Fearful for what my friends will say.
Replies
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If they are your friends, they'll understand. Unfortunately, if your get togethers usually focus primarily on food and drink, odds are that you'll eventually drift away from them and end up finding new friends who adhere to your new lifestyle. It could be though that your girlfriends, seeing your progress and dedication, decide to join you. At that point you can help them along and teach them what you've learned. Good luck!0
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you are probably going to have to make new, healthier, friends. Studies show that people who have overweight friends tend to become overweight themselves.0
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I wouldn’t advise an Alcoholic to just sit in a bar and not drink and put a smile on their face any more than I would suggest to you to put yourself in a situation that you have no control in.
Do yourself a favor, either pass or ask your friends if they would be interested in a fun outing that would remove you from a night that you would regret in the morning.
With time you WILL gain control, until then avoid it like the plague :flowerforyou: 0 -
Why can't you just bring a healthy snack to share with all of them? You don't have to eat their food. And you shouldn't cut friends out of your life just because you don't want to eat the same food that they do.
You don't have to explain these feelings you have if you think it will make them uncomfortable. Just bring your own food, and offer them some. If they ask why you brought it, just tell them that you are making healthier choices. If they make fun of you for it, then yeah, I would say you should probably avoid spending time with them, but otherwise, you're just being kind of silly and a bit judgmental.0 -
I say go if you can be around them and stay on track. When I was losing I got a lot of the "just have one beer," "come on, have some of the desert," and "why did you bring your own food?" In the end after some teasing most people left it alone. If your friends genuinely aren't going to be accepting though how good of friends are they really anyhow?0
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I understand how hard this is, and yes it's easy to say just go and have a good time, but if this journey was easy the diet industry wouldn't be so big! You need to explain to your friends why you are doing this, and that it doesn't change how you feel about them, but its for your health. If they are true friends they will support your efforts on this path. When I started again, I did keep myself out situations that I knew I would over eat. Then I slowly starting participating more and if that meant eating before I left, or bringing something with me, that's what I do now. Luckily my friends all understood after I explained it to them, and they are very supportive now.0
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Or you could go and not eat the crap food that is going to be there. You are going to find yourself in social situations during the next year that are going to place you in the midst of tempting food. You are going to have to learn how to be around it without making a big deal that you are "on a diet". If this is a true change for the better in your life, then don't give up on your friends who have been with you through thick and thin. My suggestion would be:
1. Eat a healthy meal before you go over (for example 4-5 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup green vegetables, 1 cup fresh strawberries)
2. Go for a 30 minute walk earlier in the day so that you have extra calories to spend on food while you are there.
3. When you are these look at all the food choices they offer, pick 1 item, take a small serving and nurse it for the evening.
4. Don't harass your friends about their food choices, when you start losing weight, if you don't make a pest of yourself your friends might be motivated to ask what you are doing and want to start to make changes themselves, but this is their choice not yours.
They can be a good friend to you while you lose weight and you can be a good friend to them by not cutting them out of your life while you improve your health.
^^^ This!!!
Also, take something healthy as your "contribution" to the evening. Don't over-fill your plate, but be sure at least half of what you serve yourself is from what you brought.
Also, some people will comment on what's on your plate, especially if they notice you're doing something different from themselves. This doesn't apply just to your friends, but to anyone you encounter in a social setting. (Don't know why they feel entitled to comment, but that's a topic for a whole other thread!)
To those people, I simply respond, "I have been respectful enough not to comment on what you have on your plate; I would appreciated the same courtesy." This line, delivered with a smile and a pleasant tone, generally shuts down any further comments, but prevents an unpleasant or awkward vibe from disrupting the event.
Of course, there's also nothing wrong with telling your gf's, "I'm sorry I can't make it tonight, but let me know next time!" It's short notice, so you could legitimately have something planned, and that gives you more time to emotionally prepare for hanging out with them in the future.
Best of luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't get it.
Go. Enjoy yourself. Log your food. Stay in a calorie deficit.
Just don't go and be the girl stuffing Cheetos down her face while everyone is worrying if there's going to be any food left for them.
Yep.0 -
You know, you could always be a good example for your friends, not make a big deal about it, and just go enjoy your friends. Just because you are dieting doesn't mean that your life has to stop or you have to miss out on fun times with your friends. At some point, you are going to have to work on taking responsibility for your food choices. It sounds like this could be a good opportunity to practice. Some days you'll do better than others, but you have to start somewhere.0
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Feeling really awful-- warning this is a complete rant but I'm feeling horrible about this situation.
