I'm not finding the support that I need
Replies
-
Yeah, I never expect "everyone" to be supportive. Imagine if you supported ALL 200 of your friends daily! Do you have time for that? Probably not. If you want the person with 800 friends to support you, it's probably not going to happen. Not everyone has the same goals or fitness interests. I can be friends with anyone, but more than likely, I'll only comment on work outs. I'm not really going to comment on food diaries as I'm not sure what the person is shooting for most of the time. If I'm seeing genuine progress and effort, I'll definitely praise that when I see it.
I never praise housework or "trivial" every day activity. We all do those things regardless.0 -
I just read your post and I would love to be your friend on this journey we have chosen together. My name is Lori. I live about 20 minutes south of atlanta, GA. I m 32 years old and severely obese. I am 300 pounds. I have been heavy almost most of my life. I ave 140 pounds to lose. I have do or die attitude, so this time Im not giving up. I log on here everyday and I love to add you as friend. I support you. Delete the ones that don't care.0
-
I know exactly how you feel because I too have been there. I recently recruited my 17 year old daughter to be my cheering squad and I have found that I work harder for her than for anyone else. I don't want to be seen as a failure by my daughter and she is a totally positive support person. If I happen to have a bad week, she is e one who gives me the pep talk & reminds me that one week in your life does not dictate the rest of your life. I am proud to have her as my "coach". She makes me feel even better when she says "mom, I'm only encouraging you to do what I know you can just like you've always done for me!" Those kind of comments are the reason I work so hard and also make me so proud of the daughter I have raised. That GOD for my children.0
-
just do a master friends cleanse, and keep the ones you have frequent contact with :]0
-
I think you need more friends, OP. Just keep adding until you get the support level that you need.0
-
I love this site - but I don't think it's designed for "friending" people. Take a look at *** 3 fat chicks . com *** they have lots of support threads where people post daily. They have a "20s" thread. a "30s" thread, etc. Take a look -- you may find it more to your liking. I was a member of one group with about 20 people and most members of the group posted daily with "shout-outs" to each member of the group. You've got to keep the number of friends to a manageable number. I post often, but just general responses. It takes a lot of time for specific posts -- I don't want to feel obligated to post to anyone. :brokenheart:0
-
as one of your 200 friends I ask here as well as on your post that appeared on my news feed.
what kind of support do you need that you are not getting cause I definitely see lots of friends commenting on your posts daily. I am confused that you feel you are not getting support. I personally have been quiet this week because I'm not sure what to say anymore. I don't want to offend you again. I support my friends by commenting on exercise and sometimes food logs. I comment on statuses if I feel I can relate or think I can help somehow. I don't message daily or go to each friends wall. so please how can we better support you? no offense intended really!!!0 -
This is why I believe people should add friends similar to how they should lose weight. Slow, steady, and deliberately...and not all at once and too quickly.
Spend some time in the forums looking for people whose posts you enjoy, or people whom you think might have some common interests with you. Send those people a FR. Slowly, over time, you're more likely to have a FL that meets your needs.0 -
I don't think this site is really working for me in the support department.
I have 200+ friends and I think a handful of them are truly supportive and encouraging, they talk to me every day and really seem to care about what I am going through mentally and physically. I like those friends that I have.
The other couple hundred of people are really only on here for themselves which please don't get me wrong, that's great that you are on here to lose weight and worry about yourself. I just don't understand the point of becoming friends with people if you aren't going to comment on anything, you aren't going to give any positive feedback and you really don't care about that person's weight loss journey. I add people who I feel like I can relate to, learn from and/or encourage on a daily basis... I always give positive feedback, I never judge anyone's choices, I listen, I make time out of my day to post an inspirational morning post and I try to do as much as I can to show them that I care. I support, encourage and care for each and every one of my friends but, the favor is rarely returned which is very sad to me.
I realize that people on this site are on here to better themselves in a certain way, they are not here to babysit you or give you recognition but, I am on here for myself, to teach, to learn and to support.... I just wish that I could find more people like this.
