Firends who what to ruin diets..... :( upset.

miriambeal

So I have been committed this time to starting to loose all the weight I have gained about 5 days ago, The more I look for Motivation and support from my friends and family the more I feel like they are not interested. One friend invited me out to a BBQ restaurant the 1st day. Another came over with a pizza.. of course I had the will power to say no but then they act all insulted. It's really frustrating. They are all more thin and lean then me, and maybe to some degree they got used to me being the chubby friend.. >;( .. anyway some encouraging words are always welcome. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

aippolito1

Just put an end to it! Tell them you're trying to get healthy. They may be thin and lean but they eat crap so you'll be healthier than they are!

pawprint061

The way that I look at it, is that if they are your friends they should want what is best for you. It may take them time to get used to what your doing. If they have always been thin then this might be new to them just like it's for you. They will either expect that it's a lifestyle change or they won't. Try to educate them with what your doing. Remember you can eat normal food, just eat it in moderation. I haven't given up a whole lot of those foods, but I sure as heck have cut back. I've lost over 30 pounds and I still enjoy those good foods from time to time. They may need some time to adapt to the change. I know my friends were not very understanding at first and then when they saw how serious I was, they knew I wasn't going back. Hang in there...

KatieM7

It sounds like they are trying to adjust to it. You say that it has been 5 days since you started it is probably habit for them to think that you are going to eat like that. They just need some time to get used to the idea. I say kindly let them know that you don't want to eat the junk (or in moderation which ever applies) and if they are true friends then they will support you 100%. Good choice on eating healthier.

CreativeRedhead

I have this issue with family especially. I just stopped going out alot and generally stay away from them. I know it's a bit harsh and maybe unthinkable for some but for me, I had to do it. I've decided to focus on me for the first time in a long time and if they can't stand by and be supportive then so be it. If I suddenly cared about their feelings and such then I'd fall back into the same odl me and the same old routine that helped me get so unhealthy. I am offended too each time my mom says something flippant to me about her health (she eats fast food for every meal, drinks, smokes,etc) and it offends me when my mom in law brings sweets and take out over. She does that all the time and feeds the kids junk when they are over. I'm not sure why people take this approach in our real lives but it makes me ever more grateful for the wonderful people here. I think the best advice is to just focus on yourself, if some of your friends egos get bruised along the way, oh well! You deserve it!!!:flowerforyou:

chandnikhondji

I agree... to several points.

1. When your friends have always been thin with eating BBQs and Pizza then they might not even know that it is 'not so good' ...

2. you don't have to stop eating pizza and BBQ just eat it in smaller portions than you maybe used to. I enjoy pizza and BBQ and all that stuff every now and then - not always but sometimes i even need it *G* - and i still lose weight. The stories of "you can only eat salad and veggis" (exaggerated) aren't necessarily true

abredbenner

you can find tons of friends on here for support and motivation. Hang with your "real life" friends in non-food situations when possible, an exercise class instead of dinner or a movie instead of the bar.

Junisahn

Once you feel comfortable with your willpower, you'll go along with them and just not eat. I have a friend who always says to me - lets go for coffee! A totally benign thing, right? Well, for me, it always has been - I just get a coffee or tea - straight - no milk, no sugar. Or a skinny latte, no sugar. I go for the conversation. But she ALWAYS gets a brownie, or cake, or sandwich or muffin, and ALWAYS asks me if I want to split it. I ALWAYS say no - ALWAYS have and ALWAYS will - even before I ever started to count calories. That crap just ain't worth my precious calories!!

My friend is about 150 lbs overweight. I don't care what she eats, except that it's killing her and I care about her, but there's nothing I can tactfully or caringly say that seems to change her habits. It's up to her, and likewise, these choices your friends give you are hard, but the ultimate decisions are up to you, and I don't think you want to quit seeing them just because they choose bad food venues. You can go out and not eat, or you can go out and eat a little, or you can go out and have a food bender. I understand not wanting to go out until you're really strong, because the urges can be overwhelming, but I just wanted to say that you should go out eventually and re-learn how to eat. The food will always be at every social event and while there may be events or places you'll always choose to avoid because the temptation is too much, life will be much more fun if you can indulge in moderation (oxymoron? maybe...).

khk2010

I think you just have to do it for yourself. I have 3 teenagers, 2 are boys. While they are eating bigger more caloric meals (because they need it) I make my own work around, like lots of veggies and a small portion of whatever they are having. Sometimes it's tough but I know it will be worth it in the end. Eating the way they do won't work for me right now. So do it for yourself.

Get support where you can. Like on this website. Or maybe there is a friend somewhere who supports you? I have a deal with my sister who lives out of state. I'll call her ahead to help me make a plan for what I can eat before I go out. This helps me stay on the plan. The next day we are accountable to each other for what we actually ate.

