Just saying hi :) Love to talk w/ lifters

JEHR

Hello everyone,

I come from a rather complicated history. I've struggled with eating disorders for the last 11 years or so. Vicious cycles of meeting the definition for anorexia, then bulimia, then binge eating disorder (each lasts 4-6 months each). I've been to treatment several times, and with my wedding fast approaching, I just finished a nice starvation into binging and purging streak. For the past two months or so, I feel like for the first time in a decade I've broken from my obsession and given my head a shake. I'm 120 lbs, 5'7", high body fat, low muscle, planning on starting a family in the next year, and I was miserable, malnourished, and going through a very deep low. I couldn't believe how I was treating myself, how I could jeopardize my future like that. So I've started eating right, and getting cardio every day with a side of resistance training (right now quite light, but very difficult for me). I would love to get back into lifting. I used to a few years ago, as per recommendation of the doctor who saw me during my last treatment (it's a wonderful outlet for perfectionism). I was lifting quite heavy, eating right, and so on, but it all fell apart with the gains in body fat that comes with working towards large gains. I spiralled back into EDs.
Now I'm trying to get back into it, but I know if I go hard on lifting with the body fat composition I currently have, I would severely risk doing the same thing. So I'm trying for the so-called impossible: to lose fat and gain muscle (I've looked critically at the concept with my background in science, and it's not nearly so impossible), and ride the beginner gains/losses until I reach a body fat % that I could increase with serious lifting without feeling "fat" and going out of control.
Despite my starvation, I seem to have miraculously preserved my metabolism. I can eat 2,500 and maintain, so I aim for 2000 - 2200 a day, hit at least 90 grams of protein, eat unprocessed, and exceed my daily recommendation of fruits and vegetables. I jog 20 - 30 minutes for two days, and rest it on the third, do resistance training (what I can handle for 8 - 12 reps, 2 - 3 sets) for different areas Mon - Fri, and walk the dog for 1 1/2 hours each day. The diet has been about a month, and the exercise (except for walking the dog, I've done that for years) for about 2 1/2 weeks now. I haven't touched the scale since the 120 lbs weigh in a month ago, or the measuring tape, because that's a huge trigger for me.

Anyway, sorry for the wall of text and in-depth background, sometimes you just have to say it when you've kept things a little bottled.

So I would love to know if what I'm doing sounds reasonable, to meet people & find the motivation to stay healthy, and especially talk with female lifters (double that if you've had an ED in the past).

So I look forward to talking with you all & getting the community support. I don't think I'll log much since I already use Fitocracy & I am addicted to the points & logging food tends to trigger (everything triggers, UGH!!).