Criticism vs Shaming
Replies
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I think she gives the credit to her mom..her dying words were for her to lose weight. TBH I dont think the professors comments even need to be in the story. Yeah he was an asshat for saying it but he has the right to say what he wants. Just because someone is a total asshat doesnt mean you have to cont to eat yourself into oblivion. If anything she shoudl get all the credit not the teacher not the mom. She is the one who was fat and fixed it. She took responsibility for her life the reasons behind it matter not.
I guess he technically has the right to say whatever he wants but that would not fly in corporate or retail America. Yea, you could say it out loud, but would you really take the risk of losing your livelihood to voice your holier than thou opinion? Is that worth anyone's while? Just to exercise your right to freedom of speech, you would let this words come out of your mouth for no other reason than to humiliate someone? Yea I guess he could do that if he wanted. Just makes me question his character. What kind of sadism is that? To walk around a hallway insulting people in your place of work with impressionable young minds is beyond disgusting.
I hope your children are never subject to that out right cruelty for whatever character trait they possess that is deemed gross, unsavory, uncool or worthy of commenting on. As someone who was overweight (and I get it, you're overweight and you don't wish that on anyone) as a young kid, I was maybe fifteen pounds overweight at the time and had a boy saunter up to me after a fire drill and SCREAM into my ear, "fatty". I'll never forget it. It was just so cruel. So pointless.
No, I didn't eat my feelings after this boy called me fat. Not everyone eats their feelings. Some people do. Some people just lose the weight. Some people feel unworthy, wrong, horrible for their teen years. Sometimes it goes on into adult years. Me, I just felt ugly and wrong for most of my teen years. I hope your kids never have to feel this way. I see that you are promoting good eating habits for them. But they could hear things for other faults besides being fat because kids(and clearly, adults) are cruel. And trust me, if that happens, you're not going to go around saying, "well, kids, freedom of speech!" You're going to feel something other than that, trust me. Maybe mama bear mode. Maybe not, but you're going to at some point go, WTF, this person does not have the right to make my child feel like crap for their own pleasure. It's not as simple as you are making it out to be.
Finally, I totally agree that the subject of the article should get all the credit. She took matters into her own hands barring anything anyone else said. She did it for herself. In a perfect world, this would happen all the time.0 -
Everyone has the right to say what they want. Is it always taken as nice? No. If you dont want to be labeled or called fat dont be fat. Same goes for everything else in life. You lie you get called a liar. You drink too much you are called a drunk. You do drugs you are called a druggie. If you dont like to be called out on your issues...resolve them. Dont be mad or place blame on the person saying what they see in front of them. Many great ppl turned out just fine and dandy from shaming. You cant call the sky green when it it so obvious it is blue.
Everyone does not have the right to say what they want when they want.
Most jobs do not allow people to say whatever they want to their patients, students, employees, customers, clients etc and could very easily face consequences such as lawsuits and professional discipline for doing so.
But, hey, if you want to say what you want to people in your personal life, go right ahead if that's working for you:flowerforyou:
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Just because you may get fired doesnt take your right to say it away. May deter you from saying it out loud at that moment in the setting to avoid the consequences but you are still very well in your right to state your opinion. Thats why I stated earlier it sucks for teachers because their hands are tied in many ways because they need that crappy paycheck to survive and if they say the wrong thing they will get in trouble.0 -
Everyone has the right to say what they want. Is it always taken as nice? No. If you dont want to be labeled or called fat dont be fat. Same goes for everything else in life. You lie you get called a liar. You drink too much you are called a drunk. You do drugs you are called a druggie. If you dont like to be called out on your issues...resolve them. Dont be mad or place blame on the person saying what they see in front of them. Many great ppl turned out just fine and dandy from shaming. You cant call the sky green when it it so obvious it is blue.
Everyone does not have the right to say what they want when they want.
Most jobs do not allow people to say whatever they want to their patients, students, employees, customers, clients etc and could very easily face consequences such as lawsuits and professional discipline for doing so.