Good luck!

heather62803

Good luck on your journey its tough! It is sad that our society revolves around food so much - many of the social situations involve eating, or drinking. You need to make the concious effort to change that in your social group. My husband and I are doing this together and we have my family who is pretty supportive and to an extent tries to help us with our choices, then we have his family who does not - they are also overweight and have struggled with weight loss for years, we have tried to tell them that we don't need these big family meals, desserts, going out to high calorie restaurant etc.. but they still don't get it, we have distanced ourselves from them - if they are not going to help us out on this journey then we can't be part of their "get togethers" We'll invite them over to our house from time to time to have a healthy dinner on our terms, or we plan our visits in between meals so we don't have the temptation to eat what they are serving. It really bothers me to go over there and have them spoon feed my kids junk - we are trying hard to have our children be healthy and eat balanced and nutritious meals and they shove the ice cream, cookies, cake, all kinds of junk at them, I mean they are kids they don't have the will power to turn down food like that and when I step in and say no they've had enough, I look like the bad guy in my kids eyes. GRRR --- Sorry for ranting on like that! ANyway we all have these people who sabotage our efforts and that just means we have to try even harder to focus on our goals. Good Luck to you - hopefully your friends will come around!

sparkles321

This change for you will also be an adjustment for them as well. After only 5 days, I doubt they are trying to sabbotage you, more just not thinking it through where food is involved because thinking it through is new to all of you. Give them some time to adjust.

FabiolaEnvy♥

friends and family are usually the worst enemy. (but im happy i got my family behind me)
the only thing i can say is. keep going strong like you were.
you are doing great with that so far, and i know it will be hard.
if they invite you to another restaurant just get a salad instead avoid dressing, bread, and ask them to grill the chicken with no butter.

but you gotta lay your ground with them. saying that you are trying to be healthier. ask them to be supported by not bring pizza and etcs. (there are pizzas that are healthy)

i hope that helps so for next time you know you can eat or cant eat.
always come here for advice and encouragement here. cause people will come and help you.

plus some friends do understand what it means to want to be healthier. My friend one time asked me, why to everything i wanted to do with weight loss. while she was losing weight by moshing, not to meantion she hasnt changed her eating habits. she still eat fries everyday, gets monster and starbucks, and doesnt eat, and snack on chips. i wasnt losing weight cause i dont go out as much as she does. so i had to do something for myself. she wants to hang out, but i have been holding it back cause i dont want to be around her. when she doesnt eat, then i feel like a fatty. and she just sits saying she not hungry, and when she gets home she eats fries. so im just like okay.

but keep strong

miriambeal

Thank you all for the comments, I will try not to take it so personally.. you all have very good insight.
-Miriam

Rensco

I've got friends like that. Sometimes it makes you wonder why they're you're friends, eh? :ohwell: Mine got better after a month or so and hopefully yours will too. Too, just remember, you can eat with them wherever they want to go - you just have to make good choices. I try and research the place I'm going before I go, so that I can make the right choices that won't totally tip me over my calories for the day. Sometimes that means eating something different, other times just reducing how much I'm eating. Used to go to On the Border for mexican and eat 3 tacos - now I go and eat one, a flauta and a few chips with salsa, which fits into my calories a little better. Still might be a spurge though, but that's okay everyonce in awhile. Anyhow, good luck and hang in there. Oh, too, don't be afraid to lay it out to them that they're bringing you down if you need to but maybe give them some time to get used to how you're doing things now first. Good luck!

Hazeyblue

Sometimes I find my slim friends dont have the word 'diet' in their vocabulary and immediately forget when you tell them you are changing the way you are eating. I know its not intentional sabotage its just not something that they have had to deal with in their lives. Usually, once they get used to it and can see a weight loss and a change in me, they get used to the idea.

After that, everytime I put so much as one crisp in my mouth I get ..'should you be eating that'?

Sometimes I just cant win :laugh:

PJilly

Once you feel comfortable with your willpower, you'll go along with them and just not eat. I have a friend who always says to me - lets go for coffee! A totally benign thing, right? Well, for me, it always has been - I just get a coffee or tea - straight - no milk, no sugar. Or a skinny latte, no sugar. I go for the conversation. But she ALWAYS gets a brownie, or cake, or sandwich or muffin, and ALWAYS asks me if I want to split it. I ALWAYS say no - ALWAYS have and ALWAYS will - even before I ever started to count calories. That crap just ain't worth my precious calories!!

