The parent in me is MAD!!

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Replies

  • bluebirdlx
    bluebirdlx Posts: 39
    We live in a society where thinner is better.

    It's more attractive, it's more appealing, it depicts "health"

    We also live in a society where big booties, large breasts, tanned skin and pin straight hair is appealing as well.

    I'm not against all plastic surgery, but let me say that it's partly to blame for this problem. Women who are naturally very petite and thin can go get large breast or butt implants. This leads to a culture of worshiping women who's bodies are unnatural. On average, a woman with a naturally large bust and large hips and butt is not going to be waif thin.

    Don't get me started on the fake tan, eyelashes, hair, nails etc.

    What we need to be doing is promoting education and college degrees. Rewarding young women (and young men) for their educations and contributions to society. NOT for their wardrobes and bodies.
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    We live in a society where thinner is better.

    It's more attractive, it's more appealing, it depicts "health"

    We also live in a society where big booties, large breasts, tanned skin and pin straight hair is appealing as well.

    I'm not against all plastic surgery, but let me say that it's partly to blame for this problem. Women who are naturally very petite and thin can go get large breast or butt implants. This leads to a culture of worshiping women who's bodies are unnatural. On average, a woman with a naturally large bust and large hips and butt is not going to be waif thin.

    Don't get me started on the fake tan, eyelashes, hair, nails etc.

    What we need to be doing is promoting education and college degrees. Rewarding young women (and young men) for their educations and contributions to society. NOT for their wardrobes and bodies.
    and photoshop. that's the killer.
    the images girls look up to are literally impossible.
  • casy84
    casy84 Posts: 290 Member
    They were brought up to not value self worth. They base their image on others opinions. No one was in there life that had the common sense to teach them the right way. They are damaged goods. Their minds are so warped that no matter how many times you tell them the opposite of what they think and believe it will never alter their self image.

    If parent(s) would teach their children self respect and values this would not be an issue.

    I'm not sure that 'eat a cheesburger, lol' and calling them 'damaged goods' is helpfull. People are so suportive with the overweight and so judgmental with the ones who have self image problems.

    I was never overweight, but very close to it. Where I live, girls my age(~29) are very thin, a lot even underweight. Add that to the photo shop celebs and you'll feel fat for the rest of your life.
  • sati18
    sati18 Posts: 153 Member
    Half of me says they do it for attention and the other half says they're covering up something by doing what they're doing.

    Speaking purely from my own experience and struggles, eating disorders are far less about wanting attention and far more about being unable to deal with difficult emotions and situations and therefore rationalising the negative down to a single controllable aspect. So you dont look at the fact that 'i feel xyz negative emotion or overwhelmed by something' instead you focus on 'the source of my problems is that i am not thin enough, if i get thinner then by definition the thing thats upsetting me wont happen or matter and i dont have to think or deal with it.

    They are a coping and avoidance mechanism which in the short term appear highly effective (to the sufferer)... in the long term they stunt your emotional development and you never learn how to deal with things in a healthy way, you just become more and more reliant on your eating disorder to avoid the real issues
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
    most anorexics seem to me to be trying to hide their issues, not trying to get attention. hiding food, baggy clothes, lies.

    it's usually about holding onto some measure of control in a huge, scary, chaotic world. like the ocd cleaners or the workaholics.
  • carolynhart01
    carolynhart01 Posts: 73 Member
    Photoshop ughhhhh.. Kim Kardashian was never as thin as the magazines showed and now is not actually as thick as they show her either. Pregnant yes, but they are giving her weird porportions.. But everyday I see more teen girls checking out her cover photos.
  • persistantone
    persistantone Posts: 59 Member
    Half of me says they do it for attention and the other half says they're covering up something by doing what they're doing.

    Speaking purely from my own experience and struggles, eating disorders are far less about wanting attention and far more about being unable to deal with difficult emotions and situations and therefore rationalising the negative down to a single controllable aspect. So you dont look at the fact that 'i feel xyz negative emotion or overwhelmed by something' instead you focus on 'the source of my problems is that i am not thin enough, if i get thinner then by definition the thing thats upsetting me wont happen or matter and i dont have to think or deal with it.

    They are a coping and avoidance mechanism which in the short term appear highly effective (to the sufferer)... in the long term they stunt your emotional development and you never learn how to deal with things in a healthy way, you just become more and more reliant on your eating disorder to avoid the real issues


    Thank you! I wish people could understand that EDs are mental illnesses and NOT moral failings.
  • sati18
    sati18 Posts: 153 Member
    Half of me says they do it for attention and the other half says they're covering up something by doing what they're doing.

    Speaking purely from my own experience and struggles, eating disorders are far less about wanting attention and far more about being unable to deal with difficult emotions and situations and therefore rationalising the negative down to a single controllable aspect. So you dont look at the fact that 'i feel xyz negative emotion or overwhelmed by something' instead you focus on 'the source of my problems is that i am not thin enough, if i get thinner then by definition the thing thats upsetting me wont happen or matter and i dont have to think or deal with it.

    They are a coping and avoidance mechanism which in the short term appear highly effective (to the sufferer)... in the long term they stunt your emotional development and you never learn how to deal with things in a healthy way, you just become more and more reliant on your eating disorder to avoid the real issues


    Thank you! I wish people could understand that EDs are mental illnesses and NOT moral failings.

    Yea me too.... i don't think though that anyone who hasnt suffered with one can ever truly understand the madness. When i was first diagnosed my family doctor told my mother it was an adolescent power struggle and that i would just grow out of it if she ignored me. He then turned to me and said "besides you're not thin enough to have an eating disorder". With that level of ignorance coming from a medical professional, it's not surprising that the majority of people also don't understand it.

