My worried hubby .

grumpy2032
grumpy2032 Posts: 92 Member
in Motivation and Support
My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:
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Replies

  • NakedLunchTime
    NakedLunchTime Posts: 559
    Yes, some poeple do.
  • Cathy7794
    Cathy7794 Posts: 223 Member
    Yup, it happens. My sister lost a bunch of weight about 10 years ago. After she lost the weight, she started going out with friends more, started going to the tanning booth, having her hair done, got a job...none of these things she did before she lost the weight. She started getting lots of attention from other men and then the next thing we know, she's busted cheating on her husband of 18 years. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think that losing the weight caused it all; there obviously was underlying issues. However, the weight loss, I think, was something that helped facilitate the whole thing.
    I think a lot of men hear stories of women losing weight and leaving their husbands, and then worry about the same thing happening to them. I also think that it has a lot to do with some men not being very confident in themselves or their marriage.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    some people change, regardless of whether they lose weight or not.
  • 5ftnFun
    5ftnFun Posts: 948 Member
    Yes, some people do, but that's because the marriage wasn't solid. The weight loss, in and of itself, doesn't cause a marriage to fall apart. If your husband is worried, it would be wise to address his fears or concerns so it doesn't become worse.
  • wickedcricket
    wickedcricket Posts: 1,246 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again
  • iLoveMyPitbull1225
    iLoveMyPitbull1225 Posts: 1,690 Member
    aw. Poor guy! Tell him you love him a zillion times today. :)
  • artistryrose
    artistryrose Posts: 84 Member
    Just reassure him you are doing it for the both of you so you can have a longer healthier life together :)
  • agggie550
    agggie550 Posts: 281 Member
    He is probably just feeling that way, because he realizes what a great thing you are doing, and feels like he isn't apart of it, so just remind him why you love him, why you are with him, and that just because you are ea different size your heart didn't get any smaller.
  • MrsBozz1
    MrsBozz1 Posts: 248 Member
    aw. Poor guy! Tell him you love him a zillion times today. :)


    This! I think a little extra lovin would help him a lot! It's not a crazy question, it's how he's feeling. Talk about it! Everyone feels insecure sometimes and needs a little reassuring! Good luck and Congrats on your weight lost!! :flowerforyou:
  • EmilyOfTheSun
    EmilyOfTheSun Posts: 1,548 Member
    When I first started working out and losing weight, my boyfriend said to me, "You're gonna get all hot and leave me." He said it jokingly but I know there was some seriousness behind it. It's pretty damn insulting.
  • NutellaAddict
    NutellaAddict Posts: 1,258 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Whoa angry much?
  • darkguardian419
    darkguardian419 Posts: 1,302 Member
    I'm going through a similar talk with my wife. She's worried I'm going to leave when I "get all hot and skinny".
  • jakidb
    jakidb Posts: 1,010 Member
    I actually heard a story of the opposite...

    The wife lost a gang of weight and her husband left her because he felt that she would evenutally leave him...
    she was so sad; fortunately a cpl years later she met someone, fell in love, and is now re-married.

    Some ppl are just weird like tht :(
  • twelfty
    twelfty Posts: 576 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    wow..... just..... wow......
  • LondonEliza
    LondonEliza Posts: 456 Member
    Married 32 years and you still keep your husband on his toes enough to have him ask you this?

    Well done!!

    You're obviously got someone who loves you through thick and thin there ;)

    He sounds like a keeper. Tell him a random woman off the internet thinks he sounds lovely ...
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    My hubby gets like that sometimes too. I just tell him that I'd be a fool to leave him. My hubby is too good to lose, and I make sure he knows it. :heart:
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    At least he came out and asked her about it, instead of acting douchey and controlling and accusing her of stuff she isn't doing. Which happens a lot with insecure guys who worry about this.
  • JenniBaby85
    JenniBaby85 Posts: 855 Member
    Married 32 years and you still keep your husband on his toes enough to have him ask you this?

    Well done!!

    You're obviously got someone who loves you through thick and thin there ;)

    He sounds like a keeper. Tell him a random woman off the internet thinks he sounds lovely ...

    This too :flowerforyou:
  • Allie_71
    Allie_71 Posts: 1,063 Member
    I was gonna quote the harsh post a few posts above.. but I'll just leave it. Wow....

    People need reassuring, especially when there is change. A small insecurity might be amplified when something that has been one way for a long time is suddenly a different way. It's good that he mentioned these feelings to you. If you can't tell your spouse how you're feeling, and feel secure in knowing that they won't bash or ridicule you, then you're with the wrong person.

