No standards anymore?

Options
124

Replies

  • Im_NotPerfect
    Im_NotPerfect Posts: 2,181 Member
    Options
    Well...my husband says he knew we were going to get married before we even started dating! 1.5 months into dating we started talking about marriage. 6 months into dating he moved into my apartment with me. 9 months (to the day) of starting to date, we got engaged and closed on our house 5 days later. Now here we are 13 years later (10 years married) and 2 kids together and are doing great! Maybe it has to do with maturity? He was 30 and I was 22 when we started dating. I don't know, but it CAN happen. When you find the right person I guess.
  • JUDDDing
    JUDDDing Posts: 1,367 Member
    Options
    My wife apparently decided that she was going to marry me right after we met.

    I had other plans and went to the USAF for 3 years. We both did our own things for 3 years - then I came home from Okinawa for a week of leave and ended up married to her.

    Our engagement was 3 days and we probably only "dated" for 3 weeks total. We've been married 18 years.
  • YogaNikki
    YogaNikki Posts: 284 Member
    Options
    I don't think it has to do with 'no standards.' It's more like 'to each is own.' What may not work for you and me, may work for others. Or it may not. But at the end of the day, it's their disaster or heavenly arrangement, not yours or mine. :happy:
  • soldier4242
    soldier4242 Posts: 1,368 Member
    Options
    The happiest older couple I know is my best friend's parents, who have been neighbors to my parents for 25 years.

    They pretty much moved in right away, were engaged at 6 weeks and married at 6 months. They've been married at least 30 years, have five kids and run a business together. Most people that have been together that long only kinda tolerate each other but you can see these two really still love each other.

    Is it generally a good idea? Most of the time, no. Is it any of your business? Nope.

    And if it takes my boyfriend 7 years to propose I'm gonna take the hint and move the heck on. Been there, done that, got better things to do.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^This 1000 times This^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
  • nokanjaijo
    nokanjaijo Posts: 466 Member
    Options
    6 weeks was about the time I fully realized that my husband was all I wanted. I was fully prepared to never marry. I had no real interest in getting married. I loved being alone and single as much if not more than being coupled. I have always cherished solitude.

    So, yeah, not only was 6 weeks enough time to convince me I wanted to marry my husband, it was enough to convince me I wanted to get married at all.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Options
    Might as well add my own story:

    I met my husband in September 2008, we were MARRIED in March 2009 -- 4 years later, no regrets. I dated my ex for 4 years, we got engaged -- broke up a year later and didn't get married.

    If you are in a situation where 2 people know themselves and know what they want, it's pretty easy to make decision. My husband and I were BOTH very casually seeing other people for the first month our relationship. So what? We both knew what we wanted and weren't super concerned with people thinking we didn't have standards or whatever.
  • LuckyLeprechaun
    LuckyLeprechaun Posts: 6,296 Member
    Options
    If you add up the population of India, China, and the estimated number of Muslims in the world, you come up with just over 4 billion. 4 Billion people, a majority of whom enter marriage based on the judgment of their parents or other matchmakers, most of whom have rarely ever met or laid eyes on their spouse-to-be. Yet in those places the divorce rate is near zero.

    The western world marries for love and "compatibility" but we are in the minority of the world's population who do so. And we get divorced WAY WAY more often than those who enter arranged marriages.

    So, who's doing it wrong? :laugh:
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    Options
    So, as I am looking up a friend on Facebook, he just so happens to have the name of a guy I was casually seeing in December/January -he called it off suddenly & I had no idea why -Then last month I saw he was in a relationship with a girl around that time he said "Things weren't going to work out between us" (Didn't know there was a "thing" between us..) ANYWAYS, like I said I was looking up a friend of mine and his name popped up, and I see "Engaged" I'm like WTF! Are there no more NORMAL relationships where you are together for 6 months before the question is popped? I mean how can you know a person well enough to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them in 6 weeks? It's still the Honeymoon phase. I get the "Love at first sight" thing, but I bet that majority of people who become engaged within the first 6 weeks to 6 months don't last 5 years. Can anyone give me some insight to this madness? Tell me I'm wrong & show me proof that I am wrong!?

    Hmm, kind of sounds like sour grapes on your part. You go great lengths to distance yourself from this whole 'casual thing' you had with this guy, then go off about there not being NORMAL (your caps, not mine) relationships. Seems like a bit of posterior pain in this post to me.