But, hey, if you want to say what you want to people in your personal life, go right ahead if that's working for you:flowerforyou:
Just because you may get fired doesnt take your right to say it away. May deter you from saying it out loud at that moment in the setting to avoid the consequences but you are still very well in your right to state your opinion. Thats why I stated earlier it sucks for teachers because their hands are tied in many ways because they need that crappy paycheck to survive and if they say the wrong thing they will get in trouble.
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So you'd be okay with a teacher making fun of your kid in front of the whole class when they get a low mark on a test? Maybe that would make them study harder?0 -
I'm on the fence about the calling fat people fat statement. But then again, I hate when people call me too skinny, or I should go eat a cheeseburger...but somehow the latter is perfectly acceptable. I think it someone asks me, straight up "Hey do you think I'm overweight/or getting fat" then yes, I will tell them and provide support and ways to improve. But I can't just call someone out for that, I feel that is rude and not my place to say.
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Everyone has the right to say what they want. Is it always taken as nice? No. If you dont want to be labeled or called fat dont be fat. Same goes for everything else in life. You lie you get called a liar. You drink too much you are called a drunk. You do drugs you are called a druggie. If you dont like to be called out on your issues...resolve them. Dont be mad or place blame on the person saying what they see in front of them. Many great ppl turned out just fine and dandy from shaming. You cant call the sky green when it it so obvious it is blue.
Everyone does not have the right to say what they want when they want.
Most jobs do not allow people to say whatever they want to their patients, students, employees, customers, clients etc and could very easily face consequences such as lawsuits and professional discipline for doing so.
But, hey, if you want to say what you want to people in your personal life, go right ahead if that's working for you:flowerforyou:
Just because you may get fired doesnt take your right to say it away. May deter you from saying it out loud at that moment in the setting to avoid the consequences but you are still very well in your right to state your opinion. Thats why I stated earlier it sucks for teachers because their hands are tied in many ways because they need that crappy paycheck to survive and if they say the wrong thing they will get in trouble.
So you'd be okay with a teacher making fun of your kid in front of the whole class when they get a low mark on a test? Maybe that would make them study harder?
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My son was born with Unilateral Schizencephaly and has a shunt in his head since birth. They took him 2 weeks early because his head was too big to birth. Until recently when the state of fl stopped having e.s.e. classes (which when I was in school was the slow kids classes) he was in them. I knew all too well because of his head and the classes he was going to be ridiculed and so forth. I did not coddle him one bit! I told him kids were going to make fun of him and call him water tank head and big head or retard. For a while I even called him bubble head. I know everyone will think this is absolutely horrible. That little boy is 12 years old now and yes there were times he was teased and called those names esp retard for the e.s.e. classes, but I would ask him when he would tell me about it if he was okay. He would shrug his shoulders and tell me something about that kid like he could run faster than him/her or he/she picked their nose and wiped it under the lunch table LOL Thats what happens when you teach a child realistic expectations and dont coddle them and wait for them to break. You reinforce their foundation in hopes that when they are shaken by life they are strong enough to remain tall and strong. So yeah call my kid retard all you want..he is waiting for it....wont flinch or miss a beat because he can see all your flaws too. No one is perfect but everyone can be better. So to answer your ?....It wouldnt bother me none but due to the situation his teachers were specially trained for children with learning disabilities so IDK it never happened. I teach my kids that no matter what ANYONE says to you, it is up to you how you react and that most the time all ppl want from you is that reaction. Just because someone says something with the intention to hurt your feelings or be mean doesnt mean you have to be stupid enough to fall into their trap. He is an arrogant lil son of a gun too. And yes that is my fault lol I am proud he doesnt rely on others opinions to mold him and has made his own identity.0 -
I would say bullying and shaming aren't great but when someone told me that the way I bit my nails and skin on my fingers looked like leprosy it made me take another look and stop biting them.
