Had surgery really having a hard time

cc_campbell81

Okay I am probably sharing too much but I need to let this out. Even though we are all technically strangers I feel a connection with you all and you all always give such good advice.
Monday I was rushed into surgery because I was having abdominal pain and the docs thought it was appendicitis. Turns out my appendix was fine (they took it out anyway to prevent future problems) and I had two ovarian cysts one in my left ovary and one on it. The details are a little foggy but I think one burst which is what caused the pain. So one day after surgery I was feeling okay and I was released from the hospital.
My husband took off work to stay with me but it’s been rough. I am supposed to rest a lot but I am also supposed to get up and walk around to prevent blood clots. If I rest a lot I start to feel better and want to help around the house and with our daughter who is 23 months old. If I move around too much then the pain becomes unbearable. I have always been independent and I normally take care of things with our daughter and around the house.
It’s hard to watch my husband try to do it all. He’s great but I feel like it’s my job to do it. I’ve always loved being a mother and wife so much I don’t let him do much because I like doing it. I am feeling so stressed. When I lay on the couch and rest I feel so lazy. It’s really getting to me. Our daughter is a mommy’s girl and she gets upset when I don’t pick her up or play with her but I am not allowed to lift anything over 10 lbs. I try to put on a strong face for everyone but I just want to cry. None of our family lives close so they aren't here. I kind of wish one of my sisters or my mom could come. It would be nice to have a woman around to help with our daughter and stuff.

melville88

:-( I really hope you get better soon, but you really need to just relax and take it easy for a few days. I know it's upsetting not being able to play with your daughter or do the housework, but if you try to do too much too soon, you might end up back in hospital. Get plenty of rest and maybe try doing low-maintenance activities with your daughter- like colouring, reading to her, playing dolls etc. Just let yourself heal, give yourself some time xxx

thirtyby40

I am sorry for what you are going through. I totally understand. I have been in a similar situation myself and it is definitely not easy. Have you asked your mom or sister to come?? You may be surprised with their answer.

Wishing you a speedy recovery and happier days!

Desiderata

I think there needs to be a balance between rest and activity. if the pain becomes too much to bare, thats your body telling you "thats enough, time to sit back down". Listen to your body. i know its hard for you to put your family aside and let them take care of you, but to recover the fastest, youre going to need to resist the urge to help out. Think about it, the quicker your recovery, the quicker you can be to picking up your daughter again

hang in there lovely!

hamiltonba

Have you asked your husband if he would mind if your sister or mother came for a week? It is frustrating, but what can you do? Do too much and end up in the hospital? You are doing what you are supposed to do. Does it suck? Yes. Will it pass? Yes. Be happy that your husband is willing to be there for you and take care of you. I promise that your child will not end up in counseling because of this. If it feels better to cry, then let it out. You've gone through a hard emotional and physical time. It will take time for your body to recover.

VictorianJade

First, I'm sorry about what you're going through.

Second- do you have any girl friends who could come over for some time.

Thirdly, I injured my back a few years ago, and had to have 10 weeks of bed rest. 10 weeks. I went nuts from boredom. But my back healed. Little walks, means going to the bathroom, and getting something to eat, and nothing that involves bending, etc. I know this.

Fourthly, your husband loves you. And so he has to tow the line for a while- if it will make you well, I bet you he's glad to do it.

You need to be good to you.

kellykat

I'm so sorry for the pain you are having as well as the frustrating situation that you are in. With that being said, you have to get your rest. I know you want to help your husband, but by overdoing it you will take longer to recover. You need to take care of yourself so that you can be there for them. Do what you can with your daughter such as watch cartoons with her or play with her in ways that you can still rest. I'm sure your husband understands and wants you to get better. This is only a temporary situation. Follow the doctor's orders and you will be better in no time. I hope you have a speedy recovery.

melmel0181

I feel for you, you must be under a lot of stress mentally and physically. Just think if you rest more now you will heal faster and be able to have an amazing time with your daughter this summer but if you do too much now you might delay the healing process and just be more frustrated. As for feeling like you cant help out in anyway try and think of something you can do while sitting and resting that will make you have a sense of accomplishment. Maybe organize family photos or since you are trying to lose weight make a menu of healthy foods to eat. Also think of ways you can cuddle with your daughter without picking her up like put a pillow under her and just have her rest on your chest. The best thing is to really brainstorm about how to make the best out of a bad situation and before you know it you will be on your feet again! Good luck! -Melissa

