Marriage - yea or nay?
Whats the skinny on marriage? I was watching Louis CK standup on HBO last night and he said he has been divorced 5 years and those were the best 5 years of his life. He said, sure there are people who are in love and want to get married and they should because the best part about it is the divorce, and that be happy because divorce is forever. So I scratched my *kitten* and wondered whether marriage is just bills and inlaws.
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Not sure but Louis CK is hilarous0
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Guess it all depends... Divorce was definitely the best part of my first marriage...0
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A divorce party is wayyyyy better than a marriage0
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The piece of paper doesn't mean anything to me. There's either true choice to be together, or not. I would never stay out of obligation and wouldn't want him to either. I left my first husband and never regretted it.0
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Whats the skinny on marriage? I was watching Louis CK standup on HBO last night and he said he has been divorced 5 years and those were the best 5 years of his life. He said, sure there are people who are in love and want to get married and they should because the best part about it is the divorce, and that be happy because divorce is forever. So I scratched my *kitten* and wondered whether marriage is just bills and inlaws.
Soooooo, is this a proposal, or am I misreading your cues......?
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nay... for me!, to each their own tho.0
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I felt so grown up when I got divorced.0
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Louis CK is one of the best comedians!
It all depends on what you're into...my marriage is more than bills and in-laws but its not for everybody0 -
Nay for me too. I wouldn't want to ever give up the freedom it have now.0
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I've broken 2 engagements to 2 different people. The idea of being committed to someone for my whole life sounds lovely. But the idea of being obligated to be committed to someone for my whole life has scared me into giving the rings back both times. I can't guarantee a lifetime to anyone.
I want my relationships to be based on freedom, not on restrictions and old promises. I want to grow freely. I want my partner to grow freely, even if it means he could grow away from me. It happens, and I'm ok with that.
But you know what else happens? Sometimes you just stay with someone, and one day you wake up and realize you've been together for 20 years, but it feels like the blink of an eye because you're just happy going along together and not counting down to any particular moment in time. All along this person had the chance to leave, but he *chose* to stay - he wasn't obligated to. That is the type of relationship I want.0 -
One divorce was enough for me.
No. Big emphatic loud messy NO.0 -
Marriage is a vow, a commitment between two people and can be a beautiful thing. Being with your best friend, waking up with them, going to sleep with them, always having your best friend to enjoy the good part of lives with and having them there to help you through the bad parts, is all worth it! People do not take marriage vows for what they mean anymore and it is a sad thing. I can say that I used to be one of those people, but have finally woken up and realized what marriage should be and what it means. It is not just a piece of paper, it is the meaning and feelings between the vows that you speak during the ceremony. It is truly when two should become one, it means having a partner for life and to me that is awesome. I have been married and unfortunately it was not to the love of my life, which I also think many people now marry too quickly (I again was one of these people) and now that I have met my true love, I know that this is my time for happiness. So, I say don't do it if you don't mean it and for those who celebrate divorce, it is quite sad! It is a failure no matter how you look at it and who likes to fail? Marriage should be celebrated, divorce should not!0
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Works for me, but I've lucked out so far.
I'm certainly not going to judge people who say nay, I've seen lots of very justified divorces go down through the years.0 -
I wasn't even married and the breakup is enough for me....I'll pass on the whole marriage thing for now.
I watched it last night also and it was HILARIOUS!!0 -
yay! ive been with mine for almost 8 years and i cant imagine life without him :flowerforyou: :smokin: :smooched: :drinker: :bigsmile: :blushing:0
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My thoughts exactly Jessica! My first marriage didn't work out because we were so young and didn't really know ourselves, let alone each other. My second marriage has been better than I could have ever imagined it to be! I really did marry my best friend and I can't imagine my life without him in it. If you have to think about whether marriage is the right move or not, it's not because when it is right, it is SOOOO right.0
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Nay for me - 47 and never married. I think a lot of people get married "because it's time" or because they don't want to be alone, and they don't take a lot of care in choosing a partner for long-term compatibility. I never understood all these people (sorry, mostly women) that post on forums or go on TV and tell people how effed up their relationship is but then say they want to marry that person anyway. I have nothing against marriage - my parents have been happily married for 50 years. But I'm not going to sign up for a lifetime with some guy that doesn't treat me right. Every boyfriend I've had has wanted to clip my wings instead of help me fly, so I choose to fly solo.0
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Yea for me but... and huuuuuuge but here... I'm not married to a total bag o' douches. I have no idea how people who are married to less than stellar characters live like that or even think it's okay to live like that. If you are married to the right person then it's the usual work but it's a lot of fun. I don't know what it's like to be unhappily married but I have no crapping clue how people do it.0
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People change. They should as they grow. And some say love is a choice. And you do wonder whether if you do not make the choice to love with the one you got, whether you could ever find it again, especially as you get older.0
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Doing a divorce registry at Target would be awesome. Then your friends could supply you with everything a new bachelor/bachelorette needs, booze, condoms, dna tests.