I wish people in a position appropriate to discussing your health wouldn't pull their punches – although in the case of children discuss it with parent or guardian and make comments age appropriate. A lot of health issues are weight related and that should be a top priority in treating things (e.g.: my plantar fasciitis could have been healed a lot sooner by dropping weight and not running until I was thinner - although some runners are lucky to not get PF regardless of weight). We need to learn that quick solutions aren't always the 'true' or best solution - I could take pain pills and get arch support but without dealing with the cause of the injury - my weight- I would never find permanent relief.0 -
I wish someone would have been out right blunt with me. it wasn't till my doctor told me that it was okay I wasn't able to hold anything down durning my pregnancy because I had enough fat to feed my baby and it would actually do me some good that I realized what I had truly done to myself.
the truth hurts, but it changed my life. and I have been much happier and healthier. for not only myself but my family also. HOWEVER with all that sad.
Kids are WAY different. I was a grown women. not a child. I feel that children shouldn't be bullied or "told how it is" or whatever. They are growing and changing so much mentally I do not feel it is right to belittle a child about their weight, appearance or anything of the sort. For the most part it is not the childs fault they are over weight it is the parents.0 -
I wish someone would have been out right blunt with me. it wasn't till my doctor told me that it was okay I wasn't able to hold anything down durning my pregnancy because I had enough fat to feed my baby and it would actually do me some good that I realized what I had truly done to myself.
the truth hurts, but it changed my life. and I have been much happier and healthier. for not only myself but my family also. HOWEVER with all that sad.
Kids are WAY different. I was a grown women. not a child. I feel that children shouldn't be bullied or "told how it is" or whatever. They are growing and changing so much mentally I do not feel it is right to belittle a child about their weight, appearance or anything of the sort. For the most part it is not the childs fault they are over weight it is the parents.
Yes...I am still a little crappity towards my family and old man fo rnot saying anything to me lol I mean I knew I had gained a few lbs but FFS not a whole entire person HA! Best I can figure is they were scared to say anything I might beat them up lol when you are an arrogant person like myself who never does any wrong and is always the hottest thing going on it is hard to see just how fat you are lol I am so disgusted with the whole thing I cant wait to get back to fit0 -
I think we'd have less childhood obesity IF: 1) parents opened their eyes and realized when their kids are fat and need to lose weight and be willing to say NO to the kid and start making better food purchases, send the kids out to play and maybe cook more at home and 2) pediatricians are more willing to tell those parents they really are being neglectful by allowing their child to gain that much weight.
And I also believe that parents should be better role models for their kids as well. It's hard to tell a child to lose weight when the parent is morbidly obese. And, it's never, ever a good thing to say "Oh look at that chubby toddler -- isn't he/she cute?" NO, not if they're so fat they are having trouble breathing at night. NO 4year old should weigh 90 lbs, ever.0 -
Personally, in our culture in the USA, I think it's rude to even comment on another person's body.
Shaming is NEVER ok. Shame is an attack upon the person's inner self...the "who" of who they are. A body is NOT all there is about a person. I was shamed so often as a child that it took me many years to believe I was even worth being alive.
Criticism can be shaming depending on the words chosen. But it can also be gentle and kind. Which do you like to recieve?
Having a private talk with a friend or relative about an unhealthy habit is not the same thing. You tell them your concerns and offer help and support but you ultimately accept what they decide to do. But, anyone who has been through any educational system, teachers don't necessarily care, and that's life.
Not everyone is as thin skinned as you or needs coddling. I prefer that someone be honest and not worry about hurting my feelings. You are only responsible for what you say...not for how the person comprehends it. How I understand and deal with a person saying I am grossly fat is probably way different than you would take it. I know it is a fact but in the same aspect I know who I am and what I am capable of so those words dont hurt me therefore I dont take them as hurtful but for what they are..truthful.
I'm pretty thin-skinned, and I agree with this. Our feelings are our responsibility. The world doesn't owe anyone anything. People don't have to be nice to you or make sure to say the right things at the right time in the right way. It took me a while to realize that, and I'm glad that I finally did.