youngs

My heart is with you..belive me ...I was taken to the Er and had surgery 2 wks ago today..I have grown children but I was the one that always help watch my grandbabies..now if feel so bad that I can not take care of them..I can not hold them when they come to visit..I am not allowed to do anything and I really mean anything now..then on Sun evening I was rushed back to the Er and the incision busted open and it is still wide open and a little over 2 in deep..my hubby has to clean and pack it 2 times a day so it has to heal from the inside out..not only do I feel worthless knowing I do nothing but surf the web, watch tv, set in a chair and sleep(thats my day)..but my poor hubby works 10 hrs a day has 2 hours of travel time..but comes home and cleans, cooks and does the laundry..and I get to sit here..then to top it all off the daughter that has my grandbabies is right now meeting a surgen to have her gall bladder out and I really feel bad cause I can not help her or still help with my grandbabies..oh as I sit here and type this I have tears running down my checks.. I totaly understand how you feel and Wish you a speedy recovery!

cc_campbell81

I really appreciate all of your responses. they brought tears to my eyes. I knew everything you've all said but i guess i needed to hear someone else say it.

youngs- hang in there

Lparault

Oh! I am soo sorry you are having such a hard time. It is not uncommon to feel depressed or frustrated after surgery, especially one you didn't see coming. As for your daughter, do what I did with my then-3 year old after surgery to detach my twisted fallopian tube from my uterus, sit down and have her climb into your lap.

As for the rest of it, you can help out and make yourself feel more useful in a number of ways. Have your husband bring dry laundry to you. You can sit on the couch and fold. Organize your photos into an album, polish the silver, alphabetize your dvds, anything you've been putting off, but can do without over doing it. I promise you'll feel better.

Take care and don't try to do too much too soon. Trust me, you'll end up regretting it in the long run. If you over do and tear a muscle or strain your inscision, you'll end up with more scar tissue that can cause more problems and more surgery in the future.

Good Luck!!! Hope you feel better soon.

kgasser

It absolutely sucks not to be able to do what you normally do, but I have just one question for you...

What would you say to your husband if it were him that was down, and he felt like you do????

I am betting the answer would be something along the lines of "don't be an *kitten*, we are in this together, and besides, I will get you back when you feel better!" :bigsmile:

sunnikim

HUGS to you! I can empathize as this past September I began a 19 week journey on complete home bedrest while pregnant with my second child. I was allowed to get up to use the restroom throughout the day and shower (using a shower stool) every few days, but otherwise I was confined to bed in a horizontal position. This was my second round of bedrest....I did 12 weeks with my first pregnancy. With that being said, being 'out of commission' and not being able to 'contribute' as you wish you could to your household does take a mental & emotional toll. BUT, keep in mind that its TEMPORARY! The priority to you and your family should be allowing you to rest so that you can get back on your feet with ease.

Allow yourself this time to heal and try not to stress (I know, easier said than done). You'll be up & moving again before you know it. Try to stay occupied and don't feel guilty or feel as if you're being lazy. I guarantee your family doesn't see it that way, they just want you better & healthy!

Good luck! Wishing you a speedy recovery!

paddlemom

I wish you all the best and echo what everyone else has said. It can be so hard to let others take care of you when you are the one that usually takes care of everyone else. Here's something to consider....while you are resting and regaining your health, you ARE providing your daughter, young as she may be, with valuable life lessons. She is learning that daddies are capable care givers too; that mommies sometimes need rest; that routines change, but life goes on - adaptablitly is good; that she can begin to develop some independance or even helpfulness in her own age appropriate way.

Sometimes we need not only to accept help, but learn to relinquish guilt. And beware - in my experience in about a week or so you will feel super good one day and really over do it. Don't think you are a super woman...follow the advice of your doctors As frustating as this all is, non of it is as important as your long term recovery.

youngs! You too. I had the same issue with my incision, so I hear you! It's nothing you did to it, by the way, sometimes that happens, but really really take care of yourself. And let others take care of you - the sooner you let yourself heal, the sooner you will be able to help your daughter out too!

cc_campbell81

Thank you everyone. I knew this was the right place to get advice. Earlier I broke down and told my husband how I was feeling. Of course he told me to stop being silly and rest:> Thanks for all of the support. It means a lot to me.

paddlemom

Hey CC Hope you are feeling a little better today. I'm so glad you talked to you hubby, sometimes it can help just to hear that the other person is ok with taking care of you! It sounds like you have a wonderful family. Now let them treat you the way you raised them to treat other folks

Have a restful weekend!