I am jealous of my bff losing so much weight
Replies
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Do not bash your friend, and PP's should not bash your friend either. Whatever is working for her is great.
Your body is different. It's nothing to get upset about. It's just different.
I have been working my *kitten* off just like you and have lost 0 pounds in a month. I broke down in tears in front of my trainer yesterday. And that's what he told me "Every BODY reacts differently."
Just because she is losing faster doesn't mean you're not working just as hard. Control your binges, control your cravings.
Do the best YOU can do, and do not worry about her success. If it bothers you to the point of losing motivation, I urge you to take her off your MyFitnessPal and explain to her why. If she is a true friend, she'll understand.
You're doing GOOD!!!
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CHILL OUT.
Someone eating 800 calories a day WILL NOT keep the weight off for a long time.
This is a marathon not a sprint. Eat sensibly, exercise moderately, and make changes you can keep up forever.
DING DING DING!
Couldn't agree more. From what you say, she's not achieving her goals in the best/healthiest way possible, so though she's getting quicker results, it doesn't sound sustainable.
Keep logging and exercising, and you're sure to see results soon. Is your diary open? Perhaps you need to re-evaluate your goals and/or eating style/food types/frequency to get better results that will work for you?0 -
This is my advice... first hide her from your newsfeed if you don't like seeing the photos. She will never know and if she really is posting that many pictures then you probably aren't the first person to do so.
When you do hang out together if she talks about food or calories a lot CHANGE THE SUBJECT... tell her you already spend plenty of time counting calories and you want to talk about something else. Sometimes friends obsess over things and you need to tell them to knock it off - I've done it to my friends and they've done it to me.
If you feel that she is now criticizing others for being overweight you should remind her how easy it is to get there - after all she knows personally right? I will agree with you there - nothing annoys me more than someone who loses a bit of weight and thinks that makes them gods gift to everyone.
Don't let her weight lost diminish yours - 9 lbs in a few months is pretty good imo.0 -
You are jealous of your friend, that is your problem. I have a feeling you just wanted to post your friends diet to get the reactions you wanted, which seems to be having people tell you that your friend will fail and you will be better than her one day. Sounds like you have a problem focusing on yourself. She lost weight and has every right to be proud and nobody knows for sure that she will gain everything back. If she slowly increases her calories she might not gain anything back but I don't see why that would be your business.
QFT, harsh advice, but true.0 -
ur friend iz on tha right track. im thinkin of doing 700 cals a day, an 2 hour work out everyday. idk tho, 2 hourz is a lot =/ i already do 900
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You are jealous of your friend, that is your problem. I have a feeling you just wanted to post your friends diet to get the reactions you wanted, which seems to be having people tell you that your friend will fail and you will be better than her one day. Sounds like you have a problem focusing on yourself. She lost weight and has every right to be proud and nobody knows for sure that she will gain everything back. If she slowly increases her calories she might not gain anything back but I don't see why that would be your business.
QFT, harsh advice, but true.
Yep. Very true.0 -
Weight loss isn't a competition, it's for yourself...
You need to change your mindset from being jealous to being more motivated and stick at what your doing, little by little it will drop0 -
I can relate. My friend was recently diagnosed as gluten intolerant. Apparently she gets really sick whenever she goes back on it. As a result, she has lost a huge amount of weight. What bothers me is that she actually complains about the fact that her clothes don't fit her anymore (they're all too big), and even her bikini is too big on her! She also doesn't have much of an appetite and complains about this daily. I wish I had those "problems."
I think some people can be so self-centered that they don't realize how they're affecting those around them. I just try to ignore what she says and focus on my own goals and my own successes.0 -
I can relate. My friend was recently diagnosed as gluten intolerant. Apparently she gets really sick whenever she goes back on it. As a result, she has lost a huge amount of weight. What bothers me is that she actually complains about the fact that her clothes don't fit her anymore (they're all too big), and even her bikini is too big on her! She also doesn't have much of an appetite and complains about this daily. I wish I had those "problems."
I think some people can be so self-centered that they don't realize how they're affecting those around them. I just try to ignore what she says and focus on my own goals and my own successes.