"Fat" is a neutral word. We give it the emotional baggage. To be fat is a fact, just like being skinny or muscular. It is what it is. If you don't like, do all that you can to change it instead of feeling sad that it's being pointed out in derogatory way. Yeah, it sucks that the teacher did that, especially when you think about the power dynamics at play there, but people can be ***holes. It's life. And, to me, it's okay if feelings get hurt, you can get over them if you choose. It sounds really cliche, but you can't really control how people are going to treat you. You can only control how you'll respond to their treatment.
If I was in that student's place, and my teacher said that and my fellow students laughed at me, I'd feel like crap. I would. But, I'd probably also think, he's an ***, he's probably got some issues to work out if he's going to treat a student in such a way, totally unprofessional. But, am I actually obese? If so, why I am choosing to live this way? Do I like being obese? If I did, my feelings wouldn't have been hurt.
But still, the teacher's comment wasn't helpful at all. He acted childishly. If he did care, he probably would have talked to her after class, privately. That's how most people conduct themselves when they care.0 -
For the most part it is not the childs fault they are over weight it is the parents.
Totally agree here. It's the parents that supply the food, condone the inactivity, and make the excuses. Generally, those same parents also don't take care of their own health.0 -
My son was born with Unilateral Schizencephaly and has a shunt in his head since birth. They took him 2 weeks early because his head was too big to birth. Until recently when the state of fl stopped having e.s.e. classes (which when I was in school was the slow kids classes) he was in them. I knew all too well because of his head and the classes he was going to be ridiculed and so forth. I did not coddle him one bit! I told him kids were going to make fun of him and call him water tank head and big head or retard. For a while I even called him bubble head. I know everyone will think this is absolutely horrible. That little boy is 12 years old now and yes there were times he was teased and called those names esp retard for the e.s.e. classes, but I would ask him when he would tell me about it if he was okay. He would shrug his shoulders and tell me something about that kid like he could run faster than him/her or he/she picked their nose and wiped it under the lunch table LOL Thats what happens when you teach a child realistic expectations and dont coddle them and wait for them to break. You reinforce their foundation in hopes that when they are shaken by life they are strong enough to remain tall and strong. So yeah call my kid retard all you want..he is waiting for it....wont flinch or miss a beat because he can see all your flaws too. No one is perfect but everyone can be better. So to answer your ?....It wouldnt bother me none but due to the situation his teachers were specially trained for children with learning disabilities so IDK it never happened. I teach my kids that no matter what ANYONE says to you, it is up to you how you react and that most the time all ppl want from you is that reaction. Just because someone says something with the intention to hurt your feelings or be mean doesnt mean you have to be stupid enough to fall into their trap. He is an arrogant lil son of a gun too. And yes that is my fault lol I am proud he doesnt rely on others opinions to mold him and has made his own identity.
Thank you!!0 -
I'm really completely shocked at some of the comments I've read. We're not talking about a teacher who pulled this student aside and said "hey have you talked to a doctor about this? I'm really concerned about your weight"...we're talking about a teacher calling her a name in the hallway, in front of other students who laughed. And people are applauding this?
Like...I REALLY don't get how you can think name-calling is effective. I mean people on here who have a substantial amount of weight to lose themselves are applauding this... So basically every name you'd call a fat person, you also think of yourself? Do you honestly bash yourself like that when you're standing in front of the mirror? And that's working for you?
I agree that AS THE PARENT OF MY CHILD (no, no one else needs to be teaching my child this. I got it, don't worry. I don't need a world full of strangers thinking that it's their "public duty" to toughen up my child by whatever means they feel is appropriate.) I should prepare my child for the harsh reality of what the world will throw at them. I need to build them up in a way that name calling and other nonsense isn't going to crush them and they can just shake it off and move on.
I also get the thin-skinned thing - some people are really sensitive, including myself.
But I can't stand when others think "it's okay, all the sensitive people need to change and deal with it" but don't even think twice that there is also a problem with not being able to filter or control your own mouth. Everyone else should change, because you are just completely unable to shut your trap? You have your stuff so together that now it's time to "coach" everyone else and point out their failures?
