My poor daughter!

mo1700

It's a long and complicated story but my daughter had a stillborn boy a few years ago, since then she has lost two other babies at 20 and 21 weeks due to different types of infection, last time she had an emergency stitch. She,s pregnant again after leaving it well over a year to give herself time to recover physically and mentally, and she's been on bed rest for the last few weeks. She had a stitch in at around 8-10 weeks, babies nice and healthy, moving and kicking etc. but she's now 19 weeks and been to her consultant appt today and her cervic has shortened to 13cm so they are keeping her in for a week until her scan next weds.

She's trying to be positive and I am being positive with her but its oh so hard, I don't want to talk to friends and family about it as we've all been there so many times, I'm ringing her later for a chat and going to see her tomorrow afternoon and her hubbie can go in at night.

So my main issue is how do I keep positive with her and be my normal bright and bubbly self when I'm sitting here crying as I type this. What can I do for her apart from supporting her, how can I cheer her up, I know there are still lots of positives, she has no infectin, her waters are still intact, baby is moving etc she just needs to hang on, so I need to help her with things that will distract her as she gets very obsessive which will only get her down.

I'm going to walk the dogs now and clear my head a little, hopefully this little rant will help me!!!

binglebandit

Try distracting her. With what, I have no idea. You'd be better at figuring that out. When I was hospitalized once with a near fatal injury I just wanted family near me to distract me since when I was alone I had too much time to think. I'm also a constant worry wart.

Do a puzzle, look at pictures, work on a project, learn to crochet, watch a movie, etc. Something that involves her hands is probably better because then she'll have to be mentally engaged in the activity (so it's more distracting). Otherwise just be a good listener.

I saw a diagram the other day that showed how to give people support and it showed the inner circles of support. It goes person afflicted in the middle, then larger circles around the middle going, family, friends, colleagues, etc. Then it shows that you can only "complain" to larger circles than yourself. So as a family member you shouldn't complain/worry to the husband or daughter, but you could state your concerns to people further removed. Your daughter can worry towards you. That keeps the positive coming inwards and the negative going outwards. Just try to picture that movement of negative out and positive in, and it should help.

Best of luck to your family.

nicola1141

Oh that's so hard, I'm so sorry that you and your daughter go through this. Are you sure she wants you to be your "normal, bright bubbly self'? It's okay to be sad, it's okay to be worried and it's okay if your daughter sees you being that way? It's hard to hit that right balance between allowing yourself and your daughter to be worried, and not dwelling too hard. I agree with the PP about distractions and activities to try and keep her mind off it a lot.
Good luck to her!

Lulzaroonie

I'm so sorry for the heartache you and your family are going through. I am rubbish at being the proactive support in times of crisis and sadness, but know that you and yours are in my thoughts. Having had a child at 27 weeks who nearly didn't make it, I can only guess at some of the sadness you feel.

socajam

This may sound silly, but how about doing something like playing chess which takes a lot of concentration. Also as others have said doing puzzles and other games that gives her brain some activity. You need to also bear in mind that regardless of how much you do, your daughter is still going to worry, but this is easy said than done, take one day at a time and try not to worrying too far ahead, because at the end of the day, the outcome is out of your hands.

SlimSumday

Bring her a really fun card just to cheer her up or load up an enjoyable set of you tube videos for you both to laugh over or just her when she's alone.

In my opinion, laughter always makes everything better.

:flowerforyou:

mo1700

Thank you all so much for all your support and positive suggestions, it makes a big difference.

rainbowkim

I can't imagine the stress you are all going through right now, my heart aches for you You can only be the supportive mum that you already are and although you can't change the situation you know she is in good hands. Sending you positive thoughts.