So my best girlfriends just asked me to come over tonight and have a little get together with them.. pretty low key. I would normally be there in a heartbeat...but not anymore. It sounds so mean, but I love my friends. They do not care about their bodies and will eat whatever they want. I recently just got a personal trainer, and I'm so committed. I am considered pre-diabetic, so it all comes down on my health. Being with my friends, I feel comfortable about my body because we have similair bodies. When I'm not with them I feel like **** and I'm super self-conscious. I've got 63 pounds to cut lose and it's not a healthy environment to be in. I would love to tell my friends why I do not want to come over. But, I'm really struggling about how to tell them that this is not an ok environment. I do not want them to be cut lose from my life, but they need to be respectful of my new lifestyle, and I don't feel that's what will happen. HELP!
Take your own food and go hang out with your friends......You alienate your friends now you aren't going to have any left when you get to your goal......0 -
That's the thing, its so new I don't know my limitations as of yet. I will debate. Thanks.
You know, even if you go and blow it big time, it's not the end of the world. Dust yourself off and start again tomorrow. You have to learn how to moderate yourself and exercise self-control, and making mistakes is part of the learning process.0 -
I totally get how you are feeling! My friends are the same way, they want the junk and think that it's no big deal. They are however very supportive of me. They know what I am trying to accomplish and, although they don't make healthier choices when we are doing things together, they don't pressure me and sometimes even help me refrain. Lots of the posts that I read on here suggested to eat a healthy meal before you go and then just eat a little bit of the snacks while you are there. For me, that would now work right now because this is still so new to me. If I started to eat it at all, I don't know where it would stop. Depending on the situation, I will take my own healthy snacks with me that I can eat while my friends are having their snacks.
Hope you get it figured out and your friends are understanding!!0 -
Being honest will help you in the long-run! Hopefully they will be supportive, and if they just don't understand - they will when they see the change in you! Also, standing up for yourself and not worrying about others probably feeds into a bigger issue that goes along with food intake - I do the same thing. I can't say no to people, I can't say no to food - I worry about judgement all the time! It all seems so much easier to do when I'm honest with myself and others. Not always easy, but you can do it! I'm here for you!!!0
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That's the thing, its so new I don't know my limitations as of yet. I will debate. Thanks.
When I started to change my lifestyle, I took in to consideration that my friends/family/church are part of my lifestyle. In no way did I want those other things to suffer.
When I would go to a church/family gathering, I would eat healthy/well and get in a good exercise before I went. Then I would get ONE plate and get ONE serving of everything.
Yes, everything.
Then I would slowly eat it all, savor it, enjoy it, ponder on it, and even ask who ever prepared it what's in it if I really liked it (of course, while thinking of ways to slim it down, lol).
This method has worked well for me since it is sustainable and possible. It has also helped to nurture my relationships since they didn't feel like I was looking down on them because I eat differently most of the time.
ETA: I have learned this method through trial and error. Eating a healthy meal before doesn't help because I'm still going to eat when I get there. So I make the get-together more functional for my lack of self control while I'm there.0 -
Life is GOING to happen. If you can't learn to control your choices in hard circumstances, you will not secede. Yes, you may lose weight at first by avoiding being around your friends, etc, but these situations will ALWAYS come around again, and you will gain it back if you don't learn these skill NOW. Let your friends eat what they want, and you do what you want. They don't have to change their ways just because YOU are. Maybe your good example might rub off on them when they see you being successful.0
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So, my friends and I are similar and some of us are on different levels of how committed we are to losing weight.
I'm good most of the time, but some weekends I cut lose and I drink too much and eat chips or whatever.
Sometimes I don't. For *me* It's more important to live my life than alienate myself.
AT fisrt when I'd go to a party and not drink people thought it was weird, but the trick is to not bring attention to it.
another girl in our group is in the same place as me weight loss wise (we have about the same left to go) and she'll go out with us and make a big deal about what's on the menu and REFUSES to drink anything and is super weird about it.
aaaaand we all talk about it when she's not around because she acts like a crazy person.
Just don't act like a crazy person. Don't be all "I can't eat cupcakes because I'm trying to lose weight." or "how dare you not have carrots for me?!!?!"" hehehe
Since you're starting out and if you feel like this event will be far too tempting for you, just pretend your sick or something. Or go an do your best and learn from it.
Until you figure out how to balance your lifestyle you can't expect your friends to balance it too.
You'll eventually figure out how to go to hangouts and what to do to be able to enjoy them. ie: what you can afford to snack on or drink versus your exercise for the day, etc.
This!!!!!!!!
I still go out with my friends, and don't really bring up anything, but order as I usually would. They rarely notice I picked veggies, over some other side, or that I got an appetizer instead of food. I have another friend who goes out with us, and gets enraged at menus, or about someone offering her a drink at a club and goes on and on about how she's trying to lose weight, and that it's ridiculous no one understands.
BUTTTTTT, back to the post, go, and "babysit" some food. No one is going to notice if you're not eating as long as you're holding the food, or going through the motions, or snacking "a little." You don't have to go and eat a bowl of cake, cheetos, and whatever else. You can't take yourself out of every gathering or event. I get you're just starting out, and you're hesitant. Waiting longer isn't going to magically change your willpower if you never place yourself in these situations. Even if you do go, and eat over your goal, shrug it off. It's a day. Not every single day. Progress before perfecttion.0 -
Feeling really awful-- warning this is a complete rant but I'm feeling horrible about this situation.
So my best girlfriends just asked me to come over tonight and have a little get together with them.. pretty low key. I would normally be there in a heartbeat...but not anymore. It sounds so mean, but I love my friends. They do not care about their bodies and will eat whatever they want. I recently just got a personal trainer, and I'm so committed. I am considered pre-diabetic, so it all comes down on my health. Being with my friends, I feel comfortable about my body because we have similair bodies. When I'm not with them I feel like **** and I'm super self-conscious. I've got 63 pounds to cut lose and it's not a healthy environment to be in. I would love to tell my friends why I do not want to come over. But, I'm really struggling about how to tell them that this is not an ok environment. I do not want them to be cut lose from my life, but they need to be respectful of my new lifestyle, and I don't feel that's what will happen. HELP!
I've been living a healthy lifestyle for a long long time and there's one thing I've learned - people are not always going to be on board with you. And quite frankly it's their life, their decision, they're free to live as they choose. As are you! And you've chosen to live healthy! Guess what- healthy people do go out and party too. We just plan out our options. I would go and bring your own food and drink. Plan ahead, log everything and have fun. I understand the temptation is there, but this is your life, you make the decision to live it the way you want to!0 -
You should go but bring a healthy appetizer, something you can snack on and share but won't feel bad about.0
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this!
Or you could go and not eat the crap food that is going to be there. You are going to find yourself in social situations during the next year that are going to place you in the midst of tempting food. You are going to have to learn how to be around it without making a big deal that you are "on a diet". If this is a true change for the better in your life, then don't give up on your friends who have been with you through thick and thin. My suggestion would be:
1. Eat a healthy meal before you go over (for example 4-5 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup green vegetables, 1 cup fresh strawberries)
2. Go for a 30 minute walk earlier in the day so that you have extra calories to spend on food while you are there.
3. When you are these look at all the food choices they offer, pick 1 item, take a small serving and nurse it for the evening.
4. Don't harass your friends about their food choices, when you start losing weight, if you don't make a pest of yourself your friends might be motivated to ask what you are doing and want to start to make changes themselves, but this is their choice not yours.
They can be a good friend to you while you lose weight and you can be a good friend to them by not cutting them out of your life while you improve your health.0 -
On your journey you are going to face this situation continually. These are the situations where you get you prove your commitment to yourself and your health.
Take the time with your friends, maybe find a new healthy recipe that fits into your daily calorie allotment and share it with your friends.
they may usually eat crap but I doubt many would turn their noses at a platter of veggies and hummus/greek yogurt dip/etc.
Don't talk about what you "can't eat" eat healthy and enjoy your time with good company.
Maybe you'll even inspire some of them and create an incredible support team.0 -
Does anyone have a Wii? I like playing just dance with my friends. It's so much fun and you burn hella calories. I wore my monitor once just to see...since I sweat like a banshee every time I play lol. See if you can incorporate burning some cals somehow while you guys hang out and take the focus off food for a while.0
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Talk to your friends about it and I am sure they will be supportive. We have similar get togethers and we have 2 vegan friends that join us. We make sure that some dishes accomodate their diet so that they know we want them there. Your lifestyle change shouldn't take over you having fun and enjoying life. It is supposed to "enhance" it. Bring a veggie tray!
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On your journey you are going to face this situation continually. These are the situations where you get you prove your commitment to yourself and your health.
Take the time with your friends, maybe find a new healthy recipe that fits into your daily calorie allotment and share it with your friends.
they may usually eat crap but I doubt many would turn their noses at a platter of veggies and hummus/greek yogurt dip/etc.
Don't talk about what you "can't eat" eat healthy and enjoy your time with good company.
Maybe you'll even inspire some of them and create an incredible support team.
What she said!!!:flowerforyou:0 -
I'm a total yo-yoer and so annoyed at myself. I think people judge me when I'm losing weight thinking - she'll just gain it back or why bother...any suggestions on changing my frame of mind?0
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Feeling really awful-- warning this is a complete rant but I'm feeling horrible about this situation.
So my best girlfriends just asked me to come over tonight and have a little get together with them.. pretty low key. I would normally be there in a heartbeat...but not anymore. It sounds so mean, but I love my friends. They do not care about their bodies and will eat whatever they want. I recently just got a personal trainer, and I'm so committed. I am considered pre-diabetic, so it all comes down on my health. Being with my friends, I feel comfortable about my body because we have similair bodies. When I'm not with them I feel like **** and I'm super self-conscious. I've got 63 pounds to cut lose and it's not a healthy environment to be in. I would love to tell my friends why I do not want to come over. But, I'm really struggling about how to tell them that this is not an ok environment. I do not want them to be cut lose from my life, but they need to be respectful of my new lifestyle, and I don't feel that's what will happen. HELP!
There is nothing wrong with opting out of this event if you're trying to make a change. True friends will support you. Be honest but be careful not to pass judgement on them. Simply tell them what you're facing.0 -
Yeah I agree, just tell them the truth. Question for u or anyone else, do you have to be a gym member to hire a personal trainer?0
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First of all, YOU ROCK!
Second I know exactly how you feel as I had to do this when I first got sober. I had to change my old play ground and playmates. What was important was I was doing this for ME, I did not owe any one anything and it was not their problem or their responsibility to keep me sober, it was mine.
At first I told them that I was changing my life and that I had to protect myself by staying out of situations that could harm me. Of course I heard, "oh just have one" kind of crap. To which I always laughed off, "what is this just have one you speak of". I did it for me, and if they did not like it, they were not friends to me in the first place. My real friends were loving and proud of me and would find the time to meet me for lunch, where they would not be drinking anyway.
Eventually, over time, I was able to be around people that are partying. And people also are so supportive of my healthier lifestyle that they make healthy things just for me at parties (which ALWAYS seem to disappear first )
I found that the people that get mad at me for being healthy and sober are the ones that are actually mad at themselves for not doing it.
Friends are great, do not get me wrong and there are not many things better than a good friend in this whole world. But what it boils down to is you need to put you first. We can not be there for people that love us and need us if we do not take care of self. The people that love you and support you will not think bad of you, but please make sure you do not cross the line where you condemn their choices. Sometimes we do not realize we are doing it at first.
Good luck.
PS: I know that making new friends on the same journey as me also helped a great deal. I did not dump all my old friends, just the ones that were not supportive of me.0 -
^^^^This. Also, if you don't make an issue of it, once they start to notice how good you look, they may (or may not) want to know what you are doing to better yourself and join you on this journey. If they don't, just accept them as they are and for the friends that you enjoy being with.Or you could go and not eat the crap food that is going to be there. You are going to find yourself in social situations during the next year that are going to place you in the midst of tempting food. You are going to have to learn how to be around it without making a big deal that you are "on a diet". If this is a true change for the better in your life, then don't give up on your friends who have been with you through thick and thin. My suggestion would be:
1. Eat a healthy meal before you go over (for example 4-5 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup green vegetables, 1 cup fresh strawberries)
2. Go for a 30 minute walk earlier in the day so that you have extra calories to spend on food while you are there.
3. When you are these look at all the food choices they offer, pick 1 item, take a small serving and nurse it for the evening.
4. Don't harass your friends about their food choices, when you start losing weight, if you don't make a pest of yourself your friends might be motivated to ask what you are doing and want to start to make changes themselves, but this is their choice not yours.
They can be a good friend to you while you lose weight and you can be a good friend to them by not cutting them out of your life while you improve your health.0 -
You have been given great advice. I'd personally bring my own snack to share, and if I want a flavored drink, I get Mio (a no-calorie way to add flavor to water).
In the long run, it is better to learn to be in those situations then avoid them. Because real people have treats and snack food in their lives, just not everyday. It's all about moderation, and sometimes an extra workout to have that treat.0
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