I'm working on my sensitivity, you work on your mouth. We all become better people and everyone wins.0 -
I'm really completely shocked at some of the comments I've read. We're not talking about a teacher who pulled this student aside and said "hey have you talked to a doctor about this? I'm really concerned about your weight"...we're talking about a teacher calling her a name in the hallway, in front of other students who laughed. And people are applauding this?
Like...I REALLY don't get how you can think name-calling is effective. I mean people on here who have a substantial amount of weight to lose themselves are applauding this... So basically every name you'd call a fat person, you also think of yourself? Do you honestly bash yourself like that when you're standing in front of the mirror? And that's working for you?
I agree that AS THE PARENT OF MY CHILD (no, no one else needs to be teaching my child this. I got it, don't worry. I don't need a world full of strangers thinking that it's their "public duty" to toughen up my child by whatever means they feel is appropriate.) I should prepare my child for the harsh reality of what the world will throw at them. I need to build them up in a way that name calling and other nonsense isn't going to crush them and they can just shake it off and move on.
I also get the thin-skinned thing - some people are really sensitive, including myself.
But I can't stand when others think "it's okay, all the sensitive people need to change and deal with it" but don't even think twice that there is also a problem with not being able to filter or control your own mouth. Everyone else should change, because you are just completely unable to shut your trap? You have your stuff so together that now it's time to "coach" everyone else and point out their failures?
I'm working on my sensitivity, you work on your mouth. We all become better people and everyone wins.
LOL.....you are the perfect example of why ppl like me say what we say and stand behind it. You take words that have set meanings throw a bunch of emotions on them and expect everyone around you to be as emotional about them as you are. When I say something I am saying the words without any emotions added to them. Let me post a message from someone who messaged me like an hr ago.....
sender:Subject: criticism and shaming.
Hi 2. In your profile you called yourself a fat lazy slob. To me those words mean something extremely negative and derogatory. Perhaps we just have different understandings of those words. I'm very glad to know you have good self esteem.
Best regards,XXX
my response:Subject: Re: criticism and shaming.
This is how I see it.....AM I fat? YES AM I lazy? VERY lol Am I sloppy? Eh half and half depends how lazy I am being that day lol
Throw them all together on a good day I am a lazy fatty on a bad day I am a fat lazy slob lol To me I am using those words for their meaning and do not alter them with emotion. PPL often add emotions to words and it totally causes alot of misunderstandings. Words have set meanings and I try to use them in that context.
And PS if you are raising your child correctly noone else would have the need to correct them...food for thought0 -
I think shaming is totally counter productive. If a teacher had shamed me in front of everyone it would have made me feel even worse than I already did and when I felt bad I turned to food. When other kids gave me a hard time it didn't make me think oh "I must diet now" it just made me feel helpless and down. Once I was out of the negative school environment and surrounded myself with more positive people I was able to take control of my life.0
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Thank you for your food for thought. No one has ever tried correcting my children, I was simply addressing what seemed to be a flow of idea heading in the direction that it's okay for random strangers to pick up the lesson-teaching that they assume isn't being handled at home by calling my child a name and believing that will save her from obesity.
I still don't understand how you can arrogantly walk around throwing words out, smirking because they hold no emotional baggage for you. Do you have a freedom of speech? Sure you do. Do you have the right to think however you want about people? Of course.
But you give yourself this license to walk around hurling words at people as if everyone desperately needs your input.
You seriously don't see a difference in the effectiveness and just common decency to sit down and respectfully discuss your concerns with someone vs. throwing a "fat***" out there and walking by with a self-satisfied smile on your face?
I don't know...lol. I'm at a loss for words. :noway:0 -
Thank you for your food for thought. No one has ever tried correcting my children, I was simply addressing what seemed to be a flow of idea heading in the direction that it's okay for random strangers to pick up the lesson-teaching that they assume isn't being handled at home by calling my child a name and believing that will save her from obesity.
I still don't understand how you can arrogantly walk around throwing words out, smirking because they hold no emotional baggage for you. Do you have a freedom of speech? Sure you do. Do you have the right to think however you want about people? Of course.
