Almost Underweight, Fear of Gaining too much

carminburns92

Hi,

My name is Carmin, I'm 21 years old....

I don't know how to say this, but I might as well be honest from the beginning right?

So I got into the nasty habit of smoking methamphetamines. I'm not proud.

After I go to sleep, tomorrow (as in today) will be my quit date.

I know this isn't a site for recovering addicts.

However, I lost almost 30 lbs doing this (NOT condoning or recommending it in ANY way. DON'T EVER EVER USE THIS DRUG, FOR ANY REASON) and I'm afraid I'm going to gain a lot of weight.

Also I'm barely considered to be at a healthy weight....seriously my BMI is .4 away from making me "underweight".

I fear becoming overweight.

Yes, I need to quit and I need to gain some weight period.

If any of you have had a similar experience I would love to hear it.

Any advice is appreciated.

Any scolding or belittling is not.

Thank you.

-Carmin

Mimoki

Congrats, quitting is the best thing you are doing to move towards a better and healthier you! As long as you stay on track, no more drugs, eating healthy and of course exercising to build up strength ( the weight loss from drug use most likely ate into your muscle mass as well) you should be able to get to a healthy weight and not be over weight. Don't be too scared though, you need to work hard and keep focus to help repair your body from the damage and stress put on it by the meth.

CoderGal

Hello Carmin. Just a few simple things. For one, quiting does not make you gain weight, eating more does. Figure out your TDEE (no, that is not the goal myfitnesspal sets up) and eat that. If you find yourself ravaging for food because you want something to do, find a different outlet then food (reading, games, researching stuff, etc).

carminburns92

Thank you for the advice.
And you are right. I have lost quite a bit of muscle mass.
Um I'm not sure what TDEE is.....
And actually my metabolism will slow down because this drug speeds it up to a ridiculous amount.
On top of that since I'm used to practically starving myself because I have no appetite, when I start to eat a normal amount (if not more) then it will store as fat and such because my body has grown accustomed to storing the littlest bit of food so as to be able to run on something other than cigarettes and meth.....
Its dumb, but I have a severe fear of becoming fat.
You could almost say I have obesophobia, (the fear of becoming fat).
Anywho I'll do more research & hopefully find out more.


p.s. the main reason I became a member is so i could actively log my food intake

CoderGal

Thank you for the advice.
And you are right. I have lost quite a bit of muscle mass.
Um I'm not sure what TDEE is.....
And actually my metabolism will slow down because this drug speeds it up to a ridiculous amount.
On top of that since I'm used to practically starving myself because I have no appetite, when I start to eat a normal amount (if not more) then it will store as fat and such because my body has grown accustomed to storing the littlest bit of food so as to be able to run on something other than cigarettes and meth.....
Its dumb, but I have a severe fear of becoming fat.
You could almost say I have obesophobia, (the fear of becoming fat).
Anywho I'll do more research & hopefully find out more.


p.s. the main reason I became a member is so i could actively log my food intake

Ah yes I just looked that up.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/637094-cinderella-s-weight-loss-knowledge <-read this allot

I'll assure you that you should be alright. Expect weight gain if you have been hardly eating. Do not freak out about it. It's not permanent. If you keep eating at TDEE, expect the weight gain to go away in a couple of weeks. The body is quite good at recovering from these things.

As for the cravings, read up on ghrelin. It's interesting, if anything it'll keep you entertained and give you something to do other then eat ghrelin is responsible for our food cravings. It's also worth noting that thirst triggers the same feeling as hunger. So if you find yourself hungry try drinking water first to make sure you're not. Don't poison yourself on water, either.

Protein is a great food for satiety. Get about .8g of protein/lb of your body weight.

Exercise. I recommend strength training. Particularly if you're afraid of gaining. That way if you gain temporarily, you'll be slimmer haha. Here are 2 pictures of me at 130lbs:


Strength training will help you get your strength back and you'll be feeling a lot better about you health wise

Sailatsorf

I'm glad you're doing something to better yourself!In my opinion, this site isn't just for people who want to lose weight, but who want to get into a healthy body and stay there. I suggest taking up some kind of physical exercise that you like (I like walking). Then if you ever feel like going back to your bad habit, just start doing that physical activity. I've heard that this works from several people who quit smoking and other not so great things. I know your habit is a lot more serious, but I don't see why it can't apply to you, too! Good luck!

ashlbubba

I'm not sure I can give you awesome advice on this one, but you must expect to gain weight- it sounds like you need to anyway. Try to keep your focus on staying clean.. Be sure to get your exercise and eat sensible meals and try not to look at the scale for awhile!!

Best wishes.

_andreamarie

Well first of all, congrats on deciding to quit! I think that as long as you eat the amount of calories your supposed to eat every day you should be at a healthy weight. And exercise regularly even if it's just walking and you should be fine & healthy

MaraDiaz

You aren't alone. A lot of women start using meth to lose weight. I've heard that on numerous shows and read it on numerous sites.