When I was doing the weight watchers program, they had meetings every week where we could talk about recipes, become friends, share our struggles, acknowledge the good things that we did and just be better overall together. I loved the support that I got from doing that but, I wasn't able to financially stick to the program. I thought that the people on this site would be the same way but, I guess that I was wrong. Maybe I am looking in all the wrong places, maybe I am too picky and maybe I am just downright unlucky but, I sure wish that I could find a few more friends who want this weight loss just as bad as I do.
I'm not saying that not having this type of friendship is detouring me from weight loss because, it's not. I am motivated with or without friends but, it sure would help to have positive feedback, recognition, acknowledgement and support from someone who is going through the same type of thing.
I felt like I needed to get this off my chest and maybe someone who is also struggling with this will read this post and add me.... Thanks for listening.
This reminds me...lost 20 lbs. Time for new bra's....see you later all, time for shopping! If I'm not back in 10 hours send the search parties. I'm a shopaholic.0 -
Try sparkpeople if you want tons of support. To me this site is for logging and more logging! Good luck0
-
Interesting, maybe it's just me, but all I got out of this was that the few people who do keep in constant contact with you and support you aren't good enough and they're not the people you want to be inspiring you....either that, or you need much more validation on your successes, and more people to tell you you're awesome on a regular basis than the meager few that you have.
"I don't have the heart to delete them" to me is the same as saying "but I do have the heart to post about them on a public forum so everyone can judge them and maybe, just maybe, they'll read this and delete me on their own so I don't have to look like the bad guy because they left me..I never left them!"
Hope you get what you wanted out of this post. :flowerforyou:0 -
Try sparkpeople. That site is very social. Like other people have said here, people have different personalities. Also, people are busy living their lives, and no offense, I don't think any of them signed up for MFP specifically to support you. They signed up in order to change their lives. It's nothing personal.
Maybe you could find an in-person weight loss support group? Create something that works for you.0 -
It's no different here than on other social networks. There are people who love to post every thing about their day, and then there are the people who rarely post or comment and just stalk. Sure there's a lot of types in between those two, but that's generally what I see.
I know a guy who all he really does is post things about himself, rarely does he comment on other people's posts, and to that end, there are times he doesn't respond to comments on his own posts. It's just his self-centered personality, I don't judge him for it. It's what makes him... him.
I'm not a huge fan of the "good job bro," "keep it up," "awesome" type comments anyway, as they feel forced. I would rather someone question something I'm doing or engage with me on a topic then getting a bunch of kudos for a job well done.
But that's just me... everyone and anyone can feel free to add me if you want that kind of interaction.0 -
Interesting, maybe it's just me, but all I got out of this was that the few people who do keep in constant contact with you and support you aren't good enough and they're not the people you want to be inspiring you....either that, or you need much more validation on your successes, and more people to tell you you're awesome on a regular basis than the meager few that you have.
"I don't have the heart to delete them" to me is the same as saying "but I do have the heart to post about them on a public forum so everyone can judge them and maybe, just maybe, they'll read this and delete me on their own so I don't have to look like the bad guy because they left me..I never left them!"
Hope you get what you wanted out of this post. :flowerforyou:
<insert "Sir, you hit it on the bullseye" gif>0 -
I hope you find what you need, but if 200 people aren't supporting you as much as you need, maybe you need to support yourself more.0
-
Interesting, maybe it's just me, but all I got out of this was that the few people who do keep in constant contact with you and support you aren't good enough and they're not the people you want to be inspiring you....either that, or you need much more validation on your successes, and more people to tell you you're awesome on a regular basis than the meager few that you have.
"I don't have the heart to delete them" to me is the same as saying "but I do have the heart to post about them on a public forum so everyone can judge them and maybe, just maybe, they'll read this and delete me on their own so I don't have to look like the bad guy because they left me..I never left them!"
