I need help teaching my 8 yr old...

CMomma23

I have an 8 yr old daughter (stepdaughter, but mine nonetheless) She lives with her father and I full time, she calls me momma and rarely sees her biological mother... The first 5 years of her life, she had problems with neglect from her biological mother... She put her through alot. That, I believe, as well as living with a single dad that didn't have a clue about how to raise a healthy child has helped to contribute to 'emotional eating' She doesn't get full... She will eat until she vomits... She is obsessed with food and she can smell anything from a mile away... She shovels it in her mouth like there is no tomorrow and half the time eats more than I do. Since, I have been in her life, almost the last 3 years, she hasn't gained much and just gotten taller. I started by making small changes... I increased her water intake, instead of juice and milk. Changed from whole milk to skim milk... I have made many changes for the WHOLE family.... And I watch what my kids eat. They are not allowed free reign on any food in the house. I buy granola bars and fruit snacks and fruit for our snacks. No Little Debbie, Hostess, or anything like that is allowed in the house... She weighs 100 lbs, and is in a size 14-16.... her next size is women's sizes... She is extremely lazy, many times she will not quit playing or watch TV to even go to the bathroom... I have done what I can... Her dad has helped some, but he still lets her eat more than I do... I fear if we don't change something now, it will lead to her adult life and be even harder on her... I am trying my best to teach her. I don't feel children need to be on diets... however I fear for her future? Any suggestions?

shanerylee

She's lucky to have you, thats for sure. thats a tough one. I had a weight issue with my 10 year old son for a while and I got rid of most of the junk in the house, so there was no temptation. I also bagged up snacks in 100 calorie portions, and it was his special snack bin. I also eliminated all the juice as well. Any chance you could sneak in some excercise with her.

sparkles321

What about setting some limits on the TV time or getting the family involved in some physical activities? My sister-in-law has the same issues with her kids (about the same age and heavier than your step daughter). The kids have started to lose weight since she has banned the TV during the week and the family goes on daily walks after dinner. I don't know how much they've lost, but it was noticable last time I saw them.

CMomma23

We have done this also... At first she always complained about the walks we would take, but now she doesn't complain much. She actually says she likes it... I believe that is from watching me say how good I feel after exercise, IDK... she hasn't lost any... but luckily she hasn't gained any either...

red01angel

Would she be interested in taking a dance class, studying a martial art, playing soccer or doing something active like that with kids her own age? Summer is coming and it's a PERFECT opportunity to start building good habits with fun exercise!

MyDream

She is so lucky to have you! Continue with the walks and just tell her she is loved and you want her to be healthy. Maybe it's her getting used to the fact that someone actually loves her enough to care that is causing her to keep eating.

:flowerforyou:

hiddensecant

I think getting her active would be more important than limiting how much food she wants to eat (as long as the foods available are all or mostly healthy). Maybe you can talk to her and see if you can come up with a physical activity that she can be excited about; you might be pleasantly surprised. There's always the wii fit if she likes video games.

nicolee516

I think the main thing is that you have healthy food in the house which is good. I would suggest that maybe you get her counselign on the emotional eating that she apparently does. Alot of us (myself included) put weight on thinking it will protect us emotionally without even realizing we are doing it. I kind of have a similiar situation at my house with my stepson, but he sneaks the food in his room, which is mostly sugar related, and then lies about it. But he is skinny as a rail. He was also rejected and neglected by his biological mother.

sarahsmom1

I would also say limit tv for all. If tv is a battle may you could do that wii thing and do the sporting games or they do have a dance game that you put on the floor and hook up to your tv and you have to keep up with it so that would be fun exercise. Go to sporting events track and field or basketball games at you local high school see if she gets excited about any sports. My daughter tried out for everything she was over weight and made fun of she was not an excessive eater just a big girl. She found she could throw the shot put and discus in middle school. She was very good, and the friends she made in sports were wonderful that was the first time she ever felt excepted in anything. She continued in High School be came State and National Champion got scholorships for college. Then became a weight lifter now she trains at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Spgs. She is still a big girl 240 pounds 5' 11" but has found her nitch. She's training for the 2012 Olympics in London. So maybe she won't be the skinny girl but she can be the healthy girl. Walks and bike riding would be fun to if there's a park near you, that would be a fun walk and when you get there play a game of kick ball. Hula hoop ,jump rope, hopscottch,roller skating have fun ad good luck, oh four square

CMomma23

...So maybe she won't be the skinny girl but she can be the healthy girl...

This is all I truly want for my daughter also :happy:

KimmyBee

Have you spoken to her GP abouthis? I know weight loss is a tricky situation with young children.

