Getting over the fat man stigma

BigAndyT
BigAndyT Posts: 52 Member
in Motivation and Support
I have a real problem with the stigma of being a fat man! i want to start jogging and maybe going to the gym but the thought of other people looking at me and thinking "whos he think hes kidding" and other stuff really gets too me. I know its mostly in my head and nobody really gives a **** about what i do but i cant help thinking it

Has anybody else had this and howdid you get over it?

Replies

  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    When I started working out at a gym, I'd constantly be ashamed and whenever I'd look around, it felt like people were looking at me. I just kept on keeping on. Eventually it was really nice to overhear one of the guys say he was amazed watching the women at the gym shed sizes. So yes, he was watching, but he was genuinely supportive!

    You kind of have to put it to oneside in your brain. Your main focus should be the workout. Once you get into that groove, faces fade away and you're your main focus. =)
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
    I started going to the gym at 420 lbs. I assumed people would stare, make negative comments but said to myself: if they don't like what they see they can avert their eyes. If they say anything nasty, they are the a**holes. I am going for my health and that's it. I barely lasted 15 min but I did it. Now I am a gym rat.

    I never heard a bad comment, no staring or laughing. Honestly, too busy keeping breathing to notice, lol. Eventually you realize mostly people there are into doing their own thing and don't really pay attention to others

    My biggest recommendations: just go and ignore others. Hire a personal trainer once a month to set a plan for the month and that way every 4 weeks you are assessing progress and changing things up.

    Good luck & enjoy!!!
  • vidasana87
    vidasana87 Posts: 75
    Hi! :)

    I have not once in my life looked at an overweight person and thought "who are they kidding" or any thought similar to that. Literally EVER. I usually think "good job. I admire someone who is trying to better themselves".

    I have a feeling this applies to a ton of people :) so get out of your head and remember this:

    Never let someone influence a decision if they don't have to live with the result

    Jenny
  • nicola1141
    nicola1141 Posts: 613 Member
    Most people are inherently self-absorbed and self-conscious. Most people are too busy worried about how they look to worry about how you look! I think most people are much more likely to think "good for him" than "what is he thinking?".
  • RobertHendrix
    RobertHendrix Posts: 98 Member
    I was 448lbs when I started going to the gym. I understand what you are saying and had some of the same thoughts. What got me over it was when I realized it wasn't other people looking at me and thinking this but that this is how I was looking at myself. Once I started changing the way I thought about myself and thinking about not how I looked now but how I will look when I reach my goals I stopped feeling like people were watching everything I did and actually started having the courage to start going up and asking others questions about form and different things they were doing and getting to know some really cool people.
  • gurlygirlrcr80
    gurlygirlrcr80 Posts: 162 Member
    I actually just started running at the gym last week so this thought has been fresh in my mind because I just started doing it...i'm doing the couch to 5 k training so you run and walk in intervals and to my great surprise, not 1 person has even glanced my way lol. Nobody has laughed or pointed at me or discouraged me. It takes baby step and you burn 0 calories thinking about going :) I feel like a baby giraffe running on the treadmill because I have no balance yet but it all will come with time...

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  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
    Most people at the gym are too busy to notice you. And, if they do notice you enough to think negatively about you, then they aren't busy enough.
  • wykyd
    wykyd Posts: 68 Member
    Never let someone influence a decision if they don't have to live with the result

    ^This. And add, "Change your thoughts and you will change your world".
  • Linkdapink
    Linkdapink Posts: 128 Member
    When I go to the gym, I notice all kinds of people. But as soon as I put my headphones in, and start doing my workout - I barely notice them! I think most people have that mentality - most people are looking at themselves, and trying to improve themselves not judging others.
  • Cfeltner
    Cfeltner Posts: 1 Member
    After my first child was born in ’98 I had around 70 lbs to loose and when I started going to group x classes at the gym I always felt self-conscious knowing I was one of the biggest girls in the class. I just kept at it and after a while I started receivng compliments from total strangers about how great I was doing. Several months after committing to change I was actually offered a job as a group x instructor. Over the last 14 years my weight has gone through various ups and downs but I know that everyone else at the gyms has similar goals as I do, to get fit and stay healthy. Now whenever I see people at the gym that have a lot of extra weight to loose I can’t help but wonder how much they will accomplish and where they will be if they just stick with it. I know it seems odd but most people are not thinking OMG what is he/she doing here, they are really thinking GOOD FOR YOU and are curious about where your journey will take you.
  • Alison12121
    Alison12121 Posts: 198 Member
    I recently started MFP to get back on track, and to save money I've been walking with my dog for exercise lately, but I can share the experiences I had when I went to the gym regularly (about 4 times a week) a few years ago. I was only about 26 pounds overweight (instead of the 62 pounds I am now), but I still felt really self conscious.

    I signed up for a cardio kickboxing class and I was really nervous, but the instructor was very welcoming and friendly, and made me feel right at home. I kept going to that class, lost a lot of weight, and was in pretty good shape some months later. One day a guy who was very overweight joined us for class, and was really working hard to keep up. He stayed for about 30 minutes, and then left the class. When he left the instructor just said "that guy worked out really hard for 30 minutes, and that's darn respectable." Everybody in class agreed that he was awesome, and just had supportive things to say about him. When I'm on the treadmill I'm too busy trying not to fall off to notice anyone else, but if people notice they're thinking supportive thoughts. :smile:
  • Christie0428
    Christie0428 Posts: 221 Member
    ...

    Never let someone influence a decision if they don't have to live with the result

    Jenny

    I love this!

    I echo what everyone else said, what others think is about them. If you want to go - go. When I was 20 I was over weight and there was a gym at my job (I only saw fit people there), I used to try to go off hours where nobody else would see me and it started to get harder to avoid people and I actually became friends with severl of the super fit "gym rats" and at one point or another all of them said "good work" ... they respected the effort I was putting forth. ... I ultimately ended up going hiking and skydiving with them and we stay friends for a while after I left the company.

    Just go and put it out of your mind. :-)

    ...are you at the gym already?
  • KingOfTheBurke
    KingOfTheBurke Posts: 20
    It's true that there may be a few at the gym who might look at you and think that. But you'll be pleasantly surprised at how few there are-- most people don't run into this at all.

    And there may be a cynical few who notice you and will wonder if you'll hang in there and stick with it. But again, there will only be a few, and you'll never know they're there because they're doing their own thing and will leave you in peace.

    The vast majority will either simply not notice you, or more likely, will recognize that you have an uphill battle and admire you all the more for getting in there and getting started. One thing you'll learn soon enough is that the people in the gym who are inclined to be judgmental will be that way about the folks snarfing frozen pizza in front of the TV, not the people who get in there and shed some sweat.

    So relax. Get in there and make some friends. Do the hard work, and stare down the fear. Have some fun. Your world will be a very different place in just a few months if you do.
  • BigAndyT
    BigAndyT Posts: 52 Member
    Thanks for the replies people, so basically i need to man up lol.
  • sweetsarahv
    sweetsarahv Posts: 180 Member
    the only way you are going to get over this is to just keep doing the things that make you uncomfortable. You won't get anywhere by avoiding gyms. You have to go in, zone out and do your thing. Remember that you are there, and that counts for something. People don't pay attention to others in there as much as I think we think they do.

    Head up! You got this :)
  • ContraryMaryMary
    ContraryMaryMary Posts: 1,777 Member
    Remember, 'the people who mind don't matter, and the people who matter don't mind'.

    Now off you go and work out!
  • azztkk
    azztkk Posts: 26
    I'm usually more motivated when I'm pissed. Let what you believe others might think motivate you.

    You'll actually find that most people at the gym are in their own world anyways and won't notice you. Also, if you show up on a regular basis people will respect your dedication and effort and you'll get comfortable.

    At this point, you are your own worst enemy.

    Just get started and do it .... you'll laugh at yourself later for holding yourself back.
  • homemademama
    homemademama Posts: 199 Member
    I'm so glad you posted this! I've been working out and feel good about it - but I only run outside at night because I'm still too self conscious to go out during the day. I don't want people looking at me like some crazy thick girl trying to run. It's nice to read everyones supportive responses. Maybe I'll work my way to running at dusk this week :)
  • hya89
    hya89 Posts: 19 Member
    I agree with what a lot of people have said, when I see someone bigger working out I always kind of want to go up to them and say 'good for you!' (I don't because I feel like I would make them uncomfortable)

    That being said, I also have anxiety about working out in front of people. I know no one is really watching and no one cares, but I have trouble even running around my neighborhood when there are people out.

    Because of this I do what is called the 'vampire method' of working out (I read about it in a wonderful book called 'The Adventures of Diet Girl') basically, I work out at times when there are very few people around. It doesn't always work out but for the most part this lets me work in a way that I feel comfortable with.
  • upgetupgetup
    upgetupgetup Posts: 749 Member
    Yup, agree with everyone. We humans are mostly self-absorbed jerks. So care not.

    The one thing I would think, as someone who hurt herself running, is maybe "that guy should use low-impact cardio exclusively until he loses enough weight that his joints can handle jogging, or preferably not jog at all, or at the least, start a VERY gradual program in the best shoes he can afford & after a consultation with a pt"

    (because if I'd done that I wouldn't have the probs I have today)
  • barrattandrew
    barrattandrew Posts: 148
    you can do it. I found that starting with my nutrition first and losing a bit that way without hammering the gym to begin with made me more concious of what I eat. I now treat calories like credits that I earn! Also found that doing an exercise that I enjoy and that the time rattle by helps a lot.
  • JustDeke
    JustDeke Posts: 53 Member
    I just recently overcame my own mental fat man stigma when I finally mustered the courage to join a gym a month ago. At 400+ I am easily the biggest person I've seen in my gym so far.

    However, I've found that people at a gym are pretty much just focused on their own work out. My presence is almost entirely ignored. The few people who have noticed have all been very encouraging. Turns out everyone, regardless of their size, are at the gym for the same thing.

    Go for it!



    -Deke
    Follow my progress:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/JustDeke
  • veganstein
    veganstein Posts: 33 Member
    When I see someone who is very heavy at the gym, my reflex thought is "Good on you!". I would never tell them that, I fear it would sound patronizing, but I am admiring their working toward improving their health. It never occurred to me to have any negative thoughts, we're all there for the same reason!

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