Unfamiliar Territory

smaihlee

I've come to realize over the years that part of the reason I've stayed overweight is because I prefer to stay in the shadows. Don't get me wrong; I crave attention, but the problem is that I have no game. I tend to be self-deprecating--partially to deflect attention, and partially due to being overweight. I am horrible when it comes to accepting compliments, praise, and gifts. Over time, I feel like this crippling deficiency has turned me into a bit of a social martyr.

At this point, with 24 pounds gone since November, I'm quite certain that this is the most weight I have lost in one effort, since right after I had my son in 1998. And that honestly doesn't count the same way because swelling and a baby counted for most of that weight. Even so, and despite the fact that many of my clothes are literally falling off my body, I still feel very fat and don't understand how I can feel this way but people seem to be tuned into my loss.

Today, as I wandered around the factory at work taking care of some computer issues, I had several people stop me to compliment me on my weight loss. With some people, it's easy for me to be comfortable discussing it and sharing my strategy. With others, I find it incredibly hard and I come off looking like a *kitten*. I especially hate "surprise" compliments from people I don't really know that well. I was helping a guy set up something on his computer this afternoon, and out of the blue he told me that I was getting "skinny as a rail". My slightly autistic side wanted to tell him "231 pounds and a body fat percentage in the upper 30s does NOT a 'rail' make". Instead, I guffawed and made a lame comment about how I'm taking it slow and doing what I can to get healthy.

I've decided it's time to get over all my crazy idiosyncrasies and learn to be a more gracious and thankful person. And I need to OWN all this hard work I've done. I deserve to be healthy and lean, and I deserve the compliments that come along with my journey to that new me.

I wish I had a "social coach" who could help me deal with the attention that this weight loss is going to bring. I am goofy and weird, but I don't want to be known as an off-putting person because I don't know how to say "thank you"

Would love to hear from anyone who has dealt with this type of discomfort and learned to overcome it. Hell, I'll take any suggestions you have!