But you give yourself this license to walk around hurling words at people as if everyone desperately needs your input.
You seriously don't see a difference in the effectiveness and just common decency to sit down and respectfully discuss your concerns with someone vs. throwing a "fat***" out there and walking by with a self-satisfied smile on your face?
I don't know...lol. I'm at a loss for words. :noway:
i have never understood that mentality either. Do people think they are doing some sort of good, or do they just enjoy making people feel awful about themselves. I can only talk from personal experience but I am pretty sure the majority of overweight people know they are. They don't need people making comments. It also bothers me that some people think that being fat is so awful that it gives them the right to shame and belittle. There are worse things in life to be than overweight.
I love this Jk Rowling quote “Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.”0 -
Thank you for your food for thought. No one has ever tried correcting my children, I was simply addressing what seemed to be a flow of idea heading in the direction that it's okay for random strangers to pick up the lesson-teaching that they assume isn't being handled at home by calling my child a name and believing that will save her from obesity.
I still don't understand how you can arrogantly walk around throwing words out, smirking because they hold no emotional baggage for you. Do you have a freedom of speech? Sure you do. Do you have the right to think however you want about people? Of course.
But you give yourself this license to walk around hurling words at people as if everyone desperately needs your input.
You seriously don't see a difference in the effectiveness and just common decency to sit down and respectfully discuss your concerns with someone vs. throwing a "fat***" out there and walking by with a self-satisfied smile on your face?
I don't know...lol. I'm at a loss for words. :noway:
You are assuming I just go around calling ppl fat lol I do not. I could careless if the ppl I do not know around me are fat. But you bet your sweet buttocks if that person is pulling out a food stamp card and has 2 carts full of crap food you will def hear...........SERIOUSLY?!?!?Thats BS........coming straight out my mouth lol I dont go around just calling ppl fat for the simple point that I dont know enough info about them. The professor called her precious, yes a fat reference.....is he an asshat for it? YES Does he have the right to say it ....YES Should he be persecuted for his independent opinion? NO Is making the comment he made towards her a lesson in life? Depends how she took it. Was he trying to save her from her obesity? Only she can do that.
It is not my job nor my concern to sit someone down and discuss their fat issues. But for you to assume I go around smiling and calling ppl fat is ludicrous. If you dont want the chance of someone calling you fat dont be fat. If you choose to be fat then dont get your panties all in a wad because your poor little feelings get hurt because someone (whether they are right or wrong) made an observation and commented about it. Many ppl have posted that it took someone telling them how fat they are because they didnt realize it. This wasnt a child this was a grown woman. BTW even if I did go around calling ppl fat for no reason without knowing why they are fat (which would be stupid) I have that right. How I speak to ppl is not your decision and unless you know me personally you will take everything I say out of context.0 -
There is nothing worse than someone else stating the obvious. I think it could be counter-productive. We are all aware of our flaws and when we are ready to change them, we will, ourselves.0
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There is nothing worse than someone else stating the obvious. I think it could be counter-productive. We are all aware of our flaws and when we are ready to change them, we will, ourselves.
Not everyone is aware. Read through the posts many needed to be told.0 -
Thank you for your food for thought. No one has ever tried correcting my children, I was simply addressing what seemed to be a flow of idea heading in the direction that it's okay for random strangers to pick up the lesson-teaching that they assume isn't being handled at home by calling my child a name and believing that will save her from obesity.
I still don't understand how you can arrogantly walk around throwing words out, smirking because they hold no emotional baggage for you. Do you have a freedom of speech? Sure you do. Do you have the right to think however you want about people? Of course.
But you give yourself this license to walk around hurling words at people as if everyone desperately needs your input.
You seriously don't see a difference in the effectiveness and just common decency to sit down and respectfully discuss your concerns with someone vs. throwing a "fat***" out there and walking by with a self-satisfied smile on your face?