Hope you get what you wanted out of this post. :flowerforyou:
yep. this is what I got from it as well.
OP, I don't think it's the fault of MFP - maybe you need real life interaction? Maybe a smaller group of people that have similar goals and want the same level of interaction?
I don't use this site for motivation or validation but rather as a source for new information - for learning more about people that have similar goals and to learn how they have achieved them and maintained them
I hope you find what you're looking for.0 -
Now that I have to come downstair to use the computer I find there are so many others things I want to do other than say "WTG", "that's awesome", "great job". etc.
It's hard but I agree with so many. I don't delete, but I sure will stop writing to those who don't encourage me every now and then. I like trying to get people back on track so if the computer tells me they may need encouragement I try to write. I won't delete people. But I don't like it when people try to get me to do the same thing they are doing, but I love the fitness and nutritional info I get from this site, and the fitness stuff.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Interesting, maybe it's just me, but all I got out of this was that the few people who do keep in constant contact with you and support you aren't good enough and they're not the people you want to be inspiring you....either that, or you need much more validation on your successes, and more people to tell you you're awesome on a regular basis than the meager few that you have.
"I don't have the heart to delete them" to me is the same as saying "but I do have the heart to post about them on a public forum so everyone can judge them and maybe, just maybe, they'll read this and delete me on their own so I don't have to look like the bad guy because they left me..I never left them!"
Hope you get what you wanted out of this post. :flowerforyou:
<insert "Sir, you hit it on the bullseye" gif>
QFT
Nice friend shaming here. You won't delete them but you will b*&^h them out on the forum.
Personally, I know I don't give a lot of support to my friend on my wall. a) because I don't have time, b) because I'm busy looking after myself, c) I don't like the set up - it's clunky and I can't be bothered going back through more than 3-4 pages of "and was under his/her calorie goal" to find actual posts that I feel that I can contribute to. I much prefer to interact on the forums.
If you want to build a tight support network, do it, whittle down the friends until only people who interact with you to your standards are left.
I wonder how many of your 200 you added as opposed to added you? I accept most friend requests I get, because I can see no reason not to, but I don't put any expectations on those friends. Many others are the same.0 -
Time for you to clean house, baby.
I keep mine pretty lean because I want people that will post something other than weight loss and exercises. I like folks that actually post an original thought in their status.
0 -
I add people all the time. I probably add 5 or so a day! I usually do this from the boards when they've said something profound or funny as ****. But I don't depend on them to bolster my journey in any way. I think it's just a happy accident when you see something on your profile and you get to say "Woo hoo!" or "Way to go!" Otherwise, I'm just happy to be moving in the same direction with everyone. My partner is on MFP and I never see her at all. She's very private and wants no friends. And we've both just started and are doing well and love this site. Perhaps your expectations are a little high. Most everyone here has a family, children, school, career, exercise, shopping, chores, cooking, eating on a DAILY basis. Take the good and leave the rest. You're obviously making pretty good progress.
100% this0 -
I had a different experience. I found the kind of support on here that I never expected to find. When I was blindsided by a breakup and I couldn't eat, and the weight was falling off, people messaged me to make sure I was ok because they saw my journal had 3 things in it for the day, for more than a week. When I had surgery, they checked on me and made jokes to entertain me. And when I watched one of my best friends die, I found out who my core friends were on here. They messaged me to check on me A LOT. They tried to relate to me and share their experiences with grief and loss. They were understanding and loving, and while some people totally abandoned our friendship here when I stopped being funny, my real friends stepped up. Even now when I struggle with depression from this loss, they are still so awesome to me.
Bottom line: It's all about what you put into it. I have chosen to know my friends not as fitness buddies, but as whole human beings. They have chosen to do the same with me. Good luck to you.0 -
So you've been here for only 2 months and have over 200 friends? That's your mistake.
I have been here 8 months and have exactly 80 friends. I can learn something from each one of them, and I never added someone I never interacted with in the forums or on my other friends walls, unless I've read lots of their posts and realized we have something in common.
