mini break through

zonah

Going through major drama with my Mother and have not eaten over it, nor had a drink (not my usual vise, but still!) I think I'm going to end things with her for my own good. I've done everything I can do to make her last years safe, happy and healthy. She seems determined to make bad choices and play her children against each other. Another one of my siblings is cutting things off with her too.

In away it's karma she's aligned her self with the one person who has not been employed for ten years and has substance abuse issues. They are two peas in a pod. I do feel bad for her still and worry about her safety and well being. But I know she's not worried about me in the least. She has sucked me dry, I have to let go and focus on my own family.

Thanks for reading.

FaerieCae

Sounds like you're doing the right thing.

jade2112

I had a psychiatrist tell me, over 25 years ago, to cut all ties with my mother. Some of the best advice I've ever gotten.

Sometimes for our own sanity we have to do this. Not that I don't think of her or give her a call a few times a year. Like you said she sucked me dry and belittled and insulted me daily. She also wanted money all the time because she has a sever gambling habit.

It was truly a toxic relationship.

mmuzzatti

Life..........

Dauntlessness

I have stopped contact with my mother and sister for 3-4 years now. Its much easier said than done. If you do it, stick with it. If you dont, you feed the drama. Stop taking calls, and the few you do, set limits of only true emergencies and thats the only way she is allowed to contact you.

For me, therapy was essential to figure things out and change my life. More than likely her parenting issues have effected your life too. You would not believe the things I discovered after refection. Trust me, go see someone. Not a counselor, not a psychiatrist an actual therapist. There is a huge difference in their treatment styles and qualifications.

I would also suggest a DBT class/group. Its called dialectical behavior therapy. It is usually run more as a class and you will have homework. It it usually at least a year commitment but trust me on this one, it saved my life. Most of my life I have been stuck in my own head, dreading any conflict, avoiding people, still caught up in the manipulation of my mother, anger issues, trust issues, overeating, the inability to be successful and feeling targeted by bad karma, feeling like no matter what I do, there is always strings attached from others-like overcompensating all the time, dramatizing things...those type things.

I am a completely a different person now and I haven't had to go to therapy for like 2-3 years now. Before I I started treatment I would cry a few times a month and constantly be stressed....I cry maybe once a year and for only valid reasons. I am only stressed when its appropriate. I am truly happy for the first time in my life. Everything is balanced.

zonah

Thanks everyone for the replies I'm going to counseling next Friday. I will look into the DBT I've never heard of it. I didn't sleep at all last night. It's so unbelievable in her last few years life this is what she would choose to do. I don't want to get into specific details but with the sibling she's 'chosen' she's actually done something that the staff at the rehab house advised against

I met up with her briefly last night had to go by the sibling who was blocking the door. (there is a 11 yrs btw us. That sibling abused me when I was a child) I was just totally shaking when I left Mom's building but I stood up to sibling in a rational way. I'm proud of myself. I've worked so hard to cultivate this mini albeit one sided relationship with her. It's been a wast of time. I had gone two years with out any contact. That was a good thing because I can deal with her way better now.