Why do I take an interest in meth use? Because I know it is the one illegal drug I'd love if I ever tried it. I've heard too many descriptions from users to think otherwise. I mean who doesn't want boundless energy and confidence all while being slim? So I watch the shows and read the sites to remind myself where that road will likely lead if I ever start down it.

In the end it's a bad road to follow. You are tough and courageous and smart for getting out now. And you should look at the weight issue as a challenge similar to that faced by women who smoke cigarettes and fear to gain weight when they quit. It isn't as extreme but it's still on point.

Then go look at one of the many before and after meth user photo sites. Meth users are the zombies. For real, some of those photos are straight out of central casting for zombie movies. They are skinny but they are not pretty.

If smokers can quit and either not gain weight or lose all the weight gained due to quitting then so can you!

I used to smoke when I was stressed but I don't anymore and haven't for a long time, yet I've lost a ridiculous amount of weight. I used to take Adderall for ADD and that was similar to meth in that it is an amphetamine and did control my weight in a way I never had to even think about it but it wasn't necessary to weight loss, it was just convenient. I never would have guessed I could lose weight without a stimulant but I have (coffee doesn't count!). And so can you. Or you can be smarter and more in control than I was and never gain in the first place.

Truly I know you can do it and applaud your courage to do it.

carminburns92

Candorgal thank you for the awesome link to your previous post!
I bookmarked it!
I'm definitely going to read up on glycogen.
And you look absolutely AMAZING in those pics.
I didn't look that good when I weighed 130.

Everyone else thank you for your encouragement & support.

To those of you who have lost weight congratulations!
That's is no easy task and you should be very proud of yourselves!

Just so you get an idea of what I looked like before I was put on medication...when I was "normal" (not nearly as much stress & no drug problem. I was at a good weight. 120 lbs):



what I looked like after I got out of the mental hospital, was clean, and on a lot of medication (125 lbs):



what I looked like after I quit my medication, didn't do any drugs (135 lbs my heaviest):



And what I looked gradually looked like after using meth:

Late November '12 (had just started using recreationally 130 lbs)



After 2 months of pretty regular use (120 lbs):



After 1 month of daily use (113 lbs):



After 2 months of daily use (110 lbs):



And now (108 lbs):



also this one creeped me out considering someone told me about "demons" and azazel a yellow-eyed demon....then again when I took this one I had been up for two days, hearing things, seeing things, and being completely paranoid at like 3 o clock in the morning (also 108 lbs but you can't really tell):




So yeah....sorry this post is so long.
Its for you guys but also so I myself can see how I'm slowly killing myself....

Aj67

Quitting drugs is the bet thing you can do for your body. Please just concentrate on one hurdle at a time. I don't know you or your cirumstances but you are doing the right thing whether you put on weight or not. Perhaps join a gym it will help you on those bad days when you feel like giving up and help get your muscles back. Just remember your NEVER alone reach out for help when you need it !

silversociety

As others have mentioned, thank you for sharing your story. As far as the weight goes, I wouldn't worry too much about it. If you more or less follow whatever the macros tell you to do (i.e. gain a pound a week or something) you'll be fine. I think the bigger thing to keep wary of is to make sure you never go back on that drug. From what I've heard, that is the most addictive street drug there is with people going back onto it, months and even years after use. I'm glad you see that you're consciously making a change.

CoderGal

Lucky for you it doesn't look like you did any long term damage. Get out quick while you can because the long term problems strike pretty fast out of nowhere. A girl I went to highschool with did that stuff. She was supper mega happy before and went from that to supper ultra mega paranoyed that everyone was out to get her and she started looking sick rather fast. It was crazy to watch. Glad you chose the alternative.

SoViLicious

Don't worry about weight... focus on being free from addiction.

CoderGal

Agreed with the above. One hurdle at a time. I know this may all be overwhelming right now but I assure you you can get out of this looking great. Don't panic if weight gain happens. It doesn't all have to be a long term thing and it's not like you'll put on 50 pounds in a few weeks lol. It's easier to reverse then people think. And as those pictures show above if you go about things the right way (ie resistance training) you could end up looking slimmer at a much higher weight.

One common complaint is to feel like you're getting nowhere or that something drastic and terrible is happened over a span of a few days because people are paying far to much attention to their weight and don't realize what's normal and what's not.

bregalad5

Don't worry about weight... focus on being free from addiction.

This. Definitely.

They say admitting you have a problem is the first step, right? Don't worry about weight gain. You understand your weight is too low, now make sure you remember that if you put on a few pounds!! This whole thing is going to be all mental, but it seems, from your posts, that you have a good grasp on that. You understand you have this fear, and that it's not necessarily rational. Just keep that in the front of your mind whenever it seems your fear is creeping up!