Most importantly, to me they are people, I know them by name, they are not "friend #27". I might not say "way to go" every time they finish logging their food for the day, but if one of them has a problem I will do my best to help.
What is support to you? 200 "way to go" comments?0 -
So you've been here for only 2 months and have over 200 friends? That's your mistake.
I have been here 8 months and have exactly 80 friends. I can learn something from each one of them, and I never added someone I never interacted with in the forums or on my other friends walls, unless I've read lots of their posts and realized we have something in common.
Most importantly, to me they are people, I know them by name, they are not "friend #27". I might not say "way to go" every time they finish logging their food for the day, but if one of them has a problem I will do my best to help.
What is support to you? 200 "way to go" comments?
This pretty much covers it...I've been here almost two years, and my FL is under 50. They are all special to me, and we support eachother and give eachother all manner of crap about everything:)0 -
IMO, more "supporters" sympathize and pacify here than actually empathize. Lots of "way to go", "good job", etc. when it actually could have been below average effort.
The best support comes from the person staring back at you in the mirror.
A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Honestly I was on your friend list of 200 people and commented on your posts, you never commented on mine (maybe you did once or twice) either way I ended up deleting you yesterday. No offence but I have like 50 people I know all there user names and they try everyday to lose weight and record everyday. Yesterday I was going through my list clicked on you and notice you had not recorded any food for over a week and all your posts were about really personal family stuff. I don't have a problem supporting people when life is trying but your posts were nothing but drama and this is not Facebook. So I am not sure how you want people to encourage you when you don't record anything other than person drama.
I think maybe you need to look to a different site because I am not sure about everyone else but I love the positivity of this site and love that it's not all personal drama ( like facebook) It's about fitness and a healthy life with like minded people.0 -
Hopefully you find most of the support you need from close friends, family and mainly from within. Sure it is nice having friends and all but this is still the internet. At least I cannot imagine online support from a forum being on the same level as the friends and family in your life.
I like to support others and I'm mainly here because I like to support and encourage others since I have been so successful on my own journey. Any support I receive here is nice and greatly appreciated but I don't see it as something I need.
That's my take anyway. Good luck to you.0 -
If you have a handful of friends who are supportive, you are doing great. Why do you think you need 200 friends. I think that social media has made us lose track of the true meaning of "friend". Accept support from those who can give it now, and move on. I keep my friends list small for this reason.0
-
I agree with most of the pp's. i've been on here for 2 1/2 years and have about 90 friends. A lot of those friends are people I know IRL who I've introduced to MFP. Another bunch are people who helped me become a runner. Some people I just found funny and loved their humour. And I'm gaining a newer wave of mates now because I've started to lift weights.
All of the people I know on here I find inspirational. I don't talk to many daily, but I have core groups of people I can tap into to answer my questions.
I don't need people to respond to my food diary, unless I'm asking for specific help with my intake. I don't need people to respond to my exercise input (although it's nice when they do- it's certainly not compulsory).
And as a friend of 90 people, I don't mind knowing some of the dramas that people have- life is full of ups and downs. But I am NOT interested in your mothers brothers uncles neighbours aunties bunions. If my friends are having a crappy time and I know about it, I'll pm them. But my friends (nor I) go on about our issues. We talk a lot of rubbish. We have insightful moments. My friends are a good laugh. But I don't rely on them for anything. I am my support crew. I am my motivation.
Maybe you need to stop friend collecting and find your motivation from inside, rather than trying to get it externally.0 -
add me
i like to keep my friend list low and throw out good job now and then0 -
My friend list is full of nerds, and it took time to find so many as wonderful as mine are.
But damn, not 200 of them. Ain't nobody got time for that!0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.8K Getting Started
- 260.2K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.9K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.5K Fitness and Exercise
- 426 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153K Motivation and Support
- 8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.7K MyFitnessPal Information
- 24 News and Announcements
- 1.1K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions