Fearful for what my friends will say.

Athena53

A lot depends on how you think they'll react. If you show up with a fresh veggie tray and your consumption of the food they have there is 1/2 a slice of pizza, one glass of wine and plenty of water and veggies, will they ignore it? Tell you how great you're doing? Or harass you to eat comparable to what they'e eating/drinking?

If you think they'll try and sabotage you, that may be a tougher decision. You could, of course, leave at that point. If they'll ignore you or even compliment you, then it may be easier to use moderation. I hope you've got that kind of friends.

Cr01502

I don't get it.

Go. Enjoy yourself. Log your food. Stay in a calorie deficit.

Just don't go and be the girl stuffing Cheetos down her face while everyone is worrying if there's going to be any food left for them.

sammys1girly

Or you could go and not eat the crap food that is going to be there. You are going to find yourself in social situations during the next year that are going to place you in the midst of tempting food. You are going to have to learn how to be around it without making a big deal that you are "on a diet". If this is a true change for the better in your life, then don't give up on your friends who have been with you through thick and thin. My suggestion would be:

1. Eat a healthy meal before you go over (for example 4-5 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup green vegetables, 1 cup fresh strawberries)
2. Go for a 30 minute walk earlier in the day so that you have extra calories to spend on food while you are there.
3. When you are these look at all the food choices they offer, pick 1 item, take a small serving and nurse it for the evening.
4. Don't harass your friends about their food choices, when you start losing weight, if you don't make a pest of yourself your friends might be motivated to ask what you are doing and want to start to make changes themselves, but this is their choice not yours.

They can be a good friend to you while you lose weight and you can be a good friend to them by not cutting them out of your life while you improve your health.

This. Most of my friends moan about their size, and think it must be nice for me to not be as big as them, blah blah blah...
but when I ask them to walk with me, or come to the gym with me, they aren't even kinda interested. Somehow they don't
put together that I can eat alot (including "junk food" in smaller portions), b/c I am willing to put in the work necessary.
Show them how strong you are by enjoying yourself, but in moderation, and don't feel the need to talk about your food choices.

lesspaul

White lies can be your friend. Be honest about your pre-diabetes and tell them that is why you can't eat their "tasty food" (don't insult their food) and you would appreciate their help avoiding it. Bring something healthy or at least less-bad.

Learning to handle public situations -- a tray of tasty appetizers at the restaurant, cake and ice cream at birthday parties, etc -- is a huge part of making this a lifestyle change, not a diet.

carlysuzanne85

I understand why you don't want to put yourself in a tempting situation but as others have said, we all have to learn to deal with these social situations and get through it without going overboard. I would do what others have said: eat healthy all day in advance, get a good workout in, drink lots of water, and enjoy something small while there. I would also bring healthy snacks to the gathering. Even if you're the only one eating them, then at least you don't have to be the only one not eating the whole time. Then I would have an honest conversation with them. Let them know about your health situation if you haven't already or just remind them, and let them know that eating healthy for you isn't a choice or a matter of vanity or whatever but a serious health issue and that you would love to have some get togethers with them on occasion where you don't have to worry about not giving into temptation. Let them know how genuinely scary this health situation is and how very hard it is for you not to give in right now. Sometimes friends can feel threatened, even if subconsciously, when we make changes in our lives (especially if it's changing something we've had in common like eating or drinking a certain way whenever we are with them) or don't understand why we can't just have this one night off our new habits, so if you frame it in the context of diabetes and needing to gain control of your health in a very serious way, hopefully that will get through to them and get past any of their insecurities in the situation. Maybe then you can plan some get togethers that don't revolve around junk food and maybe they will understand that it's not helpful for them to encourage you to eat junk or offer you the junk food at other gatherings.

SwimSoccerTaxi

Go with your own snacks and lots of water. Expect some comments and use the trust in your friendship to answer them honestly. I have been out with friends (over 20 years we've been friends) and they will comment "look at us buying junk and you sit there all skinny". I always answer that I save my "treats" for my most favored items but they should enjoy their treat too (and quickly turn the focus off me).

Give yourself some time to adjust to the changes, and give your friends time too.....maybe you will inspire one of them

I hope you enjoy yourself and feel pride when you leave knowing you took care of #1 (that would be YOU)

pastryari

Willpower.

katekross

Thank you for all the helpful and understanding responses

theCarlton

If I wasn't ready to go yet, I'd make up some plans and stay home.
If I really did want to go but I was just scared, I'd eat my dinner just before heading over there, bring low-cal drinking stuff to mix, and enjoy time with my ol' ladies.

BflSaberfan

You dont look like a really bad friend, you just look like a person who wants to make changes, IS making changes but looking for a way of coping with a situation you know you are going to be facing - very sensible hun!!

