I'm not finding the support that I need

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24

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  • JezzD1
    JezzD1 Posts: 431
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    Have an issue? Here's a tissue =)
    No but really tho, if your friends don't pay enough attention then delete them and narrow down the list to the people who you truly interact with. It will make your life easier ;-)
    Also try making a real friend in life maybe one that goes to your gym, or from weight watchers? Sometimes having live company to workout with or call when your bummed and want to eat garbage can really help.
    Feel better <3
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    I'm not sure that the internet is the best place for the support you are looking for. Maybe you could make your own weight loss group with real life friends?
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    Quality>quantity
  • ronda201766
    ronda201766 Posts: 3 Member
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    add me
  • bigtosmall
    bigtosmall Posts: 6 Member
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    You are not on this site for anyone else but yourself. It 's like getting advise from your friends:keep what works for you and get rid of the rest. I like the suggestion about categorizing your friends, but personally I would wipe the slate clean and starting the friends that offer support. Doing something over and aver again and expecting a different result never works.
  • rekite2000
    rekite2000 Posts: 218 Member
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    A vast majority of people won't be offended if you deleted them. I am not the most supportive of friends (I try, but I don't worry about it). If I am not supportive enough, I wouldn't take it personally if someone deleted me. If you don't want to delete, then don't stress about who comments on your stuff. I think if you can find a solid 5 -10 friends, you will be golden.
  • tracyschreier
    tracyschreier Posts: 81 Member
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    I add people all the time. I probably add 5 or so a day! I usually do this from the boards when they've said something profound or funny as ****. But I don't depend on them to bolster my journey in any way. I think it's just a happy accident when you see something on your profile and you get to say "Woo hoo!" or "Way to go!" Otherwise, I'm just happy to be moving in the same direction with everyone. My partner is on MFP and I never see her at all. She's very private and wants no friends. And we've both just started and are doing well and love this site. Perhaps your expectations are a little high. Most everyone here has a family, children, school, career, exercise, shopping, chores, cooking, eating on a DAILY basis. Take the good and leave the rest. You're obviously making pretty good progress.
  • ellepribro
    ellepribro Posts: 226 Member
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    I don't think this site is really working for me in the support department.

    I don't think it's the fault of the site, but rather the people on your friends list. Make it work for you. Delete the people you don't interact with.
    I go through my friends list every few weeks. I take the time to motivate all of my friends, and I only keep the ones who do the same for me.
    You're here for you, don't worry about feeling bad deleting people who don't even interact with you.
  • mair123
    mair123 Posts: 50 Member
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    During my journey to lose the weight- I only had 1 friend, who I have known in real life for over 15 years- my college room mate. She was embarking on a life changing journey herself and it was great to be support systems for each other. Now that I am at my goal weight, I primarily use the boards for running tips/advice/feedback. I have added some more friends who are also running. Unless I am at work, I usually use MFP through my phone, so it is not always to comment. Plus, when I do give feedback, support, encouragement I want it to be genuine- not a general, "you are awesome" or "good job". If this is something that really bothers you, I'd take the suggestions others have given you- update your profile to let people know you want friends who will offer daily support and narrow your friend list down from 200 to maybe 20 tops.
  • peggybrant
    peggybrant Posts: 144 Member
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    I am not sure if I have the heart to delete anyone...
    If they miss you, they'll add you back.

    I think 200 friends is too much to manage with daily support and encouragement. I can't even manage 20!

    absolutely agree.
  • MercenaryNoetic26
    MercenaryNoetic26 Posts: 2,747 Member
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    Yeah, I never expect "everyone" to be supportive. Imagine if you supported ALL 200 of your friends daily! Do you have time for that? Probably not. If you want the person with 800 friends to support you, it's probably not going to happen. Not everyone has the same goals or fitness interests. I can be friends with anyone, but more than likely, I'll only comment on work outs. I'm not really going to comment on food diaries as I'm not sure what the person is shooting for most of the time. If I'm seeing genuine progress and effort, I'll definitely praise that when I see it.