:noway: problems? she's unable to eat some things because it will make her sick & you wish you had her 'problems'? she has no appetite most likely being scared she will get sick from eating something that will make her sick & you wish you had her 'problems'?
And you think perhaps SHE is the self centered one?:huh:0 -
this!
Your friend is in for a rude awakening. She wont keep it off. You just keep on doing it the right way. You will be thin and healthy and . she will start getting heavier and heavier.
I did the same thing your friend did years ago....gained it all back and THEN some. This time it has taken me 11 months to lose 50 pounds and it AIN'T coming back.0 -
I can relate. My friend was recently diagnosed as gluten intolerant. Apparently she gets really sick whenever she goes back on it. As a result, she has lost a huge amount of weight. What bothers me is that she actually complains about the fact that her clothes don't fit her anymore (they're all too big), and even her bikini is too big on her! She also doesn't have much of an appetite and complains about this daily. I wish I had those "problems."
I think some people can be so self-centered that they don't realize how they're affecting those around them. I just try to ignore what she says and focus on my own goals and my own successes.
Your friend has a problem that is causing her to lose weight and result in nutritional deficiencies (as gluten intolerance leads to difficulties absorbing nutrients). She's being forced to deal with ill-fitting clothes because her body is rebelling against her. She is sick. She has a condition.
You are creating a feeling of competition ("I just try to focus on my own goals and my own successes") and are twisting what you see is happening based on your own insecurities. For example, you said you focus on your "own successes," as if her losing weight because of a medical condition is a success. I hope you realize that is a very warped way of thinking about someone, particularly when it's a "friend."
Like the OP, I hope you both take a second to empathize with the people around you, instead of projecting your insecurities onto them.
It's a sad state of affairs when someone wishes they had other people's problems (with the rather dismissive use of quotes around "problems'). I had a (former) friend once wish they had "my problems with attention" when I was being stalked and sexually harassed by someone. That is a real slap in the face to someone going through their struggles. It sounds like your friend talks about this stuff with you because you're friends. She probably wants to talk about the issues she's dealing with, but you're projecting your own egocentricity onto her.
Again: learn to empathize. It'll be good for both you and her.0 -
She is losing a lot of weight sure... but most of it will be muscle if she's only eating 800 calories a day. She is damaging her body. She is also at a much higher risk of gaining the weight back.
Take pride in the fact that while you may be taking longer to lose weight, you are doing it in a healthy way and you will have less chance of gaining the weight back once you reach your goal weight.
If she talks down to overweight people and is disrespectful, tell her how it makes you feel and ask that she refrain from speaking in that manner while you are together. Otherwise, you may have to distance yourself from her.
Don't try to be like her. Don't try to lose weight like she is. Don't compare yourself to her (or anyone else in the world). Focus on YOU. Focus on being a healthier you.0 -
Good god. 800 a day is just sad and nothing to be jealous about. Good for you for doing it the healthy more sustainable way.
Right?! This is just pathetic. I feel sorry for your friend, because she has not learned how to eat...seems she's of the mindset eat too much or too little.0 -
ur friend iz on tha right track. im thinkin of doing 700 cals a day, an 2 hour work out everyday. idk tho, 2 hourz is a lot =/ i already do 90
Please don't take advice from this kid. According to his ticker and a thread he posted, he is looking to be between 68 and 52 pounds. 700 calories is dinner, not a whole days worth of calories.0 -
Don't lose a good friendship over her being excited about her progress. It is hard, but be happy for her. Know that, if you stick with it, you will get there too, it is just taking longer. If you give up you will never get there.0
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Being jealous accomplishes nothing. Stop focussing on her and start focussing on yourself. You say you struggle with binges. Is your diet too restrictive? Are you eating enough calories? Do you emotionally eat? Are you being honest with yourself about what your eating? Your journey is going to be different than hers. Hers isn't better because it happened faster, it's just different. Don't begrudge her her happiness. Maybe pick her brain about what changes she's made to see if it could help you.0
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CHILL OUT.
Someone eating 800 calories a day WILL NOT keep the weight off for a long time.
This is a marathon not a sprint. Eat sensibly, exercise moderately, and make changes you can keep up forever.