    :flowerforyou: Just talk to him. Tell him that you're taking care of yourself, being healthy, getting fit.. to improve the quality of your life and that he has nothing to worry about. Be loving and kind and give him the reassuring he needs. We all need that from our partners at some point.
  • dovetail22uk
    dovetail22uk Posts: 339 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Way harsh dude:glasses:
  • jadeyq1
    jadeyq1 Posts: 178 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Whoa angry much?

    Bit much to say you don't like him because he's a little insecure in himself, poor guy. I don't think the OP was expressing any discontent towards her hubby so not necessary for anyone else to.
  • monjacq1964
    monjacq1964 Posts: 291 Member
    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    it does happen. Many people stay with their spouSes when overweight because they feel they have fewer options. Once they start losing weight, it brings added attention from the opposite sex, and people start thinking the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. So, yes, it does happen. Likely there were other problems in the relationship as well, before hand.
  • BeachGingerOnTheRocks
    BeachGingerOnTheRocks Posts: 3,927 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    Ummmm, okie dokie then.

    Have you heard of yoga? Meditation? Anger management? Singing Kumbaya? Maybe having a quiet walk around the duck pond? You should try these.
  • Roni_M
    Roni_M Posts: 717 Member
    My hubby "jokingly" said something similar... I lost weight and quit smoking and he asked of I was polishing up my resume for a new man. I jokingly told him I didn't have the time or patience to put 24 years into training a new man.

    I think with any major change to one partner in a relationship, some insecurities are perfectly normal. Our relationship is very solid and my behaviour hasn't changed at all (like the pp said happened when her sister started going out to bars and whatnot).

    Reassure your hubby that you haven't changed how you feel about him.

    PS: ignore the poster that turned it around to a cheating husband... that's extreme and not your situation at all.
  • kellster111
    kellster111 Posts: 113 Member
    I had the same conversation with my husband, i think he was joking but i'm not 100% sure, so I suggested that we get fit and healthy together, we don't get much chance to exercise together as we have children who can't be left alone yet but we talk about what we did at the gym each time, compare weights lifted etc he has lost 2 stone and i have lost 3.5 stone so we are in it together.
    We managed to get out for a run together and go to the gym as kids were away this week and we had a great time, he didn't realise quite how fit I had become and he struggled to keep up sometimes so it has spured him on to do more.

    Perhaps suggest to your husband that he joins you even if it just for a walk each week and build up to more exercise, could bring you closer together and give you an extra supporter.
  • 5ftnFun
    5ftnFun Posts: 948 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    I find it EXTREMELY ironic that you mention "projecting" in your post.
  • hbrittingham
    hbrittingham Posts: 2,518 Member
    I think it's pretty sweet that he's willing to share his insecurities with you. Just reassure him that he's the only man for you and he should be okay.
  • SusanKing1981
    SusanKing1981 Posts: 257 Member
    My wonderful hubby of over 30 years has asked me if I am going to leave him after I loose this weight I just looked at him and said WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU THINKING ? I would never think of leaving him .Do people really leave there spouce after loosing weight ?:huh:

    Yes, I did. However, I had fallen out of love with my husband years earlier and just never had the self confidence to leave.
    After I lost the weight, I had shed loads of confidence and it gave me the courage to leave him.

    So it does happen, but as someone else mentioned there were underlying issues.
  • Textmessage
    Textmessage Posts: 387 Member
    your husband needs to address his OWN insecurity and quit projecting them on to you. IMO only an idiot would even suggest that only slim ppl cheat/leave their marriage. But (being a big girl) I'd also be insulted at the implication that the only reason I'm staying in my marriage is BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT TO DO OTHERWISE.

    sorry, I don't like your hubby much. he's got issues and pissing me off
    I am not someone who stays in a marriage where I am constantly under suspicion. I refuse to live like that. if you are an honorable person and your sig-other doesn't trust you, it's because THEY, THEMSELVES CANNOT BE TRUSTED.
    I have learned this THE VERY HARD WAY and will NEVER, EVER tolerate it again

    I find it EXTREMELY ironic that you mention "projecting" in your post.

    Ditto on the irony here. Somebody has issues...
  • alicevick3
    alicevick3 Posts: 21
    My brother felt the same way when his wife lost about 100 lbs. He started going with her to the park when she ran, to the gym etc. some times taking their adult kids or my mom. As a result, everyone is much healthier and happier. Clearly communicating feelings and motivations strengthens the relationship and family.

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