does wt loss put some people in ***** mode?

scookiemonster

My husband and I are both trying to lose weight. We have learned, without question, that the best strategy is to just quietly support each other, and generally keep our efforts separate. Encourage, sure. Share successes, sure. Compare stats, discuss strategies, or give each other tips? Not a chance. I don't know what it is about married couples losing weight (and maybe not all couples are like this), but it's definitely a touchy subject. Different things work for each of us. Our approaches to working out totally different, our food needs are different, and our results are different. Our bodies are different. Comparing what we are doing (even in a non-competitive way) just isn't constructive and ends up leaving one or the other of us irritated.

Also, yeah, sometimes restricting what I eat and feeling like I'm on a diet makes me cranky. I'm constantly thinking about what I "can't" have, and that tends to put me in a bad mood. That's why I'm adjusting things this time around to allow for some treats so that I don't feel deprived.

DalekBrittany

How did you tell her that she may not be exercising enough? My fiance and I are doing this together as well and we have a strict only truth policy. If I'm not working hard enough, he tells me to go harder because I'm being lazy. Does it make me mad that he said that? Yes, and then I work harder because I know he's right. Yesterday we went to the gym together and he usually does 1 hour on the treadmill, while I do 30 minutes there and 30 minutes on the bike. After 30 minutes he was going to wait downstairs for me because his leg was cramping. I asked him to go on the bike instead, because it would be better on his leg and at least it would be something. He said no and started walking downstairs...so I yelled after him "Quitter!" That made him mad because I yelled it and embarrassed him, but you know what? He got on that bike and got over it.

Do you have schedules that allow you to work out together? It may motivate her to work harder. Talk to her, nicely, about developing a "truth only" policy. It may be beneficial to both of you.

BeachIron

I mean this in the nicest possible way, :flowerforyou: but...you dumb@ss. Did you really think that belittling her efforts and pointing out how much awesome you are was going to motivate her? :noway: I'd be feeling resentful too if you were rubbing your progress in my face. :grumble:

Be more supportive, dude.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Seriously, OP, dude, careful with that competitive nature at home!

2FatToRun

...so I yelled after him "Quitter!" That made him mad because I yelled it and embarrassed him, but you know what? He got on that bike and got over it.

Love this! I wish I had someone to call me out when I am getting in that excuses and quitter mode :laugh:

fiona2785

Re the exercise - does she want to work out more but feel unable to, or is she just not interested? Have you asked her this? I'm not saying that this is necessarily the case in your marriage, but often the vast majority of household work ends up with the woman. Both myself and my husband work full-time - I work longer hours, as well as having to bring work home with me most days - yet I do most of the cooking, cleaning etc. If you just have work, workout, eat to think about, fitting in that workout is easy. However if you know that you have work, cooking, eating, clearing up, cleaning and workout to fit into your day, suddenly it's a bit harder to squeeze in a workout. I'm not saying it's not possible, but you're more likely to skip the workout. And resenting the person who could easily take some of that on for choosing to put themselves before anything else is easy to understand.

kbeech06

When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.

Ouch! It really made matters worse huh? I'm not surprised :huh: ...I would have been pretty upset had my hubby said something like that to me! My hubby can work out when he gets home from work...but I'm busy cooking dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry, etc to work out that long every day.

I do all those things you do and I still have plenty of time to work out. He could just as easily make excuses like he had to WORK all day and when he gets home is too tired. If you are in a healthy relationship you shouldnt have to walk on egg shells EVER. I am still pisse dmy old man didnt tell me how fat I have gotten, but now I know it is because he knew it would lead to healthier eating lol he hates that HA!

I always find time to work out too..as does his wife, just maybe not as much as he does. What I was saying was...he manages to go to the Y 6x a week, maybe she doesn't have that option??? We all need to make WHATEVER time we can, but we can't ALL get to the gym everyday. I'm more sidelined for other reasons (health) but I still manage what I can...and I'm doing ok with it.

servilia

If she does most of the housework or child work maybe she's resentful she doesn't have as much time as you do to work out. But 10lbs in a month is awesome just keep reminding her of that.

darwinwoodka

Obviously she needs more dark chocolate. You should bring her some. ;^) In fact, bring us ALL dark chocolate!

CrazyTrackLady

This is a perfectly good example of why husbands and wives should stay out of each other's fitness programs. It becomes a competition between them.

I work out regularly and watch what I eat. My husband does neither. Do I nag him about it? No, because it is not my issue to own. I focus on myself.

Now, if he wanted to start working out and eating better, I would offer some advice and tips, but I certainly wouldn't make it a competition. Basically because I would kick his a**, and that's a passive-aggressive way of saying "I'm better than YOU are, neener, neener, neener!"

links_slayer

women are teh worst...amiriteguys?

kelsully

When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.

Well I'm shocked this made it worse. :noway: :laugh:

This was my initial thought too...BUT... we don't know the conversation being had when he said this...if wife was looking for reasons he might be getting better result than this might have been said in kindness to help her assess what is going on.

This could have also been said if wife was being super difficult and whiney about "how unfair" it is that she is not losing as quickly. I don't know about you all but I have had some really bad moments of being super *****y when I am feeling defeated...if she was discrediting his efforts and diminished his hard work to say he "didn't deserve" his success because she was feeling low then she may have had a comment like this coming.

Of Course there is the possibility that he was being a very stupid man.

kelsully

And I say ^^^^^^^ as a wife that trains for marathons etc, works full time, does 85% of house work, 75% of child care stuff, and probably 60% of meal prep...so wife can make things happen if she asks for help. Men don't know they are supposed to help unless asked...then I find they are super helpful.

CoderGal

I do say I am proud of her and 10lbs is amazing. we keep food diary's and I beleieve she is eating way too little but cant seem to convince her that maybe more would be better. I also repeatedley tell her about the unfair men/women weight loss speed. She's smart and knows this but it still seems to grate her She has a desk job and mine is also more physical-another +- when it comes to loss. She says she feels better, but I wish she seemed happier with her progress

The link name says it all - http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/why-big-caloric-deficits-and-lots-of-activity-can-hurt-fat-loss.html
"moderate deficit dieting probably has the most pros with the least cons" - http://www.bodyrecomposition.com/fat-loss/setting-the-deficit-small-moderate-or-large.html
VLCD and random deaths: http://ajcn.nutrition.org/content/56/1/230S.full.pdf

Large deficits, they didn't work out for these people:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/419136-what-am-i-doing-wrong
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/419393-need-serious-help-please
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/420759-gaining-weight-on-a-low-carb-diet-please-help
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/421412-so-fed-up-there-has-to-be-an-easier-way
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/446248-why-am-i-gaining-weight
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/447513-disillusioned
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/448803-not-loosing-weight-or-inches
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/454374-gaining-with-scrict-diet-and-workouts
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/455392-no-results-at-all-despair
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/457566-why-cant-i-loose-weight-or-inches
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/457037-feeling-disheartened
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/467001-why-1200-c-a-day-and-still-no-weight-loss
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/480698-assistance-please-this-is-getting-ridiculous
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/480186-tiredness
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/487729-the-scale-wont-move
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/493331-i-need-some-straight-up-advice-on-this-dieting
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/503342-mfp-lied-help
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/509836-i-can-t-seem-to-lose-any-weight
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/517635-what-is-wrong-with-me
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/526497-1000cal-day-diet-daily-work-out-not-losing
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/552142-giving-up
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/557832-why-am-i-not-loosing-weight-help-im-doing-everything-i
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/585081-help-working-out-and-eating-1200-calories-no-change
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/589043-sick-of-trying-with-no-results
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/665625-could-someone-look-at-my-logs
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/668039-why-haven-t-i-lost-weight-in-2-weeks
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/680195-helppppp
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/705854-hair-loss
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/713154-900-calories-a-day
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/713967-not-seeing-any-progress
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/721909-1200-every-day-and-no-change-demotivated-completely
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/739340-1200cal-daily-for-3-weeks-and-havent-lost-a-single-pound
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/854231-calorie-problem
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/854236-stuck-fat
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/867360-i-m-scared
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/873449-need-advice
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/890176-not-losing-with-1200-calorie-plan
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/892991-4-weeks-dieting-and-haven-t-lost-1-pound
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/901715-anybody-busting-their-butts-and-seeing-no-results
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/905033-why-am-i-not-losing
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/905493-daily-600-net-calories-no-weight-lost-what-s-wrong

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/572503-why-you-should-eat-more-a-lion-s-tale

JustAboutDelicious_wechanged

I was mislead. I thought this was a post about how weightloss makes one horny. I seriously need a decoder for ***** words.

HAHAHA, me, too, that is why I clicked on it. It confused my horny, dirty brain.

links_slayer

Men don't know they are supposed to help unless asked...

Thanks for lumping us all into one generalization. Much appreciated.

Chris99mu

If she does most of the housework or child work

"If". That's funny.

2FatToRun

When I bring up that she will use a treadmill about 2x a week for 20 min and I am at the Y for about an hour a day 6x a week so maybe I deserve better results, it seems to make matters worse.

Ouch! It really made matters worse huh? I'm not surprised :huh: ...I would have been pretty upset had my hubby said something like that to me! My hubby can work out when he gets home from work...but I'm busy cooking dinner, washing dishes, folding laundry, etc to work out that long every day.

I do all those things you do and I still have plenty of time to work out. He could just as easily make excuses like he had to WORK all day and when he gets home is too tired. If you are in a healthy relationship you shouldnt have to walk on egg shells EVER. I am still pisse dmy old man didnt tell me how fat I have gotten, but now I know it is because he knew it would lead to healthier eating lol he hates that HA!

I always find time to work out too..as does his wife, just maybe not as much as he does. What I was saying was...he manages to go to the Y 6x a week, maybe she doesn't have that option??? We all need to make WHATEVER time we can, but we can't ALL get to the gym everyday. I'm more sidelined for other reasons (health) but I still manage what I can...and I'm doing ok with it.

I cant ever get to the gym either because I cant drive or afford the membership lol I have to settle for walking around my neighborhood or using the 9 dollar dvd I bought and workout to it. I need something to shove me into it though lol when it rains I celebrate...its an excuse why I cant walk..i know I am pathetic, but at least I own it. Lazy is my middle name lol

rosiereally2

I was only moody when I was trying to survive on 1200 calories. Now I'm pretty darn chipper!

kelsully

Men don't know they are supposed to help unless asked...

Thanks for lumping us all into one generalization. Much appreciated.

you are right..that was over generalizing.

I have found that "generally" men and women are different...women can be known to expect men to read their minds and just know what they need or want....for example I do a good deal of the car pooling duties for out family. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed and taken advantage of because I am super tired and do not want to do the driving around. If I ask my husband to be the taxi driver this night he does it willingly etc...if I do not ask, if I do not express my feelings of exhaustion and my desire to have a break he assumes that we are just going to do what we "always" do.

Sorry if you feel offended...not the intent...it is as much to say that women "can" assume that others can read our minds...or should "know" what we want or need.

CrazyTrackLady

Men don't know they are supposed to help unless asked...

Thanks for lumping us all into one generalization. Much appreciated.

Hmmm, wonder who said this earlier in the thread?

women are teh worst...amiriteguys?

Oh, that's right....YOU.

Hiya, Pot! My name is Kettle, but you can call me "GOTCHA!" for short.