This. Absolutely.0 -
You are jealous of your friend, that is your problem. I have a feeling you just wanted to post your friends diet to get the reactions you wanted, which seems to be having people tell you that your friend will fail and you will be better than her one day. Sounds like you have a problem focusing on yourself. She lost weight and has every right to be proud and nobody knows for sure that she will gain everything back. If she slowly increases her calories she might not gain anything back but I don't see why that would be your business.
Agree! Please don't look @ her success as your failure. Please don't hope that one day your BFF will gain all her weight back (that would not make you a good friend). Just being honest
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I feel your pain! I have an aquaintance that has always been bigger than me by almost 100#'s well last March she had gastric bypass surgery and lost almost 100#s over the next 6 months or so. At the time I was kind of jealous she looked good and was smaller than me without ANY work.
Well it's a year later and now she is actually gaining weight back. WTF? Oh that's right the burger king, mcdonald's, pizza hut, and fries with mayo daily are putting the weight back on because she was so concerned with getting it off she never paid attention as to how to keep it off. I have had a 9# loss just as you and it sucks not losing like others but you are doing it the right way to keep it off for life.
Don't give up! You deserve and need this don't let someone's else's "magical fix" get you off your path you will regret it in the end.0 -
CHILL OUT.
Someone eating 800 calories a day WILL NOT keep the weight off for a long time.
This is a marathon not a sprint. Eat sensibly, exercise moderately, and make changes you can keep up forever.
Couldn't agree more , couldn't have said it any better myself !0 -
Please don't let it get to you, losing weight is a hard thing to do and it can be especially difficult when someone close to you is doing what you want to do. Jealousy in cases like this is a natural emotion, but it is important that you don't let it control you or affect your friendship which I am guessing is otherwise a very close one? If this girl is good friend in every other way, try to not let it get to you as a friendship isn't worth being in jeopardy over what you weigh. Is your friend supportive of you with your weight loss? If so, you could maybe talk to her about how you feel about your weight (obviously not mentioning the jealousy, etc lol) and maybe you could help each other out and support each other? Even if you haven't lost as much as your friend, you have still lost 9 pounds which is still great, that's over half a stone and definitely a noticeable difference.
Perhaps what is getting you isn't so much that your friend as lost weight, but fact she is going about it in a manner which isn't known to be the most sensible and sustainable, and you are feeling a little aggrieved that she is succeeding when you are doing it the supposed 'sensible' way? That is understandable, but don't let it make you bitter as both two different people and regardless of whether or not it works for her in the long term. Focus on the way YOU are doing it, even if it does seem a little unfair.
I can totally identify with your frustrations about her talking constantly about weight loss and calories, I have a friend who has recently lost a lot of weight and I am genuinely happy for her and she does look fantastic since she has lost weight, however her conversations these days mainly centre on calories, what she has ate or not ate, that day. However I know she is just proud of herself and what she has achieved, and doesn't realise she is doing it so I usually bite my tongue and try to divert the conversation off the topic. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't. I think some people just get a bit carried away when they lose weight that it becomes all consuming, so it's all they ever think and talk about as it's the biggest thing going on in their life.
You have successfully lost 9 pounds so you have done well. You and your friend are two different people, and if she is a good friend, don't let it get in the way of that. She has just got a little carried away with herself because of what she has achieved. You can achieve that too and 9 pounds is a good start, so find a way which is good for you and go for it! You CAN do it! Find a way which suits YOU best, and follow that. Let your friend follow her diet if she wants, regardless of outcome. Personally I think your friends diet sounds like one of these quick fix faddy diets which isn't sustainable, however it's her body and her choice. Whether she sustains it or not is irrelevant. Even though you are feeling pangs of jealousy, your weight loss is your own achievement no matter how little or more you weigh than your friend.