My friend is about 150 lbs overweight. I don't care what she eats, except that it's killing her and I care about her, but there's nothing I can tactfully or caringly say that seems to change her habits. It's up to her, and likewise, these choices your friends give you are hard, but the ultimate decisions are up to you, and I don't think you want to quit seeing them just because they choose bad food venues. You can go out and not eat, or you can go out and eat a little, or you can go out and have a food bender. I understand not wanting to go out until you're really strong, because the urges can be overwhelming, but I just wanted to say that you should go out eventually and re-learn how to eat. The food will always be at every social event and while there may be events or places you'll always choose to avoid because the temptation is too much, life will be much more fun if you can indulge in moderation (oxymoron? maybe...).

I agree wholeheartedly with your take on this.

Behavior_Modification

Hold your ground.....it will get easier, and they will eventually be more receptive.

I've been in this for 3 months now. ALL of my friends are overweight, my mom, my sister, I feel like everyone I'm close with is also in need of a healthier lifestyle. The beginning was extremely difficult with some. Especially one of them. She always would want to go out for ice cream or cheesecake or some other naughty food we used to enjoy together. She just didn't get it. It's difficult to break the mold and still enjoy hanging out with these people and do other activities.

But I assure you...It WILL get better.

LeidyK

the ones who tend to force food on me are my coworkers and husband. my husband I guess wants an eating buddy, but if I say no he understands and stops there. my coworkers just dont listen or get it that I am setting a boundary and no longer interested in being unhealthy along with them. now when they force food on me, I say no. when they insist on dropping the food practically in my lap and begin to walk away, I hold the food item over my trash can at my desk and say "if you insist on leaving this with me, here is where it is going." they certainly dont like it, but usually they take it back.

Wolfena

When a person changes, it can be scary and unbelievable for the people around them. They are used to you eating the way you did before you decided to lose weight.... eating and habits are a HUGE part of socialization, I doubt they are trying to "ruin your diet" or "sabotage you" - they just have to get used to the "new you" and your "new habits" - and in the meantime, you have to be strong and keep reminding them that this is important to you... they'll come around.

miriambeal

Haha! I just noticed the typo in my Topoc, sorry!~

abredbenner

Sometimes I find my slim friends dont have the word 'diet' in their vocabulary and immediately forget when you tell them you are changing the way you are eating. I know its not intentional sabotage its just not something that they have had to deal with in their lives. Usually, once they get used to it and can see a weight loss and a change in me, they get used to the idea.

After that, everytime I put so much as one crisp in my mouth I get ..'should you be eating that'?

Sometimes I just cant win :laugh:

Ha - I get the "should you be eating that or are you allowed to have that" from my Mom ALL the time. I tell her that I can am "allowed" to have whatever I want and that a planned splurge is not going to kill me. We live in different states and only see each other for special occasions when I plan to splurge a bit. I know she just doesn't want me to gain the weight back but it is so frustrating. I think that everytime she lights up a cigarette I will say "should you be smoking that"?

ajswriter

I agree with those who say that people aren't meaning to tempt you. Some people, though, may even be uncomfortable, knowing that they need to watch their eating habits & do better, so they try to get you to join them in their bad habits. I was out of calories by one evening this week just as visiting family wanted to go out to eat. I went out, prefacing the conversation with "I already ate, but I'd like to come and hang out." I declined the offers of "just one piece of pizza" and sharing dessert. They ate pizza and these huge Reeses cups desserts right in front of me, but I just sat drinking some water, perfectly comfortable. I use visualization sometimes & picture the food stuck to my butt and hips--makes it easy to say NO!

Junisahn

I agree with those who say that people aren't meaning to tempt you. Some people, though, may even be uncomfortable, knowing that they need to watch their eating habits & do better, so they try to get you to join them in their bad habits. I was out of calories by one evening this week just as visiting family wanted to go out to eat. I went out, prefacing the conversation with "I already ate, but I'd like to come and hang out." I declined the offers of "just one piece of pizza" and sharing dessert. They ate pizza and these huge Reeses cups desserts right in front of me, but I just sat drinking some water, perfectly comfortable. I use visualization sometimes & picture the food stuck to my butt and hips--makes it easy to say NO!

Congrats on sticking to your calorie count in this situation! This actually reminds me that I almost always eat before going over to a friend's house for a kid's play date because it's really easy then to say "I just ate" when my friend might start pulling things out for snacks or lunch. Then I know I'm good to go for a few hours and won't be tempted to munch.

daniellevility

It goes both ways.. when you need to lose and gain weight.. there was this great article on msn (yeah i know cheesy msn article) but it talked about how your friends influence your diet more than you think (friends, aka family, peers, coworkers, etc etc).. let me see if i can find it and post it!
but stay stong... i know exactly what you mean but in the opposite direction.. kinda sucks when all you get is judgement and turned up noses when you say no or when you know what you are doing is healthiest for you
and if they do invite you places, what i have found helpful is to go, be social and not even partake in the food activites... it is possible