Has anyone said you were big or fat when overweight?
pcdoctor01
Posts: 389 Member
Has anyone said you were big or fat when overweight?
A couple of years ago I was preparing for my high school reunion and as a result, I wanted to look good and lose weight. I did the slimfast thing (I would never do slimfast or something similar now), a ton of cardio using the treadmill and lost 40lbs. A former, female supervisor said, "You look good. You were big". That pissed me off. I should have told her, you look wrinkly and need botox. A younger male co-worker said, "You were big." The reunion didn't happen, I stopped working out and gained the weight back. Fast forward a few years, I'm bigger than what I was before the reunion now. I'm a few years older also. I'm now eating the healthy way, (no slimfast or similar type foods) and working out. There is another female co-worker who happens to be a personal trainer outside of work. I caught her staring at my stomach disgustingly. She got a few co-workers to go with her one morning to a bootcamp. During a meeting these co-workers were talking about how hard the bootcamp was. She said to the other co-workers but was referring to me, "I tried to get so and so to go with a nasty tone.". I'm thinking she was probably trying to recruit folks so she could be their personal trainer. Basically, instead of going to the bootcamp and paying some other folks, she could do the same thing. Why are folks so rude because some folks might be a little or a lot out of shape? I only have lunch with a few select co-workers and prefer it that way. I don't have time for drama.
A couple of years ago I was preparing for my high school reunion and as a result, I wanted to look good and lose weight. I did the slimfast thing (I would never do slimfast or something similar now), a ton of cardio using the treadmill and lost 40lbs. A former, female supervisor said, "You look good. You were big". That pissed me off. I should have told her, you look wrinkly and need botox. A younger male co-worker said, "You were big." The reunion didn't happen, I stopped working out and gained the weight back. Fast forward a few years, I'm bigger than what I was before the reunion now. I'm a few years older also. I'm now eating the healthy way, (no slimfast or similar type foods) and working out. There is another female co-worker who happens to be a personal trainer outside of work. I caught her staring at my stomach disgustingly. She got a few co-workers to go with her one morning to a bootcamp. During a meeting these co-workers were talking about how hard the bootcamp was. She said to the other co-workers but was referring to me, "I tried to get so and so to go with a nasty tone.". I'm thinking she was probably trying to recruit folks so she could be their personal trainer. Basically, instead of going to the bootcamp and paying some other folks, she could do the same thing. Why are folks so rude because some folks might be a little or a lot out of shape? I only have lunch with a few select co-workers and prefer it that way. I don't have time for drama.
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I don't see the problem with someone telling me I'm big when I am.
Fat isn't a bad word. It's just a description. And until I accept my size, I can't do anything about it.
And yes, I've been told it both kindly, and as an insult. I'll accept it when it's done kindly.2 -
I guess I'm just thinking that people could just leave the comments to themselves. Some people don't have manners. If you don't have anything good to say, don't say anything. Thx for responding!4
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I know this is an old thread, but I just want to agree with the original poster and say, I think it IS rude for people to make the 'big' comment.3
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Yep, all through elementary school and some of highschool. Until I got into sports and turned it all around. Hit a bad point in grade 11 and then jumped back up over 215 and it took me acouple years to get over that rut. Now I'm training in hopes of competing in amateur physique and powerlifting. I don't focus on what people used to think about me, I just think about what I want to see for myself and what I need to do to get there. Which ironic enough is tons of food and little to no cardio haha. Screw others, I have an overweight friend who wants to workout but is too scared for the exact reasons you mentioned0
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There's been a few times i gained weight and people were quick to point it out, and not really in a polite way. Not a big deal to me cause it was very true.0
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I don't see the problem with someone telling me I'm big when I am.
Fat isn't a bad word. It's just a description. And until I accept my size, I can't do anything about it.
And yes, I've been told it both kindly, and as an insult. I'll accept it when it's done kindly.
My daughter doesn't say bad things either, but she is perpetually grounded. I tell her it's not what she says but how she says it. Between friends, "b**ch" isn't an insult, it's a good laugh. Between enemies, it's a fight. So yes, fat can be a bad word when used in poor judgment.
I have been called fat, ugly, stupid, worthless and many more things by family and teachers. 90% of it was during childhood. My brother and dad are now the only ones in my life who remind me often that I am fat and lazy, and not in a casual descriptive manner. They aim to throw punches and I make a point NOT to remind them that both moved in with ME and I pay most of the bills. I clench my jaw and walk away.
You worry about yourself and not what others think. If you need their approval to do something for you, then stop working on your weight and concentrate on your self-esteem. I suggest apathy.