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Are you sure you two are friends?0
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Are you sure you two are in your 40's?0
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A few months ago, my bff started myfitnesspal weighing 195lbs and now she is 140lbs. We had started on this at the same time and I have lost 9 lbs. I am having a much harder time losing weight and controlling my binges than she is. She eats only 800 calories a day and works out 1 day a week. I weigh 170 and she has never been smaller than me until now. When I log onto my account, she is always posting pic of herself and when we are together, all she talks about it calories, uses the word fat to identify over weight people, how much she is losing, and how small she is now. I get depressed, jealous, and upset when I see her pics, or when Im around her. I know it is selfish but it is not inspiring me to lose weight anymore. I have given up and said to hell with it. What is the right way for me to handle this? We have been friends for 16 years now. Thx.
I don't know if my opinion is worth anything but it initially sounds like you're looking for an excuse to give up. I think 9 pounds in a 'few months' is pretty good. if you run a report and see the slope going down I think that's fantastic... Have you asked her not to talk about it so much?0 -
I agree too fast of a loss and it comes right back0
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I have to say that it seems like you are more angry at yourself for not losing ... then with a close friend that may or may not keep it off for ever. You should support each other and not worry about the fact that she lost more. Just think of your own weight loss journey and stay motivated ..... quitting will not help you. Your friend is on a high at the moment. She may have a life long battle with weight with the way she is doing it but friends should support, talk and help each other out. Good luck and keep trying...0
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Far be it for me to add anything to this since its been a few weeks since you posted the topic buuuut... I thought I might say a few things.
1) Eating only 800 calories a day? Why lose weight when all you're losing it for is an uncomfortable lifestyle? Imagine... to maintain that at her rate, she's going to have to maintain that calorie intake! For -- well, as far as I can imagine -- forever! Not the best way to enjoy life, in my opinion.
2) I use to be in really great shape. When I was, I ate what I wanted to within the standard boundaries. Three meals a day with snacks (if I felt like it). I didn't eat amazingly healthy, but nor did I eat poorly either. I just ate a variety.
More importantly, back then I worked for what I ate. This is to say that I was working out and burning a lot of calories, and in turn that allowed me to eat what I felt like!
If you want to eat, and eat well, you might think about this phrase: Good rewards for Good work.0 -
Jealousy when you want something so bad is natural and I actually think it's pretty big of you to admit it.
However, it would be even bigger of you still if you admitted it to your BFF. If she really is your BFF you should be able to have a conversation with her about how you're feeling and meet somewhere in the middle with her toning down how she talks about things and you - as others have said - chilling out a bit.
If she has health issues then that's really unfortunate. How she has lost weight is unhealthy and - if you're her BFF - perhaps you should be a little more supportive of her situation and perhaps have a friendly conversation about what SHE thinks about the status of her health.
You've also openly said you 2 are coming at this from very different angles, neither particularly healthy e.g you mentioned binge eating. If you're BFFs and joined together, can't you be co-supportive?
Two last things and I hate the way it's already coming across in my head ....
1. If these kind of conversations between you are unrealistic then I'd question the BFF status
2. You've talked a lot about her and only a little about you. I think this is called 'deflecting'. Take responsibility for your own binges, your own inspiration. It does sound like you're using her success and pride in it as a bit of an excuse.
Again, I do think it's brave of you to publicly admit your jealousy but you need to make your journey about you. Talk to your BFF before your friendship goes down the toilet altogether as a result.0 -
"The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself..."0
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I'm in this situation myself. My BFF and I have both lost over 30lbs. Unfortunatly she has put it all back on and some more- and is refusing to see me (or anyone else) until she has lost it again. I'd love to see her but I'm not gonna push it, we talk on the phone and i offer all the support i can.
As for eating 800 cals- it is not going to ruin anyone's metalbolism in the very SHORT term, during a quick wight loss period. Its not a something for long term weight loss- it all depends how much weight she is looking to loose- any over how long a period of time. Its not a maintenence level as has been said- when your freind moves to maintenece level she may gain a couple of pounds until her body gets used to it , and then it will drop off again. I don't agree with everyone who says it means she will definately gain all the weight back - and then some, not everyone is the same. Careful management of a realsistic maniantence regime and healthy life style should keep it off (i.e. not return to origonal lifestyle and eating habits) . Short term crash diets are symptomatic of yo-yo dieters - but they don't have to be. Its a short term fix- not a long term plan, but i would'nt be have a go at someone about it.0
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