Break Up Advice Needed!

5n0wbal1

Don't beat me up for saying this, but maybe you should wait until he gets home to do this? He is serving our country. He is going through ALOT right now, do you really think he is in the position to deal with a break up? That is just personally what I would do.


But in the end, you're the only one who really knows him. We don't. Does he really "need" you or is he just saying that? You need to keep his best interest in mind and do what YOU think is best for both of you! Best of luck, girl!

I understand what you're saying, but it will only be worse for him then. Just because he's home doesn't mean his problems are over--then he'll have a whole ton of new ones getting re-adjusted along with dealing with a breakup. I don't agree with this idea at all. Especially if she admits that she was feeling doubts for some time.

5n0wbal1

i don't get why people think you should be considerate of the other person's feeling? YOU'RE not happy...who gives a fugg how that affects the other person...get it over with, break up and move on. What's so difficult about that?

It's not that easy. It's natural to care about other people. Marriages wouldn't be successful without that.

HopefulLeigh

Tell him how you told us. Without using harsh words. You said, "While I care deeply for this man, i don't want to continue dating him. our lifestyles are drastically different and we do not share the same life goals and dreams- in fact, his dreams directly conflict with my own".. You tell him that.

Tell him you're not ready to take the next step into marriage.

Tell him you aren't ready for a serious relationship, either.

If you're not too harsh and you're very sincere, he should understand..


However, In the end, we don't know the guy, so we don't know how he will react to any type of break up.


Best of luck.

^^All of this.

But also this

Hurting him now is better than hurting him later. If he found you, he will find someone new when he gets home. Don't wait any longer....do it.

ETA - Don't be upset if he doesn't want to be friends. Since you are the one that's breaking up, the decision as to any future relationship is in his court.

From what you've said, he seems to think you're "the one" and you're not interested in being locked down. Continuing to pretend to love him isn't in the best interest of either of you as a] he'll find out eventually and likely resent you for stringing him along and b] you'll just end up resenting him for making you feel like you had to string him along and at that point you'll both be way past the ability to stay friends.

vice350z

i don't get why people think you should be considerate of the other person's feeling? YOU'RE not happy...who gives a fugg how that affects the other person...get it over with, break up and move on. What's so difficult about that?

It's not that easy. It's natural to care about other people. Marriages wouldn't be successful without that.

i hear ya...with any break up, I've always felt bad cuz I didn't want to hurt her feelings but you gotta do what you gotta do. You can't let the other persons feelings get in the way of what you want to do to be happy.

5n0wbal1

i hear ya...with any break up, I've always felt bad cuz I didn't want to hurt her feelings but you gotta do what you gotta do. You can't let the other persons feelings get in the way of what you want to do to be happy.

Definitely a good point. I wanted to preserve an old boyfriend's feelings so much that I ended up driving myself nuts (literally) only to find out he was only taking advantage of me. Have to take care of yourself.

gothikgrrl

I think the majority opinion here is right. That you have put this much thought into it proves you are the kind of person who can present the facts in a way that isn't hurtful and will get your point across without being to harsh. I also agree that it is better to end it sooner than later. My ex and I were always on again off again, because he was always having problems, etc. he never mentioned because it was easier to stay with me than move on. I think of all the time I wasted thinking we were going to be together and I could have been on with my life so much more before that. You'll do the right thing. It will be hard either way, but you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Good luck

vice350z

i hear ya...with any break up, I've always felt bad cuz I didn't want to hurt her feelings but you gotta do what you gotta do. You can't let the other persons feelings get in the way of what you want to do to be happy.

Definitely a good point. I wanted to preserve an old boyfriend's feelings so much that I ended up driving myself nuts (literally) only to find out he was only taking advantage of me. Have to take care of yourself.

you really just gotta look out for yourself. It sucks to make someone upset but that's life. Live and learn, yanno? As hard as it it, just break it off...if he's a stable person, he'll eventually get over it. My ex-wife wanted a divorce and I got the "i love you but not IN love with you" bull****..it stung, it upsets you but you eventually get over it and move on...he'll do the same.

Hbazzell

I would tell him what you told us. Don't not break up with him over guilt, you must do what is right for your life.

(edited because my work keyboard is a piece of shiz.)

ZooQueen80

Tell him how you told us. Without using harsh words. You said, "While I care deeply for this man, i don't want to continue dating him. our lifestyles are drastically different and we do not share the same life goals and dreams- in fact, his dreams directly conflict with my own".. You tell him that.

Tell him you're not ready to take the next step into marriage.

Tell him you aren't ready for a serious relationship, either.

If you're not too harsh and you're very sincere, he should understand..



However, In the end, we don't know the guy, so we don't know how he will react to any type of break up.


Best of luck.

AGREE! Tell him just like you shared with us. He will appreciate your honesty in the end. Being away from friends and family is hard and when you have a new relationship it becomes all you look forward to. But trust me he needs to know how you truly feel. Being married to a military man myself it takes a certain breed of women to handle such a life; and if your heart isn't in it and your goals are no where near each others it's best you're honest with him. I wish you the best and I hope he will understand and respect your decision. Too often these situations don't end well.

matt2442

there's NOTHING hard about this..."its just not working for me"....done. Why make it complicated?

hey avril lavigne, go back to chad kroegers bed


OP, tell him that you want to become a nun, he has to understand that and couldnt argue about it.

vice350z

there's NOTHING hard about this..."its just not working for me"....done. Why make it complicated?

hey avril lavigne, go back to chad kroegers bed

I have no idea what the fugg you mean, broski.

Mustang_Susie

How old is he? His comments reminded me of my first boyfriend many moons ago.
I'm concerned that he wants to marry you after only being together in person for a few weeks before deployment and saying that he needs you and you're the only one keeping him sane.
To me, those are red flags that he could be possessive and controlling.
Be straight forward and nice to end it and then move on.
I am doubting he would want just friendship, but I don't know him or his side of the story.

candymara

I have been dumped 3 times by men I thought I was in love with. The only time I "resent" or feel bad about now was #3 who had doubts for months before finally cheating on me then breaking up with me while ridden with guilt. I couldn't believe he had put on this pretend act for my benefit (which didn't benefit me at all) for "months" before letting me go. Ultimately, I met the man of my dreams (my husband) years later and now I'm happy as can be. He wasn't the one, obviously. I just wish he hadn't strung me along.

My advice is to end it quickly but tactfully- let him know exactly what you told us here, that you care for him deeply as a friend but you can't continue a romantic relationship with him. The more you wait, the more wrong it gets.

Best of luck!