    I can see how it could seem like attention seeking though - a lot of drama has always seemed to follow anyone i've known with an eating problem. But then the drama is because you actually cant deal with life in an adult way, everything feels like the end of the world most especially when you're malnourished and exhausted. Mostly though when i was really ill i just wanted everyone to bugger off and leave me to crack on with it. Im grateful that my friends and family refused though :)
  • Cp731
    Cp731 Posts: 3,195 Member
    Send them all a pm letting them know of your disapproval.
    hahaha
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,030 Member
    Some good insight on this thread:

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/928764-ladies-enlighten-me?hl=thesis&page=1#posts-14110542

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • michellechawner
    michellechawner Posts: 892
    it's the pressure of the media and seeing all our friends weight that little and us not fitting in.

    I'm 27, and weigh 130. I'm not happy with that. I want to be 120 (I weighed that in junior college, and felt good, I was really in shape and eating healthy.)

    By the age of 25 I found myself to weigh 167 and FAT. I went to a friends wedding and everyone was in a size 6 dress... people who were my age and even older and they were all skinnier than me. I was a size 10.

    I personally know it's not good to be obsessed with the number on the scale, but I do obsess over it. I must be 120. I'll be ok with 125. I'm just being honest. I know muscle weighs more than fat, so I'm already worried if I start toning up i'm going to gain. I know what's healthy, as this has been an ongoing struggle for years (my senior year in high school i weighed 96 pounds. 6 years later I found myself getting back into the college scene and I weighed 167.)
  • LButterfly201
    LButterfly201 Posts: 164
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpaOjMXyJGk&feature=youtu.be

    Thank you x
  • cwaters120
    cwaters120 Posts: 354 Member
    I used to be one of those girls you were referring too. I can tell you why. the pressures of the media and others telling them their size/ weight isn't good enough. I had underate for a long time went from netting 900 calories to my proper 1665. there are deeper rooted issues that others don't know about they are dealing with. I know many tell them just eat more etc. but its really not that simple. these kinds of things they have to get to the deeper issues the roots of the problem as to why. I am just now seeing the some trigger points for undereating and I am almost 38 years old. posts that say 1200 calories and below is starvation mode eat more stupid does not help them. If anything it makes them feel much worse and they go deeper into the cycle. so it helps to have someone who has been in their shoes or is recovering themself to support, guide and encourage them.

    Sincerly
    Undereater on her way to recovering

    ^^ THIS. I was anorexic for a LONG time during my teens (starting mainly in high school) I took great measures to hide it from my parents. I can tell you it DID stem from media, peers, AND other traumatic events I won't go into. I didn't get help to "fix" it until I found out I was pregnant (NOT a plan). I can honestly say, if it hadn't been for being pregnant with my twins, I don't know how long I would have gone on like that before getting help. I am almost 38 and now fight the negative effects the anorexia had on my organs. I can only pray that some way, some how, those that are in that boat on here are able to find positive support to actually get better before they suffer the effects of their under eating. It isn't "stupid" and other negativity they need, its SUPPORT.
  • thatsillyshana
    thatsillyshana Posts: 141
    I think that because of trends on social networking sites, pressures from peers and society, low self esteem, and parents/families who are not educated about health issues are to blame. I had to give up tumblr for a long time because I felt myself wanting instant results so that I could be seen as attractive online too. Its sad because we just keep comparing ourselves to others and convince ourselves that we're never good enough.

    What I do know is that it is a mental issue and deserves to be treated as seriously as cancer. I also know that some people on this site are quick to judge someone by what they put in their food diary. On more than 1 occasion I was low on my food diary because I forgot/didn't feel like adding some things, but I wanted to share a particular meal that I loved and then I get messages telling me to eat more and that I shouldn't be promoting unhealthy eating. Messages like that are just frustrating because they 1. say that I'm unhealthy 2. blame me for being unhealthy and 3. make me feel bad about myself.

    If you want to help, please don't be rude or mean. Be genuine and make sure you understand what is really going on. <3
  • alyhuggan
    alyhuggan Posts: 717 Member
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/999744-stop-under-eating-folks

    Look at this topic, 90% of the replies are older people who let's be honest aren't growing and need a lot less calories as their metabolism has slowed down saying 1200 calories eaten + not eating back the excess calories is fine. For some people yes it is, not for most of them though. There was a very valid point made by the OP and the amount of people abusing and arguing with her about it was ridiculous. If you read through the forums almost every page has at least 1 post saying "Help, I can't lose weight. I'm eating 1200 calories, please help me" then they argue that they don't feel hungry and they always feel full. Some people are just stupid and won't learn. No point even trying.
  • laele75
    laele75 Posts: 283 Member
    I am glad to see them here, not at some ED 'support' site where they're being encouraged to continue to harm themselves by people with even less perspective than they have. One of the early horrors I found when I came online was these communities. It's why I strictly monitor my child online. There's so many dangerous things on the web parents haven't a clue about, and that's part of it. They're too busy and figure if their child is at home in their room, they're 'safe'.

    Couldn't be further from the truth.

    I never had an eating disorder, I can't understand it. But if posting here is the gateway to them actually getting help, let them post away. If they listen to just one person who says 'Please, get help.', then this community has done it's job.

    Save your spite for Dr. Oz and all the snake oil salesmen using their degrees to fleece people. Not the victims of the culture that created them.
  • meeper123
    meeper123 Posts: 3,347 Member
    It is sad but not a lot you can do
  • RoadsterGirlie
    RoadsterGirlie Posts: 1,195 Member
    Better they find MFP than one of those pro-ana ED websites.

    I actually do have a problem with the age limit to MFP being 18. The pro-ana websites will let any age in. Which site would you rather have your kid on?

    We all could find ways to improve our diet and find ways of healthier eating, no matter what the age is.

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