I don't know...lol. I'm at a loss for words. :noway:
If it's any consolation, this really doesn't happen. I've been fat my entire life, and the last time a non-family-member said ANYTHING to me about my weight--"critical", "bullying", "shaming", whatever, TO MY FACE--was when I was about 14. They may think to themselves that I'm all kinds of fat-*kitten*, but they never say it directly to me. They may have felt all superior and/or grossed out in the checkout line when I (used to) buy junk, they may have rolled their eyes, they may have said something under their breath, but they never said anything *to* me, or at least said anything that I would *know* was directed at me. We still live in somewhat polite society, and people generally don't go around walking up to strangers doling out the "honesty"--that's reserved for the internet forums. But this is a free country, and people are free to say or think whatever they want. And if someone is so bothered by what I purchase and how I look or make them feel, then I will gladly wait for them and have a nice brain-picking session with them.0 -
Thank you for your food for thought. No one has ever tried correcting my children, I was simply addressing what seemed to be a flow of idea heading in the direction that it's okay for random strangers to pick up the lesson-teaching that they assume isn't being handled at home by calling my child a name and believing that will save her from obesity.
I still don't understand how you can arrogantly walk around throwing words out, smirking because they hold no emotional baggage for you. Do you have a freedom of speech? Sure you do. Do you have the right to think however you want about people? Of course.
But you give yourself this license to walk around hurling words at people as if everyone desperately needs your input.
You seriously don't see a difference in the effectiveness and just common decency to sit down and respectfully discuss your concerns with someone vs. throwing a "fat***" out there and walking by with a self-satisfied smile on your face?
I don't know...lol. I'm at a loss for words. :noway:
If it's any consolation, this really doesn't happen. I've been fat my entire life, and the last time a non-family-member said ANYTHING to me about my weight--"critical", "bullying", "shaming", whatever, TO MY FACE--was when I was about 14. They may think to themselves that I'm all kinds of fat-*kitten*, but they never say it directly to me. They may have felt all superior and/or grossed out in the checkout line when I (used to) buy junk, they may have rolled their eyes, they may have said something under their breath, but they never said anything *to* me, or at least said anything that I would *know* was directed at me. We still live in somewhat polite society, and people generally don't go around walking up to strangers doling out the "honesty"--that's reserved for the internet forums. But this is a free country, and people are free to say or think whatever they want. And if someone is so bothered by what I purchase and how I look or make them feel, then I will gladly wait for them and have a nice brain-picking session with them.
But what if someone did out of nowhere decide to be an asshat and call you fat? What would you do? Would you tell them to F off or would you go home and eat a gallon of ice cream. No one has called me fat either well except for myself lol I would like to think if they did I would look them straight in the eye and say F off. I can only imagine the things ppl think when they see my fat *kitten* walking to and fro bingo everday lol I am sure some are like oh look at the fat lady walking to lose weight how wonderful but I am sure there are plenty others that think something funnier like omg look at that fat lard I bet shes headed to the mcdonalds lol0 -
There is nothing worse than someone else stating the obvious. I think it could be counter-productive. We are all aware of our flaws and when we are ready to change them, we will, ourselves.
Not everyone is aware. Read through the posts many needed to be told.
I've never understood this, a few pounds is easy to miss but everyone notices when their favourite clothes get tight and we all get naked to shower etc. Even if I did need to be told it should never be a teacher or a stranger making a snarky cruel unnecessary comment.0 -
Kind words are like honey—sweet to the taste and good for your health. Proverbs 16:24 (GNT)0
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So CNN just featured a success story and like most I read on here I found it very inspiring. However - it started in part because of a comment her teacher made about her weight. Plenty of people thought it was wrong for the teacher to make the comment - but there plenty of others who feel that it wasn't bullying and that overweight/obese people should be shamed or bullied into losing weight.
