Mean girls and the shame spiral...

cgarand

So, I was doing really well. I was working out and logging my food. Making healthy choices and feeling like I could finally get this weight/health thing under control. I had a few slip ups, but nothing that shattered my confidence. I hadn't had a knock down drag out binge in months. So, what happened? I let something that some mean girls did get into my head. I started the stinking thinking, the self doubt. I started thinking why the hell am I even trying, I'll always be fat. I don't deserve to feel good about myself. Then, I started eating whatever I wanted. I binged on chips and ice cream. I made mashed potatoes with butter and cream, then I added another dollop of butter for good measure and ate it all. Then, the shame kicked in. Why do I abuse myself? Who the hell knows.

Then, I got an email notification. A few MFP friends sent me messages asking how I was, where I was, and wondering if I was ok. I cried. I let myself down and I let my friends down. Today I am promising to myself that I will be conscious of what goes into my mouth. I will move my body. I will NOT let what mean girls say and do become my reality. I DO deserve to be healthy and fit!

So, thank you MFP friends for not giving up on me when I have given up on myself. And, thank you for reminding me that I have goals and I can reach them, with a little help from my friends. :flowerforyou:

KhinoHoang

As long as you don't give up, you haven't lost. Good luck on continuing your journey.

jennifer_417

As long as you don't give up, you haven't lost. Good luck on continuing your journey.

Yup.

KatieHall77

Who the heck are they to go and pick on someone? Immature and selfish little people, for one, and certainly not people to waste your time on. Tell them to grow up, and don't let them win. Keep taking care of yourself, it will get better I promise.

Lind140

Good for you!! Bad things and bad days along with bad people can throw a wrench in
things, don't let one bad day stop you from your goal. You ARE worth every thing you do
for yourself to become healthier, stronger and lose extra weight.
Chin up and keep up the good job, you will get there. Good Luck!!

PrimalPixie

I DO deserve to be healthy and fit!

Absolutely!! We all deserve to be healthy.

neandermagnon

have a plan for what to do if the mean girls thing starts getting to you again, or a similar situation.... maybe visualise them making idiots of themselves, or getting a taste of their own medicine.... plan what you're going to tell yourself e.g. "I'm right, they're wrong. They're the stupid ones, I'm better than them. I can rise above them. I am rising above them. One day they will grow up and then feel shame about what they did/said today" - kind of thing.

find other ways to beat negative self talk... if you start to say to yourself "I can't do it, I'll always be fat" (etc) say "I can do this. I am losing fat. Bye bye fat, nice knowing you, but don't come back" (or those kinds of things) - whatever's going to get you back into a good frame of mind. And don't say things to yourself that you wouldn't say to a friend. Be a good friend to yourself.

find ways to make yourself feel better that don't involve comfort eating, e.g. giving yourself a manicure, pedicure or facial, or taking a hot bath with special bath oils for days when you need an extra treat and self-pampering. or maybe extra time doing a hobby you love, or a trip somewhere that doesn't involve food.

also, if there are foods like mashed potato that you feel you can't live without then find a way to make it a bit more healthily, and figure out how much you can eat without going over your calorie goal, while getting enough protein for the day, and enjoy it. Eating things you really like in moderation is a good way to stop the need to binge on those foods building up. Like a pressure valve. Also, if your diet is too strict or you're not eating enough calories to support your body, that's a major cause of bingeing. Sometimes giving yourself some extra calories in your normal calorie allowance can keep binging at bay... but you'll need to check with a calorie calculator if this is the actual cause first, the thread "in place of a road map" explains how to estimate your daily calorie needs and how much you can eat and still lose weight (it's more than most people think they can).

kegger1997

remember, you are not doing this for them, you are doing it for you. the reward is to be able to rub it in thier faces and prove them wrong. that is the best feeling in the world. keep working at it. i know you got this.

goodcherylrn

My lovely Cheryl G.,

Please do not let those girls get you down! I know all of you, and believe me, they are not worth any of your time or frustration. What most people on here don't know is that these "girls" are grown adult nurses who are absolutely miserable people!

Cheryl, you are one of the most amazing people that I have met throughout my life! You are always so kind and giving and would never do anything to hurt anyone else. You deserve to be healthy as much, if not more, than anyone else! So, let's get you back on track and forget about those miserable girls!

Love you my friend!

CrazyTrackLady

Self loathing does not motivate one to change. Find the love within yourself, and let that be your guiding light.

Lesa_Sass

This is exactly the thing about addiction that people can not seem to wrap their head around. Why cant you have one they say, why cant you drink in moderation? Well, because I can create myself into being a victim in my own little head to justify doing all the damage to myself I wanted to.

I was fluent in victimese.

I took responsibility for my life, kicked all the negative Aholes out that were living in my head rent free and refused to allow resentments toxify my body. Seriously, its like drinking poison and hoping they die.

So no matter what your weapon of choice is, whether it be food, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling or so on, when we justify our bad choices because of someone else's behavior we are giving them unbelievable power to hurt us all over again, and again, and again. Take back the power and do not allow the actions of another make it okay to hurt you, after all, its not okay if someone else hurts you, so it does not make it okay for you to hurt you.

PS: I was bullied, teased and taunted in high school by a couple of mean girls. Here we are almost 30 years later and those girls are still miserable and unhappy. Its really sad. If you think about it, what kind of person out right bullies another human being? Not one that is confident, happy and loving.

LindaEmrys

People throw rocks at things that shine.

Maggiepie1950

In defense of nurses, cause I am one...most of us aren't like that....we live/love to support others. So, these mean girls must be an aberration.
It is critical to love and care for yourself.....don't you be mean to yourself! I know, it's hard....I'm still struggling with it myself....good luck, dear one.
Magpie

cgarand

My lovely Cheryl G.,

Please do not let those girls get you down! I know all of you, and believe me, they are not worth any of your time or frustration. What most people on here don't know is that these "girls" are grown adult nurses who are absolutely miserable people!

Cheryl, you are one of the most amazing people that I have met throughout my life! You are always so kind and giving and would never do anything to hurt anyone else. You deserve to be healthy as much, if not more, than anyone else! So, let's get you back on track and forget about those miserable girls!

Love you my friend!

OK, now I'm crying again! I love you too, Good Cheryl. I am not going to give up, I'm not going to give in! Thanks for the early am pep talk (and keeping me awake for my drive home!)

cgarand

In defense of nurses, cause I am one...most of us aren't like that....we live/love to support others. So, these mean girls must be an aberration.
It is critical to love and care for yourself.....don't you be mean to yourself! I know, it's hard....I'm still struggling with it myself....good luck, dear one.
Magpie

Oh, trust me, I know all nurses aren't like that. This year I will have been an RN for 20 years. Before that I was an LPN, CNA, Candy Striper... It's my lifes work. I have never encountered a group of nurses quite like this. The majority of people I work with are some of the best nurses I've ever worked with. But, the bad apples are truly toxic.

cgarand

Thank you all for your wise words of encouragement. Whenever I'm feeling like giving up again I'm going to re-read everything you guys said. You are all awesome! :flowerforyou:

goodcherylrn

I'm only just a phone call...or a one hour drive away lady love! Anytime!