To those who have already succeeded in their journey..

lobo_a_gogo

First of all, you are an inspiration and congratulations on your success...

Now, plenty of people who are at or near their goal have been very supportive.

I have also noticed that many people have been "fed up" with certain concepts i.e. "sabotage," not understanding why certain things are a problem/not helpful to weight loss/health increase (i.e. pills, caloric increases, only one workout routine, etc) and a myriad of other topics.

I understand its frustrating to see the same things over and over again, and to some extent I agree that no one is some unique little snow flake that is just an exception to the rule (i.e. "I have tried EVERYTHING and I'm still 300 lbs). By following some of the advice I've gotten when I've had these types of hang ups, I have had more success-- I'm not where I want to be, but I'm getting closer every day.

That said, while I don't expect you to coddle anyone, treating people nearer to the beginning of their journey like they're stupid, unmotivated, lazy, etc. is not helpful. People who are first committing to change need feedback and support, they do not need to be treated with disgust and shame.

So please continue to give us your advice, we want to be where you are eventually, but don't be hurtful or rude.

I'm not saying "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".

I'm saying "If you can't phrase your criticism constructively, take a breath, try again, and if you still can't, maybe its better for you to sit this one out."

This is meant to be a community, not some elite club that needs to weed out the "weak ones" from the get-go.

Thanks.

bunnymum150

it can be a really fine line. I am hopeful that those with experience, knowledge and success are able to be supportive and share their wealth of knowledge. Unfortunately there seems to be some individuals that some just don't "click" with. I remember a saying a friend once shared with me - something about taking what you like and letting the rest slide off of your back like water on a duck!

try to stay positive, focus on how far you have come and not how far you have to go. Remember this should be a journey to your best/optimal health and not about losing a certain amount of pounds by a certain date or for a wedding or a vacation. I do realize the importance of goal setting, make sure your goals are realistic, safe attainable, measurable etc.

Best to you :flowerforyou:

lobo_a_gogo

Thanks! It's not so much even about how people are responding to me these days, because I have had more success recently, but I'm watching how they're responding to others and its giving me flashbacks to the days when the nurse at my old work would be rude about weight loss advice or me talking about a minor success and I would shift into "Oh you think I'm fat? I'll show you fat" mode.

Like I said, I think they have some really good advice, but if they can't be NOT a jerk about it, let someone else who can do it right handle it.

EmilyOfTheSun

I do agree that some people may come off as being rude. And let's face it, I'm sure there are a few that are purposely being rude. But I think that majority of the time, people are being too sensitive. And if someone simply disagrees with what they say, they interpret it as an attack.

Some people could put a nicer spin on what they say....but I think for the most part, people are overreacting and are interpreting blunt, and to the point advice as "rudeness".

By the way, OP, your side-by-side photo shows great progress so far. Keep it up!

lobo_a_gogo

Thanks! And again, I agree that some people take constructive criticism as an attack, but in general, that's not what I'm commenting on. It's usually an issue with people blowing up about a problematic idea or thought pattern people have, while I agree that sometimes its just people making excuses, its not helpful to be rude to them about it, its helpful to explain to them why that line of thinking is a problem and/or what they should be doing to fix their problem in a constructive way.

HotDolphinMama

I completely agree! It is unfortunate that there can't be more constructive instruction & less constructive criticism. I personally don't ever find criticism to be constructive ~~~~ I think that only works for someone who can weed thru the tone & words & get to the meat or kernel of advice.
Some of us who are overweight got to be this way accidentally, by not being aware of what we were eating vs burning; but but there are some of us who got here "accidentally on purpose" as a reaction or defense against outward stimuli. And for that second group - getting "more of the same" from a group that is supposed to be a support system for them/us can be very detrimental.
I have to stay away from the boards unless something really resonates with me for this very reason. I log in, log my food diary & exercise, comment on my friends, and get the hell out. It is not the way I started out on this almost a year ago - but this is definitely not a judgement-free zone.
Maybe I am over-sensitive. ??????