    Something to try - worry about what works for you and life will take care of itself.
  • Mr_Bad_Example
    Mr_Bad_Example Posts: 2,403 Member
    Options
    Might as well add my own story:

    I met my husband in September 2008, we were MARRIED in March 2009 -- 4 years later, no regrets. I dated my ex for 4 years, we got engaged -- broke up a year later and didn't get married.

    If you are in a situation where 2 people know themselves and know what they want, it's pretty easy to make decision. My husband and I were BOTH very casually seeing other people for the first month our relationship. So what? We both knew what we wanted and weren't super concerned with people thinking we didn't have standards or whatever.

    QFT. Sometimes you just know when your standards have been met and surpassed. I certainly did - ;)
  • Rhonnie
    Rhonnie Posts: 506 Member
    Options
    It's all a crap shoot - there are people that wait 10 yrs to get married and they might not last 5 yrs either. Frankly I don't care or think anyone else should. (That being said, I do hope couples that are on the fast track at least are a little more patient before bringing kids into the picture).
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Options
    So, as I am looking up a friend on Facebook, he just so happens to have the name of a guy I was casually seeing in December/January -he called it off suddenly & I had no idea why -Then last month I saw he was in a relationship with a girl around that time he said "Things weren't going to work out between us" (Didn't know there was a "thing" between us..) ANYWAYS, like I said I was looking up a friend of mine and his name popped up, and I see "Engaged" I'm like WTF! Are there no more NORMAL relationships where you are together for 6 months before the question is popped? I mean how can you know a person well enough to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them in 6 weeks? It's still the Honeymoon phase. I get the "Love at first sight" thing, but I bet that majority of people who become engaged within the first 6 weeks to 6 months don't last 5 years. Can anyone give me some insight to this madness? Tell me I'm wrong & show me proof that I am wrong!?

    Asked my wife to marry me on our second date. 23 years ago. Our 21st Anniversary is this August. She still takes my breath away when I look at her. The last 23 years are still the best of my life.
  • andrewjuu
    andrewjuu Posts: 76 Member
    Options
    Someone above stated, "there's no such thing as love at first sight...."

    I don't believe that.
  • matt2442
    matt2442 Posts: 1,259 Member
    Options
    I am so confused but I would say that you need a good night out...hi I'm Matt :)
  • 1ConcreteGirl
    1ConcreteGirl Posts: 3,677 Member
    Options
    Have you never heard of The Bachelor?

    They find true love in six weeks.

    It's very sweet.
  • whatshouldieat
    whatshouldieat Posts: 101 Member
    Options
    Ask yourself this, did the relationship have the following.
    1. Vulnerability
    2. Understanding.
    3. Empathy
    4. Compassion
    5. Respect
    6. Trust
    7. Acceptance
    8. Honesty
    9. Communication
    10. Compatibility
    11. Personal Integrity
    12. Consideration.

    If your relationship does not have all of these, then what do you have. The way society is these days, girl you have no worries about this guy, if this is his first marriage there is a 65% chance he will be divorce in less than 7 years. If its his second that number increases to like 82%. and if he is on his third marriage, well good luck to him.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,104 Member
    Options
    My ex-in-laws knew each other for eight days before they were engaged, and were married a week later. They've been married for 55 years at last count.

    Their son (my ex) and I knew each other for two years before we got married and it didn't last.

    Marriage is a crap shoot. With about as good odds.
  • JeniferEverx3
    JeniferEverx3 Posts: 219 Member
    Options
    Here's the answer.
    1. People are crazy and or stupid.
    2. Avoid those people.

    End of story. LOL
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Options
    Crays gonna cray.

    I heart this..and Im squealing with a big ole "WHOOOO CARRRRRES"
  • clydethecat
    clydethecat Posts: 1,094 Member
    Options
    i knew i was going to marry my husband the first time i met him. but i continued dating him for a year and a half to get to know him and get all those questions answered. you know, the ones about how you want to live your life together, do you want kids, how are you going to raise them, how are you going to deal with finances. all those little questions that if you get married too soon you tend to skip over and then cause tension in the marriage.

    you can fall for someone easily, you can know they are the one for you instantly, but you still need to get to know them. at least thats my opinion. i figure that is what dating is for. to get to know each other.
  • LibertyBelle89
    LibertyBelle89 Posts: 275
    Options
    to each their own...

    my boyfriend & i have been together since i was in 10th grade...still not married yet, & dont really care to be for another year or two (if up to me lol0


    my grandparents on the other hand literally met on a thursday & were married come sunday.... & theyve been married for 52 years.....


    its different for everyone :)

Categories