Also, shes growing, maybe thats why she is not losing? Id say if she is maintaining and not gaining you are doing everything right, she may well "grow into her body" as it were. Where she gets older but her weight stays the same, untill she is at a healthy weight for her age.

also... buy her a puppy :laugh: If shes anything like me when I was little you wont ever get her to stop playing with the dog. :happy:

HealthyChanges2010

I have an 8 yr old daughter (stepdaughter, but mine nonetheless) She lives with her father and I full time, she calls me momma and rarely sees her biological mother... The first 5 years of her life, she had problems with neglect from her biological mother... She put her through alot. That, I believe, as well as living with a single dad that didn't have a clue about how to raise a healthy child has helped to contribute to 'emotional eating' She doesn't get full... She will eat until she vomits... She is obsessed with food and she can smell anything from a mile away... She shovels it in her mouth like there is no tomorrow and half the time eats more than I do. Since, I have been in her life, almost the last 3 years, she hasn't gained much and just gotten taller. I started by making small changes... I increased her water intake, instead of juice and milk. Changed from whole milk to skim milk... I have made many changes for the WHOLE family.... And I watch what my kids eat. They are not allowed free reign on any food in the house. I buy granola bars and fruit snacks and fruit for our snacks. No Little Debbie, Hostess, or anything like that is allowed in the house... She weighs 100 lbs, and is in a size 14-16.... her next size is women's sizes... She is extremely lazy, many times she will not quit playing or watch TV to even go to the bathroom... I have done what I can... Her dad has helped some, but he still lets her eat more than I do... I fear if we don't change something now, it will lead to her adult life and be even harder on her... I am trying my best to teach her. I don't feel children need to be on diets... however I fear for her future? Any suggestions?

Has she been able to spend time in therapy with someone she can trust to talk about all the pain she's been through? It doesn't sound at all like she's lazy or that she has food issues. It sounds much more like she's filling up to feed her pain. She'll never be able to eat enough food to get rid of that without finding someone to talk about it with. It might need to be someone outside the family for now. Sounds like she's been through an awful LOT!

Sounds like you're terrific and doing so much to help her and you sound like a great Mom trying to raise ALL your kids in the best way you know how. Maybe Dad is trying to love her with food, my Dad used to do that because he felt guilty when I gained some weight when I was young. Yea I know, go figure! LOL But if we all made sense we wouldn't need MFP and therapists now would we :flowerforyou:

I love the idea that you've switched to water and passed on the juice etc., that's awesome when parents teach their kids that water is for drinking not pop and juices. Juice can be a treat now and then but to me it's like pop and even dentists say it's just as hard on teeth as pop is.

Hang in there and I do hope she finds someone professional she can spend time with and talk to, perhaps they can refer her to a nutrionist as well, to sort through what's now become a food behaviour issue from the sounds of it.

Becca:flowerforyou:

AlexandraNK

Your little girl is very lucky to have you in her life. I don't have children myself but I, as many of do, have a bad realtionship with food. I am an emotional eater and have been for many years, so was my mother. I'd like to suggest that not only contiue the exersise (making it fun) and healthy snacks and portion control but also therapy. Given what you have said about her early childhood you may want to consider taking her to a Clinical social worker or psycholigist that specialize in children. The bottom line is that she is eatting to live but also eatting to feel better and fill a void.

Show her love and take care of yourself and that will be a great example to her.

Much love!

gabi_ele

I applaud you for being so young and having that much responsibility. I agree with all the other posts about getting her interested in sports ( I loved swimming... I guess because I was big and could float better:laugh)but I also think because of the neglect and problems at a young age she needs some kind of counseling.I am not sure where you are but there are clinics that charge by income or are free. A lot of us have issues with food because we are medicating ourselves with food, we eat when we are hurt, lonely, upset, happy or depressed. Sometimes problems are to big for parents to fix and we can make things worse by attacking the problem the wrong way.
This is just my opinion and I could be wrong , but I seldom are LOL ask my husband:bigsmile:

lighttekkie

Thank you for being a caring adult! I had similar issues at that age. I was experiencing a lot of depression. My parents took me to therapy and that very very much helped. Unfortunately my dad was laid off and it only lasted for a year... I was sexually abused and that's why I did it. I was definitely binge eating at 8. I had my first eating disorder at 12. Body image is such a tough thing at that age. One of the best things my parents did for me because I was being bullied was put me in karate. It's so much fun, and in training for tournaments in high school I really started to eat and exercise to do better in the ring. Its not as scary as it sounds if you find a good school that doesn't tolerate contact. I took Shotokan karate and now I coach (my JR Yellow belt team went to provincials a few years back and beat the brow belts in one event! I get so much MORE satisfaction out of that now!). Karate really is an activity for anyone and if she gets sore knees from her weight (I did at first) a good instructor can modify it so that it suits her body. Perhaps make it a family thing and take a class together (we have 4 families in my one little class that I take and they have a blast). But the BIGGEST thing I recommend is counseling. I'm going for it now as an adult because I honestly think that unless I deal with the emotional problems underlying my overeating I'm never loosing weight. And the great thing about a good child counselor is they aren't focusing on how much you weigh but how you FEEL and how to cope with it! Good luck and again thank you for being such a wonderful caring adult in her life! It really has been the difference between life and death for me. Let me know if I can help in any way!

-Angie