Witty Randomness, add your own phrases and one liners

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BrunetteWife
BrunetteWife Posts: 2,108 Member
in Chit-Chat
When a cat is dropped, it always lands on its feet; and when toast is dropped, it always lands with the buttered side down. Therefore, I will strap buttered toast to the back of a cat. When dropped, the two will hover, spinning inches above the ground. I shall beat gravity.

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  • red01angel
    red01angel Posts: 806 Member
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    A baby seal walked into a club.



    -groan-
  • SugarDiva
    SugarDiva Posts: 403 Member
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    Saw a sign on the hospital doors once that read "Family planning - Use Rear Entrance"...I thought that was pretty solid advice
  • omid990
    omid990 Posts: 785 Member
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    ooo i've got lots of these:



    Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

    Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.

    Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for thou art you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

    Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and then they beat you with experience.

    Motto of the Bomb Squad: If you see us running, you better catch up.

    Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

    It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

    The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

    It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

    Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you left them to where you can't find them.

    She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.

    I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

    Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

    I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

    Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.

    We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things got worse.

    There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

    If you can't be kind, be vague.

    99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

    Vegetarian: Indian word for 'Bad Hunter'

    *edit: spelling is clearly not my forte
  • BrunetteWife
    BrunetteWife Posts: 2,108 Member
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    Love um all!!! I needed to lift my spirits today, so I figured instead of keeping to myself, I'd share and let others share their randomness and make a few smiles =)
  • SimonLondon
    SimonLondon Posts: 350
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    99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

    LOL I love that one!! :laugh:

    The best thing I heard ever on TV was 2 women talking about their childen. The woman with the daughters said to the woman with boys...

    "When they grow up you only ever have to worry about one penis, I have to worry about EVERY penis".

    I have 3 daughters so that really made me laugh :)
  • CreativeRedhead
    CreativeRedhead Posts: 2,166
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    Lol these are all funny. I can only think of two my children said recently. They cracked me up!


    Andrew who is 6 said after an Easter drama at church (the drama was about eternity) He turned to me and said, "Mom it's taking an eternity to get to the point!" I had to restrain myself from laughing right there in church!

    Matthew said to me one day, " You won't always be the boss of me!" He's 4! lol

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