I'd also maybe look into addiction groups for people who are also struggling. That way you'll have some support from others who have been through it.

Keep that good head on your shoulders!!

notworthstalking

Good luck with your journey. I agree that you need to not worry about the scale. Also strength training is going to be so helpful. Exercise in general is great for moods. It can also give you something helpful to focus on while changing bad habits for good ones. I wish you all the best. Seek help if you need it .

KrazyAsianNic

You have taken the right step to wanting to better yourself. Having a sister who use to be addicted to the same thing as you, I know it will be a long struggle, but I believe you can do it. My sister sort of just woke up one day and decided this isn't how she wants her life. She is now almost 5 years clean and has two beautiful children.

I agree with those saying the weight gain will come from not controling your eating. Use the site and it will help you not only gain the healthy weight you want, but not to overgain more weight.

Best of luck to you. I'm here to lose weight, but if you need a friend fro support, feel free to add me. I admire those who admit they need to gain a little more.

KrazyAsianNic

I also agree with all those saying tackle the addiction first, then tackle the weight if the problem seems to occur

Sunshine2plus2

Good luck! Meth is a hard drug to just decide to quit! I watched it destroy my brother and brother in law. My Husband was also an addict before I met him, thankfully he is 15 years clean! My brother in law not so much and its a crazy world he lives in! Ill take weight gain any day over meth! You need to worry about getting clean and then you can work on the weight!!

oregonzoo

Congrats on quitting. Focus on that long hard road. It's worth it. Even a few extra pounds are worth it, I promise.
Life without all that stuff, is so much better. So much you can't put it into words.

carminburns92

Thank you all.
I appreciate it.
Groups aren't exactly my thing.
I've been to NA several times (not for meth)
And in all honesty, it just seemed to me like a bunch of people *****ing about their problems.
I have the Step Guide, if I choose to I'll work the steps on my own.
But no meetings.
My friend says he's going to try to quit with me.
At the same time I think we might end up just enabling each other....
Like I said earlier, more than anything, I'm using this site so I can log my food intake.
Not so much because I'm worried about the weight gain (I am....not solely though)
But because I eat so little I want to be able to see how much I eat, my habits, etc.

CoderGal

Thank you all.
I appreciate it.
Groups aren't exactly my thing.
I've been to NA several times (not for meth)
And in all honesty, it just seemed to me like a bunch of people *****ing about their problems.
I have the Step Guide, if I choose to I'll work the steps on my own.
But no meetings.
My friend says he's going to try to quit with me.
At the same time I think we might end up just enabling each other....
Like I said earlier, more than anything, I'm using this site so I can log my food intake.
Not so much because I'm worried about the weight gain (I am....not solely though)
But because I eat so little I want to be able to see how much I eat, my habits, etc.

What about going to an AA group, and asking for the person who runs it for advice to take it on yourself because group stuff isn't your thing?

And agreed with the enabling. I've seen smoker couples try to quit smoking before...It's more of a partner in crime thing.

quirkytizzy

12 step programs. They may be *****ing about their problems. They're also clean.

That's something they have that you don't.

If you want to get clean hard enough, you'll try some of what they are doing. I'm an ex junkie myself, meth and needles being what almost did me in. I thought they were whiners, too.

They were clean. I wasn't. I've got over 12 years clean now. You can have this, too.

Weight gain and/or loss is not your top list priority now.

Good luck.

CoderGal

12 step programs. They may be *****ing about their problems. They're also clean.

That's something they have that you don't.

If you want to get clean hard enough, you'll try some of what they are doing. I'm an ex junkie myself, meth and needles being what almost did me in. I thought they were whiners, too.

They were clean. I wasn't. I've got over 12 years clean now. You can have this, too.

Weight gain and/or loss is not your top list priority now.

Good luck.

Blunt but to the very good point I don't think anyone thinks group therapy is the coolest thing ever. Everyone tries to avoid those things but doing that doesn't help. I don't think anyone runs into any kind of therapy thinking it's wicked awesome. But it can help if you change your attitude about it...Perhaps don't change your attitude into quirkytizzy's current attitude :laugh: But whatever helps

PetulantOne

Don't worry about weight... focus on being free from addiction.

X a million

elainewitch

I quit doing speed I then gained weight, a little more weight, some more weight after that. It was a total pain in the *kitten*. The last thing I wanted was to gain weight AND deal with addiction. Here's the kicker though, I quit doing meth and I gained a lot more than weight. I gained a life, a son, a chance to not die in a ditch or couch surfing, my mind, my freedom from being a tweak freak. Quitting is the best and the hardest thing your're ever going to do but it's worth it. Don't be afraid to eat just do it sensibly. Track what you eat, work out lightly to begin with, and get some help with overcoming addiction. You can do this. You're worth it.