wmstormvet

I started putting my mom's dinner on top of the remote-controlled Roomba and making her chase it for a while.

She's down five pounds!

That's awesome! I just buy cheesecake and let her take a little bite. Then I take a few steps back, she follows me to take another bite...Next thing you know we are running laps around the house.

haha! Y'all are hysterical!!

katy_trail

all I can really do is make progress myself, we're the same height and build, whatever I can do, she could too.
when she asked for advice, I also told her about bulgarian squats, she liked the effect that would have :P

19kat55

As an older woman myself, with children about your age, I concur with those that say unless she is ready you won't be able to make her do anything. That being said, there are many things you can do to encourage her if she is ready. As an older woman, she will be self conscious about going the first time. She will think there is mainly young, great looking, in shape people there and she would be "out of place". Assure her that is not the case. Also let her know how important it is to you for her grandchildren to know and have great memories of their grandmother. I was just like your mom, went to work everyday, to the house, and watched TV. The thing that got me off my butt was the desire to someday be able to get down on the ground and play with my grandchildren. I want to be a "fun" grandma, not one on the sidelines. I don't know if any of this will ring true for you, but it was a great motivator for me.

surfbabe

As an older woman myself, with children about your age, I concur with those that say unless she is ready you won't be able to make her do anything. That being said, there are many things you can do to encourage her if she is ready. As an older woman, she will be self conscious about going the first time. She will think there is mainly young, great looking, in shape people there and she would be "out of place". Assure her that is not the case. Also let her know how important it is to you for her grandchildren to know and have great memories of their grandmother. I was just like your mom, went to work everyday, to the house, and watched TV. The thing that got me off my butt was the desire to someday be able to get down on the ground and play with my grandchildren. I want to be a "fun" grandma, not one on the sidelines. I don't know if any of this will ring true for you, but it was a great motivator for me.

Thank you so much for this!

19kat55

As an older woman myself, with children about your age, I concur with those that say unless she is ready you won't be able to make her do anything. That being said, there are many things you can do to encourage her if she is ready. As an older woman, she will be self conscious about going the first time. She will think there is mainly young, great looking, in shape people there and she would be "out of place". Assure her that is not the case. Also let her know how important it is to you for her grandchildren to know and have great memories of their grandmother. I was just like your mom, went to work everyday, to the house, and watched TV. The thing that got me off my butt was the desire to someday be able to get down on the ground and play with my grandchildren. I want to be a "fun" grandma, not one on the sidelines. I don't know if any of this will ring true for you, but it was a great motivator for me.

Thank you so much for this!

You are quite welcome. If your mom is on MFP and needs some older motivating friends, I'd be happy to friend her. I myself go to the gym at least three times a week, lift weights, work with a trainer, and do cardio. I've never felt better or more energized. Use to weight 255 lbs and am down to 155. If I can do it, anyone can do it!