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When people are being honest, I think it’s childish to play that juvenile “oh you hurt my precious feelings” card because somebody spoke the truth and said something you didn’t want to hear. If somebody doesn’t want to have people see that they’re fat, they shouldn’t allow themselves to be fat.0
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pcdoctor01 wrote: »Has anyone said you were big or fat when overweight?
A couple of years ago I was preparing for my high school reunion and as a result, I wanted to look good and lose weight. I did the slimfast thing (I would never do slimfast or something similar now), a ton of cardio using the treadmill and lost 40lbs. A former, female supervisor said, "You look good. You were big". That pissed me off. I should have told her, you look wrinkly and need botox. A younger male co-worker said, "You were big." The reunion didn't happen, I stopped working out and gained the weight back. Fast forward a few years, I'm bigger than what I was before the reunion now. I'm a few years older also. I'm now eating the healthy way, (no slimfast or similar type foods) and working out. There is another female co-worker who happens to be a personal trainer outside of work. I caught her staring at my stomach disgustingly. She got a few co-workers to go with her one morning to a bootcamp. During a meeting these co-workers were talking about how hard the bootcamp was. She said to the other co-workers but was referring to me, "I tried to get so and so to go with a nasty tone.". I'm thinking she was probably trying to recruit folks so she could be their personal trainer. Basically, instead of going to the bootcamp and paying some other folks, she could do the same thing. Why are folks so rude because some folks might be a little or a lot out of shape? I only have lunch with a few select co-workers and prefer it that way. I don't have time for drama.
This is just my opinion.
People are going to always say stupid, hurtful, immature things everywhere you go. And it sucks. It really does. But the fact is, it's something we cannot escape. I think turning our focus and attention to our own minds is the way to approach it. We cannot change the world, we can only change ourselves! Change how we react and take in the words people say to, or around us. For example if someone calls me fat, even though that's not necessarily something they should be saying, not necessarily the nicest thing they could say, I can either choose to take I personally and be offended, and gain a negative opinion on them and wonder why they are like that and wonder what I can do to change what they think of me. It's all negative. Or, I can choose to not take it personally, and understand that them saying something like that about me just stems from some form of insecurity or negativity inside themselves. It literally has nothing to do with me, it has to do with them.
It's a difficult concept to apply to your life, and I am far from perfect myself, but I do believe that learning to not give a rats *kitten* about what the next person thinks or says about you, is our key to happiness.
It is not a change that will occur within yourself overnight, but with persistence you were see yourself caring less and less about the opinions of others, and with that, you will start to become more aware of everything you love about yourself, and start to focus on everything you ARE, not everything you ARE NOT.
And, I am not in any way meaning to undermine your feelings, it sucks. I have been there too many times to remember. And truthfully I do still get offended when people say certain things, or sometimes take things personally, or get upset over things. The only difference now is that I am aware that their opinions are not my problem and I can continue to remind myself of that every single day, slowly, but surly, changing the negative belief systems I hold within my subconscious!
Cheers
~M0 -
It's interesting to hear your reaction to their comments. I know it can be hurtful to hear other people make observations about us, especially when we are already down on ourselves about the attribute they describe. What's interesting to me is that I read posts in the success stories forum all the time about nobody commenting on a poster's weight loss, and that it's hurtful that nobody seems to notice. I think that reactions like the one outlined in your OP is the reason why people don't comment on weight loss. It's a lose/lose/lose proposition. Either you say the right thing and are demonized for mentioning a person's physical appearance, or you say the wrong the wrong thing in acknowledging the change (like the OP) and are demonized for noticing the wrong thing, or you say nothing and are demonized for not acknowledging the hard work someone has put into their fitness.0
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Obesity is achieved by behavior and it's a choice -- a choice that individuals make one day at a time, one hour at a time and one meal at a time. There’s nothing “short sighted and shallow” about recognizing it for what it is."Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »Excuse you? Shouldn't of ALLOWED themselves to be fat? Do you know how completely ridiculous that is. There are so many factors that play into a persons obesity the fact that you think everyone just allowed it to happen is completely short sighted and shallow.1 -
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Obesity is achieved by behavior and it's a choice -- a choice that individuals make one day at a time, one hour at a time and one meal at a time. There’s nothing “short sighted and shallow” about recognizing it for what it is."Look_Its_Kriss wrote: »Excuse you? Shouldn't of ALLOWED themselves to be fat? Do you know how completely ridiculous that is. There are so many factors that play into a persons obesity the fact that you think everyone just allowed it to happen is completely short sighted and shallow.
Just wow.
My obesity started with a head-on collision which affected my ability to move, not to mention surgery and long rehab. Which then was followed by my child being hit by a car. He was in a coma, almost died every day for a month straight and had months of rehab to learn how to walk, talk, and feed himself again. This of course affected me psychologically which became a deep depression. And by the way, this was after many years of being in excellent physical condition.