What do you all think of this? I know it is the internet and probably lots of the comments were trolling or just people being nasty for the sake of being nasty but I know there are people that actually think like this. So now it is ok to call out people for being fat and telling them what to do? I've seen posts here from members do the exact same thing which is even worse imho because we are all already here to get healthier. I think if someone feels they have a right to judge and comment on a stranger or near strangers appearance and health without actually knowing them they open themselves up to the exact same criticism and is that what we want? So why is ok just with fat people? Why can't I walk up to people I barely know and tell them I think they drink too much or they should get their teeth fixed or they really shouldn't be eating whatever they are eating. It just still shocks me that people are so ignorant and wonder why we have such a problem in our society. I see someone who has tanned the youth right out of their skin or smokes worrying about how OTHER people's unhealthy habits effect THEM... Instead of making positive and productive steps they think they can just sit back and be a jerk and people will change and then THANK them for it? It's one thing to ask for help... quite another to think it's ok to bully people "for their own good".
Are you someone who can take negativity and turn it around to work for you? Or does it drag you down?
I'm going to chalk this one up to positive. I found another source of inspiriation. I also think that the people that can be most critical should spend more time working on their own habits and health and I should be doing that more as well - which means I'm going to go do that right now.
Telling an obese person they are obese isn't bullying, ridiculing them for it is. I'm 5ft 8inches and 217 pounds. That's obese, I know it and need to do something about it. I wish my friends had said "hey you are stacking it on" I knew it but ignored it, maybe I would have done something about it sooner.0 -
There is nothing worse than someone else stating the obvious. I think it could be counter-productive. We are all aware of our flaws and when we are ready to change them, we will, ourselves.
Not everyone is aware. Read through the posts many needed to be told.
I've never understood this, a few pounds is easy to miss but everyone notices when their favourite clothes get tight and we all get naked to shower etc. Even if I did need to be told it should never be a teacher or a stranger making a snarky cruel unnecessary comment.
You guys are deflecting the issue. So what someone makes a stupid comment YOU are responsible for how you take it and react. If YOU choose to let it hurt your feelings you are no better than the person calling you fat. At what point do you stop accepting others comments as an offense to you and using it as an excuse to continue the habits that landed you where we for the most part all are today? When you stop allowing others words (cuz thats just what they are..words) affect your emotional status then you will be in a better place.0 -
Fat people get told they are fat all the time & still don't do a damn thing about it. This shows they are in denial 100% and think they are healthy.
I don't have a problem telling someone they are fat. I'm only stating the truth. But only if they comment on how much weight I've lost & how I should stop now.0 -
Kind words are like honey—sweet to the taste and good for your health. Proverbs 16:24 (GNT)
Yes but truth is better. Seeing as you are quoting a bible passage I am going to assume that truth would reign over a kinder(sweeter) untruthful word?0 -
There is nothing worse than someone else stating the obvious. I think it could be counter-productive. We are all aware of our flaws and when we are ready to change them, we will, ourselves.
Not everyone is aware. Read through the posts many needed to be told.
I've never understood this, a few pounds is easy to miss but everyone notices when their favourite clothes get tight and we all get naked to shower etc. Even if I did need to be told it should never be a teacher or a stranger making a snarky cruel unnecessary comment.
You guys are deflecting the issue. So what someone makes a stupid comment YOU are responsible for how you take it and react. If YOU choose to let it hurt your feelings you are no better than the person calling you fat. At what point do you stop accepting others comments as an offense to you and using it as an excuse to continue the habits that landed you where we for the most part all are today? When you stop allowing others words (cuz thats just what they are..words) affect your emotional status then you will be in a better place.
I deal with comments a lot better now but how does taking a comment to heart make me just as bad as the jerk who made the comment. That makes no sense to me?? I've grown up and I deal with that crap in my stride now but some people in life are sensitive in the same way some people are outgoing, or shy, or introverted. we all deal with things differently in life. I just don't understand the mentality of someone who actively goes out of their way to make another human being sad and upset.0 -
Kind words are like honey—sweet to the taste and good for your health. Proverbs 16:24 (GNT)
Yes but truth is better. Seeing as you are quoting a bible passage I am going to assume that truth would reign over a kinder(sweeter) untruthful word?
The truth can be told with kindness..not with shaming0
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