I am pro marriage. I was lucky I got it right the first time. I would never do it again though if I found myself single, once is enough for me.0 -
There's no formula, no right or wrong answer.0
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Neither my girlfriend nor I have balls. So I wouldn't know about that.0
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I've broken 2 engagements to 2 different people. The idea of being committed to someone for my whole life sounds lovely. But the idea of being obligated to be committed to someone for my whole life has scared me into giving the rings back both times. I can't guarantee a lifetime to anyone.
I want my relationships to be based on freedom, not on restrictions and old promises. I want to grow freely. I want my partner to grow freely, even if it means he could grow away from me. It happens, and I'm ok with that.
But you know what else happens? Sometimes you just stay with someone, and one day you wake up and realize you've been together for 20 years, but it feels like the blink of an eye because you're just happy going along together and not counting down to any particular moment in time. All along this person had the chance to leave, but he *chose* to stay - he wasn't obligated to. That is the type of relationship I want.
Like!0 -
Doing a divorce registry at Target would be awesome. Then your friends could supply you with everything a new bachelor/bachelorette needs, booze, condoms, dna tests.
I am pro marriage. I was lucky I got it right the first time. I would never do it again though if I found myself single, once is enough for me.
I agree! I doubt I would remarry if my marriage ended in divorce.0 -
Cons, general: BORING, people didn't live past 40 until really recently, sticking with the same person for a super long time is hard bc we always want novelty. ^ risk of staying when no one's happy because of sunk costs
Pros, general: having someone there who knew you when, a witness to your life over time; sharing important events; no one's young forever, they'll put up with things going south later. Kids are really the main reason I can see to get married at all, that and legal stuff like handling your living will etc.
Special concerns for women: chances are you lost out career-wise, if you had kids (time off, loss of progress). ^ likely to stay in a bad marriage because there are usually bigger risks with divorce (you're older when you get out). Even if it's good, you're probably doing 70-80% of the emotional & domestic labour keeping the marriage going. ^ Stress, good or bad; quality of life does not improve much with a husband.
Special concerns for men: Life expectancy goes up 5 years if it's a happy marriage (is neutral or negative for women). That's because someone's picking up your mess and taking care of things for you. With a divorce after a bad marriage with kids, career not usually impacted, but possible hit taken wrt payments if wife's career suffered for kids/etc. Still have good market value up to 60s, for new relationships or remarriage.
I think serial marriage still makes sense for both men and women if kids are involved*. It's in women's interests to get out early if things are crappy with #1 though. I basically think women should NEVER stop working to make that kind of decision easier if it comes to it.
If no kids, doesn't really matter (if alternate arrangements can be made re living wills etc).
For young, sensitive people preferring definite monogamy, maybe those 2-year trial contracts like they tried in mexico would be good. << actually I am understating my support for this. 2 years is usually enough to tell you if someone's cray & you're just incompatible & it's time to go. A formal compatibility review at that stage would be a chance for unhappy ppl to get out w/o huge losses/guilt etc.
edit: i think i am pro state-mandated formal reviews at 2 years initially, every 5 after that, with easy access to mediation if required.
edit: above obviously applies to gay couples too, apols for using heteronormative constructs, main reason for that is, accidental biological reproduction is the statistical norm
*in this economy, that is. If a new world order comes soon, I'll have to revise
thank u for asking the ?, v effective procrastination tool.0 -
Interesting bunch, as I typically consider myself the cynic but you all have me beat. Guess I've been lucky to say the first 10 years of my marriage have been worth any challenges that have come along the way. Is every day fantastic....of course not. But when the average is more "pro" than "con", and you wake up willing to work for something larger than yourself, that's what defines a good marriage. I happened to wait longer than many, as a military career doesn't excactly make the best opportunities to find "the right one". That said, I feel vindicated in having waited.0
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If you're wondering whether it's worth it, I would err on the side of caution and say nay for you. It requires the right perspective. Most people don't have that, honestly.0
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I've tried it a few times and it doesn't seem to be for me.0
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Depends on the marriage and the person. I love being married currently. My first marriage was a total disaster. There's no one answer, every situation is unique.0
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edit: i think i am pro state-mandated formal reviews at 2 years initially, every 5 after that, with easy access to mediation if required.
Because the government doesn't control enough of our lives and choices already.......0
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