So yes, my calories out was less than my calories in. And yes, this was no one's fault but my own. But to say that I shouldn't have "allowed" myself to become fat during this extremely difficult year is not only ignorant but extremely insensitive. People become overweight for a variety of reasons, including childhood trauma, physical disabilities, eating disorders as stated above, and many others.
And personally I don't give a *kitten* if someone calls me fat. I am still fat, although losing. Btw, I'm not making excuses for my weight gain. I know that I'm the one that put the food in my mouth, but to oversimplify it by saying that people shouldn't "allow" themselves to become fat is ridiculous.4 -
If I knew they did it to hurt me, I would have simply smiled and said " and now you're the big one" let's see if they act childish or not.0
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Not to be rude, but you post a bunch of drama about... this person said this... and this person said that... and drama drama drama.
And then you say you don't have time for drama.
I don't know if you are fat now, but if you are, do something about it and don't worry about what other people say or think.
I was obese 2 years ago and now I'm not. When people tell me how good I look now compared to how I used to look, I take it as a compliment.2 -
Yes I've heard it both in the present and past tense and it doesn't bother me either way. In a few occasions I did the "no *kitten*, Sherlock" kind of response, but usually I don't even bother. People don't need to say it to me in the present tense, I'm not blind or delusional, but I don't think it's a big deal either. These is usually a reason for making such comments so I try to look for that. In most cases it's either benign (bad filters, genuine concern, foot in mouth..etc) or they're trying to sell me something.
When people say it in the past tense I usually understand where they are coming from, they are basically trying to tell me that my hard work is showing and that they notice the difference. People may not choose the best words when conveying this idea, and may try to paint my past self in a negative light for dramatic effect and contrast, but I generally understand what they are trying to say and don't fixate on how they chose to say it.
It took years of work, but trust me, once you learn the skill of listening for what's underneath the words, not the words themselves, social interactions (even the weird ones) become much more pleasant and your skin grows thicker than you ever thought possible.2 -
Holy old thread Batman.0
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So, there have been a couple instances. Most people I'm around now never knew me when I was obese. So one guy saw a picture of me on Facebook from a few years ago, next time he saw me he goes, "I saw a throwback pic of you and you were BIG!!!" I'm like, "yeah, I know." And he goes, "no, I mean you were BIIIGG!!!" I just laughed and repeated, "I know, I was there..."
It didn't really bug me, it was just funny.
Another time that DID bug me was a woman at work, who saw pics of me before, and when she did she actually felt BAD for me. She went, "awwww that's Megan, oh my god how sad"
Umm huh? Don't feel bad for me. I'm still Megan, I've just lost some weight. I thought it was a weird response.0 -
Wow! A thread from the dead. Thanks for all the comments.1
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A relative of mine called me lazy and fat infront of all my other relatives, it pissed me off so much. I didn't mind her calling me fat alone but the way she said in front of everyone was horrible. This happened 2 years ago. I made a vow to myself to never anyone call me fat ever again. So I started lifting weights , doing cardio and eating healthy and now I wear small size clothes. These are the people who compliment saying I look good now.0
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Yes. Some of it was rude, or bullying, and some of it was not. It depends on context (generations, the relationship to you, etc, etc) and your own sense of personal responsibility and sense of where others are coming from.
I could never be offended by "you look great, you were so fat", save the context of it being spiteful (which I've had with currently aimed barbs, but never with a presently directed compliment). It's true in every way (hopefully looking great. I WAS so fat and reminding me of a fact like that does not prickle me). 0 -
Old thread, don't care...active now!
Personally I think it is rude. I think it is hurtful. And I think that often, it is done so the person speaking can feel better about him/herself.
That said....The only people to have ever said I was big/fat/heavy were:
My dad. These comments were often made when I was actually an appropriate weight. Later he made them relentlessly after I got pregnant and held on to that weight. My dad and I never had a good relationship. Once I became an adolescent it was as if he had no idea how to be kind or polite to me anymore. He's been gone 16 or 17 years now, and guess what. I don't miss him. I do miss what we could have had...
My old boss. He saw me in the store just after having had my 2nd child. Slapped me on the arm and said "Really packing on the pounds there aren't ya?" I only responded with "I just had a baby, so I'm sorry." My apology seemed to disarm him.
My kids, when they were too little to know better. That didn't hurt. Just made me disgusted with myself, as if I wasn't already ...
My best friend, because we both always talk about how fat we are, and we laugh at ourselves...
It's hard when people seem to go out of their way to say hurtful things...sometimes it is unintentional, sometimes it is because the other person is an idiot and doesn't realize how hurtful they are being. I choose to ignore most of them. It would only hurt me now if it came from someone I cared about.0
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