NSV- Tough Mudder and Body Dysmorphia

LauraJo08

So, I don't often post stories on MFP, but a comment someone made to me yesterday made me realize that other people see me differently than I see myself. I personally may really want to lose 10 more pounds, get into that size 6 dress, and have no jiggle whatsoever while naked, but I tend to only see my flaws.

Yesterday I learned that that is not what other people see. I ran tough mudder a little over two weeks ago, and had a great time. I bought a tank top with the logo, and yesterday at the gym, wore that tank top. While waiting around for our bootcamp instructor to start the class, a girl (in quite good shape) asks me "did you do tough mudder in georgia?"

I said yes, and how it was one of the most fun things that I had ever done.

Her response: "I really want to do it, but I'm nervous about people having to lift me over things, because I'm so heavy."

Granted, this girl was maybe 5'5 and weighed probably 140 or so. So what was my response? "Ummm, don't even worry about it, if I could do all the obstacles and have people help lift me over and such, you definitely can." (Ironically, this was one of my biggest fears going into the race).

I couldn't believe what came out of her mouth next, and it didn't really even sink in until later. "But you weigh less than I do, and you're also stronger."

My jaw dropped, and I quickly informed her that I weigh about 175 pounds, and that if they could lift me up, they definitely could help her.


Thinking about this last night, I realized first of all, that this woman probably suffers, like me, from some sort of body dysmorphia. She thought that she weighed more than me, when I am 5'10 barefoot! And I realize that I also continue to think of myself as the athletic but chubby huge 5'10 girl from high school/college. But that's not what people see when they look at me at the gym.

They see an athlete, who can do 2 (yes two!) pullups (My goal is 10 by the end of the year). I think it's hard, because even at 175, I am still only on the cusp of "normal" for BMI, and while I know that my bodyfat is about 23% and I am in really good shape, sometimes I still can't reconcile the fact that I will never be naturally skinny like a runway model and weigh 130 pounds. But maybe, with NSVs like this, I can start listening a bit more to those around me who see the athlete that I am now.

EmilyOfTheSun

I think you're doing awesome and you look GREAT! Keep up what you're doing
Tough Mudder is an amazing accomplishment :flowerforyou:

cjlorigan

I have the exact same issues. I'm 5'7" and about 166. While lots of people comment on how much "skinnier and healthier" I look I don't see it. I only see the faults (dumb ab fat and hips). I am registered to run the Tough Mudder - Pittsburgh in August and am petrified!!! I can do assisted pullups at this point but that's it. :sad:

chelseelovesyou

I have that problem too! People always think I weigh less than I do, and I'm in really good shape (I recently put my 6'4 coworker on my back and carried him up 2 flights of stairs) but I constantly think I'm "pudgy"and "fat" I have a scale, but I've decided to ignore it because it doesn't give me any satisfaction.

Cacoates90

I'm doing the Tough Mudder in Chicago in a few weeks and it's so good tot hear you say that. I've also been nervous I'm gonna be too big for people to pull me over obstacles. I'm both excited and nervous for it.

penguinlibrarian

I can relate. I remember in high school when I felt like I was having a 'fat day' and realizing I don't like how tapered 'Mom jeans' look on me! (thank goodness those went out of style) And that day a girl at lunch asked me if I was anorexic and how I stayed so skinny. I was so taken aback. (Dont know why she asked that, I was throwin down pizza and fries like I always did.) Then the other day when swimsuit shopping in Target, I was standing there silently hating myself and dreading walking back into the dressing room with the swimsuits, knowing what I'd face in the mirror would be grotesque, when a lady next to me said "Wow I wish I looked like you.. swimsuit shopping must be fun when you've got THAT body type." Then she shook her head and walked off, clearly even more disgusted with herself than I was with myself. Again, I was completely taken aback and shocked. It is very strange to realize that maybe you are not seeing yourself honestly.