    I never praise housework or "trivial" every day activity. We all do those things regardless.
  • loriwhitefaith
    loriwhitefaith Posts: 116 Member
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    I just read your post and I would love to be your friend on this journey we have chosen together. My name is Lori. I live about 20 minutes south of atlanta, GA. I m 32 years old and severely obese. I am 300 pounds. I have been heavy almost most of my life. I ave 140 pounds to lose. I have do or die attitude, so this time Im not giving up. I log on here everyday and I love to add you as friend. I support you. Delete the ones that don't care.
  • Jessicasinterest
    Jessicasinterest Posts: 4 Member
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    I know exactly how you feel because I too have been there. I recently recruited my 17 year old daughter to be my cheering squad and I have found that I work harder for her than for anyone else. I don't want to be seen as a failure by my daughter and she is a totally positive support person. If I happen to have a bad week, she is e one who gives me the pep talk & reminds me that one week in your life does not dictate the rest of your life. I am proud to have her as my "coach". She makes me feel even better when she says "mom, I'm only encouraging you to do what I know you can just like you've always done for me!" Those kind of comments are the reason I work so hard and also make me so proud of the daughter I have raised. That GOD for my children.
  • keem88
    keem88 Posts: 1,689 Member
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    just do a master friends cleanse, and keep the ones you have frequent contact with :]
  • BeachIron
    BeachIron Posts: 6,490 Member
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    I think you need more friends, OP. Just keep adding until you get the support level that you need.
  • marygee1951
    marygee1951 Posts: 148 Member
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    I love this site - but I don't think it's designed for "friending" people. Take a look at *** 3 fat chicks . com *** they have lots of support threads where people post daily. They have a "20s" thread. a "30s" thread, etc. Take a look -- you may find it more to your liking. I was a member of one group with about 20 people and most members of the group posted daily with "shout-outs" to each member of the group. You've got to keep the number of friends to a manageable number. I post often, but just general responses. It takes a lot of time for specific posts -- I don't want to feel obligated to post to anyone. :brokenheart:
  • deannakittygirl
    deannakittygirl Posts: 228 Member
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    as one of your 200 friends I ask here as well as on your post that appeared on my news feed.

    what kind of support do you need that you are not getting cause I definitely see lots of friends commenting on your posts daily. I am confused that you feel you are not getting support. I personally have been quiet this week because I'm not sure what to say anymore. I don't want to offend you again. I support my friends by commenting on exercise and sometimes food logs. I comment on statuses if I feel I can relate or think I can help somehow. I don't message daily or go to each friends wall. so please how can we better support you? no offense intended really!!!
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    This is why I believe people should add friends similar to how they should lose weight. Slow, steady, and deliberately...and not all at once and too quickly.

    Spend some time in the forums looking for people whose posts you enjoy, or people whom you think might have some common interests with you. Send those people a FR. Slowly, over time, you're more likely to have a FL that meets your needs.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    I don't think this site is really working for me in the support department.
    I have 200+ friends and I think a handful of them are truly supportive and encouraging, they talk to me every day and really seem to care about what I am going through mentally and physically. I like those friends that I have.
    The other couple hundred of people are really only on here for themselves which please don't get me wrong, that's great that you are on here to lose weight and worry about yourself. I just don't understand the point of becoming friends with people if you aren't going to comment on anything, you aren't going to give any positive feedback and you really don't care about that person's weight loss journey. I add people who I feel like I can relate to, learn from and/or encourage on a daily basis... I always give positive feedback, I never judge anyone's choices, I listen, I make time out of my day to post an inspirational morning post and I try to do as much as I can to show them that I care. I support, encourage and care for each and every one of my friends but, the favor is rarely returned which is very sad to me.
    I realize that people on this site are on here to better themselves in a certain way, they are not here to babysit you or give you recognition but, I am on here for myself, to teach, to learn and to support.... I just wish that I could find more people like this.

    When I was doing the weight watchers program, they had meetings every week where we could talk about recipes, become friends, share our struggles, acknowledge the good things that we did and just be better overall together. I loved the support that I got from doing that but, I wasn't able to financially stick to the program. I thought that the people on this site would be the same way but, I guess that I was wrong. Maybe I am looking in all the wrong places, maybe I am too picky and maybe I am just downright unlucky but, I sure wish that I could find a few more friends who want this weight loss just as bad as I do.

    I'm not saying that not having this type of friendship is detouring me from weight loss because, it's not. I am motivated with or without friends but, it sure would help to have positive feedback, recognition, acknowledgement and support from someone who is going through the same type of thing.

    I felt like I needed to get this off my chest and maybe someone who is also struggling with this will read this post and add me.... Thanks for listening.

    This reminds me...lost 20 lbs. Time for new bra's....see you later all, time for shopping! If I'm not back in 10 hours send the search parties. I'm a shopaholic.
  • baileysmom4
    baileysmom4 Posts: 242 Member
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    Try sparkpeople if you want tons of support. To me this site is for logging and more logging! Good luck

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