I would eat something healthy before I go / make sure I did an extra workout to remind myself what I am doing and why (things like soup are good and filling) so I don't feel v. hungry and then have a v. little bit with my friends and keep my munchies under control (and be super good the following day if needed)

Show them you mean business!! I hope they are good friends who will support you.

Good luck!

FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO GETS IT!

.

We all get it. We all do it every single day. Or we wouldn't be here.

36jessica

If they are your friends, they'll understand. Unfortunately, if your get togethers usually focus primarily on food and drink, odds are that you'll eventually drift away from them and end up finding new friends who adhere to your new lifestyle. It could be though that your girlfriends, seeing your progress and dedication, decide to join you. At that point you can help them along and teach them what you've learned. Good luck!

carrieous

you are probably going to have to make new, healthier, friends. Studies show that people who have overweight friends tend to become overweight themselves.

MindyG150

I wouldn’t advise an Alcoholic to just sit in a bar and not drink and put a smile on their face any more than I would suggest to you to put yourself in a situation that you have no control in.
Do yourself a favor, either pass or ask your friends if they would be interested in a fun outing that would remove you from a night that you would regret in the morning.

With time you WILL gain control, until then avoid it like the plague :flowerforyou: 

UsedToBeHusky

Why can't you just bring a healthy snack to share with all of them? You don't have to eat their food. And you shouldn't cut friends out of your life just because you don't want to eat the same food that they do.

You don't have to explain these feelings you have if you think it will make them uncomfortable. Just bring your own food, and offer them some. If they ask why you brought it, just tell them that you are making healthier choices. If they make fun of you for it, then yeah, I would say you should probably avoid spending time with them, but otherwise, you're just being kind of silly and a bit judgmental.

drchimpanzee

I say go if you can be around them and stay on track. When I was losing I got a lot of the "just have one beer," "come on, have some of the desert," and "why did you bring your own food?" In the end after some teasing most people left it alone. If your friends genuinely aren't going to be accepting though how good of friends are they really anyhow?

GiveMeCoffee

I understand how hard this is, and yes it's easy to say just go and have a good time, but if this journey was easy the diet industry wouldn't be so big! You need to explain to your friends why you are doing this, and that it doesn't change how you feel about them, but its for your health. If they are true friends they will support your efforts on this path. When I started again, I did keep myself out situations that I knew I would over eat. Then I slowly starting participating more and if that meant eating before I left, or bringing something with me, that's what I do now. Luckily my friends all understood after I explained it to them, and they are very supportive now.

ajroberts11

Or you could go and not eat the crap food that is going to be there. You are going to find yourself in social situations during the next year that are going to place you in the midst of tempting food. You are going to have to learn how to be around it without making a big deal that you are "on a diet". If this is a true change for the better in your life, then don't give up on your friends who have been with you through thick and thin. My suggestion would be:

1. Eat a healthy meal before you go over (for example 4-5 oz grilled chicken, 1 cup green vegetables, 1 cup fresh strawberries)
2. Go for a 30 minute walk earlier in the day so that you have extra calories to spend on food while you are there.
3. When you are these look at all the food choices they offer, pick 1 item, take a small serving and nurse it for the evening.
4. Don't harass your friends about their food choices, when you start losing weight, if you don't make a pest of yourself your friends might be motivated to ask what you are doing and want to start to make changes themselves, but this is their choice not yours.

They can be a good friend to you while you lose weight and you can be a good friend to them by not cutting them out of your life while you improve your health.

^^^ This!!!

Also, take something healthy as your "contribution" to the evening. Don't over-fill your plate, but be sure at least half of what you serve yourself is from what you brought.

Also, some people will comment on what's on your plate, especially if they notice you're doing something different from themselves. This doesn't apply just to your friends, but to anyone you encounter in a social setting. (Don't know why they feel entitled to comment, but that's a topic for a whole other thread!)

To those people, I simply respond, "I have been respectful enough not to comment on what you have on your plate; I would appreciated the same courtesy." This line, delivered with a smile and a pleasant tone, generally shuts down any further comments, but prevents an unpleasant or awkward vibe from disrupting the event.

Of course, there's also nothing wrong with telling your gf's, "I'm sorry I can't make it tonight, but let me know next time!" It's short notice, so you could legitimately have something planned, and that gives you more time to emotionally prepare for hanging out with them in the future.

Best of luck! :flowerforyou:

Krizzle4Rizzle

I don't get it.

Go. Enjoy yourself. Log your food. Stay in a calorie deficit.

Just don't go and be the girl stuffing Cheetos down her face while everyone is worrying if there's going to be any food left for them.

Yep.

vim_n_vigor

You know, you could always be a good example for your friends, not make a big deal about it, and just go enjoy your friends. Just because you are dieting doesn't mean that your life has to stop or you have to miss out on fun times with your friends. At some point, you are going to have to work on taking responsibility for your food choices. It sounds like this could be a good opportunity to practice. Some days you'll do better than others, but you have to start somewhere.